Work Text:
Caring Still
Aaron was looking at the time on the watch although his mind was far off remembering a time when it had brushed against his ear, from that moment on Robert always took it off before anything got heated. He smiled to himself and wondered at the contradiction between a smile and the feeling he had in the pit of his stomach.
He heard the gravel crunching beneath someone’s feet and quickly put the watch into his pocket and made to look occupied.
‘Alright mate’
‘Yeah, nearly done, how was Vic?’
‘Put my foot in it didn’t I? She didn’t know and I was the one told her, she was pretty cut up, tried to give her a hug but she pushed me away, think her and Diane headed to the grave after’
‘Does Robert know?’
‘Know what?’
‘Know that his Dad’s gravestone has been damaged’
‘Yeah, he’s going to pay to get it mended or get a new one, typical to throw money at a problem I guess’
‘How…how did he take it?’
‘Don’t know but him and Jack didn’t really get on, I mean he didn’t even show for his funeral’
Aaron didn’t answer, he knew that Adam was right but he also knew there was lots more to it and this would have brought a lot of stuff to the surface again.
oOo
Saturday used to be a day to look forward to. Mornings spent in bed ensured a healthy appetite for lunch. The afternoons spent doing the housework and getting shopping in. They were different now. Aaron had training session in the afternoon and was tidying the house in the morning. Adam and him had made a mess during the week and he was determined it would look better by noon. He even dusted the mantle piece and carefully returned the framed pictures. Looking at them made him sad but he was not going to put them away. He also had work to do for counselling which was never too pleasant but was really helpful.
Robert was in Vic’s. His weekend morning routines had altered also. He made breakfast for him and his sister and had also looked at some catalogues depicting headstones. The people had suggested that it would be best to replace the damaged one and both agreed that a replica of the original would be best.
‘Thanks for this Rob’
‘Hey, it’s ok. I’ll be on to them Monday and hopefully it can be done soon as’
‘I miss him’
‘I know Vic, I know’.
He knew he should be adding that he did but he couldn’t. On his phone was the number of a counsellor and as much as he did not like to admit it he felt that he could go to her and talk about things. His phone beeped, a text from Rebecca asking him to call to Home Farm in the afternoon to look at the latest set of invoices. He replied and smiled to him-self, that plan was coming along nicely but did not really fill him with anything permanent.
oOo
Aaron noticed the car outside Vic’s, he knew Rebecca had moved back to the estate. Without really planning to he went to the door and was about to ring the bell. Inside Robert was just putting on a gilet, heading to Home Farm, when he opened the door. Both were surprised at what met them.
‘Aaron’
‘Hey, oh are you off out?’
‘Kind of, yeah but it doesn’t matter, are you ok?’
‘Umm…yeah…um I just’
‘Come in’
‘I just wanted to…umm…see how things were like since you know the headstone’
‘Oh, not too bad thanks, fancy a cuppa?’
‘Umm, well I’m not?’
‘Come on, it won’t hurt?’
Robert made the tea slowly. He needed to think, he had to be careful, he was not going to say anything that might irk Aaron now and he also wanted so much not to lie to him, well lie outright. He needed time to think.
‘Thanks’
‘Welcome’
‘So you sleeping better then?’
‘Not really, but improving a small bit’, that wasn’t a lie, the improving was probably a slight exaggeration but he didn’t want to worry him.
‘And the pills?’
‘They’re there if I think I need them’, again not a lie as such. They were in the room, he had used one and the rest, well Aaron had not directly asked about them.
‘You need to be careful, they are addictive’
‘I am being’
‘So the headstone, Adam said Vic was cut up, how are you?’
‘She was, is still really, but…well…her and Dad were different than me and him, you know that’
Both men looked at each other silently taking the other in. Depths of feeling were there but, for different reasons, neither could admit it.
‘Yeah, look did you ring that number’
‘I’m thinking about it’
‘You should’
Robert really wanted to say that the only person he wanted to say things to was sitting in front of him but he knew he shouldn’t. Unlike a lot of other things he knew he should not be doing he intended not to do this.
‘You’re probably right but I may not be as good as you are at that kind of thing.’
‘It helps’
‘Is it helping you now?’
Aaron looked at him, he wondered was this a possible avenue for Robert to try to engineer a reconciliation. Robert knew it too and was trying to think of something to say.
‘It is kind of, yes and the boxing as well’
‘Yeah’
‘I know you don’t approve’
‘Look, I know it’s not my place but I was worried, that’s all and I still care. I know you don’t want me to, really I understand, but I do’
‘I know, and it’s ok. I…well you know’
‘Yeah…I know’, Vic had been quite attentive since Aaron had chatted to her during the week, so yes he knew.
‘You should really think about telling them, Diane and Vic about what happened you know?’
‘It would hurt them Aaron, and I’ve enough of hurting the people I love’
‘Ok, well in time it might help. I better head, training with Zac and you were off out anyway’
‘Oh that doesn’t matter’, as he said it he realised he was being truthful. Home Farm barely registered on his priority list with Aaron sat in front of him.
‘You know that festival?’
‘Yeah, you want the ticket for someone, I’ve got them upstairs’
‘Well, no I thought maybe we could do what you suggested’
‘Sure’
‘Good…well I better head, see you later’
‘Yeah, don’t train too hard’.
Aaron walked back towards the Mill wondering how he managed to do that without even thinking he would. Adam would jibe him but so what, he still cared about Robert.
His estranged husband was lying on his small bed in a cramped room. He was looking at two tickets. A few weeks ago it would have been close enough to his definition of hell, now they were a sign of light at the end of a long tunnel. He texted Rebecca to say he couldn’t make it, he had learned and while there was no clear sign yet he was not going to jeopardise any hope. He cared too much, and he knew Aaron did too.