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Chapter Text

The corners of Kate’s mouth curled delicately upwards before she even opened her eyes, the discernible hum of her muscles from a night spent wrapped around his both wicked and welcome. She could practically hear her own body’s buzz invading the morning hush of the room, and she was hit with an instantaneous high, one she couldn’t have imagined she’d now find herself basking in following the events of the previous days.

She stretched out her legs beneath the rumpled sheets and rolled onto her back, her skin warm and bare, and slowly opened her eyes, expecting to find him lying next to her as he was when they fell asleep just a few hours before, but, instead, finding a piece of paper set atop his vacated pillow. She freed her arm and reached for it, calling out his name as she attempted to blink the clouds of night away, but she heard no reply.

Holding the roughly torn paper embarrassingly close so she could manage to read what was written there in her fog, her quiet smile returned, Rick’s words confounding yet perfectly him, the him who was now more to her than he’d ever been. It took her a moment or two, but she eventually remembered where her phone was, blushing at the image that came, the one of him pushing her jacket from her body onto the floor as their mouths played, the jacket that was now draped over the arm of the chair in the corner beside her.

She climbed out of bed without a care as to her state, the loft, she now knew, hers and hers alone, and dropped into the chair with his note still in hand. His phone rang three times before he answered, and she felt her excitement and curiosity grow with each.

“Is that how it is? You do that to a girl and then you leave?” she replied to his almost boastful morning-after salutation.

“Excuse me, but I’m pretty sure you were the one that did it to me one of those times,” Rick came back before asking the question he was already dying to know the answer to. “So, did you follow my instruction?”

Kate knew exactly what he wanted to hear, but she had no intention of giving it over so easily. “I called you, didn’t I?” She glanced again at the words he’d written beneath Call me when you wake up and she felt her body involuntarily react. “Is this the part where I tell you I’d love some eggs and some waffles and you come through the door with them moments later? Because I’d really love that part,” she continued on when he didn’t respond.

“No, this is the part where I remind you how well I know you and I can tell the answer to my question is yes.”

She shook her head and rolled her eyes, as she so often did when he opened his mouth and his ego came spilling out. “Fine, no, Castle, I didn’t get dressed before I called you. Do I win some sort of prize for that or something?”

Rick exhaled an utterly incoherent sound. “I don’t know about you, but I sure do,” he crowed. “Now, tell me where you are and what you’re doing and don’t leave anything out.”

“Where am I? I’m right here where you left me, Castle,” she snapped. “Where the hell are you?”

“Ouch, okay, I guess I deserved that.” And then came the bad news. “And, um, I’m...on my way to Philly,” he said, though it came out as more of a question than a statement, his voice gaining an octave or two somewhere along the way. “On the train. It’s the Acela, though, so I’m moving pretty fast,” he added of no help whatsoever.

“Did you...I’m sorry. You’re what?” Kate responded with puzzlement, sitting naked in his loft all by herself.

“Look under your pillow,” he told her. “I left something for you.”

Kate pushed out of the chair with a huff and crawled back into bed, tossing her pillow aside to see what was beneath. “A key? What’s this for? Do I get to lock you up somewhere for ditching me when you get back from your trip?”

“It’s not a trip. It’s just a few hours. With everything that’s been going on, I almost forgot all about this thing today.” An announcement of the train’s impending arrival at 30^th Street Station began squawking overhead and he paused until it came to an end. “Shit, we’re almost at the station. Look, I promise I’ll explain everything later. That’s my key to the loft in your hand. Stay as long as you want, naked, of course, and then take it home with you. I should be back in the city by 8PM at the latest and I’m coming straight for you.”

“Assuming I don’t take off for Cleveland while you’re gone,” she teased, more disappointed than angry.

“God, please don’t. It killed me to have to leave you this morning after...everything. It’s killing me now knowing where you are and what you look like when you’re--”

“I’ll be home,” she said, jumping on the rest of his thought with her soft assurance. “Come get your key.”

“Can I get something else, too?” he pushed behind a smile.

“Depends how good your explanation is,” she said, drawing her own sword. “Enjoy your cheese steak, Castle.”

She hung up without another word, facing a first day without anywhere to be, without responsibility, and without the one person she wanted most to spend it with.

xxxx

It felt too strange to sit around the loft alone, and she was too wired to go home, so Kate tucked Rick’s key into the pocket of her jeans and stepped out into the city to wander. On most days, the streets she found herself walking were merely a way to get from here to there, from the precinct to a crime scene, from home to work and back again, but it was a very different world on that day, and she was very different in it.

Lost in her own thoughts, she travelled twenty-six blocks before realizing she’d done so, never having made a turn to the left or the right, absent a destination, which felt both liberating and terrifying at once. In the middle of block twenty-seven, she weaved out of the throng headed both with her and against her and pulled out her phone, bringing up Lanie’s missed call notification and dialing her number.

“Hey, Kate, I’ve been worried. I called you last night but you didn’t answer. Javi told me what happened. Are you okay?”

“I’m okay, yeah. Sorry I didn’t call you back earlier. Things have been kind of crazy. Will you have a few minutes if I stop by in a little bit?”

“Absolutely,” Lanie told her. “I just finished with a body, so I’ll be in my office doing the paperwork. Come on down.”

Kate showed up thirty minutes later with a coffee for herself in one hand and a tea for Lanie in the other. She didn’t know how much Javi had already told her or how much she actually wanted to talk about the fight and the roof and all of it, but she knew she wanted to see her closest friend, someone she always found strength and comfort in.

“Thank you for this,” Lanie said as she pulled her in for a hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay - well, in one piece, at least. I can’t imagine you’re really okay after everything that happened, but I expect you’ll probably tell me you are.” The disapproval in her tone was evident. “You really quit?”

Kate settled into the chair on the other side of the desk, her finger tracing the rim of her coffee cup nervously. “I slept with Castle,” she confessed without looking up, moving off the NYPD without acknowledging the actual question at hand. “Last night. I slept with Castle last night.” She repeated it multiple times, as though she suddenly couldn’t quite believe it herself.

“Wait, I’m sorry, you did what?” Lanie all but shouted before taking a moment to try and gather herself, though with little notable success. “You’re telling me right now that you, Kate Beckett, slept with Richard Castle last night. As in had sex with? In a bed?”

Kate grinned ever so slightly, but enough that she knew she’d done it. “Yeah. And, two of the times.”

Lanie practically jumped out of her chair before falling right back into it again. “I’m just saying thank God we are in a medical facility right now, because I’m about to require some serious attention. Two of the times? Two of the times you had sex with Castle, last night.” She downed a sip of her tea and took an audible breath in and out. “Okay, here’s what’s going to happen: first, you’re going to tell me how many times you had sex with Castle last night, and then you’re going to tell me every other damn thing about it.”

Kate turned and looked over her shoulder at the open door. “Why don’t you try talking a little louder, Lanie. I’m not sure all the dead bodies heard you,” she wisecracked.

“Girl, please, if you were hearing what I’m hearing right now, you’d be talking the very same way. Now, spill.”

Kate remembered every second of it - every sensation, every sound, every touch - and it was all so close to the surface, right there for her to live over and over again. “We had a fight, Lanie, a really awful fight, and I thought he might be gone for good. This case, my mom’s case...I’ve just been locked in this room somewhere with it for so long.”

“All he ever wanted to do was help you get out of that room, Kate,” Lanie said, abruptly composed.

“I know,” she replied, both saying the words and believing them. “And then after yesterday and Gates, it was just him. He’s what I still had, Lanie. He’s what I always have.”

“And then you had lots of sex,” Lanie blurted in a return of her previous animation. “And how ma--”

“Three times,” Kate broke in, knowing what was coming.

“I swear, if I could manage to stand up right now, I’d come over there and hug you. You know that, right?” Lanie picked up a file folder from her desk and began to fan herself with it. “Now can I ask why the hell you’re here with me instead of with Mr. All Night Long? I mean, three times. Hell, if it was that good, I’d only leave the man to get a damn snack to give me energy for the next round. I mean, I assume it was good. Was it good?” she asked like a splendid gossip.

Kate laughed, both at the expression staring back at her and the positively rhapsodic state she was witnessing. “Yes, Lanie it was great. And Castle’s in Philadelphia, apparently.”

Lanie immediately dropped the folder and her jaw. “On the day after…please tell me that Philadelphia is some weird-ass nickname for he’s out buying you flowers or something because I do not even understand.”

“Well, that makes two of us. I woke up this morning and he was gone. He left me a note to call him, I called, and he answered from a train. He said he’ll be back tonight, so I guess it’s not that big a deal, but...” Her face, her whole demeanor, didn’t match her words, though, and Lanie could clearly see that.

“Oh, come on now, you’re not talking to a Kate Beckett rookie here. I’ve known you long enough to see that it is a big deal, and after what you two have been through to finally get to last night, I can’t say that I blame you. I mean, I know the man worships the ground you walk on, so I’m sure it had to be something important for him to leave like that, but he’s going to owe you big time, and you need to make sure Richie Rich pays up.”

“I’m sure I’ll think of something,” Kate said with a chuckle. “Maybe it’s for the best. I need a nap, anyway, what with the whole almost dying thing and then being up most of the night.” Lanie picked up the folder again with a proud smile. “I’m going to head home, I think; leave you to your reports and your bodies. I’ll call you later.”

“Hopefully you’ll be busy later and you won’t have time to call.” Kate dropped her coffee cup into the trash can and turned for the door. “I mean it. You make sure he makes this up to you, young lady, understand?”

“Yes, Mom, I’ve got it.”

 “Hey, wait, speaking of bodies. Twice in the bed and once...?”

“Kitchen,” Kate said over her shoulder. “We needed a snack.”

“Ooo, girl,” Lanie chirped to an empty doorway.

Chapter Text

Kate left Lanie’s office and headed back to her apartment, her first order of business a hot shower that lasted longer than would be considered environmentally acceptable, her mind continuing to play out every scene from her night with Rick and her body craving a repeat. She never imagined she’d end up having to spend their first day as a…whatever they were now without him, and she definitely had imagined their first day. Oh, how she’d imagined it.

She made some toast and a cup of tea, which was just about everything she had in her cupboard, and parked herself on the couch, the day’s forecasted rain having set in, fittingly mirroring her mood. She checked her phone and found a new text message from Javi who was worried about her, naturally, having been there when she tossed her badge onto Captain Gates’ desk and left that part of her world behind, and she loved him for it, sending word back that she was fine and would be in touch soon. Pushing back against the cushions, she looked around her place, the place she and Rick had their argument just days before, and she found herself almost at the point of tears realizing the extraordinary turn of events her life had seen since those awful moments with him.

As she stared off into the room, something caught her eye, and she pushed up off the couch again to go and retrieve it. On a shelf across the way sat her copy of Heat Wave, something she hadn’t picked up since Rick first gifted the copy, but something she felt suddenly seduced by given their new circumstance. She sat down with it and cracked it open, pausing to read his inscription before continuing on: “You are everything I could ever hope Nikki to be and so much more. For all you do and all you are, thank you.”

She read page after page, chapter after chapter, lost in the sentences she’d inspired him to create, her eyes weary but her brain wholly aroused. Somewhere approaching page 100, her phone beeped in interruption and she reached for it, the sound signaling the arrival of a text message, one she assumed would be a reply from Javi. “I can’t stop thinking about you,” it read in its entirety, its words sent not from her former partner, of course, but from Rick, the first she’d heard from him since they spoke earlier that morning.

“Your key is in my pocket,” she typed back, wasting no time at all before responding. And it was true. She’d put on fresh clothes after her shower, but it was still with her as she anxiously awaited his return. She held her phone for the next several minutes in wait, watching it intently for something more, but nothing came, so she finally set it and the book down and closed her eyes, his message, however brief, perfect fodder for the stuff of dreams.

xxxx

The rain picked up again several hours later, and she woke with the sound, its rap at her windows like a gentle alarm. It was already near dark, the grey skies overhead having aided in the hastened process, and the clock just beyond 7PM. She expected Rick soon, if what he’d promised her earlier was to be believed, and the anticipation of that reality was like a jolt of caffeine in her blood.

Turning on just one light in the corner of the room, she began to tidy up, fully aware he wouldn’t care about a this here or a that there, but with a burgeoning energy that wouldn’t allow her to stop. She paced from the bedroom to the office, over and over again, back and forth, listening to the rain and the thump of her heart until the knock at the door finally came.

She took a deep breath in when the butterflies released inside her and hurried to check the peephole to make certain it was him - a thing her life now required of her - before she opened the door to find him damp from the rain and holding something in each hand.

“Most guys usually just bring flowers,” she said, fighting back the smile he didn’t yet deserve.

“If you were a usual gal, I would’ve,” he replied, and then he just looked at her, looked at her like he’d never seen anything else like her as long as he’d lived. “Hi,” he said finally and after too long, and in a way that made her hear a hundred words instead of just one.

“Hi,” she said back, and she could already feel a dance had begun.

“You look beautiful, you know.”                                                 

Kate drew her hand to her hair gathered messily atop her head. “No, I don’t. I look like I spent all day on the couch, which is basically what I did, so...”

“You look beautiful to me,” he avowed, presenting the gifts he’d brought. “You said you’d love the part where I came through the door with eggs and waffles, so here I am at your door with eggs and waffles. Do I get to come through it?”

It was so completely Richard Castle to do something like that, to remember the silliest of her words and to use them against her later to make her knees weak. She stepped back silently and let him come inside, the symmetry of the moment, given her appearance on his doorstep the previous night, not lost on her.

With a most self-satisfied look, he swaggered past and into the kitchen, waiting for her to follow. “I meant what I told you earlier,” he said when she approached. “I spent every single second of this day thinking about you, to the point that I actually called the event’s hostess Kate, which she didn’t really appreciate since her name was Kim.”

Kate still hadn’t said anything, and she didn’t say anything before she stepped into him, kissing him deeply until they were both left breathless and unsteady on their feet. “I’ve wanted to do that every single second of this day,” she whispered, tickling his lips with her own. “Where were you?”

Rick’s fingers dipped beneath the hem of her sweatshirt that’d inched up her back, the meeting of their skin triggering a palpable heat. “Can’t we do your thing some more before I--”

“Castle.”

“Fine, but save my spot,” he sighed, pulling back. “I was with an old boyfriend of yours today, actually. You remember Alex Conrad, I’m sure. He definitely remembers you,” he told her with an audible sneer. “Anyway, U Penn is his alma mater and they were giving him some alumni award for his, I guess, literary success. There was this big presentation and a Q&A and the press was there, blah-blah-blah, and because he considers me his mentor, he asked me to be there with him. Also, Gina told me I had to go because it would look good for the firm. I really did almost forget all about it. If the train tickets hadn’t popped up in my email last night, I wouldn’t have shown up. And thank God I did because Gina can get very mean, trust me.”

Kate bit at the inside of her cheek the entire time he spoke, trying her best not to laugh. His tone was lousy with envy and it charmed her thoroughly. “I’m sure your mentee would appreciate hearing how much you valued his invitation, Castle, and he wasn’t my boyfriend. I knew him for about two seconds and that was only because you introduced us.”

“Yeah, well, he wanted to be. All that “interest” in how you operate and work your cases. I mean, it was so obvious.”

That’s what finally did it, what finally earned him the smile she’d been holding back. “You know, I think I’ve read that story somewhere before,” she teased, as he’d just described himself perfectly, too. “And, it was nice of you to be there, Castle. I’m sure it meant a lot to him...and to Kate the hostess.”

“Oh, my God,” he exhaled, dropping his head. “I was such an idiot. I’m telling you, I could barely function. I just kept seeing you and hearing you and clearly that was my punishment for leaving you like I did this morning.” He moved back in and wrapped his arms around her waist, clasped his fingers tightly at her back. “I am so sorry. It was just too late to back out, and you looked so incredible in my bed and we hadn’t really slept and I couldn’t bring myself to wake you.”

She drew her thumb tenderly across his lips. “At least I had a nap this afternoon. You must be exhausted,” she said. “Do you want to go lie down for a little while?”

“I do if you’ll come with me,” he said, turning to kiss her palm. “Unless you want me to cook you some eggs and waffles first.”

“Oh, you’ll definitely be cooking for me later, but for now, come on.” Kate took his hand and led him towards the bedroom, but before he crossed the threshold, he gently tugged back. “What?” she asked, eyeing him as he peeked in and around the room.

“It just him me. I’ve never actually been in your bedroom before.”

She continued on inside, tossing her clothes from earlier off the bed and onto the chair. “No, you haven’t, but it’s only fair, don’t you think? I tried out yours, now you have to try out mine.”

Rick stepped into the room with a nod and quickly worked to take it all in, the most private of her spaces, everything she held closest to her. “I can definitely feel you in here,” he said after a moment. “That’s already my favorite thing about it.”

“If you’re lucky,” she quipped, climbing onto the bed. “Well, are you just going to stand there or are you going to come over here with me?”

He practically jumped across the room into the spot next to her, kicking off his shoes as he went. “Mmm, comfy,” he praised with a bounce. “Firm but not too firm, just the way I like it.” Stretching out his legs, he scooted down until his head was resting against the pillows, holding open his arm to create a space for her body at his side. “Now you come here.”

Kate pushed in against him, her head at his chest, her arm across his belly, and they spent the next few minutes in the quiet of the room’s soft light, the rain still tapping at the window. “So, do you want to talk about it?” he asked, breaking the hush.

“Sure, yeah, I hear Philly’s lovely this time of year,” she answered playfully.

“Oh, definitely, and that bell thing they have is a real conversation piece,” he retorted joining the game. “But that’s not what I meant. Last night is more the topic I had in mind,” he said, kissing the top of her head.

She maneuvered onto her stomach so she was able to see his face, her chin balanced on his ribs. “Oh, that,” she replied, offering nothing more.

Rick drew a cluster of fallen hair away from her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. “I guess I just want to make sure you’re okay. I mean, I can tell you without any hesitation at all that it was one of the greatest nights of my life, and one of the most surprising, considering the way things had ended the last time I’d seen you, but you’re in the driver’s seat here, Kate. If you want to go slow, that’s what we’ll do.”

“You mean like waiting four more years to do it again?” she asked with a smirk.

He pretended to weigh her words carefully before he answered. “As long as I have access to a lot of cold water, I could maybe--”

“Castle,” she interjected, pushing up into a cross-legged position, her hand never breaking contact with his body, “I didn’t come to the loft last night on some whim. I didn’t suddenly decide that I wanted you or us. I’ve known both of those things for a long time. What I did decide, though, or what I understood more after our fight than I ever had before, was that I didn’t want to be me without you, anymore, and you deserved to know that as much as I did. I needed you to know that.”

He slid his fingers through hers and laced them together. “You’re even more beautiful when you’re like this, you know, especially when you’re like this.”

“When I’m like what?”

“Soft, unguarded…you know, breathing.” He squeezed her fingers and she giggled. “And I need you to know something, too, even though you’ve already heard me say it, even if it’s still not easy for you to hear. Sit here, come here,” he said, pulling gently on her hand to guide her across his lap, a knee on either side, his eyes fixed on hers. “You ready?”

“You asking if I’m ready makes me feel not ready, Castle.”

“Sorry, here goes,” he began, exaggeratedly clearing his throat. “I love you, Kate. I loved you that night in the interrogation room, I loved you that summer we were apart, in that freezer, in that hotel room, yesterday, today, tomorrow, and every day after that. I love you.” He slid his palms along the tops of her thighs and let them settle there. “That’s it, that’s what I needed you to know, and I hope it wasn’t too tough to endure, mostly because you’re going to have to get used to it. I plan on saying it a lot, and you know us writers, always going on and on with all the words.”

“Tell me about it. Some writers more than others,” she joked, gliding her legs down the length of his and angling for his neck where she left a kiss.

“Stupid Philadelphia,” he blurted. “I hate that I wasn’t here for our second first day together. It would’ve been so much better than our first first.”

“I do, too, but--”

“God, imagine all the places we could’ve done it,” he went on, stepping on her thought and letting his own soar.

“How romantic of you, Castle.”

“What? You’re telling me you didn’t think about it today? After everything we did last night? Please.”

She smiled out of sight. “I thought about you thinking about it.”

“Wow, okay, that’s hot,” he said.

“Oh, and Lanie seemed very impressed, if that helps. She actually fanned herself with a folder.”

Rick pushed up onto his elbows and gave her a quizzical look. “You...you talked to Lanie about last night?”

Kate nodded with a grin. “You weren’t around to talk to, Castle. Who else? And why do you suddenly sound so nervous? Worried about what I said?”

He tried to laugh, but the sound came out of him with no discernible structure. “No. I...Why? Should I be?”

She’d thought about what Lanie said earlier, about him making the day up to her, and she decided she’d have a bit of fun with it. She slowly shifted her body again until she was straddling his lap, her fingers finding the buttons of his shirt, one by one, beginning at the top. “Not at all, Castle. I gave you a very solid grade,” she said as her fingers worked.

“Solid?” he squawked. “I’m a writer, Kate. I know what words mean, and that one, in this context, doesn’t do much for the old ego.”

She stopped with the buttons and met his eye. “Because that’s something you need help with?”

“Adding insult to injury, how thoughtful,” he said with a pout.

“Well, I think I can probably come up with an extra credit assignment or two for you, Castle. I mean, if you’re interested in improving that grade.” She pushed both sides of his shirt from his chest and let them fall to the bed. “Is that something you’d be interested in?”

“Interested, yes, I’m very interested,” he mumbled excitedly.

She climbed off of him and the bed, and he watched her as she stepped backwards towards the door. “Take the rest of that stuff off, count to fifty, and come find me, Castle. If number four really does it for me, I might even let you share my waffles.”