Chapter Text
Upon waking up, a feeling a little different from others settled in Jimin's stomach. Common, yes, but only during the night when it was dark and quiet and when there was nothing to distract him from anything.
Like the optimist he was, he let it linger. And although he felt a little more anxious about it than usual, he was most likely overreacting. And because he knew he was overreacting, he wouldn't tell anyone. The members and managers worry and stress about enough as is behind closed doors.
Thinking about a reasonable cause for the feeling worked to no avail.
Yesterday was normal and normal days wouldn't have caused a euphoric crash. On the other hand, yesterday wasn't a terribly bad either. Yes, he may have tripped over nothing once or twice and made a few jokes that no one laughed at - or seemed to acknowledge for that matter - but no one seemed to care. At least, not when Namjoon almost dropped his phone in a fountain or when Jin was trying too hard to make everyone laugh (Jimin really wants to let them live, but they make it so hard).
Jimin decided that he just woke up with unnecessary worry and carried on as always. He squinted his eyes at the kitchen lights. Hoseok was eating breakfast at the counter, bobbing his head slightly every time he gave in to his fatigue, and Jin was sitting on the couch with a phone glued to his face.
He took the same green bowl with the same silver spoon and the same cereal with the same milk, hoping the routine would fix whatever he was feeling. However, even Jungkook's groggy state from staying up too late wasn't even slightly amusing to him.
So, he tried to shake it up a little- literally. Shaking his head, then his arms, and then his whole body until he started bouncing around like there was water clogged in his ear, dancing to a song in his head. It didn't seem to help, though. He saw Jin look up once or twice before laughing and trying to take a video. Hoseok raised an eyebrow at him and smiled while he took another bite of his cereal.
He thought he should have stopped before he knocks something over- which almost happened (a vase, if you wanted to know), but he was caught up in the moment. Jungkook's own tiredness seemed to somehow disappear as he tried to join Jimin. As soon as Baepsae started playing on his imaginary playlist, he practically started doing the chore-
"Jimin-ah!"
"Shi-!" Jimin jumped and turned in surprise. That’s when the sock hit him in the face. "Ah!" He rubbed his nose with slowly while glaring at Taehyung.
"Yah, what are you doing?" Taehyung glared right back and rubbed his eyes. "People are still trying to sleep." He grumpily muttered as he slammed the door shut. The two hyungs in the room weren't even trying to hide their chuckles.
"Good morning to you too..." Maybe there were a few silent curses but no one needed to know.
"Sorry to interrupt the beauty sleep, princess," Jimin mumbled. He sighed, even a... different morning can't replace the feeling. I wasn’t even that loud, was I?. He turned to pout at Jungkook who plopped on the couch with a tired smile. "Why didn't he hit you?"
Jungkook waved him off. "That's just how he shows affection. With smelly socks and funny glares." Jimin scowled and went back to eating his cereal.
He heard Yoongi's grumbling when the man sluggishly walked to the kitchen, muttering something about the racket and no appreciation for sleep. Instead of getting something to eat, he went to the kitchen counter beside Jimin and Hoseok and rested his head on his arms to go back to sleep again. It was a little contradictory to go to the source of noise to sleep, but whatever floated his boat, Jimin thought. Whatever his hyung was doing seemed to have worked since everyone was quiet again.
The morning went by as usual, however. Jimin started feeling a little better and sometimes even forgetting the feeling. Maybe it was the peaceful walk with Yoongi to dance practice. Maybe it was another impression Jungkook did. Or maybe it was Jin and Namjoon's complaints about the choreography (which they continue to do well at so he doesn't know why they still think they can't do it).
When it was time to dance together, something uneasy settled in Jimin's stomach. He tried to think of something he ate, although he knew that it had nothing to do with food, but there was nothing unusual.
While Hoseok was testing the music, he saw at himself in the mirror and felt the uneasiness grow a little more. His face was a little too puffy and his eyes seemed to have shrunk from the day before. Even when he was praised by the staff for his wardrobe, he kept staring at the unfamiliar face in the mirror.
Fortunately, the thoughts had faded away once the music started. Unfortunately, they were replaced by new ones. ...beat too early... wrong step... off position... Even if, if, any of these thoughts were true, most of them have gone unnoticed by everyone except for Jimin.
The hours of practice felt like eternities. All of the little mistakes he made were building up and Jimin didn't understand why. What was so different about today?
He tried to push away the thoughts of how today wasn't only an 'off' day and that this feeling was all too familiar. He tried to make excuses for why he was like this today instead of any other day. He tried to blame the others for whatever he could be feeling, but he knew that whatever he could manage to come up with wouldn't be true.
Jimin knew (thought) they were all doing well and made no mistakes (but they did), but that was because he was too focused on his own problems to notice anyone else's. The blame had to end up somewhere. Unfortunately, that somewhere ended up in Jimin's hands.
Jimin had shouted in frustration at least five times, dropped to the floor three other times, and almost cried if it wasn't for the other members in the room all before practice ended. He tried to tone down his emotions because the others started looking worried, but nothing seemed to work.
As everyone was packing up, he stayed by the mirror to mentally scold himself. He watched his face scrunch up in disgust as he saw a pimple that went by unnoticed after washing. He tried to look away from his daunting expression but his crooked tooth looked especially prominent today. He saw his eyebrows furrow and his nose scrunch as he cringed at the thought of how he almost pushed Hoseok down after stumbling back. Which reminded him to apologize later for his mess ups.
While sitting in front of the mirror, Jimin heard someone call for him but that pimple seemed to get larger and redder by the secon-
"Jimin-ah!" Jimin turned towards the voice with wide eyes. While sheepish after seeing Namjoon's questioning look, Jimin left his position to pack his things. Even though Namjoon's usual look asked, 'are you going to stay today too?' (Namjoon doesn't know why he keeps asking even though Jimin always, always stays behind, but he supposes that it's the thought that counts), Jimin saw it as disapproval. And although he would usually feel warm at the thought of the members waiting for him, today he felt more of a bother.
The problem, Jimin thought, is that today just isn't meant to be a good day. It'll be okay tomorrow and I definitely don't feel like crying right now. Definitely.
Jimin kept his head down while walking back with the members, assuming that everyone would have the same 'disapproval' on their faces as he thinks in his head, as well as to hide his god-forsaken-non-concealable-emotional face. He didn't notice a few surprised stares that fell on him as he walked out sullenly. He would usually stay a little later to practice to make up for his mistakes, but today felt a little helpless.
He could've collapsed just from the silence because the tension was evident and it was all his fault. In reality, the 'tension' was everyone looking at their phones. Either way, he knew he should've stayed behind, but now he was tired and he already packed his things and left. That never stopped him before, but again, today was special. Plus, he didn't need to cause another scene.
When they reached the dorm's front door, everyone went to do their own things with the little free time they had. Jimin paused before walking inside.
"Hobi-hyung?" Jimin almost-whispered. Hoseok looked up from his phone and raised his eyebrows at Jimin. "I'm sorry for today... and about almost pushing you over. I think I just felt a little weird. I promise I'll get back on track tomorrow," he said with a sheepish half-hearted smile.
Hoseok simply looked back at him with a seemingly dumbfounded expression. When Hoseok was about to ask what the hell he was talking about, he figured that going along with what Jimin said was best. Asking any whys would only prolong Jimin's unnecessary apologies and explanations and make him think and feel worse about themselves.
"Uh... It's okay Jiminie. Just do better tomorrow." Jimin's head sinks lower. Hoseok sighs knowing that probably made him feel worse. He silently curses himself for his choice of words because now Jimin must be thinking 'So it was that bad'.
Ah, so it was that bad.
"I mean, everyone has their bad days, Jimin. It'll be fine." When Hoseok sees a half-hearted hopeful look, he believes that Jimin will be alright.
"Thanks, hyung." Jimin walks into their room and Hoseok can hear him fall onto his bed. And just as Hoseok was about to do the same, he finally noticed that Jimin hadn't stayed behind to practice. That's... a little weird.
~
As the delivery man rang their doorbell, Jimin almost cried in relief. He 'forgot' to eat lunch and now he was starving. He would usually end up eating a large breakfast, skip lunch, and forget about his hunger because he was still practicing. Although, today was different and vocal practice didn't distract him very much when it made him focus so much on his grumbling stomach. Which was, by the way, getting a little too chubby for his liking... was it always that big?
As soon as that thought entered his mind, the party-sized meat-lovers' pizza entering the dorm stopped looking so appealing. He heard Jungkook yell from joy for the free extra garlic sauce, but the thought couldn't leave his head. Time was passing and Jin was calling for him, telling him that there wouldn't be enough left for Jimin if they ate so quickly, but Jimin didn't feel too sad at all. It has been a while since Jimin had skipped two meals in a row, but... what's another one?
The other members had the generosity to leave a few pizzas for him, but Jimin couldn't find the will inside him to actually eat them. He didn't want to cause any suspicion so he took the pizzas too his room and decided to put them in the fridge when everyone was asleep.
So even as he entered his room with the pizza slices and left them in his bedside drawer, filling the room with a delicious aroma, Jimin didn't feel like eating. Even when Hoseok entered the room and glanced at the pizza to Jimin, he didn't want to eat. Even as 3 am came quickly and Jimin crept out to the kitchen to put the pizza's in the fridge, the thought of eating was repulsing. Even as he crept back to his room with a growling stomach- which everyone would be able to hear if they were awake- and even as he started to fall asleep despite the discomfort of his hunger, he looked at his stomach and decided that it was okay if he didn't eat, at least for today.
And the minute before he fell asleep, Jimin thought, ...it's that feeling again.