Jace wasn’t supposed to be here. He knew it and yet he was standing in front of Lewis’ house. He was trying to make up some words because he had no clue what to tell Simon. He was always good with talking but right now he was clueless. Moreover, it was possible that Simon won’t talk to him. He was pissed and he had every right to be so. Jace fucked up, badly, he knew that but it wasn’t enough. How could it be? Acknowledging his mistake was one thing, proper apologies was another. He wasn’t a coward, after all, so he took a deep breath and then he rang the bell. Hours passed before someone opened the door but it wasn’t Simon, it was his mom.
“Good evening, Mrs. Lewis. Uh, is Simon home?” he asked. Jace hoped he was. He wouldn’t forgive himself if something happened to him.
“Yes, he is in his room. I’m glad you’re here, Jace. He doesn’t look good and I’m worried about him.” Elaine told him, looking seriously worried. He wanted to cry right now because it was all his fault. This worried look in her eyes was because he was selfish. Jace didn’t want to see this ever again. And because he didn’t want to worry her even more, he just smiled.
“I will talk to him,” he said simply and when he entered the house, he went upstairs, where Simon’s room was. He could go there with closed eyes and no runes on his body. He would always find him. Always.
He didn’t know if he should knock or not. He decided against it because he couldn’t wait longer. He wanted to wrap his arms around Simon, comfort him and kiss him, and… But what if he won’t let him? What if he ruined everything that was between them? He knew that he wouldn’t be able to live without him.
When he entered the room, Simon was already waiting for him, sitting on the bed. He must have heard his conversation with Elaine downstairs.
“What are you doing in my house?” he asked, eyes full of anger. But Jace could see that it wasn’t just the anger, there was something else in them. He had no other choice than to hold on to that thought because he couldn’t hold on anything else but hope.
“Sunshine…” he started, his voice soft.
“Don’t call me that!”
“But you’re my sunshine. My only sunshine.”
Jace saw tears in his boyfriend’s eyes. Of course. He was crying this whole time while Jace was feeling sorry for himself. He was so, so stupid. He was… no, now it wasn’t about him and his self-doubt. Now it was about Simon, about them. Jace stepped closer to him.
“Don’t.”
Maybe he shouldn’t take another step. Maybe he should walk out of this house and leave Simon alone but he couldn’t. How could he? Simon was his everything.
“Jace, please.”
But in the next second Jace was holding his boyfriend in his strong arms, ignoring his words. And then Simon hid his face against Jace’s shoulder and started to cry. They were hugging as tight as it was possible.
“I thought I lost you,” Simon said, breaking Jace’s heart. “I thought… Why do you always need to be a hero? I don’t want you to be a hero. I want you to be with me.”
“I’m so sorry, sunshine, so sorry.” was all that he could say at this moment. He tugged Simon even closer and then fell with him on the bed, still holding him tight. He was breathing his scent and acknowledging his presence.
“Is it bad that I don’t want to give you to the Angels?” his boyfriend whispered, his face buried in Jace’s neck.
“No, because I don’t want to go anywhere without you, my angel.”