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“Jace, what are you doing up here?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?”
“Contemplating jumping off the roof?”
“Don’t be silly, Alec. I’m indulging the world with the glorious sight of the last beams of sunset reflecting on my silky, golden hair.”
“Ah.”
“I was feeling generous.”
“Well, Jace, I don’t know how to tell you this, but… the Institute is glamoured. The world can’t see you. And there’s no one here to appreciate your… generosity.”
“You are here.”
“I’ve just got here.”
“Oh, I knew you’d show up sooner or later to check on me.”
“So… what? You’ve been sitting on the edge of the roof, posing for me, in hopes that I’d show up to see your… glorious self before the sun disappeared?”
“Not in hopes. In full certainty. And I was right.”
“Don’t get too excited. I was told to come.”
“Yeah?”
“I was also informed that you were in an extraordinarily crappy mood all day.”
“By whom? Izzy? Clary? Lydia?”
“Everyone. I think they expect me to do something about it.”
“Managing my mood is not your job, Alec.”
“You’d be surprised at the number of people who seems to think it is.”
“Well, their opinion is completely irrelevant.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No. Yes. ………………… No.”
“I’m getting mixed signals here.”
“Come on, sit down with me. Heads-up, though, I’m not good company right now.”
“You don’t need to entertain me, Jace. That’s not how our relationship works.”
“You’re saying you’re not the least impressed with the way the sun lights up my hair?”
“No. I’m saying that I’d be here even if the sky was cloudy and you were bald.”
“… You really would, wouldn’t you?”
“You have any doubts?”
“I don’t doubt you, Alec. Ever. I do think you might be crazy, though.”
“Nonsense. Everyone knows I’m the sane one. Which is why they sent me here to make sure you wouldn’t jump.”
“Or maybe they sent you here because they know you’re the only one insane enough to deal with me right now.”
“Hmm. Okay, you may have a point there.”
“So… what’s your strategy here?”
“What do you mean?”
“How are you going to… deal with me and my extraordinarily crappy mood? What’s the big plan? Did you bring a secret weapon?”
“Nope. No plan, no weapon. Just me, sitting here beside you, watching the sun go down.”
“And you think that will work?”
“Who knows? No harm in trying. Of course, if you happen to be interested in talking, I happen to be here to listen.”
“…”
“…”
“This sucks.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Not this. Not you.”
“Oh.”
“Today. This day sucks beyond belief!”
“Ah. Yes.”
“Dammit, I’ve always hated this day.”
“I know, Jace.”
“Every year, the same bullshit.”
“Yeah.”
“But now? Now that I know the truth about my father? It’s just so much worse.”
“I can only imagine.”
“Before I could… I don’t know… just think of it as a big ironic joke.”
“Not so funny anymore, I guess.”
“It’s way past dark comedy at this point.”
“I’m really sorry, Jace.”
“Fucking mundanes…”
“In their defense…”
“You’re coming in the mundanes’ defense? You?”
“I know, I know. Will wonders never cease… But in their defense, it is just a coincidence.”
“Humph.”
“And you know that. The mundanes have had this stupid festivity thing for centuries. Its name is just… unfortunate.”
“It’s idiotic, too. Why couldn’t they just have stuck with Lupercalia? Who even came up with this Saint Valentine nonsense?”
“Chaucer, I think?”
“Yeah, fuck Chaucer.”
“In his defense, though…”
“Seriously, Alec?”
“I really don’t think he expected his poem about mating birds to be turned into this whole… circus.”
“And what a circus! You can’t look at any direction without seeing cupids and hearts and roses and doves and teddy bears printed all over the city.”
“And the color red.”
“Yes! Which means I’ve spent the last few days seeing red both literally and figuratively.”
“And everything that could possibly be made into a heart shape, today it is.”
“Oh, Angel! You know what I saw in a store window today, Alec?”
“What?”
“Heart-shaped branding irons.”
“Seriously?!”
“Uh-hmm.”
“What kind of store was that?”
“Barbecue items. I guess the idea is that you express your love and devotion by marking the steak with hearts before serving it to your significant other.”
“Huh.”
“I can’t take that seriously.”
“Well… I’m not sure it’s supposed to be taken seriously. The mundanes probably just think it’s… cute or whatever.”
“Cute.”
“Not saying I agree.”
“There’s nothing cute about this, Alec. The whole concept of people going around and asking other people to be their… ‘Valentine’… Aargh! It just makes me sick to my stomach.”
“Yeah, I can imagine.”
“You know that about me.”
“Of course.”
“You know I hate this day.”
“You always did.”
“You knew it would be worse this year.”
“Definitely.”
“And yet, you show up here with a red heart-shaped box with cupids printed on the lid.”
“Oh, this?”
“Yeah, that.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it, Jace.”
“What do you mean, don’t worry about it?”
“Just that. Nothing to worry about.”
“What’s in the box?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Is it chocolate?”
“No.”
“Not the right shape for flowers. Way too big for jewelry.”
“Yeah, well, it’s neither.”
“Some other kind of candy?”
“It’s cookies, if you really must know.”
“Cookies.”
“Yep.”
“Heart-shaped?”
“Nope.”
“Then… what?”
“Round.”
“Ordinary cookies?”
“Oh, far from ordinary. They’re buckeye brownie cookies. You know, brownie cookies stuffed with peanut butter and topped with dark chocolate frosting.”
“………… that sounds… good.”
“I think ‘delicious’ is the word you’re looking for.”
“… okay. Fine.”
“Fine?”
“Yeah, you win. Give me the cookies.”
“What? No.”
“No?”
“They’re not for you.”
“Don’t be silly. Of course they are.”
“Don’t be presumptuous. Of course they’re not.”
“Alec!”
“Why would I give you cookies on Valentine’s Day when I know how you feel about the date?”
“Who are they for, then?”
“Me.”
“Someone gave you these?”
“No, I bought them.”
“For yourself.”
“Exactly.”
“You expect me to believe that?”
“I don’t expect anything. Just telling you the truth.”
“It’s a heart-shaped box. With cupids on the lid.”
“It’s Valentine’s Day, Jace. I don’t think there’s a store in town not wrapping their products in heart-patterned paper and the like.”
“Fine, fine, I’ll pretend to believe you, for the sake of promptness. Open the box.”
“What? Why?”
“So we can eat the cookies, genius.”
“We?”
“Yes!”
“Nope, sorry. I can’t share them with you.”
“Why the hell not?”
“That might be misconstrued as me asking you to be my Valentine. And I definitely don’t want you to be my Valentine, Jace.”
“I’m your parabatai.”
“So?”
“Well, you know. Whither thou goest, I will go. Thy people shall be my people. Thy cookies shall be my cookies.”
“Pretty sure that’s not part of the oath.”
“It’s implicit!”
“Hmm… nah. Don’t think so. You’re entitled to my lodgings and to my family and to my God. You’re entitled to my company for the rest of your days, and to have my remains buried next to yours. You’re entitled to have me die for you. But you’re not entitled to my cookies.”
“You’re much too literal, Alec.”
“Well, I think it’s important to draw boundaries.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“You didn’t seem all that interested in boundaries last night.”
“Ssssshhhhhh… Jace, keep quiet!”
“No one here but us.”
“Still…”
“I’m just pointing out that it’s ridiculous that you won’t let me eat your cookies after you let me eat your…”
“DON’T… finish that sentence. Please.”
“Come on. You like it when I talk dirty.”
“In the bedroom, yes. Not… anywhere else.”
“Oooh, but I feel like talking, Alec. I very much feel like opening my mouth and describing in vivid detail all the things we’ve done so far, and all the things I still want to do to you, with you, and for you.”
“Jace… Stop that.”
“You want me to stop? Then keep my mouth busy.”
“What?”
“If my mouth is busy, then I can’t talk about the way you look when I… nnnumph!”
“………………………………”
“Whoa.”
“Happy now?”
“You kissed me.”
“It was what you wanted, wasn’t it? To ‘keep your mouth busy’?”
“I meant… with cookies.”
“What?”
“You know, shove some cookies into my mouth so I can’t speak.”
“…oh.”
“Not that I’m complaining.”
“Shut up.”
“I just don’t get your logic, Alec. You don’t want me to talk about us where other people might overhear us… so you kiss me where other people might see us?”
“I mean it, Jace. Just… shut up.”
“Hey, don’t be embarrassed…”
“I’m not…! Just…! Here, take it. You can have the cookies. As many as you want. Hell, eat the whole fucking box!”
“I kinda prefer your kisses, though.”
“Grrrr…”
“Let’s face it. Kisses are much more efficient in keeping me quiet. You can keep my mouth busy for much longer than the cookies can, no matter how many there are in the box.”
“Not here! Come on, Jace, someone can show up at any time.”
“Okay, then. Let’s hide.”
“Hide? Where?”
“I strongly suggest my bedroom. In my bed. Under the blankets. You. Me. And the cookies.”
“I thought you wanted kisses instead of cookies.”
“I’ve had a horrible day. I need both.”
“Greedy.”
“Plus, you were specifically sent here on a mission to fix my extraordinarily crappy mood, remember?”
“Pretty sure the Clave would not approve this plan of action.”
“So we don’t tell them. Come on, Alec. What do you say?”
“Well…”
“Yes?”
“If it’s going to keep you from jumping off the roof…”
“I was never going to jump.”
“…and if it’ll keep you from growling at people at random…”
“I was not… Okay, maybe I was.”
“…then I suppose I have no choice. I shall do my duty and sacrifice myself.”
“How very heroic of you.”
“I know! They should give me a medal.”
“Better yet, they should erect a statue picturing you in the midst of performing your heavenly duties, and put it at a place of honor in Idris, so all new Shadowhunters can admire it and learn and appreciate your skills. In fact, there are several poses I could suggest that…”
“Jace?”
“What?”
“Shut up and take me to bed now, or I’m pushing you off the roof.”
“Okay, okay, let’s go. Don’t forget the cookies.”