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Kinshirou stared at this scene longer than he probably should have. But he just couldn’t look away.
He had always suspected something like this; Atsushi and En had always been awfully close. He should have seen the warning sign back then already, when his then-best friend had gone out to eat curry with the other boy instead of him.
Somehow he was sure it had all started that day.
Maybe it was natural progression, from dining as children to kissing as teenagers.
But he hated it.
After all this time, after they had fought against each other and then together, to save the world, to save themselves. He had sacrificed so much and how did Atsushi repay him?
By kissing someone else.
All those tears and sweat had been for nothing.
And the worst was, Kinshirou couldn’t even really be angry.
There was this pain in his chest, a knot in his throat, and an overgrowing unpleasant heat rolling through his body, but it was different from hate as he knew it. He had no idea what else it might be, but whatever it was, it felt different.
En and Atsushi drew apart, the blue-haired blushing furiously.
Of course they had the gall to do this right under Kinshirou’s window. He wouldn’t even actually have seen this if he hadn’t heard voices outside. He would have never known if the two of them had displayed the decency of doing something like this in private.
It was as if this all happened on purpose.
And still, he couldn’t really feel much hate.
Maybe it was because the heat and pain in his body grew until they became unbearable.
He withdrew from his window, closed the curtains and turned his back on the scene, doing everything he could so he would absolutely not have to see this anymore.
He had no real idea what he was just feeling.
But he knew it wasn’t right.
This scene outside wasn’t right.
How he felt wasn’t right.
Nothing of this was right.
Maybe he shouldn’t care. Maybe he should be alright with anything as long as Atsushi was happy. Maybe he should find a relationship like this between two boys grotesque. Maybe he should wish to be in En’s stead.
He had no idea.
Kinshirou pressed his silver head against the wall, unable to form any coherent thought. The only thing he could do was wonder why it affected him so much.
His body did weird things, made him feel pain in regions that had nothing to do with the situation at hand. It wasn’t just his chest that burned, it was nearly everything.
It was unbearable.
Kinshirou sighed and slid to the ground, realizing how undignified he surely looked.
He wanted to form a useful thought, come to a conclusion about what he had just witnessed and how he should feel about it.
But he just couldn’t.
His stomach burned, his chest burned, his head hammered from the inside.
The thoughts were flowing out of him and back into his ears again, whispering to him how he had lost, was insignificant, unworthy.
After all they had been through together…
This was not fair.
He took a few deep breaths and slowly managed to regain a grasp of his mind.
This was stupid.
He looked like a fool, Kinshirou thought, a little child. He hadn’t any idea of the actual situation. What if Atsushi had never wanted this kiss? What if he didn’t care?
He sighed.
What did it matter anyway. Kinshirou would never say anything, never ask. The risk of losing Atsushi again through such foolishness was way too high.
He had no choice but to roll with the punches.
His guts hurt.
He shook his head, trying to get rid of the remaining whispers of insecurity. He should take his time and think about this systematically.
Slowly, Kinshirou got up to his feet again and made his way to the window, peeked through the curtains.
The street was empty, they were gone.
Yet Kinshirou still found himself staring at the imaginative after image, trying to not let the heat and pain overcome him a second time.
This was hard, extremely hard, as the longer he fought, the bigger the pain became.
In the end, he closed the curtains again, shuffled towards his bed and waited until the pain would ebb away.
However, every time he saw the two together, it would return.