Chapter Text
Your name is Dave Strider and were not ready to be alone. The same way Bro wasn't ready to be your dad. You weren't ready to find his body, you weren't ready to lose your only remaining family and you certainly aren't ready to go into foster care. Not that you have any say in the matter. It's been one week since the funeral and you've been told that a family is going to take you in for a year. They ask you if you have any questions and you shake your head. You'll find out soon enough and asking questions won't change the results. Bro did his best to keep you out of foster care after your parents died, raising you in a shitty apartment on minimum wage and whatever else he could get. The next day you're flying from Texas to Washington. You get out of the plane to find yourself in balmy early june weather that is considerably less sweltering than the texas weather you’re familiar with. Your bag is loaded into a car and you are driven to a largish suburban house. You ring the doorbell and hear a dual cry of 'Daaaaad!' Shit I have foster siblings, you think. A man answers the door that you assume to be your foster father.
"Hello, Dave!" He says genially.
"Sup."
The man proceeds to babble on about meaningless things like the comfort of your flight, how happy he is that you’re here and that you'll be sharing a bedroom. Wait. Shit. You'll be a sharing a bedroom. This is when you turn to look at your foster siblings. There is a short boy with messy black hair, blue eyes, thick square glasses and a buck toothed grin. The girl next to him is taller, with long black hair, round glasses and green eyes and her overbite isn't as bad. They look like siblings or twins. However, they look nothing like their dad. They introduce themselves as John Egbert and Jade Harley and they look genuinely happy to see you. Weird.
"Here, I'll show you to our room!" He says cheerfully and leads you upstairs.
You push open the door to find half of the room is covered in movie posters. Oh fuck no. Terrible movie posters. Jesus fuck, does he actually like Nic Cage? Is he being ironic? You look him up and down. No, John is just a shameless dork. Other than shitting movie posters, the room contains a desk with a computer, a weird looking chest and a keyboard. Thankfully, what looks like your side of the room has walls void of Nic Cage and has a twin sized bed, a dresser and an empty desk. You set your bag on the bed and turn to find John babbling.
"I'm sure you'll like it here! Dad is really great, he took me in after Nanna died and he's been a really great dad, much better than any of my other foster parents, he even has prank wars with me and Jade! Jade is great too, she's my cousin, she lived with her grandpa before the accident. "
"So he fosters a lot of kids?" You ask.
"Yeah, he took in me about four years ago, and Jade a few months after. After a year, since we all got along really well he adopted us. Other than that we've had a couple other kids stay with us awhile, usually while their parent is in rehab or some other issue. We still keep in touch with some of them."
You nod. You don't expect to stay like John and Jade have, you'll probably just drift off to the next home after a year. You look John in the eyes and promise yourself not to get attached. You decide to unpack your things. Not like you have many, just a some clothes, your katana, a couple dead things in jars, your camera, a shitty laptop and a beaten up old iPod.
“Um, Dave?”
“Yeah?”
“Is that a three legged frog in a jar?”
“Yeah.”
“Weird.”
You hear the word and internally cringe. It’s not like you weren’t expecting it, you knew that people wouldn’t like you. That’s when you turn to find that John is grinning. What the fuck? He’s grinning. Okay, you are not prepared for this. People don’t grin at you. You get weird looks, poker faces and sympathetic smiles that get on your nerves, not grins. John plops himself down on your bed and examines your other preserved animal corpses. Where is the judgemental stare? Why isn’t he creeped out? That’s when he sees your katana.
“Woah! That’s so cool? Is it real?”
You nod. Okay, what is with this kid. Why doesn’t he seem mildly disturbed and or scared by you? It’s not like he’s a freak, he’s just some dork who really likes bad movies. Him and his cousin seem so normal. Normal people don’t like you, with your preserved dead things, shitty swords and long mumbly rants about irony. They just don’t. You’re used to not being liked, it’s why you hide behind a pokerface and oversized aviator shades. You pretend to not care and layer things with ‘irony’ so no one actually knows if you really like something. Somehow this kid isn’t put off by you at all. What the hell?
“Hey, let’s go make some lunch.”
“Okay.”
You’re about to say that you aren’t hungry when you remember you didn’t have breakfast and you’re a teenage boy. Hell yes you are hungry. You both head down to the kitchen and are greeted by Jade.
“Hi! Lunch? We have… Sandwiches.” She says browsing to fridge. “Unmade sandwiches.”
“Can I get the made kind?” John asks.
“You can make it.” She chirps with a cheeky smile. “Dave, what kind of sandwich do ya want? We have the stuff for SB&J, grilled cheese and tomato moz.”
You’re about to tell her that you’d be down with a grilled cheese when a giant white devilbeast starts circling you.
“Um, guys…” You say nervously as the beast gives you a suspicious glare.
“Oh, that’s my dog Bec! Don’t worry, he’s does this to all new people, just let him smell your hand!”
“Oh hell no.”
“Are you afraid of dogs Dave?” John says with a smirk spreading across his face.
“No, I just don’t feel inclined to put my hand anywhere near a hellhound.”
“Becquerel is not a hellhound!” Jade huffs and continues. “Plus, he won’t stop circling you until he’s confirmed you’re trustable.”
“Jeez? Is he your personal bodyguard or something?” You say.
Jade gives you a pointed look and you tentatively hold out your hand to Bec. The giant white dog ceases circling and begins sniffing your hand. You then see him lean back on his haunches. Shit I’m so screwed. Suddenly there is a crazed devilbeast licking your face and dog slobber all over your shades. Gross.
“Yay! You passed the sniff test!” Jade cries and then wrestles Bec away from you.
“Test?”
“Yeah, usually people who don’t pass the sniff test turn out to be… Unsavory characters.”
“And getting slobbered all over is passing?”
“Yes.”
John is chuckling and Jade seems to have relaxed significantly. Okay, good job Strider, you passed the freaky dog test.
“So do I get a grilled cheese now?”
~~~~~~~~~~
Over lunch you discover that John and Jade are not as normal as you thought they were. John apparently really hates baked goods and can smell when someone used a Betty Crocker cake mix. He also considers himself a master prankster and has a strange interest in biology and ghosts. If Betty Crocker super smell wasn’t weird enough, his sister is weirder. Jade grew up on some pacific island with her Grandpa. Apparently he was a cool but weird dude who let her explore ruins with him and insisted she carried a gun on her at all times. She into making gadgets, weird plants and nuclear physics. Wow. You seem normal compared to her. You, Dave Strider, have been outweirded.
“Yeah, so when I was about eight, Grandpa had his accident and since we lived so far away it took a year for anyone to figure out he had died and pick me up.”
“What?! So you just lived on a jungle island alone for a year?
“Mmmhmm.”
“But how did you like eat?”
“Well me and Grandpa were mostly self sufficient and I knew how to tend the garden at this point. We had a greenhouse and everything so we could grow our food in the winter.”
This is when the doorbell rings and Bec bounds over to the door.
“Oh, that must be Rose!” John chimed standing up.
“Rose?” You inquired.
“What? They didn’t tell you? We’re fostering both you and Rose this year.” Jade explained.
“Oh.”
You decide to remain on the table while this Rose person is brought inside. You look up from your sandwich when they come back in the room and find a familiar face looking down at you.
“Strider.”
“Lalonde?”
“Long time no see, David.”
“You know that’s not my na- forget it. What’re you doing here?”
“I could ask the same of you.”
“Um, I hate to interrupt but do you guys know each other?” Jade cuts in.
“Yes, Mr. Strider and I were childhood friends in our earlier years. Our respective guardians were friends.”
“If by friends you mean I was her psychoanalysis patient then yes, we were the best of chums.”
“That’s Rose for you” John said with a chuckle.
“Hold up, you know Lalonde to?”
“Yes, I stayed with them a year back while Mom was in rehab.” Rose answered curtly.
“Ah.”
You busy yourself with eating potato chips as John and Jade catch up with Rose. You haven’t seen Rose Lalonde since you were like eight. Bro used to bring you over and hang out with her mom, they were pretty close friends. You usually got stuck playing with Rose, which usually resulted in Rose attempting the psychoanalyze you. You mostly just messed with her and even had the occasional rap battle. Her interest in weird poetry certainly paid off. You remember her mom had a drinking problem and was at the very least tipsy whenever you were over. After your parents died Bro didn’t take you over as often and it wasn’t long before you stopped seeing Rose entirely. It’s a little weird seeing her now, she looks, well, older. She looks sadder to, like she’s been through a lot since you last saw her. It’s not that surprising given her mom’s drinking habits, but still weird. Rose still wears black lipstick. You don’t know what it is with Lalondes and black lipstick but Rose has worn it as long as you can remember. Man, she wears that shit religiously. She used to make jokes about how she has to keep her lips as dark as her soul or the horrorterrors would get her. Jesus fuck she was a weird kid. But regardless of all the shit that's happened, you're glad to see her again.
"Hey Dave! I bet I can beat you in mariokart."
"Oh hell no, you're going down Egbert!"
~~~~~~~~
As it turns out, Harley bested both of you. Three times. In a row. You and John had to fight for second place, which as it out, was harder than you thought.
"Okay, okay, I give up! All hail Jade, queen of mariokart." You say with an exasperated sigh.
"That's right! Grovel peasants, bask in my glory!" Jade decrees, holding her controller proudly and standing on the couch.
"All hail!" You and John echo.
Dad walks into the room and smiles at the sight of Jade shouting nonsense and standing on the sofa.
"I see everyone is doing well!"
"Yeah! Dave passed the sniff test with flying colors, even though he is yet to pass Jade in mariokart." John says with a snicker.
"Watch it Egbert!" You warn but you can almost feel a smile creeping across your face, now that's a rare phenomena.
This is when you are hit in the head by a nerf bullet. You look confused for a moment but then see that Dad has pulled a nerf gun from behind his back. John is already hurrying back to his bedroom to get guns and ammo, while Jade and Rose zoom up the stairs. Maybe impromptu nerf wars are just a part of this household? You don't know, but you can't say you mind. As soon as you're threw the door way, John throws a bag of foam ammo and a gun at you, which you catch with relative ease.
"Okay, our room is our base, likewise for Jade and Rose, Dad has the kitchen. Once you get three shots you have to go back to base for twenty seconds. If you can steal and successfully get an object from another persons base, they can no longer recharge and as soon as they run out of lives, they're out."
"Got it!" You say cocking your nerf gun.
"I'll hold down base, you go after Dad or the girls base!" John orders and waving you into the hall.
You slink out of the door, moving soundlessly through the corridor. You got this, you are well versed in familial strife sessions. You know that Rose is a good shot, but she probably chose to hold down base. Jade, what with her gun obsessed Grandpa, is probably a force to be reckoned with. Actually, where is everyone? You don't see Dad or Jade anywhere. Maybe, Jade went after Dad. Well, if she's occupied, you ought to take the opportunity and go after her base. As you approach the door you find you were correct, Rose is prowling around her base. You are about to pull the trigger when you hear someone drop from ceiling behind you. POP! POP! POP!
"Nice try, Dave!" Jade says cheerfully.
You don't waste time with niceties. You scoop up the ammo that hit you and sprint back to your base.
"Ceiling bomb?" John inquires.
You nod and begin counting down from twenty. Zero! Okay, time to go after the kitchen.
BAM! You seriously got pied? That's allowed? Dad actually decided hitting you in the face with a pie was a good idea. What the hell.
"OH YOU ARE GOING DOWN!" You yell at no one in particular and hear laughter from the hall.
Okay, you were planning on going easy on these doofs, but they give you no choice.
The next few hours are a blur of nerf bullets and yelling. Dad is the first to fall. You and John make a go for broke plan in which he lures the girls from their base and you steal something. It fails miserably and ends with you are John hiding behind the couch.
"Okay, our base has been taken, I've got three lives, you have two. We're basically screwed." John pants.
"Yep."
"Wanna scream charge and see how many times we can nail Jade is the face?"
"Hell yes."
"CHAARRRRGGGGGEEEE!" You and John scream in unison.
You hit Jade in the face twice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It isn't long after the nerf war finishes when dinner begins. Hungry from all the running around, you wolf down a plate of tacos and beans and rice. It isn't till you've practically scraped the plate clean that you realize that you haven't had a meal like this in forever. Neither you or bro could cook to save your life, so it was only the rare occasion of eating out that you had a proper meal. You go back for seconds. Rose and you have a passive aggressive war in which you see who can tell the most embarrassing childhood story about each other. You thought you had her beat when you went into her Harry Potter obsession and the bad poetry she wrote but the minute she brought up your "ironic love" for Disney movies you knew she had won. After dinner you help with the dishes.
"Mooovvviiieee night!" You hear John yell from the living room. You dry your hands and walk over to find Jade and John debating over who gets third pick and Rose perched in an armchair with her knitting.
"Isn't it like late for a movie marathon?" You say scratching the back of your neck.
"It's not like you ever get any sleep the first night." John replies.
Damn, you forget that this kid spent several years in foster care. He seems so happy.
"You get first pick!" Jade chimes, gesturing to the absurdly large movie collection. It's roughly two large bookcases, crammed with movies.
"Woah, where the hell did you get all those?"
"Oh, Grandpa really loved movies, and I inherited his collection. Plus all of John's stuff."
You stroll over to the movie collection, feeling a smirk slowly spread across your face as you see that they have Mulan. You pull it out if the shelf and turn to smile deviously at Rose.
"David, no."
"More like hell fucking yes."
"David, I implore you, if I have to see Mulan again I will gouge your eyes out with knitting needles."
"Fuck you, we're watching Mulan. Mulan is a total badass."
"You win this one Strider." Rose snips, with a devious look in her eyes that could only mean she's picking Harry Potter next.
John pops Mulan in the player and settles down on the couch next to you, pulling a bowl of popcorn into his lap. Your name is Dave Strider, and for the first time in your life, you feel at home.