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"hey, rocky-hyung?" sanha's voice is soft in the darkness. minhyuk twists away from the wall to see him. "can i ask you something?"
"it's 2 in the morning," minhyuk complains, but he's got a huge soft spot for sleepy sanha so he scoots over under his blankets to make space. sanha instead sits at the edge of his bed.
"how did you know you liked boys?"
minhyuk's eyebrows shoot up. he was well aware that the others knew he was bisexual, but who expects questions like this at 2:46 AM? "i guess.. i just always knew?"
"oh." sanha looks down at the ground, wiggling his feet. "but were there any certain events?"
minhyuk thinks. there are a lot, but he thinks of a really good one. "i kissed one of the other trainees once."
"so, i just need to kiss someone to find out if i like boys?" minhyuk opens and closes his mouth. that's not exactly what he was saying, but he'll go along with it if it will make sanha happy. "who, though?"
minhyuk hadn't even considered that.
"you could kiss me?" he suggests, blushing a little, and at the look on sanha's face he continues, "or i could kiss you? i have a lot of experience," a lie, but sanha doesn't have to know, "and i also understand your situation so i won't feel weird about it." that... was maybe another teensy little lie.
sanha ponders this for a moment. "yeah, okay. that sounds fine."
so, minhyuk sits up, puts one hand on sanha's cheek, and lands him one right on the lips. his heart is probably beating faster than it should be. sanha's mouth is soft and warm, just as he'd imagined, but the poor boy is scared stiff, so minhyuk pulls away after a few short seconds.
"was that alright?" minhyuk asks, hand lingering on his cheek a tad longer than it should.
"uh-huh." sanha says, but it's fake, and his own hand comes up to his mouth. "fantastic."
minhyuk cocks his head, attempting to not sound disappointed. "not what you expected?"
sanha's voice is muffled in the back of his hand, eyes squeezed shut. "i'm never ever doing that again. never ever ever ever."
oh my god. at that, minhyuk laughs. he's not even sure why the situation strikes him as funny. perhaps it's the way sanha overreacts. he laughs so loud that he wakes jinwoo, who thumps on the wall to get them quiet.
"that was disgusting," sanha hisses, "i can't believe you--you actually--stop laughing!!"
jinwoo thumps again, and minhyuk stifles his laughter in his pillow. sanha is still sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing his lips raw with the hem of his shirt. minhyuk has tears in his eyes.
"i'm serious--"
"shut up!" jinwoo bellows, and sanha quickly moves back to his bed.
-
in the morning, no one says anything about the red around sanha's mouth or the fact that minhyuk can't make eye contact with him without giggling. it feels good, surprizingly. he didn't think he'd be able to let go that easily.
-
that night, sanha comes back into minhyuk's bed. it's earlier, and they're the only two in the room. this time, sanha accepts the offer of warm sheets, and happily makes himself comfy under minhyuk's arm to watch old practice videos together on the laptop. it's cozy, and minhyuk finds himself less uncomfortable than he imagined he'd be (but then again, he always does get over things quickly.)
"hey, hyung?" sanha whispers after awhile. minhyuk moves to pause the video but sanha grabs his hand instead to play with his fingers. "i have another question."
"what is it?" minhyuk asks, fearing.. he doesn't know what. when sanha doesn't answer, he doesn't push it. minhyuk lets him be, though curiosity begins to eat away at him after another video.
"what if.." sanha halts midway, like he's not sure if he should really be asking. "what if i don't like boys or girls?"
.....oh. oh. minhyuk doesn't really know what to say. he sits there in shock for a good half a minute. yesterday, he had thought that sanha reacted like that because he was straight, not because... not because he was asexual? it hadn't even occured to him. what does he say now? he's never been unsure of himself or his sexuality, so he doesn't know how it feels. does he say, "oh, that's normal, don't sweat it" and risk sanha feeling dismissed? or should he make a big deal about it?
sanha is still watching the video and playing with his fingers like nothing has happened. it takes a couple seconds for minhyuk to realize that his nightshirt is getting wet.
"oh, i'm so sorry," he mumbles, and hurriedly shoves the laptop off his legs so that he can pull sanha into his chest. sanha begins crying loudly, and minhyuk's heart aches for him. "i'm so sorry, sanha."
it's times like this that he remembers how young sanha really is--one year isn't much, but in some ways it can be huge. despite their height difference, sanha feels small and fragile in minhyuk's arms. it's almost like holding a baby--a tall, well-spoken baby. he feels a little in-over-his-head, but knows that this is mostly his fault, so he deserves it.
"you're such an asshole," sanha chokes out, and minhyuk can't be mad at him when he's right.
"i'm really sorry, i just didn't know what to say," minhyuk tries to reassure him. he hears a hand rattle the doorknob of the bedroom, as if they're not sure whether or not they should come in. the rattling stops after a few seconds, and he doesn't know whether to be relieved or worried.
sanha, thank goodness, is not a big crier. give him five minutes and he can usually pull himself together. today is no different, which is fantastic because there's no way sanha would make it through a performance with a sore throat tomorrow.
minhyuk strokes his back gently as he regains his breathing. "it's alright with me if you don't like boys or girls."
"good. it better be." sanha eventually mumbles, even though it's more playful (and congested) than angry. minhyuk brushes the hair out of sanha's face. sanha shakes it back into his eyes defiantly, but squeezes an arm around minhyuk's body. "you owe me."
minhyuk laughs, ruffling sanha's hair. "owe you what?"
sanha contemplates. "make me breakfast?"
"alright." minhyuk sighs, resigned. sanha attempts to bury himself further into his chest.
"thank you for helping me figure it out, even if you're an asshole." sanha says, and this time minhyuk does hit him on the back of the head--but softly. he still loves him too much to hurt him.
(sanha ends up falling asleep in his bed, and minhyuk is too weak in the heart to wake him up. he'd rather risk the embarrassing pictures eunwoo and myungjun will most definitely take in the morning.)