Work Text:
THE STRENGTH OF THE WOLF: EMMA
Emma appeared like an angel.
Emma fell like rain
into my lap
like a heart attack,
like lightning from her name.
I'm running dry
of bad excuses.
Don’t wanna lie
or seem intrusive,
but time hasn’t told me anything,
and neither has she.
Emma is eight years old when her mum is taken away in shiny metal cuffs for the last time. Emma knows the routine: she’ll be sent to live with other children whose parents can’t be with them for a little while. Then her mum will come back and she’ll go home. It’s happened many times before--sometimes just for a night or two, sometimes so long that Emma loses track of the days.
But her mum doesn’t come back this time.
People Emma doesn’t know bring her to a too-bright, too-cold room with a man in a black robe at a very high desk. People in suits ask her questions in hushed voices. Questions about her mum. Questions about the things her mum has “done to her.” Emma says nothing. Emma doesn’t want her mum to be in trouble because of Emma. Emma’s mum is only trying her best to take care of Emma. It’s hard to do that without the father Emma has never met. Emma understands. Her mother doesn’t mean to hurt her.
Emma’s school teacher comes to the bright, cold room and answers questions about Emma’s “behavior” at school. A man in a white coat looks at and pokes Emma’s body in the places where it hurts. He talks to the man in the robe and the people in suits, saying words Emma has heard on the telly: “neglect,” “abuse,” “trauma,” “malnourishment.”
Emma’s mother is brought to the bright, cold room. She looks ill and sad. When the man in the black robe says something to her, she cries, then she gets angry. She kicks and screams and threatens. Emma cowers in her chair.
She never sees her mother again.
Emma is taken back to the place with the other children whose parents can’t be with them. Then another one. Then another one. They keep moving her around. Sometimes she has to change schools, and she falls behind in her lessons. The other children know all sorts of things that Emma has never learnt. They don’t speak to her, but they whisper behind her back. It’s okay, though, because Emma doesn’t want to speak to anyone. She wants to be left alone.
Emma is nine years old when she is introduced to a very tall man with very blue eyes. He has curly blond hair. He looks a bit like an angel with no wings. He smiles at Emma like she’s the most wonderful thing he’s ever seen and speaks to her softly but using the same words he’d use to speak to another adult. Emma is grateful. She’s tired of people speaking to her as if she were a baby or a frightened animal.
He’s called Isaac. Emma recognises his name from the Bible stories she’s been told, but she can’t remember who the stories say he is. Maybe he really is an angel. Maybe Isaac is her guardian angel.
That word, “guardian,” starts to be spoken more and more around Emma. The next time Isaac visits he brings another, shorter man with him. The shorter man also has very blue eyes and light hair. Emma wonders if he might be an angel as well, but she’s quite certain she’s never heard the name “Jack” in a Bible story.
Isaac and Jack visit Emma often, until soon she sees them nearly every day. They talk to her, ask her about school, what her favorite things are. Isaac talks much more than Jack does, but Jack still seems very happy to see her. Emma likes Isaac and Jack very much. They’re the only people who treat her like she’s not broken.
They bring her a gift. It’s a toy horse, sleek and black, made of heavy plastic. It’s not a baby’s plush toy or a purple pony or something silly like that. It’s a proper horse, like a very small version of a real one. It looks expensive. Emma won’t accept it. She doesn’t deserve a gift this nice. It’s not even her birthday. Isaac tells her that it’s all right; if she doesn’t want to keep it now, she doesn’t need to. He’ll keep it for her so she can have it if she changes her mind. Emma doesn’t think she’ll change her mind. She’ll never deserve the beautiful horse. But she thanks Isaac and Jack anyway. The woman who always watches over Emma when Isaac and Jack are there looks surprised, then pleased.
Emma hasn’t thanked anyone for anything in a very long time.
Emma is ten now. Isaac and Jack have asked her if she’d like to come live with them for a little while, just to see how she likes it. She asks them if there will be other children there, too. They say no, she’ll be the only one. Isaac frowns. He thinks Emma is worried about being lonely without other children. But Emma is pleased, and she tells him so. She doesn’t want to share Isaac and Jack with anyone else. She tells them she would very much like to live with them. Isaac’s smile is wider than she’s ever seen it.
They don’t take her with them right away, though. There is a lot of talk of “paperwork” and “trial periods.”
Their flat is at least three or four times as big as the one Emma used to live in with her mum. It has three bedrooms and two bathrooms and a parlor and a kitchen with a big refrigerator. Isaac takes Emma to one of the smaller bedrooms. The bed has a duvet with horses printed on its cover and the walls are painted blue: Emma’s favorite color. Isaac talks quickly, like he’s nervous, telling Emma she can change things if she likes and they can get different furniture or paint the walls a different color or she can have a different room entirely or--
Emma rushes over to Isaac and throws her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. She can’t remember the last time she’s hugged anyone. Halfway through the hug she wonders if maybe she shouldn’t have done it, but when she tries to pull away Isaac hauls her up to his level and squeezes her tightly.
She doesn’t understand why she’s crying. People don’t cry when they’re happy. But she’s crying harder than she can ever remember crying. Crying so hard she almost can’t breathe. Jack rushes into the room. He thinks something might be wrong. Emma realizes that Isaac is crying now as well, and she worries that Jack will take her away from Isaac because she’s made Isaac sad. Emma suddenly feels awful. She would never want to make Isaac sad or Jack worried. This was a mistake. They won’t want her to live with them anymore.
But Jack wraps his arms around the both of them. He nuzzles his face into Isaac’s shoulder like a dog would. Jack doesn’t cry, but he’s shaking. Isaac won’t let go of Emma and Jack won’t let go of Isaac. They stay like that for a very long time. When they finally break apart, Emma can see that her tears have soaked a big wet spot into Isaac’s nice shirt. She apologizes, but Isaac shakes his head and smiles. He uses his sleeve to wipe her face dry.
Jack leaves the room for a moment, then comes back. He’s quiet and shy when he holds out the sleek, black horse to Emma.
This time, she takes it.
Emma is eleven by the time all of the paperwork is done. The word “guardian” is back, paired with “official” now. They used to have visits every week from the woman who introduced Emma to Isaac and Jack, but now they happen less and less. Emma is happy because she didn’t like when the woman visited. She was worried she might tell Emma she couldn’t stay with Isaac and Jack anymore. Once, she tells Isaac this. He frowns and hugs her and tells her that she will never have to leave Isaac and Jack unless she decides she wants to. Emma says she doesn’t think she will ever want to leave. Isaac hugs her again.
She has nightmares. She’s always had nightmares. Sometimes she wakes up with her sheets soaked through with sweat. Sometimes she wakes up screaming. She’s embarrassed. Someone her age shouldn’t be so scared of dreams. When Isaac and Jack try to comfort her, she apologizes over and over. She doesn’t mean to wake them up. But Jack goes downstairs to make popcorn and Isaac tells her to pick out a film to watch. They stay up until Emma can’t keep her eyes open. She wakes up to find Jack sleeping in the soft chair in the corner of her room, like a guard dog. She can smell Isaac making pancakes downstairs. Her schoolmates are so jealous that Emma’s allowed to eat pancakes for breakfast. They say that Americans are strange. It’s never occurred to Emma until now that her guardians are American. Her younger self accepted that guardian angels sounded like the ones on television.
Emma is twelve when Isaac tells her what his nightmares are about. Jack is away visiting family, and Emma is woken up by the sound of Isaac whimpering in his sleep like a frightened puppy. She gently shakes him awake and tells him to choose a film to watch. She sits him down on the sofa with a blanket and makes popcorn. She asks him if he wants to talk about his dream, because that’s what he always asks her. He tells her slowly and in pieces. He seems much smaller to Emma than usual. His dad was like Emma’s mum. Emma feels special that Isaac would tell her something so personal. She hugs him and stays next to him while they watch the film. He falls asleep on the sofa. He’s too big for her to carry upstairs so she stays with him. It’s her turn to be the guard dog.
Emma is thirteen when they tell her their secret. She’s heard them arguing quietly about it every now and then for weeks beforehand. Isaac thinks she’s old enough to know, but Jack is worried they’ll frighten her. Emma wonders what could be so awful about them that it would frighten her. She’s not a child. She can handle whatever it is. She tells them so when she interrupts one of the arguments. Still, a thrill of fear rushes through her when they show her their glowing eyes. She isn’t afraid of them, exactly, just the fact that this kind of thing is possible. Isaac’s eyes are golden and warm, like the sun. Like an angel’s halo. Jack’s are cool and blue, soft and sad but beautiful, like the moon. They suit them each perfectly.
She isn’t afraid anymore by the end of their story. She thinks perhaps she ought to be, knowing now that monsters are real. Werewolves. Everything locks into place: the way Isaac and Jack nuzzle and smell each other sometimes, reminding her of dogs or even puppies. The way they seem to hear or smell things Emma can’t. The way they always know when she’s lying or upset, sometimes even before Emma does.
Jack outright refuses her request to see their teeth and claws. He wants to introduce her to it slowly. Emma insists that she can handle it, and Isaac agrees, but Jack won’t budge. He has always been more worried about frightening Emma than Isaac has been. Isaac understands that Emma is brave and strong. Jack tries to protect Emma more than Isaac does. Emma is grateful, but she’s a teenager now. She tells Jack so, but it’s still weeks before he finally relents.
Their wolf forms are a bit frightening, but mostly hairy. They scare Emma, but it’s also exciting. Emma mentions offhand that it might be fun to be a werewolf, once she’s grown up a bit more. The thought makes Jack go pale all over. It’s almost as if Emma isn’t in the room when Jack begs Isaac to “never let that happen to our daughter.”
It’s the first time either of them has ever called Emma that. Jack looks to Emma, frightened, as if he’s just said something he shouldn’t. Something she might not like, or that he doesn’t have the right to say. Emma doesn’t mind, though. She smiles, hoping to reassure Jack. It’s a bit strange to hear him call her that, but also nice, in a way. She’s been wondering if either of them would say that someday. She was sure that if they did, Isaac would do it first. He’s always been more expressive about his emotions. Jack shows how he feels instead of saying it. Emma understands, and that makes it mean that much more that Jack said it. Our daughter. Emma is Isaac’s and Jack’s daughter.
Isaac starts hunting again, going on short trips to the Continent. Apparently he hasn’t done it since before they met Emma. Emma is fascinated by the idea of hunting monsters, which Jack doesn’t seem happy about. Every time Isaac brings up the idea that Emma might be good at it, Jack goes stony-faced and quiet. Emma wants Jack to understand that she’s strong and smart and can take care of herself. She says as much to Isaac, and Isaac tells her that Jack knows that. Jack is as proud of Emma as Isaac is. He’s just afraid that something will happen to her. Isaac and Jack have known other very strong, very smart people who still got hurt while hunting. Isaac explains how important Emma is to Jack, and that she needs to be patient with him and not take it personally if it seems like he thinks she can’t handle something. Jack has been through a lot, Isaac says. Emma wishes Jack would tell her what he’s been through, where his nightmares come from. She wishes he would trust her like Isaac does.
“I do trust you,” Jack says when Emma finally finds the nerve to ask him. He looks almost heartbroken at her suggestion that he doesn’t. “But there’s no point talking about it.”
Emma wants to insist that there is a point, that she only wants to be closer to Jack, but she doesn’t want to upset him. She decides to be patient with him, like Isaac said. After all Jack has done for her, he deserves that and more.
Emma is fourteen when they introduce her to Jack’s pack. She regrets it later, but she’s angry with Jack for keeping them a secret. She snaps at him about it, accusing him of not trusting her and saying he had no right to keep this group of people--this family--from her. She has never seen Jack look so hurt before. She has never felt so guilty in her life. She begs Isaac to tell Jack how sorry she is, but he refuses. This is something they need to sort out between the two of them. This makes Emma angry with Isaac, too. She feels angry a lot more often now than she used to. She hates it. She doesn’t want to fight with her dads.
Her dads.
She finds Jack in a room near the top of the huge three-story flat. He’s very quiet and sad. If she were a wolf, she thinks, she’d be able to feel how sad he is. She apologizes and hugs him. He nuzzles his face into her hair and inhales her scent. It makes Emma feel loved. Isaac tells Emma how much he loves her all the time, but Jack never does. Jack never even tells Isaac that he loves him, at least not in front of Emma. She asked Isaac about it once. He said it’s difficult for Jack to talk about how he feels, but that doesn’t mean he’s not feeling things. Isaac wouldn’t explain why. It’s not Isaac’s story to tell.
Emma nuzzles her own face into Jack’s shoulder and murmurs, “I love you, Dad. I’m sorry.”
Jack nearly crumples in her arms. He wipes his eyes on his sleeve before taking Emma’s hand and leading her back downstairs. He introduces Emma to the pack. His packmates. Her packmates, the one named Josie insists. She’s the alpha of the pack. She’s older than Isaac and Jack but not too much, and she’s dressed like the girl version of Sid Vicious. Emma likes her immediately. She likes the whole lot of them immediately. They feel like a proper family, though a strange one. Emma’s never had a proper family.
Two of the pack members are twin boys a year or two older than Emma. They make her feel very shy and she doesn’t quite understand why. One of them--Justin--gives her a smile that fills her stomach with butterflies. Her face feels very hot. She can’t decide if she wants to always be around him or immediately run away and never see him again.
She does see him again. As often as she can. She’s fifteen now, and he’s just turned seventeen. Bronagh gives Emma “the Talk” and Emma nearly dies from embarrassment. She’s not even remotely ready for that. She and Justin haven’t even kissed yet, though she wants to. Sometimes he holds her hand, and even that gives her an overwhelming combination of excitement and nervousness. Justin is careful with Emma. Sometimes too careful. He can tell how she’s feeling all the time, which is both a good and a bad thing. It should feel strange having a werewolf for a boyfriend, but it’s not. Everyone else she loves is a werewolf.
Loves.
When Emma is sixteen, Isaac and Jack take her to California for the first time. She thinks it will be just like the movies, but the place where they grew up isn’t anywhere near Los Angeles. Still, it’s beautiful. There are thick forests with tall trees to run through. Best of all, she gets to meet Zach and Hannah and Scott and Stiles and Kira and Derek and Malia and Liam and it’s almost impossible to keep track of all of these people who are so happy to meet her.
She meets her grandparents. Jack’s mum and dad. They seem not to really know what to do with Isaac, but they’re still welcoming. They hug Emma. Jack’s mum cries. They surprise Emma with the “lifetime of birthday presents they have to make up for”: riding gear and horseback riding lessons. Emma’s grandfather goes with her and Jack to the lessons. He used to ride as a boy, and tells her with a smile how he wished Jack hadn’t given up riding for lacrosse when he was little. He’s teasing Jack. It’s funny to see how young Jack looks around his parents. Emma wishes, for Jack’s sake, that they’ll be able to visit California more. Jack has Holborn, but his parents love him, too.
They stay in Beacon Hills all summer. Emma misses Justin but they talk over video every night. She gets better and better at riding. Hannah teaches her hand-to-hand combat and Zach teaches her all about the animals and plants in the woods around Beacon Hills. He’s impressed by how much she knows about horses. They bond over what it’s like to be in a wolf pack without powers. Zach looks at Hannah in a way that Emma hopes Justin looks at her.
Jack finally gives permission for Isaac’s “uncle” Chris and Isaac to start teaching Emma how to hunt. After she learns the basics, Chris shows her a collection of various weapons and asks her which one she’d like to learn next. Emma finds a wooden box back in the corner of Chris’s weapons cache. There are funny-looking knives in it with hoops instead of handles. Chris looks sad at first when Emma makes her choice, but then he smiles. Emma takes to them immediately. Chris says she’s “a natural.” Emma secretly hopes that if she gets good enough, Isaac will let her come hunting with him.
But then she thinks about how scared it would make Jack, and decides not to ask. He’s been watching her practice with this strange mixture of terror and pride on his face. Emma loves making Jack proud. She wants to be the best at everything. She wants Isaac and Jack to be proud of everything she does.
They are. Isaac tells her all the time, and she can see it in Jack’s eyes.
It’s just after her seventeenth birthday when Jack tells her he loves her for the first time. It’s after he’s told her everything else about his life that she’s been longing to know for years. He decided to finally tell her because he was seventeen when it all began for him. The Bite, the Kanima. Murder and mayhem. Emma has never felt sorrier for anyone in her life. She feels awful and selfish for thinking he wouldn’t tell her what happened to him because he didn’t trust her. She can’t imagine going through half of what he endured at her age. She tells him so, and says that she’s sorry for how much pain he’s been through.
But he tells her he’s not sorry. It was horrible, and he still thinks about it all the time, still has nightmares. But it made him a better person. If he hadn’t been through all of that, he wouldn’t have become a wolf, wouldn’t have moved to London, joined his pack, found his mate. He wouldn’t be Emma’s dad.
“You’re worth all of that, Em,” he says softly, tucking her straight, long hair behind her ear. “You and Isaac. I’d do it all again. I’d do it a hundred times. Maybe it makes me a horrible person, but I don’t care. I decided that years ago. I love you, Em. I’m okay with being a monster if I get to have you.”
He looks almost shocked when he realizes what he’s said. And Emma knows it’s not that he’s shocked about the “being a monster” bit. It’s that one word, fragile and strange-sounding coming from his mouth. Worth a thousand “I love you”s from Isaac, though Emma cherishes those as well.
Emma is eighteen years old when she changes her name.
She is now Emma Allison Lahey-Whittemore of the Holborn pack, daughter of the hunter-wolf Isaac Argent Lahey-Whittemore and the Holborn wolf Jackson David Lahey-Whittemore. She can throw someone twice her size to the ground using only her hands. She can hit the centre of a target with her Chinese ring daggers from nearly seventy-five feet. She’s so good with horses now, she has a part-time job at a stable north of London and got to spend an entire summer working on a ranch near Beacon Hills. Her marks are so good she’s gotten into all six of the universities she applied to, including some prestigious American ones. They’ve offered her scholarships. She wants to study Biology.
Justin says he’ll go with her if she moves to America. It’s terribly sweet and romantic and she loves him so much sometimes she wishes she were a wolf so she could feel how much he loves her back. But she wonders if maybe it would be a good idea to go to university on her own, at least for a little while. She wouldn’t break up with Justin or anything, but she’s also not nearly old enough to think about marriage and pups, especially with the first and only boy she’s ever loved. She has time, her dads and Hannah and Zach keep reminding her (despite the fact that they all know very well that they are in no position to be lecturing people about finding their mates too young).
The nightmares haven’t gone away, and Emma knows they never will. Isaac and Jack still have them, too. Their phones are always on, even in the middle of the night, in case she needs to call from California. Sometimes Jack calls when he’s had a nightmare and Isaac is off hunting somewhere. They all miss each other desperately, which somehow feels wonderful and awful at the same time. It’s a blessing, in a way, to have someone you miss that badly when they’re not around.
All of it’s a blessing, really. Even the bits that feel like a curse sometimes. Emma is beginning to really understand that now. She remembers what Jack said, about all of those horrible things he’d endured being worth it, and she agrees:
She would do it all again. Every cut and bruise from her mum. Every day in foster care. Every nightmare, every moment of fear and uncertainty. Because all of it has led her to this wonderful, ridiculous, impossible life full of darkness and joy. It has led her to her real family. Blood is nothing compared with pack.
Emma has her gold-eyed guardian angel and her blue-eyed guard dog. There is nothing in the world, good or bad, that could ever make her want to trade that.