Work Text:
Why is he doing this?
He looks over the edge of the bridge, looks down at the water below, and swallows down bile. Something in the back of his mind-- no, not something, but someone in the back of his mind answers back, her voice clear and chiming and energetic and too excited.
Because you want to be with me.
He’s still staring down at the water as his sister’s voice enters his mind. People have died on this bridge-- so many people have died on this bridge, jumped to their death, and now he is about to be one of them. He’s able to see the beauty of humanity one last time in this rusted bridge. The dirt on top of it, the rust, the grime, the salt from the ocean, the blood dripping from his nose, the tears running out his eyes. He knows it’s ridiculous of him to cry. He knows that humans cry when they’re in extremely stressful situations-- in fact, he finds it beautiful. The desperation, the tears, the choking, the sobbing, the begging. But he can’t find this beautiful. Why can’t he find it beautiful? Why is he even in this situation? Why does he find it stressful? It should be the highest moment of his life. The peak. The climax. He shouldn't be crying.
He shakes his head, hair whipping back and forth. His sister’s hair. It’s not his. His body doesn’t belong to him but he can’t find the energy to care. He loves her. His life belongs to her. He wants to be with her. All those times they spent together were special. She loved him. He wanted to do all those things that she did. She didn’t take advantage of him. He wanted it. After the torture he clawed his way through, he wanted that. Her body. She wanted his, after all.
Through tears he grips the railing. It was all his fault that she died. All his fault.
It really was your fault, is something she would say. Then she would lead their lips together, take his hand, grip it tight, and he would feel the venom passing through her saliva. He would be confused. He wouldn’t know if he wanted this-- something told him that it was wrong and that he didn’t feel this way. He was disgusted, he didn’t want this. But then she would grip his chin softly, nip at his ear, tell him that she was the only one he had and he would believe it. He still believes it.
But now she’s dead. So he has to join her. She told him so.
Korekiyo, it is wonderful, is it not?
“Yes,” he mumbles to her.
The sorrow and despair here… it’s beautiful.
“It is.” There’s a silence. The wind rolls by and he can imagine her placing her finger against her lips, gentle and silent.
Hm.
His spine straightens. That sound is sending tingles through his entire body. That’s the sound she makes when she’s displeased.
“Are you alright?” He asks hurriedly.
Yes, of course, Korekiyo. There’s a smile in her voice. You are very thoughtful. You know I love you so much, right? My sweet baby brother…
Her voice flows like water and he relaxes a bit. She’s happy.
“I love you too, sister,” he says. It feels... Right? Wrong? He can’t tell.
But then she continues to speak.
But… I find myself disappointed.
He looks up to the skies in alarm, “why is that?”
You haven’t done it yet.
Ah. Of course.
Don’t you want to be with me…? I love you so much and you still haven’t jumped off the bridge. Korekiyo, you are making your sister awfully sad. Why would you ever want to make me sad? I love you so much.
His breathing stops.
“I did not mean to be so disrespectful,” he breathes out. The wind knocks his hair behind his shoulder. When did it get so strong? “I apologize. I do want to be with you. I just find myself…” Hesitating? Having second thoughts? Can he really say that to her? “...curious as to how this will play out. I want to make it beautiful for you.”
In the back of his mind her laughter rumbles, sending pleasant tingles down his spine. It brings a smile to his face. She has a lovely laugh. Not like his. His is disgusting. She’s told him that many times-- that he should be more delicate, more like her, so he fashions himself after her even though he doesn’t want to. No. That’s ridiculous. Of course he wants to.
What is even happening with him today?
Of course. You are already beautiful. You look just like me, Korekiyo. You were so ugly before… but now you are wonderful. I cannot wait for you to join me.
“Thank you.”
Now jump.
“Of course.”
He holds the railing tight, clenches it with his fist. He can do this. Why wouldn’t he do this? He hoists himself over the railing and sits on it for a moment. He lets himself get lost in the beauty of the situation. The way his heart rate is rising, his shaky hands, the sweating, the fact that his body is so desperate to keep him alive that his brain has the audacity to tell him to stop. Some part of him thinks this is a bad idea. How ridiculous. How beautiful. How mortal he is. How wonderful the brain is, the soul is, the body is, that it will try to save itself till it's last breath. Humans are wonderful.
He takes one deep breath and--
“Korekiyo?” Comes a voice that isn’t his sister’s.
He opens his eyes (when did he close them?) and looks back.
A classmate of his is lazily striding towards him, hands stuffed into his pockets. A friend of his is walking towards him.
Amami.
Why is he here? They’re friends, yes, rather good friends, but why is he here. He should be at home taking care of his sisters, not two hours away from their school at some bridge known for suicide's. He couldn’t have known. He couldn’t have figured out that he was going to do this, and he wouldn't do it himself; he has too much to take care of in this world. Not like Korekiyo. Amami has sisters and friends that love him.
Not like you.
He couldn't have known.
Could he?
“Hello,” he chokes out. His throat has gone dry.
Amami ambles closer to him. When he gets closer Korekiyo can see one of his eyebrows perked up in question. So nonchalant.
“This is pretty far away from your house," he smiles slightly. Korekiyo's not sure if he can respond with his dry throat. Amami notices this and instead knocks his head towards the bridge. “Why are you even here?”
Should he tell him?
No. He’ll try to stop you. For some reason he wants to be around you.
Of course. That was foolish of him to think.
“I am admiring the view,” he responds just as smoothly. “And you? It is a rather strange place for someone to come to.”
Amami looks from the railing to him, back and forth, and then smiles coolly, eyebrow raising a bit, “I could say the same for you,” he shrugs, as if to drop the subject. “You know I like to travel.”
“And I as well.”
“Yeah, of course,” Amami grins. “Want some company?” He nods towards the railing.
No.
The denial rises up in his throat until it chokes him. He needs to refuse. He needs to refuse. He needs to--
“I would appreciate it.” His blood runs cold as soon as he says it. Why did he even say that?
It's because he wants the company. He doesn't want to do this. He wants to be with his friend.
He can feel his sister stiffen, her nails curl around the scars on his arms, his chest, his thighs. She’s degrading him. Tearing him apart. A shudder runs through his body as soon as he imagines it. He was so close to being there with her, but then Amami had to come and fuck it up and what a worthless waste of space he is, both him and Amami--
Amami hoists himself over the railing and sits next to him, legs dangling as well.
How annoying.
His sister sighs. He can see her with her hand on her face, bored expression, tapping her fingernails against a table.
Are you going to talk to him?
He doesn't know.
I hate him, you know that. Yet you keep talking to him, you keep going with him. Are you really going to do that this time? When you’re so close to me?
He might.
Don’t.
Of course.
They sit in silence for a small while. He takes to studying Amami’s features. The calm face, handsome jawline, soft hair, twinkling eyes, cool smile. He’s the epitome of human beauty set up against a blood red bridge. It's not the first time he's thought this. That Amami is rather handsome, that he's kind, that he enjoys their time together more than anybody else. But his sister always snaps at him when those thoughts bubble up. Yet he can't help but admire the hope in him... the true beauty.
Don’t say that. He’s ugly. Besides, your sister is the only one for you, is she not? She’s the only one you can find truly beautiful.
Of course.
“Nice day,” Amami suddenly comments. His sister goes quiet.
“Yes.”
“Nice ocean, cool bridge… you got a good place to hang out,” he continues. Korekiyo looks over at him and notes the smile on his face. Why is he even smiling right now?
“Thank you.”
Another beat of silence, then Amami turns to him. His eyes are suddenly serious.
“Would you like to go somewhere else? It’s cold here,” and despite his calm words, his normal suggestions, Korekiyo can see through him. There are implications under it. Implying that something is wrong. That Amami knows something.
“Your timing was…” He looks down at his hands, unable to articulate his sentence. His sister would be angry. “Interesting… very interesting, indeed.”
Amami’s eyes go wide before he laughs lightly, “you make it seem like I have some other motives. I just forgot a sweater and you look cold,” he realizes that he’s shaking as soon as Amami points it out. “There are nicer places than a windy bridge, after all. We could just hang out if you want? Somewhere warm.”
Well, he does make a good argument.
Don’t do it. He wants to stop you from reaching me. I've told you this before and this time you will listen to me.
Of course. That was silly of him.
Tell him to leave and then wait an hour to make sure he’s gone. Then, turn around and jump. Don’t look back. I want to see you, Korekiyo, don’t you understand? Please just do this. Don’t go with him. I won’t forgive you if you do. I’m the only one you have. I love you so much. My Korekiyo. You belong to me.
His sister is flooding his brain and he can’t think past her. He feels a wave of panic wash over him. He has to listen to her. He has nobody without her. Why won’t he just listen to her? Korekiyo, listen to her. Listen to her. Don’t do this to yourself. Your life is worthless without your sister, don’t you know? You should just kill yourself. Just deny him. Do it.
Do it.
“Does a coffee shop sound good?” He looks over at Amami when he speaks again and suddenly feels calm. His sister disappears for just a moment and his friend stares at him, eyes kind. “I’ve got some money so don’t worry about that.”
Korekiyo, come join me.
“That sounds pleasant.”
Amami grins at him, climbs back over the railing, and holds his hand out to Korekiyo to help him. He can feel fire on his back when he grips Amami’s hand and hops over to the safe side of the railing. He can feel his sister’s eyes on him, glaring from her place in the sky. He walks away from the railing, still clutching Amami’s hand for dear life. He’s so nervous. He didn’t even notice. How interesting the feeling is. How interesting it is that he didn't even realize his own fear. How terrible it all is. He loves seeing humanity at the brink of madness. His sister loved it and she just passed it on. But he hates this. He hates this panic, this fear, this despair, he just wants to feel hope-- he wants to love life again, wants to study culture without being viewed as a madman by his peers. He doesn’t want to die, doesn't want to push anyone away because someone tells him to. He wants a relationship. He wants friends. He doesn’t want his sister.
You’re lying.
“My car’s over here.”
You’re lying to yourself, Korekiyo!
Amami drags him along and he blindly follows, still wrecked with panic. How did he almost kill himself? What did he even do to himself? Where has his life gone? He almost tore away the thing he loves the most: living. He loves to see people smile, loves to see people sad, loves to see people. They’re fascinating and beautiful. Amami is fascinating, Kaede is fascinating, Iruma is fascinating, all of his friends are fascinating. He wants to see more of them and he can’t believe he almost killed himself over something so dumb.
Are you saying I’m dumb, Korekiyo?! His sister screams. It sounds like nails on a chalkboard.
“Coffee shop’s probably about thirty minutes away so get comfortable.”
Don’t go into that car.
He blindly falls into the car and clutches his hands. The car is familiar. He’s been here many times. It smells like cotton candy today. It’s probably one of Amami’s sister’s faults. Last week it smelt like fries because Ouma spilt his entire kids meal while arguing with Yumeno. It was amusing. The thought makes him feel a little bit better. The seat is comfortable, soft, there are dice hanging from the mirror. Amami has a cup of coffee in the cup holder. It looks like it's been there for awhile. He probably went to go get coffee after school-- maybe with Kaede or Shuichi. Thinking about his friends makes the shaking stop-- if only just for a second. At least it stops.
You fucking idiot. You have nobody without me. His sister hisses at him. I hope you know that I hate you so much. You’re worthless.
Amami slides easily into the driver’s seat and looks over at him, smiling, “you good?”
There’s a special place in hell for you. If you even get up to heaven with the amount of dumb shit you’ve done I’m going to fucking strangle you.
How does he even answer that?
You have no one. You think he’s going to love you like I did? Appreciate you like I did? He’s going to abandon you. He’s going to fucking kill you. It’s what you did to me. You fucking deserve it. I loved you so much and you pulled this on me. Your friends don't care about you. They think you're crazy!
“I am…” He swallows and looks back to Amami. “Adequate.”
Amami snorts, “that’s good. Better than cold, right?”
Korekiyo manages a small laugh himself at that.
He starts the car up and pulls out, driving away from the bridge too fast for Korekiyo’s liking. His sister is still screaming at him. She doesn’t go away. Not until Amami grips his hand as it rests near the cup holders, drags a thumb along his palm gently (so gently and he’s not used to it at all yet it’s so beautiful he feels like he could cry), and suggests something.
“I know you don’t like people touching your hair, but would you mind if I cut it?” A beat of Amami looking at him, gauging for a reaction, then he continues. “I’ve cut long hair before so I have some sort of experience..." He chuckles and shrugs. "It just looks like it’s bothering you.”
“How interesting that it appears that way to you…”
"Guess I just have keen eyes."
"I suppose you do."
He looks down at their hands and can’t help the smile on his face. He’s still shaking but holding hands with Amami is making it better by the smallest amount. Having a friend by his side makes things better.
At the mention of cutting his hair his sister roars louder and louder until she stops abruptly. She stops as soon as Amami leans over and presses a small, soft, shy kiss to his hand.
"Was that a yes, then?" His eyes flit up from Korekiyo's hand.
He feels his heart stop for a moment. It’s gentle. It’s nothing like he’s experienced before.
“I would enjoy that,” he finally says, looking anywhere but Amami’s eyes. His face is on fire. In response, Amami laughs, squeezes his hand, and then Korekiyo watches as the bridge disappears slowly behind them.