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Nick had about forty pictures on his phone of Harry asleep on the settee with Vera snoozing on his chest, but he could always do with one more. Besides, he was wearing a different shirt in this one, a blue one which contrasted nicely with V’s grey babygrow. He snapped three pictures and sent one to his mum, a different one to Anne, and a different one again to the group on his phone called ‘godparents’ which comprised eight people. It was a good job they had gone for one those new agey naming ceremonies instead of anything religious because you can only get so many boy band members and north London hipsters around a font.
Harry was exhausted. In an attempt to spend as little time away from their daughter as possible he had negotiated a gruelling promo schedule for the last single off the album, which meant he and the boys did about 30 interviews and appearances in a single week. Vera’s sleeping schedule was on the Fuck You Dad end of the scale at the moment, but for the last few nights Harry had been putting her to bed and she’d actually been settling down. Nick had no idea what he was doing but he meant they were both sleeping for at least five hours before she screamed the place down.
At the moment though, Harry looked dead to the world. Nick started to pick Vera up and Harry grasped for her, eyes still closed.
“It’s alright, I’ve got her, you sleep. She’s well away.”Just on cue, Vera woke up and started to cry at that lovely pitch which is just between an animal caught in a trap and a fire alarm.
Harry scrambled to get up. “I’ll take her, I’ll sleep get her to.” His face crumpled as he rubbed at his eyes.
“Oh you’ll ‘sleep get her to’ will you? Nice one Styles. I can do it, you’re in no state.” Nick bounced from foot to foot trying to soothe her, hoping that technique would work for the first time ever.
“No, but she...You can’t do it, I’ll do it.” Harry’s head jerked up as soon as the words left his mouth. “Sorry, sorry babe, I don’t mean that, I mean...She needs...I didn’t mean that.”
It was too difficult to keep from the hurt from his face and Nick didn’t manage it. He swallowed hard and started walking towards Vera’s room muttering ‘Come and help me then, I don’t care’ as he carried on rocking his baby.
At the side of the cot he stopped and held Vera closer to him. They’d had Vera for three of her seven months and Harry was brilliant and perfect with her. Nick wasn’t. He was trying so hard but he’d forget things and get tense sometimes and Vera picked up on it. When it was just the two of them he coped because no-one was watching, but as soon as Harry, or the mums, or basically anyone else was there he felt like he should just hand her over so that he wasn’t upsetting her with his insecurities. It was stupid because with everyone else’s baby he was great, probably because he was relaxed. With Vera, he wanted to be perfect, and it was making him scared. He felt Harry’s firm, reassuring grip on his shoulders and breathed out.
“It’s singing. I’ve been singing to her, and it gets her straight off.”
“I can sing! I might not be a grammy winner, but I can hold a tune Haz!” Nick’s hurt was forgotten, he wasn’t upset now, he was just insulted. “I can sing fine!”
Vera’s crying had switched from ‘I hate being awake’ to some kind of emo sob. Nick turned around and held her out. “Go on then, you’d better do it. I’ll go and make you a brew or something.”
Harry folded his arms and stood back. “No, go on. You’ll do great, she’ll love it. I’ll go and make the tea, you come in when she’s asleep.” He leaned in and kissed Vera on the head, then Nick on the cheek. “Love you.”
Nick watched as he closed the door behind him, the draft sending V’s space rock mobile swirling in a kaleidoscope. He clicked on her elephant lamp and turned off the main light, leaving the room in a soft, blue glow. “Okay little one, I used to listen to this on repeat when I was pining after your dad.” He cleared his throat and started to gently croak out a Paramore song, slowing the tempo down and trying extra hard to hit the right notes.
“Can’t count the years on one hand, that we’ve been together. I need the other one to hold you, make you feel, make you feel better….”
Vera quietened immediately, her tiny hand grasping at Nick’s collar as she lay across his chest.
“It’s not a walk in the park to love each other, but when our fingers interlock, I can’t deny, can’t deny, you’re worth it. ‘Cause after all this time, I’m still into you…”
A chorus and another verse later, Vera was sound asleep and Nick was able to lay her in the cot and dim down the elephant nightlight. He kissed the tips of his fingers and brushed her cheek as he left her, suddenly gasping for a cup of tea. The living room was dark and he found Harry in bed, sat up with his mug, another one steaming on Nick’s bedside table.
“Well, you were right there pop star, she went right off even without your finely tuned vocal stylings. Vocal Styles-ings, eh, that would be a good name for a music academy or something, you know, when the record sales start to flag.” Nick rambled as he got undressed. “Maybe we could market a line in baby lullaby CDs sung by us, make a fortune I reckon.” He got under the covers and slung an arm round Harry’s shoulder. “What’s the matter Haz, are you stunned into silence by my brilliant - “
Harry’s cheeks were wet and his lips were pink where he’d been biting them.
“Oh fuck, what’s the matter, are you alright?” Nick cuddled up to him, wiping Harry’s tears with the back of his hand.
“I’m good, yeah, just...that song gets me. Always has.” Harry forced out a tiny laugh and put his mug down, curling into Nick’s side and resting his head on his shoulder. “Sounded good though. Might take the baby monitor into the studio and get them to recreate that tone.”
“Oh fucking hell.” Nick had forgotten about the baby monitor. “You didn’t record it or anything did you?”
“Oh yeah, and I tweeted it.”
“Brilliant.” Nick gulped down some tea and turned the light off on his side. “Come on Styles, let’s make the most of the quiet and get some kip, I’m knackered.”
Harry turned his lamp off and snuggled up to Nick, stroking a hand down his chest. “Can you sing me a bit more. Give me the bridge, at least.”
Nick sniggered and cleared his throat, pulling the covers up. “I’m into you, I’m into you, baby not a day goes by when I’m not into you.”