Chapter Text
No matter how much Tweek tried to forget, he couldn't. He compared the feeling to being soaked in the deep sea, yet still breathing. It seemed so endlessly that the only thing he could do was pretend everything was okay. He wondered if a word could describe his situation and if lucky, he would find it. Maybe that way could find ease.
I found myself thinking about him as if wasn't like that every second of my life. I've spent so much time in the late years doing this that I learned to enjoy the few moments when my mind was off of him. Is simply what I do and I've become to accept the pathetic, unavoidable, truth: I can't get over Craig. So, as usual, I'm recalling some random conception about him.
This memory was supposed to be a sad one, but somehow my brain thought that after months of hating it, it would be okay to convert the moment when he hurt me, into something I should smile for. That was overwhelming confusing and rather pitiful. I'm not going to say that I remember all of the details. Much of it became so blurry, that I can't even decide which of the versions of what he said is the real one. Not that matters, anyway. I managed to understand that it does not make any difference at all if he said "We'll still be friends." Or if he said, "You know I only see you as a friend." Because in the end, they're synonymous. They meant nothing would be the same anymore. And what I learned about it was that the only thing I could do was adapt.
My life has changed since then. Not a huge, important change but to me was obnoxious. What made the difference the most is the absence of Craig. He has been slowly fading from my existence. Any attempt to bring him back is insignificant, and yet I have not given up. But when you try again and again something you know you wouldn't make, you tend to disappoint. To fight this, I take 'breaks' from trying to get him to hang out with me again. It makes it all easier. Not happier, nonetheless it worked for me.
I know I make everything seem like Craig is the center of my life and the universe, but he's not. I have friends and do stuff like normal people. Is just that deep down I feel trapped in my teenage crush.
And I get the feeling that is about to change.