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“Okay, what’s bothering you?” Isabelle’s voice interrupts Alec's staring contest with the wall in his office, and he turns to face her. Her eyebrows are furrowed in a worried manner, her arms crossed over her chest.
“I’m fine,” he says quietly, avoiding her eyes.
“Alec.”
He sighs, placing his elbow on his desk and leaning his face in his palm. “I think Magnus broke up with me.”
“What?” slips past Izzy’s lips, her voice small and laced with confusion. Alec hears her heels move across the floor, approaching him.
“I… I don’t know exactly- he just said that he-“ the boy cuts himself off as his voice starts wavering. He won’t cry. He won’t.
“Hey,” Isabelle squats down next to his chair, reaching out to intertwine their fingers. “It’s okay.”
Alec bites down on his lip and looks down at her. A tear rolls down his cheek and he quickly wipes it away. He doesn’t want his sister to see him like this.
“Magnus just needs some time, Alec. I’m sure everything will work out.”
He says nothing, seeing no reason to tell her that he doesn’t believe her.
Later that night he slides into his bed at the institute, heart aching as he pulls the covers around his body as a poor substitute for Magnus’ arms. He stares into the darkness of the room, listening to the gentle ticking of the clock.
His eyes are wet, silent tears streaming down his face. He wonders if this what it feels like to have your heart broken.
Turning over onto his back, his arm instinctively reaches out to the empty side of the bed. His fingers caress the cold sheets. He squeezes his eyes shut, inhaling shakily.
He finds himself wishing he had told Magnus about the Soul Sword the second he heard about it. But he didn’t.
That’s what he does. He shuts everyone out.
And now he’s here.
Alone.
Without his boyfriend.
Well, they aren’t really boyfriends anymore.
Alec grips onto the duvet, forcing down a sob. He hasn’t let himself really cry yet. And he won’t.
His hands are itching to reach for his phone, itching to call Magnus. He has so much to say.
I love you. I miss you already. Please don’t leave me. Let’s work it out. I’m willing to do anything.
But Magnus doesn’t want to be with him anymore. And oh, it hurts. It’s a pain unlike anything Alec has ever felt in the past. His chest is aching, as if someone is trying to pull his heart out of his body. It feels horribly permanent, as if he’s submerged under water. He feels as if he’ll never be able to breathe again. All rationality is gone as he lies there. His first heartbreak seems like the end of the world.
He wonders if Magnus is suffering the same way.
He hopes not.
Reaching up to his face, he wipes away the wetness, sniffling. He takes a deep breath before rolling onto his side again, shutting his eyes.
He’s a Lightwood. He will survive.