Work Text:
Hold on,
hold on to me.
Cause I’m a little unsteady,
a little unsteady.
- X-Ambassadors
When Maryse and Max left after the rune ceremony, Alec did too. He ignored the sad look of his parabatai and, even worse, the confused voice of his sister asking him where he was headed this early in the morning, and just stormed out of the institute.
In his rush to get away from everything, he almost forgot to activate his invisibility rune. He only remembered to do so when he realized the weirded-out looks of the mundanes on the sidewalks were because of him. He couldn’t blame them – mundanes had never been known as particularly courageous and it was probably a normal thing to them that they would find a 6'3" guy dressed to impress and covered in what they thought were tattoos, storming through Brooklyn at 9am on a Saturday.
Alec couldn’t care less about them. He slowed down a bit and ducked into an alley, pulled out his stele and activated the rune, then continued his way, albeit a bit slower.
It was a beautiful morning in New York – the sun was out and it was already really warm, a slight breeze of wind ruffling through Alec’s hair every now and then. But Alec hardly even recognized that, for all he could focus on was the storm raging through his body and the hurt and disappointment that grew stronger with every step.
Not that Alec was new to feeling this way – he had already had to deal with a fair share of disappointments in his life, from his parents never being quite satisfied with him over struggling with the realization that he was gay up to having a crush on Jace and having to accept that his feelings were not reciprocated. They had all hurt, some more than others and they all had taken Alec a while to get over. But never, not even once, had he been this furious about something.
Alec scoffed when he remembered how irritated he had been upon learning that their father would not attend Max’s ceremony. Looking back, it had probably been for the best anyways – if he ran into Robert right now, he would not be able to guarantee for anything. The mere thought of Robert betraying Maryse and everything the two of them had worked for their entire lives, just like that, made him want to punch his own father in the face. Alec may not always have the best relationship with his mother, but she definitely didn’t deserve this. And neither did Izzy, Jace, Max or him.
He felt a lump in his throat when he thought of the consequences that this revelation would undoubtedly have. Shadowhunters didn’t hold up a lot of values, but family was one of them, if not the most important one. Especially to himself. Before he’d met Magnus, his siblings had been the only people he could truly be himself around. They had understood him when no one did and had always been there for them. Being the oldest of the Lightwood siblings, he had sworn himself to always protect the three of them, no matter what. His parents had always taught him to watch out for his younger siblings, to make sure nothing ever happened to them if he could avoid it. Because family was the most important thing to shadowhunters.
Robert had known that. He had freaking told him that hundreds of times over the years. And yet he had decided to trample on those rules and to crush all of their family values under his feet until there was nothing left. Like they weren’t worth anything to him.
And because of that, nothing would ever be the same again.
Alec clenched his teeth together and blinked rapidly as he tried to hold back the tears that he felt prickling up in his eyes. They were tears of anger and tears of disappointment. He shook his head, trying to get those toxic thoughts out of his head, trying to ignore the hurt he felt spreading through his body and mind just as long so he could get to Magnus’s apartment. He quickly checked if there were cars coming, then crossed the street and continued his strides towards a certain glamoured apartment in Brooklyn Heights, towards the one and only person he wanted to see right now.
+++
Magnus was making breakfast when Alec entered the apartment. The warlock was still in his pajamas, dark gray sweatpants low on his hips and a worn-out blue t-shirt that was a bit too big for him (and seemed oddly familiar to Alec) hanging from his shoulders. His face was still free of makeup and his hair was a mess in the most positive way, free of product and lose strands all over the place, some of them falling loosely into his face. Magnus was standing by the stove, flipping pancakes and softly humming along to the old jazz tunes that were playing in the background.
Alec usually loved seeing Magnus so unguarded. Actually, this relaxed, carefree side of Magnus was his favorite one, partly because he was the only one who got to see it. Today, however, he barely managed to croak out a greeting before he felt his throat go tight and his eyes start burning all over again.
Magnus chuckled when he turned around to where Alec was leaning in the kitchen doorway. “Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes this early in the – “, he started, but paused immediately when his gaze met Alec’s. Magnus’s smile vanished at the sight of Alec’s pained expression and his humored features turned into something much more serious. He stepped closer to Alec and took his hand, looking up at him with eyes full of worry. “What’s wrong, Alexander?”
Alec tried to swallow past the lump in his throat, but failed miserably in doing so. Seeing Magnus so worried made everything feel so much more real. Magnus’s apartment was his safe haven, the one place where he could leave everything that was bothering him at the front door and ignore it for as long as he pleased – but he figured that this was not a thing that you could just ignore. Not if your name was Alec Lightwood and family was everything to you.
“My dad’s been cheating on my mom”, he croaked. And with that, he finally gave in to the sadness and hurt that had been bubbling up inside him ever since his mother told him.
Alec let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes to hide the tears he could no longer hold back. He felt Magnus’s arms wrap around his shoulders and let himself be pulled into a soothing embrace. He put his own arms around the warlock’s waist and buried his face in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck when he felt the tears start to run over his face.
“And the worst thing is”, he said in a thick voice, “she’s still going back to him. I mean, that guy’s cheated on her and she’s still forgiving him? What the hell’s that supposed to mean, I mean my dad just ruined our family and now –“ Alec’s voice broke and he let out a few sobs against the warlock’s shoulder.
Magnus felt his heart clench at seeing Alec so miserable. He knew that family was the most important thing to his boyfriend, that his siblings and parents were something he would always protect. Now having a member of his very own family disturbing that from the inside must be the worst for the shadowhunter.
Not that Magnus could relate, he’d never had something even similar to how close Alec was with his siblings, but he tried nonetheless.
He shifted the hand that had been resting around Alec’s waist up to the back of his neck and gently stroked the soft skin there with his fingers as his boyfriend let it all out, the hurt and disappointment draining out of him combined with low sniffs every now and then. Magnus held Alec tight through all of it, even though it was killing him to feel Alec’s shoulders shaking with every sob. He didn’t say much, just let Alec vent his feelings tried to signal without words that he was here, that he would always be here, whatever problem or tragedy Alec might have to deal with in his life.
After a while, Alec calmed down, although Magnus could tell with a single look at his face that there was still a lot more to it than just that first wave of sadness. He gently led Alec over to the kitchen island and had him sit down on one of the bar stools. Magnus himself stood in front of him, hands on Alec’s arms, a worried look on his face.
“You okay?”, he asked tentatively and immediately felt like slapping himself across the face for that question. “I mean, obviously you’re not okay, but…for now?”
Alec let out a wet laugh. “Yeah…I’ll be fine. It just makes me so goddamn angry. Not only this, but also that they left Max in the middle of it. He’s only twelve, he doesn’t deserve to be in the middle of their relationship drama. Why didn’t they just send him to New York? He could have completed his training just as well at the Institute and-“ Alec paused, obviously lost in thought and then smiled. “It’s not like he could have been any more of a pain in the ass for his instructors if he’d changed locations.”
Magnus laughed. “Well he certainly is a handful, your brother. But I’m sure your parents had their reasons for keeping him in Idris. Maybe they just wanted to protect you and Isabelle and Jace, since Valentine is on the loose and everything…”
“Yeah”, Alec scoffed, “protecting us by getting our little brother a front row seat to their relationship drama. Great idea.”
Magnus and Alec exchanged a long look and then the shadowhunter sighed and ran a hand through his hair, effectively ruining his attempt at taming it earlier in the morning. “I’m sorry for storming in here and dumping all of this on you. That’s not fair.”
Magnus stepped closer to Alec so he could wrap his arms around his waist and then smiled at the shadowhunter. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I told you to talk to me when things get crazy, remember? Also, I’m your boyfriend. It’s my job to listen to you when you feel like ranting about how terrible your day at work was.”
That last sentence finally made Alec laugh and Magnus felt relief waving through his chest. “Also”, he teased as he brushed the back of his hand over Alec’s cheek, “you’re adorable when you’re in that all-protective older brother mode”
Alec pulled a sulky face at that sentence. “I’m not. I’m a shadowhunter. We’re not adorable”, he grumbled, but his eyes clearly told a different story.
Magnus raised an eyebrow at Alec, mocking him. “If you say so”, he said nonchalantly and back around to his stove. “Now, my big, terrifying shadowhunter boyfriend – how about some breakfast? I take it between getting ready for Max’s ceremony and storming off towards my apartment you didn’t have time to eat?” He stopped when he felt Alec’s hand close around his arm and slowly turned back to him, looking at him expectantly.
“Breakfast sounds great”, Alec muttered as he pulled Magnus closer to him, letting his hands rest on Magnus’ hips. “Just one more thing.”
He let his hands wander to Magnus’ hips and dipped his head lower so he could capture’ Magnus’ lips in an impossibly sweet kiss.
When they broke apart, Alec let his lips travel up Magnus’ jaw. When he spoke again, his lips were brushing against Magnus’ ear and his voice was barely audible. “I didn’t get to properly say hello to you earlier. I wanted to make up for that.”
Magnus shook his head in disbelief and then let it drop against Alec’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you sometimes”, he chuckled and then straightened up, pulling his boyfriend with him towards the stove. “Now come on, help me get the food ready, I’m starving.”
Magnus may not have expected to get any visitors today, but now that the morning had taken such a favorable turn, he might as well make the most of it.