Work Text:
In the End
[Prologue]
Sitting in the corner of the sterile hospital room, partially hidden in the shadows Q had waited until the nurse left before revealing himself to the Admiral. He knew of her illness and although had offered her many times to cure her understood her reluctance.
The opportunity to spend any time, quality or otherwise with his dearest friend in Star Fleet was all the nudging Q needed to stay. The anguish in Q’s eyes is so very apparent as he sits waiting.
Once Q had become aware of her hospitalization at Star Fleet Medical, he had been there immediately; aware that the Admiral had refused others from visiting he was vigilant at her bedside. His intrusion into her life had been legendary and this moment in her life was no exception.
Once the nurse leaves and the Admiral appears to be tucked in, but not restful yet; Q then sits upon the edge of the bed and takes hold of her hand not tucked under the covers. Knowing his friend will be saddened if not angry to see him brooding, gloomy and overly distressed, Q’s demeanor takes on a casual appearance of calm although inside he is most worried“Kathy, what would you like for me to do . . . tell you a bed-time story, or perhaps I could drone on endlessly of my escapades on other worlds where I’m notably the inhabitants only source of entertainment.” Q’s grin threatens to reveal the absurdity of the notion. “We both know how untrue that it is . . . don’t we?”
Q sits holding her hand, he is aptly reminded of when he first met Janeway. His eyes grow wide with the memory. “Kathy! Do you recall the first time we met?” He asks; certain she does. Q also recalls most of his condescension toward her and wonders how they ever became friends. “I do . . . “He whispers and kisses the hand he holds gently in his. “Your hands are still so very soft.” He holds the hand up to his cheek, pressing it to him; then as though seeking permission to continue, adds, “Oh no need to worry, I have no plans to seduce you, Kathy . . . just talk.” Q’s voice is soft and soothing as he speaks to her.
[the Fable]
Once upon a time . . . a little girl was born on the plains of a planet in the Milky Way galaxy; not so much different than any other little girl was she . . . but certainly destined for greatness, beyond her love of ballet. Although, in fact the grace and discipline she learned from such a beautiful whimsy of childhood would make her fortitude of will so much more valiant in her later years. The apple of her father’s eye and partner to adventures dotted her early life. Although she wouldn’t realize the importance of her treasured memories and lessons until much later in life; and she met all of life’s escapades as a winsome Voyager within the realm of keeping an open mind, heart and soul.
Leaving her tranquil youth and venturing forth into the spatial anomalies of the universe above her , this young woman was not terrified so much of the unknown as much as the mystique she once witnessed on her home world; that of lightning and she once explained to those who tested her courage, that there was no anomaly more frightening than a thunderstorm on the plains
Most blessed was she with the abilities of language, and not just her own; but of understanding and compulsion to learn more than social conversation but innuendo as well. And this ability made her a formidable opponent when negotiations were required. So well could she see reason, rationale and logic within the lexis of debate that her mandates and orders were rarely questioned, lending her to command with respect, integrity and honor.
When the woman on a voyage met the god Loki she didn’t stand in awe of him or wax in his divine humor; she saw through him. No matter the pranks, jokes at her expense did she back down from him, and Loki found her worthy of his charm. Loki had never met a woman of this magnitude, at least no mortal female . . . and so his infatuation with her became so evident, that even in his folly he was truthful and pure of heart when around her. And, so when Loki was rejected by this woman when he once asked her to become mother to his child; his response to her was grief laden, but like all who heard her raison d'être; and he knew he couldn’t blame her . . . and so he accepted her rejection with the same grace she had offered it; albeit to preserve the friendship that would last for eternity.
Loki would finally send her with half the map of finding home trusting her instincts would lend her finding the rest of the way, and realizing that this woman would never expect more . . . as her mantra suggested: "There are three things to remember about being a starship captain: keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship, and never abandon a member of your crew." Loki never pined in the way mortal’s do, but he never lost sight of her memory and how she had changed his existence . . . how she had made him wish to be more than the sum of a Q…
. . . No . . . Loki would bide his time, watching from afar as she climbed in rank and reputation and becoming what the little girl was destined to become . . . the pinnacle, the epicenter, the heart of what”Boldly Go . . . “truly meant. Loki would tell this story to her as she met her greatest challenge; and he would hold her hand, and simply tell her a bed-time story and whisper good-night . . . my purest desire . . .
Q’s façade of steel against the dismay and sadness is broken slightly by a winsome smile as he peers down upon her when Janeway asks “who thought I’d ever end up like this?”, and giving a gentle squeeze of her hand, he rubs his thumb along the back of that hand, nervously. He had sensed the thoughts that engaged her as he had taken his seat next to her fade, somewhat; but he was aware of her wanting to give up the fight. “Perhaps, if you or I had known this you would have made changes . . . “ Q advises, his voice laden with melancholy. He recalls the time he met Picard in death and allowed him passage to reinvent himself and realizes that human will is much stronger than the burdens or challenges that obstruct them in life.Q winces as she groans through another spasm of pain; having only few memories of pain over his lifetime, he is certain the amount she is suffering is more than the sum of those events when he believed he suffered.
His grin is engaging and courageous in the face of what is to come . . . as Q offers a keen ear when Janeway begins to explain away fear of the unknown and astounds him with the remorse of not being able to connect with those she cares for.
“But, why not allow them here to see you; as they will surely miss you?” Q asks, knowing the answer and yet, as deliberate as always seeking to play devil’s advocate with her. “No need to answer that Kathy, it’s rhetorical.” He teases; worried any ounce of agitation will cause further anguish and pain. More than evident is her will for them to remember her as vibrant, strong and healthy Q sighs as his thoughts collect and he contemplates a stratagem for her.
A frown appears as he realizes he will most certainly be witness to her demise and alone, but as she wonders of the afterlife and shares her own view, speculations and doubt; Q offers a telling smile. A silence develops around them as Q ponders her question and his brown eyes settle upon her bright blue eyes seeking the proverbial answer to this age-old question.
Allow me to worry for the both of us on that issue, Kathy.” Q murmurs evading her question, for this moment; as he has already made ready a plan for her. “Suffice to say, dearest . . . you’ll suffer no more.” Seemingly these words are cliché and vague if spoken by another human; but this was Q.
Q shifts uneasily his position, still very careful and holding her hand in his; his voice grows soft as he reminds her of the continuing story he wishes to tell her. “I think it will help you sleep, rest and perhaps forget this ache that burdens you.” Q murmurs and begins with:
Once upon a time . . . a little girl was born on the plains of a planet in the Milky Way galaxy, not so much different than any other little girl was she . . . but certainly destined for greatness, beyond her love of ballet. Although, in fact the grace and discipline she learned from such a beautiful whimsy of childhood would make her fortitude of will so much more valiant in her later years. The apple of her father’s eye and partner to adventures dotted her early life. Although she wouldn’t realize the importance of her treasured memories and lessons until much later in life; and she met all of life’s escapades as a winsome Voyager within the realm of keeping an open mind, heart and soul. . .
Q pauses in the story and gazes upon her and states, “There’s more to this than meets the eye . . . “ although, his resting in the story-telling is more for him as the pause allows him to collect his thoughts and emotions before venturing further. “You’re going to be so surprised . . . “ He whispers and chuckles, bravely.
Q’s façade of pluckiness fades fast as he senses her beginning a life review; he eventually overcomes his sentimentality again, blocking the visible signs of the emotions inside. As he’s done countless times before in her company; when she kisses his palm a soft sigh erupts from him and he whispers, “You know loneliness has often plagued many who have maintained authority and power . . .” the rest he reserves in his thoughts, no need to add to her regrets, Q muses. His own regrets intermingled as he revisions those times he wished he had been more assertive; always waiting. “There were times when I thought I would whisk you away and take you to a place where you would be given all the adoration and . . .” Again his words falter, and he realizes he is revealing the yearning that he has endured alone from the time he first set eyes on her. The realization that time has taken its toll and now is not the time to reveal this to her, and at her request continues with the fable:
Leaving her tranquil youth and venturing forth into the spatial anomalies of the universe above her , this young woman was not terrified so much of the unknown as much as the mystique she once witnessed on her home world; that of lightning and she once explained to those who tested her courage, that there was no anomaly more frightening than a thunderstorm on the plains.
Most blessed was she with the abilities of language, and not just her own; but of understanding and compulsion to learn more than social conversation but innuendo as well. And this ability made her a formidable opponent when negotiations were required. So well could she see reason, rationale and logic within the lexis of debate that her mandates and orders were rarely questioned, lending her to command with respect, integrity and honor.
When the woman on a voyage met the god Loki she didn’t stand in awe of him or wax in his divine humor; she saw through him. No matter the pranks, jokes at her expense did she back down from him, and Loki found her worthy of his charm. Loki had never met a woman of this magnitude, at least no mortal female . . . and so his infatuation with her became so evident, that even in his folly he was truthful and pure of heart when around her.
Q senses a wash of relaxation sweep through Kathryn as her eyes close ever so slightly; and although his usual pretense when engaging sentients is to test their wits, their fortitude, and mostly that which makes them believe they are infinitesimal in the universe is no longer his cause for Janeway. He’s already quite convinced.
“Did you know I was Loki?” He whispers and kisses her hand, chuckling nervously and mostly forlorn at this point. “And would you have believed me, then if I had told you?” He further draws attention to the realisms he believes of himself. Knowing now, that having been drawn to and infatuated with a mortal would cause such sorrow in his heart he has no regrets as he sits near her, holding her hand in his and recalls the chastisement of his peers. While those mortals he’s been in contact with only know him as Q, and have no idea the magnitude of his indirect meddling they would assume in their present, but of their past and most importantly their design as a species.
Q then decides to return to telling the rest of his allegory; but not the final portion of the fable he has so quickly refined in his thoughts as the only and best way to sum up the woman who lies before him prostrate to her life as a mortal and beginning her life as . . . not yet, no . . . please . . .
His thoughts now overwhelm him; and Q’s eyes lift slightly, taking on an appearance of pleading to an unknown above; while in truth he is simply reminded of the despair of knowing how fragile mortals are in compare to him.He clears his throat, hoping to remove all trace of sadness and anguish from it, lest she hear this and sense the need to wake from her needed rest to console him. But, alas, his voice breaks ever so slightly as he begins again: And, so when Loki was rejected by this woman when he once asked her to become mother to his child; his response to her was grief laden, but like all who heard her raison d'être; and he knew he couldn’t blame her . . . and so he accepted her rejection with the same grace she had offered it; albeit to preserve the friendship that would last for eternity.
Loki would finally send her with half the map of finding home trusting her instincts would lend her finding the rest of the way, and realizing that this woman would never expect more . . . as her mantra suggested: "There are three things to remember about being a starship captain: keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship, and never abandon a member of your crew."
Loki never pined in the way mortal’s do, but he never lost sight of her memory and how she had changed his existence . . . how she had made him wish to be more than the sum of a Q.
Q halts in the tale at this point, fear grips him as the idea he continue with his story, the utter truth will unfold in that moment. His hand still very much attached to hers reflecting the connection, the friendship and the devotion he has come to find natural for him hangs in the balance. With the back of his free hand he gently pushes back the stray hairs from her face; uncertain how and when now; but most assuredly aware of how he is affected. “Kathy, there is more . . . but . . . I can’t say the words . . . just now . . . “ His voice again beckons forth the emotions bottled up inside and he inhales noisily to restrain them from revealing to her how distressed he truly is; closing his eyes for a moment to regain his composure.
Biting his lip, showing emotions he would only show in front of her or his significant other, Q pouts a moment. “I’d remember you as strong no matter what you allowed me to do for you.” He willfully remarks. “I understand your wish and that makes it even harder to sit indolently by and do nothing.” He assures her, completely rigid in the idea that no being great or small of powers will halt his efforts. “I won’t attempt to cure you, Kathy, but I will make sure you are safe in death as you were in life.”
As her fingers nimbly brush his cheek, he offers a smile. “I’m okay and yes you taught me patience.” Q begins in earnest at this point to tell her all he’s learned. “Mostly you taught me morals, Kathy . . . oh I know it is not always evident . . . old habits die hard.” He smirks. “Before you entered my life or existence . . . as life seems rather trite, even contrary when applied to a Q at the least of how you humans measure life; I was a rogue Q, much more uncivilized in social situations than even now.” He laughs aloud.
“I’ll go on . . . which makes this whole ordeal an even disheartening venture for me. I have no choice but to go on.” Q then eyes her and quips, “That’s what you would tell your human friends . . . correct?” He chuckles, and reminds her of the sentient lifespan, “And they will too . . . but with the same limitations as you. And, they understand the idea of the end, but for me . . . “ And at the risk of seeming selfish, Q pauses and chooses his words carefully. “That doesn’t apply to me . . . because, while I go on, dear Kathy . . . this is one epic encounter that won’t easily be forgotten.” Q’s sense of needing to stay strong becomes more evident to him. “I’m not bitter and as much as you don’t want me to mourn . . . I will, but only in private.” Q assures her.
Q senses a slight elevation in Janeway’s previous mood as they talk, “Are you feeling better?” Silently he again wills her pain level to decrease some, not completely, knowing she’ll catch on. While he is under firm instructions not to interfere, he considers these actions simply humane.
Q smiles at Janeway as she sleepily asks if he can stay longer and astonishment creeps into his façade; as the warmth of her hand slips from his and he watches her curl up and ready for slumber. “I’m not going anywhere, Kathy.” Q whispers, “And I haven’t finished the fable.” He reminds her. "But close your eyes, dearest one, because I’m here till the end." A stark realism is invoked in Q’s mind, but mostly his heart when he speaks those words; but he understates them and his emotion is shrouded once again as he recites the final portion of the fable; leading in with an introduction, he whispers to Janeway “This is my favorite part of the story, Kathy.”
[Clearing his throat & fighting back the inevitable tears]
No . . . Loki would bide his time, watching from afar as she climbed in rank and reputation and becoming what the little girl was destined to become . . . the pinnacle, the epicenter, the heart of what ”Boldly Go . . . “truly meant."
Loki would tell this story to her as she met her greatest challenge in her life; and he would hold her hand, and simply tell her a bed-time story and whisper "good-night . . . my purest desire . . ."
Once he has finished the fable, the tale he’s waited most of her lifetime to tell, Q leans forward and touching the lamp the blue haze dims more. He then returns to the bedside watches her slumbering before him, captivated by the silent, quietude of the room; leaning in he kisses her on the cheek. “No more challenges face you, Kathy.” He murmurs against her cheek. “You met them all with dignity, honor and strength. Just sleep now. . . “
Sighing, Q then sits up straight, folds his arms across his chest and stares at the distant wall ahead. waiting…
~END~