Chapter Text
Mikasa Jaeger was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it in the face of her exotic ethnicity. Dark irises that melded seamlessly with black pupilsand inky hair contrasted vividly against creamy skin—that pale skin so prized by Sina noblewomen and guarded so carefully with an array of veils, bonnets, and parasols” Lush eyelashes fringed wide eyes, courtesy of her biological European father, while delicate features accompanied a slim stature, courtesy of her biological Asian mother. Her hair, a black, shimmery mass of silk, gleamed under the last rays of sunlight and called to suitors to catch a strand and see if it felt as satiny as it looked.
She sure made a pretty picture, seated on the porch of her daddy’s plantation, Sasha Braus thought wistfully as she rode her horse up the main entrance. She quickly dismounted and ran up the
“No,” Mikasa said immediately upon catching sight of Sasha’s face.
“Aw, come on, darling. Aren’t you at least a little bit glad to see me?”
“No,” Mikasa enunciated. “I swear to God, Sasha, I told you the last time you got expelled that I didn’t want to see your mongrel face unless it had a diploma stamped to it!”
“But, darling,” Sasha pleaded, “You know I can’t abide those old bookish colleges anyway. The whole time those snooty professors were yammering on and on about some Aristotles and sommat, and I just wanted to be back here, working the land with my own bare hands. No one gives a damn about classical education anymore anyway.”
It was true. Sasha was a part of the growing group of aristocratic families that had quickly descended into poverty with the fall of Wall Maria and the ensuing chaos. Whereas a mere decade ago it would have been unheard of for the Braus family to stoop to physical labor, the Ackerman family now hired the Braus’s to work their plantation out of respect of the Braus daughter’s friendship with their daughter.
Many of the lower nobles resented the turn of situations that had led to their downfall, but not Sasha. In fact, she took to hard labor with such gleeful abandon that rumors of her “eccentricity” had begun to circulate among the gentry.
“You should’ve gone instead of me, Mikasa,” Sasha grumbled. “They said it was indecorous for a lady to walk out of the dining hall with an armful of potatoes, and yet when I asked them why; well, then that right-down shut them up for good. I know you only want the best for me, but…I like this. I really like working the ground, the delicious ache in your muscles after a hard day’s work, being able to eat as much as I want without worry about what others think. You would enjoy college, but it’s just not for me.”
“Hm.” The sound was a very noncommittal grunt. As one of the lesser noble families, Sasha had had a much more free reign than Mikasa even before the Braus daughter had even descended into financial ruin.
Mikasa, on the other hand…if she asked, she had no doubt her father would let her attend Sina University. But the top tier of society was restricted to rigid behaviors and customs that outsiders might find outdated, including the concept that classical education was a masculine domain. And being the (adoptive) daughter of a duke, Mikasa was only one or two steps down from the king, depending on whom you asked. There was very little she could do without first factoring in the social norm and etiquette. And if she had to choose between her family’s desires and her own, she’d choose her family’s ever time.
Mikasa sighed. “I’m sorry, Sasha. It seems I’ve pushed my desires onto you needlessly.”
“No—not at all!” Sasha waved her hands frantically. “At first, I were a lil ornery, but it was a great experience overall. Look—I even speak all grand and proper now. Mostly. Anyways, it was good, but I’m glad I’m back.”
Mikasa smiled gently. “Me too.”
Agh! Sasha bent over and screamed internally, her face flaming dangerously. Why is she so freaking cute! “A-anyway,” Sasha coughed, righting herself up again. “What’s this I hear about a barbecue tomorrow?”
“Oh dear.” Mikasa raised a brow and lifted a hand to cover her mouth lightly. “I do hope you didn’t expect to invited. I had no idea you were coming after all.”
“What.”
“Well, I did just hand out the last invitation to the Springer family before you came, and I do have a strict guest limit.”
“Aw, Mikasa, surely you’re joshing.”
“You should have told me you were coming back.”
“I—I—”
“And it would’ve been the perfect opportunity too, since Connie will be going too...” Mikasa’s smile was positively feral.
Sasha felt her face burning. So she found Springer a little easy on the eyes. It didn’t mean nothing. “Oh, please,” Sasha begged. “I’ll let you in on this very interesting nugget of information I gleaned on my way back home today,” she enticed.
“What could you possibly hear that I don’t know already?”
“I don’t know; I was pretty surprised when I found out. And…it has to do with your brother.” Now it was Sasha’s turn to be sly.
“Fine,” Mikasa huffed. She probably gave in far too easily when Eren was the subject. It might be her one weakness. “You’re invited. What is it?”
“Well…guess who’s going to be announcing his engagement to the Arlert boy soon?”
Mikasa froze, her face deathly pale. “What?”
“Aha!” Sasha said in triumph. “I told you you’d be surprised! A little birdie told me that Arlert and Eren have sealed the deal! It’s all very hush-hush for now, but it’ll be announced soon. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine—I just—I’m feeling a little dizzy.”
“Oh dear, it must the heat. Goodness knows just when the temperature will stop rising. You get inside now and rest. I’ll…” Sasha’s voice turned dejected. “I guess…I’ll have to go back and face my parents. Oh man, I really don’t want to—please Mikasa can’t I stay here with you?”
“Just tell him the truth. He’ll understand.”
“I know, but he’s always wanted better for me. He’ll be terribly disappointed.”
“Parents and their expectations.”
“Exactly.” A long-suffering sigh. “I guess he’ll have to know sooner or later.”
“Yes.”
“Oh, dear, you really don’t look well. Get some rest, okay, honey?”
“Stop worrying.” Mikasa tried for a wan smile. “I’m fine. You should hurry home. I’m sure your father missed you.”
“I guess. See ya tomorrow, Mikasa,” Sasha called from her horse, giving the girl a two-fingered salute.
Mikasa stayed outside to watch Sasha leave the driveway, then rushed back into her home, flopping dramatically on her bed.
Eren…to Armin? But they were just friends! It just wasn’t possible. She’d…she’d always…well. She and Eren were only adoptive siblings after all. And they’d always been…very close. Was it so strange to assume…that they’d end up together? She liked Eren…a lot.
Whatever! Mikasa flopped onto her back decisively. No use questioning these things now. She’d ask Eren and find out the truth tomorrow.
---
“Sasha!” Mikasa hissed, grabbing onto her sleeve. “Have you seen Eren?”
“No, why?” A knowing look entered Sasha’s eyes. “Ah, ah, ah! Trying to double check what I’ve said? I’m telling you; it’s all true!”
“Sure, sure.” A guest called Mikasa, and she prepared to play host, but not before snarling at Sasha: “And don’t tell anyone what you told me yesterday!”
“Whoa, sure thing, honey pie,” Sasha said, putting her hands up in the air. “Man, you’re more strung up than a brat birthing his first foal.”
Mikasa rolled her eyes before turning away. She wasn’t strung up. Why would she be? There was no reason to be. She just needed to talk to Eren.
Mikasa, by conventional standards, was a terrible host. She had no use for small talk that she had no interest in, and she was hardly the type to spout the various platitudes necessary of a welcoming host. But the genuine way she listened to her guests and catered to minute needs beyond the domain of a host far outweighed any of her reserved tendencies.
She was slipping in a bit of rum into a drink for a guest (whose daughter had just turned two and looked like she dearly needed it) when she felt it. She was very acute, always had been, and the pair of eyes entrained on her were so intense she’d have to be blind, deaf, and dumb to not feel their sensation on the back of her neck.
Calmly, serenely, she turned around, and her eyes fell on a stranger, standing alone in the hall, staring at her in a cool impertinent way that brought her up sharply with a mingled feeling of feminine pleasure that she had attracted a man and an embarrassed sensation that her dress was too low in the bosom. He looked quite old, at least thirty-five. He was a tall man and powerfully built. Scarlett thought she had never seen a man with such wide shoulders, so heavy with muscles, almost too heavy for gentility. When her eye caught his, he smiled, showing straight animal-white teeth. His eyes were as bold and black as any pirate’s appraising a galleon to be scuttled or a maiden to be ravished. There was a cool recklessness in his face and a cynical humor in his mouth as he smiled at her, and Mikasa caught her breath. She felt that she should be insulted by such a look and was annoyed with herself because she did not feel insulted.
He’s also incredibly short, Mikasa realized, barely reaching the shoulders of many of the other guests.
She smiled politely, desperate to appeared unruffled, but in a firm way that hopefully told him such impertinence was not to be
The man’s smile only turned more feral, and he continued to look leisurely at her, scanning up and down her body.
Mikasa huffed and did the same nonchalantly as if there was not much to look at it. (She was good at faking.) She would not be the one to lose this battle and look away first.
“Levi!” A voice called out. “Come here! I want to you meet the most hardhearted girl in all of Shinganshina.”
Levi stared for one lingering moment, then turned slowly and left. Mikasa, entranced, stared at his back a while longer, then berated herself angrily for it. Levi…The name seemed familiar…
But she had better things to do than think of uncivilized men. “Eren,” she called out, as she finally caught sight of him. “May I have a word?”
“Of course, Mikasa,” he said with a warm smile that sent shivers down her spine, those wonderfully blue-green eyes trained on hers. See, this was how a gentleman treated a lady, unlike that despicable man from before, whom she would no longer be thinking of.
“Alone,” Mikasa enunciated.
His look turned questioning, but he followed Mikasa away from the party and into their household.
Mikasa sighed. How to start? “I’ve heard…well, I’ve been hearing things.”
“Mm-hm?”
“Things about you…and Armin.”
Eren blushed, to Mikasa’s dawning horror. This couldn’t be happening.
“Ah, you heard about that? We’ve been keeping it pretty hush-hush, but, then, you’ve always been good at sniffing out details of my life.” Eren smiled playfully down at Mikasa.
“But…Eren…you can’t.” It was the most of a sentence she could form.
“Mikasa.” Eren’s face turned serious. “I’m sorry. I wanted you to hear this from me first. I…I love Armin. He’s just kind of perfect. Please be happy for me.”
“But it’s just so…”
“I know it’s a lot to take in. Should I give you some time to think it over?” Eren made to turn towards the doorway.
“Wait!” Mikasa’s hand snatched at his sleeve. She couldn’t just let him leave. “Eren…you must know…Eren—I—!”
“Mikasa…”
“I love you desperately, Eren. I always thought one day we would…”
Eren took her hand and held it tenderly in hers. He looked at it, turning it over in his palm. “Such beautiful hands…Mikasa, you’ve always had such lovely hands.”
Mikasa’s hand trembled.
“Mikasa, I do love you. Dearly. We’ve always been incredibly close, since you were adopted. But…Armin brings me peace. And I know you think you love me, but what I feel for Armin, it’s completely different from what you believe love to be. You were alone and little, and I must have seemed a savior to you, reaching out when no one would.”
“That’s bullshit,” Mikasa cut in angrily. She was angry to hear how her voice quivered. “Eren, you know we’ve always been closer than anyone else. How could you just…?”
“I don’t know how to describe this to you until you feel it yourself,” Eren said, frustration showing through his voice for the first time. “We’ve always been so restless, and maybe that’s why we could understand each other, but Armin makes it go away. He makes me want to stand still.”
Stand still? Why did it seem the more they talked, the farther Eren moved away from her? She couldn’t understand a single thing he was saying. She had to convince him that she was right for him. “Just…just please leave.” No! That wasn’t what she wanted to say.
“Okay. I’ll give you some time. I understand it’s a lot to take in. Mikasa…just…I’m really happy, okay? And I really want you to be to. That has never changed.”
Mikasa didn’t say anything, listening to the door creak slowly as Eren shut it behind him. She slid to the floor slowly, tilting her head back against the wall. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. That had not gone as she expected it at all.
A low snicker brought her out of her reverie, and she snapped her head back upright so quickly her hair flew everywhere.
Her eyes met gray ones. Levi. How long as he been there?
A corner of his lips quirked, as if anticipating her question. “That was quite the show, my lady.”
Well that answered it. “It was incredibly rude to not inform us of your presence,” she said stiffly. How embarrassing, to be seen in such a state by him of all people!
“You have somehow managed to throw away both your honor and dignity within a couple of moments in front of your brother. I’m embarrassed for you.”
Mikasa flushed angrily. How dare he! “You—the nerve of—!” Mikasa fumed. “You don’t understand at all what went on, least of all have the authority to tell me I’ve lost my dignity.”
Levi rolled his eyes. “I know enough to understand that you’ve romanticized your shitty feelings for that brat into something they’re not.”
“That’s not—Eren and I have been together forever! My feelings for him are not shitty.”
“He’s been leading you on, because he likes having a pretty girl fawn over him, but neither of you are in love with each other, that much is obvious to even me. You’re too much for the little bastard to handle anyway.”
Somehow the man’s condescending words cut her more than Eren’s news. “We are in love! With each other!” Mikasa said desperately. “He just doesn’t know it yet.”
Levi snorted.
“This is enough.” Mikasa was the daughter of a duke. Who was this man, who thought he could treat her as inferior to him? “Please remove yourself from the premises immediately and never show up in front of me again.”
“As my lady wishes,” Levi said sarcastically, conducting a sweeping bow. He was completely unruffled, while she was steaming, and that angered her to no end. After he had left, she fled up to her room. Sooner or later someone would notice her disappearance from the party and come looking for her. But she couldn’t deal with that just yet.
---
Sometime in the night, Mikasa woke up groggily to shattering noises. Then one large man burst into her bedroom door.
“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” he asked. They all ranked of sweat and manure and soot. “Go me self a pretty little princess for me to enjoy.”
Fully awake, now, she could her a large din outside. What was going on? She groped around the bed frantically. She needed a weapon, anything. The man approached and she scrambled to the other side of the bed.
“Easy there, princess. Why don’t we all just have a good time? I’ll show pleasure those pissy noble pricks could never have dreamed of.”
Mikasa continued to shake, and made a desperate run for the door, darting past the man.
He grabbed her quickly and pulled her towards him. Her face was pressed towards his sweaty chest, and his giant paws roamed over her body. Mikasa wanted to vomit at the stench. “What? Think you’re too good for a commoner like me? I’ll show you!”
The man threw her at the bed, and her head knocked against the head post frighteningly. She heard a sickening crunch, but he continued to clamber over her, paying no heed to her injuries. She scratched and punched at his chest, but the blow to her head had dizzied her, and her arms felt weak.
The man slobbered over her neck, and she wanted to cry. Was this actually going to happen? He began calling her vulgar names, using terms that Mikasa couldn’t understand. She never stopped kicking and fighting, but it seemed to have no effect on him.
Just when she was about to resign herself to her fate, the man stilled suddenly and was yanked off of the bed. Mikasa looked down to see a knife in the man’s back as he lay on the floor and met grays eyes once again.
She looked down frightfully at her savior, the man who had made fun of her a couple hours prior.
He cursed loudly at the sight of her, so proud and brought down so low. “Can you stand?” he asked and yanked her up forcefully.
She hated being seen by him of all people while she was at her lowest. She glared and tugged her hand on her own. “I can stand just fine, thanks.”
She stumbled, and Levi cursed again, grabbing her arm to balance her. “You’re clearly not fine,” he spat.
“I am!” she insisted.
“You,” Levi hissed, “are not fine until I say so. You are not fine until you are standing on top of all these mongrels and crushing them under your heel, with the haughtiness you think you can hide but exudes from your every action. You are not fine until that fire is back in your eyes, until men and women are falling over their feet to fulfill your every desire as always. You should never have to see this.”
Mikasa is taken aback by the intensity of Levi’s speech. Who was this man, to have analyzed her so accurately with one glance?
Mikasa glared back at him. He wants fire? Oh, she’ll give him fire. “I am not some…princess”—the word wa distasteful on her tongue, after that man did what he did, but she didn't let it stop her—“who needs someone like you to tell me when I’m fine. I’ll look out for myself thank you very much.” And with that, she reached over the arm Levi was not holding across his body and pulls one of his daggers out of the sheath at his belt.
“I’ll be borrowing this,” she sniffed, and looked down at him, expecting more anger at the ease with which she took his things.
Instead, she was completely blown away by what looked like…a tender expression on his face. She turned warm for some reason.
“Listen, I’ve brought along my men, and we’ve managed to fight off the rest of the mob, but your plantation’s not a pretty sight right now.”
“What on earth is going on? Is my family okay? And Sasha? Who could do such a thing?”
Levi snorted. “Surely even our most sheltered noblewoman has heard of the increasing class tension between the aristocracy and the plebeians. The nobles’ position at the top tier of society is shaky, and many ambitious middle-class men would like to free up some space there.”
“But…but those are just rumors,” Mikasa said disbelievingly. “There’s no way the commoners would all rise up against the nobles…And the Jaeger family has always been incredibly generous to its tenants.”
“Yes, well, it would seem they have risen up,” Levi said wryly. “And while I agree the Jaegers uphold their philanthropic policies towards the lower-class, most of the nobles cannot claim to be so altruistic, and a series of rising taxes, increasing prices, and decreasing wages have led to a what you could call an uprising.”
At that moment, Karla and Grisha burst in, along with Eren. “Mikasa,” Karla cried, pressing Mikasa’s head to her breast. “Oh, thank god, I didn’t know what I would’ve done if…”
Grisha approached Levi solemnly, extending his hand. “Thank you, Levi. I don’t know where I would be right now if not for your perceptive foresight. I must say I underestimated the anger of the Shinganshina residents, and it is a mistake I will remember for a long time. Is there any way I can repay you?”
Levi gripped his hand firmly. “Well, your daughter, for one.” Everyone froze, except for Levi, who continued to shake Grisha’s hand.
Eren burst out at that. “Hell no! Who do you think you are? A businessman”—Mikasa jolted at that; there was something about Levi that was distinctly not like other noblemen, but she hadn’t realized he was common born—“and you want to the hand of a daughter of a duke! We don’t know who you are, or where you come from. What ulterior motives do you have, swooping in to save us like this?”
Levi laughed. “Oh, I don’t want her hand. I want to make her my mistress.” Mikasa gasped.
At that, Grisha spoke firmly. “Levi, I am very appreciative of all you’ve done for us. That being said, Mikasa is not a commodity to be bartered, and I would rather you left than continue to make insinuations as such.”
Levi complied obediently, with a sweeping, sarcastic bow as he left. “Yes, your grace. But I’ll be back.”
---
In the morning, things did not look so bad, but they also looked worse. Mikasa took a stroll around the field, eyeing the uprooted crops and the shredded machinery woefully. Their plantation was in ruins. The world was very cruel.
Someone walked up quietly next to her, and she didn’t have to look to know it was Levi. They both stood there for a while.
Finally, Mikasa spoke. “Alright, fine.”
“Alright fine what?”
“Alright I’ll marry you.”
“That’s not what I wanted.”
“That’s what you’ll get.”
“Hmph. You’re a cheeky brat, aren’t you? You’re not nearly in the position to be making demands.”
“You’ll marry me or nothing,” Mikasa said haughtily, tipping her chin up.
“You little shit,” Levi said, but he somehow managed to make the insult sound affectionate. “Alright then.”
Mikasa jutted out her hand.
Levi rolled his eyes. “You’re my fiancée now, and you want to shake hands, my dear, pretty little fool?” He yanked Mikasa towards him and planted one right on her lips, his lips firm and applying a slight pressure to her mouth.
His lips were soft and silky against hers, but he pulled them away before she could savor the sensation. Mikasa stared at him, a bit light-headed, and Levi grinned in masculine satisfaction at the look on her face.
“That’s more like it,” he said before leaving.
---
They were married quickly, to the dismay of Mikasa’s family, who asked if she was sure around a thousand times before the marriage.
But Mikasa was sure. Levi was a good man, despite how infuriating he may have been, and he was rich, most of all. He was, unfortunately, a vulgar businessman, but he was a good businessman man, and he made a lot of money. The Jaegers needed money, desperately, especially in the midst of all the rising violence against nobles. Not only did they need to replace their tools and replant their crops, but they would also need money for hired soldiers to protect their lands.
So they were married quickly and quietly in a small chapel. Levi was quiet for most of the carriage ride back, and Mikasa refused to start the conversation
When they reached his home—their home, Mikasa corrected himself—he swung himself out of the carriage to the ground. He was well dressed too, his clothes fitting him, instead of hanging in folds or being almost too tight for movement. And they were new, not ragged, with dirty bare flesh and hairy legs showing through. His face was bland and his mouth, red lipped, clear cut as a woman’s, frankly sensual, smiled carelessly as he lifted her out of the carriage. The muscles of his body rippled against his well-tailored clothes, as he put her on the ground beside him, and, as always, the sense of his great physical power struck her like a blow. She watched the swell of his powerful shoulders against the cloth with a fascination that was disturbing, a little frightening. His body seemed so tough and hard, as tough and hard as his keen mind. His was such an easy, graceful strength, lazy as a panther stretching in the sun, alert as a panther to spring and strike.
So caught was Mikasa in her reverie, that she almost didn’t notice as the wind swept away her bonnet. “Ah,” she cried, and made a desperate grab for it.
Levi caught it easily as it swung past him.
“Thank you,” Mikasa said gratefully, forgetting her vow to not start any conversation with him. “It’s very important to me; it’s—hey!” Mikasa reached angrily for her bonnet as Levi held it out behind him. “What are you doing? Give it back.”
“Ah, ah, ah. What will I get in return?”
“Please,” Mikasa said frantically. “I’ve had that forever—Eren gave it to me…”
Levi’s eyes darkened, but he kept his voice light. His dark eyes wandered to her lips. “How about…a kiss.”
“I don’t care for such personal conversation,” she said coolly and managed a frown. “Besides, I’d just as soon kiss a pig.”
“There’s no accounting for tastes and I’ve always heard the Jaegers were partial to pigs—kept them under their beds, in fact. But, Mikasa, you need kissing badly. That’s what’s wrong with you. All your beaux have respected you too much, though God knows why, or they have been too afraid of you to really do right by you. The result is that you are unendurably uppity. You should be kissed and by someone who knows how.”
The conversation was not going the way she wanted it. It never did when she was with him.
Always, it was a duel in which she was worsted.
“And I suppose you think you are the proper person?” she asked with sarcasm, holding her temper in check with difficulty.
“Oh, yes, if I cared to take the trouble,” he said carelessly. “They say I kiss very well.”
“Oh,” she began, indignant at the slight to her charms. “Why, you . . .” But her eyes fell in sudden confusion. He was smiling, but in the dark depths of his eyes a tiny light flickered for a brief moment, like a small raw flame.
Her breath caught.
“Well? What will it be?” he asked.
Mikasa lunged violently at him, clacking her lips at his and banging into his teeth hard. She grabbed her bonnet from hands that had gone slack and withdrew. “I’d really like to know who this ‘they’ is, for they really don’t know what they’re talking about. That was terrible.” With a huff, she wiped her lips and turned on her heels.
His laughter followed behind her, and she screamed in surprise as she was suddenly lifted into the air.
“What are you doing,” she exclaimed at Levi, who had swept her off her feet.
“Silly dear, don’t you know? The husband must carry the wife over the threshold upon entering their new home.”
---
The days passed by frantically in their married life, as Mikasa and Levi worked to fix the damage that had been wrought on to the Jaeger plantation. There was lots to do, especially since the business had been doing badly the past few years, which no one had seemed to feel necessary to inform Mikasa until she was married, Mikasa thought indignantly. Eren had married into the Arlert family and left the plantation to Mikasa, which suited her just fine. She loved—admired that Levi respected her as an equal, giving her an equal share of work to manage on the plantation. Sure, it was unconventional, but at this point, all that mattered was keeping the plantation alive. Besides, Mikasa liked it. There was a thrill in being mentally challenged the way
Levi seemed to sense that Mikasa was not prepared to take on her wifely duties just yet, and didn’t press. Both went to their separate rooms in the night. When they had free time, they fought a lot, but they also kissed a lot.
They lived for months in this fashion. Gradually, they became close, and Mikasa liked to think of them as friends. Friends who lived with each other and kissed each other sometimes.
Gradually, Mikasa opened up to Levi about her past. How Eren had saved her from the smuggling ring. How the Jaegers had taken her in unconditionally and treated her as one of their own. How she had sworn to repay them with her life.
She felt an ease with Levi that she had never known before. She talked of not being respected, of being looked down by the men all the time. “Mikasa don’t do that, we wouldn’t want to ruin your pretty little hands, would we?” she said scornfully. “As if I’m nothing more than hands and a pretty face for you to look at. And most men are so dumb they deserve to be manipulated the way I do. It’s all harmless.”
Levi, in turn, looked at her ruefully. “My pretty little kitty, with her hidden claws that no one sees.” He didn’t like to talk about his past, but Mikasa managed to pry him open a little. How he started as an orphaned beggar on the streets, then worked his way up to the top with cunning, ambition, and back-stabbing.
Once, Mikasa thought she might be…well, she might…have very strong feelings for Levi, then backtracked so quickly she almost gave herself a headache. How could she? She was devoted to Eren. Eren. Eren. Mikasa thought of Eren, unaware that reverie brought a softness to her face which Levi had never seen before. He looked at the slanting black eyes, wide and misty, and the tender curve of her lips and for a moment his breath stopped. Then his mouth went down violently at one corner and he swore with passionate impatience.
“Mikasa, you’re a fool!”
Before she could withdraw her mind from its far places, his arms were around her, sure and hard. She felt again the rush of helplessness, the sinking yielding, the surging tide of warmth that left her limp. And the thought of Eren Jaeger was blurred and drowned to nothingness. He bent back her head across his arm and kissed her, softly at first, and then with a swift gradation of intensity that made her cling to him as the only solid thing in a dizzy swaying world. His insistent mouth was parting her shaking lips, sending wild tremors along her nerves, evoking from her sensations she had never known she was capable of feeling. And before a swimming giddiness spun her round and round, she knew that she was kissing him back.
“Stop—please, I’m faint!” she whispered, trying to turn her head weakly from him. She had only ever been kissed by Levi, and never so fiercely before. She had no idea what to do. He pressed her head back hard against his shoulder and she had a dizzy glimpse of his face. His eyes were wide and blazing, and the tremor in his arms frightened her.
“I want to make you faint. I will make you faint. You’ve had this coming to you for years. None of the fools you’ve known have kissed you like this—have they? Those limpid gentlemen, drooling at your feet for scraps, your stupid Eren—”
“Please—”
“I said your stupid Eren. Gentlemen all—what do they know about women? What did they know about you? I know you.”
His mouth was on hers again and she surrendered without a struggle. She didn’t want to struggle. His breath was hot against her lips. She was so caught up in the sensation that she almost missed it when he murmured against her lips, “Why did you say yes? That day, when I asked to marry you.”
“You mean when you wanted me to be your mistress,” Mikasa reminded him pertly once she regained her sense.
“Yes, that too,” Levi said. “Was it because of my money?”
“Well—a part,” Mikasa said truthfully. “But I’m also very fond of you.”
“Fond of me?”
“Well,” she said fretfully, “if I said I was madly in love with you, I’d be lying and what’s more, you’d know it.”
“Sometimes I think you carry your truth telling too far, my pet. Don’t you think, even if it was a lie, that it would be appropriate for you to say ‘I love you, Levi,’ even if you didn’t mean it?”
What was he driving at, she wondered, becoming more confused. He looked so queer, eager, hurt, mocking. He took his hands from her and shoved them deep in his trousers pockets and she saw him ball his fists.
“If it costs me a husband, I’ll tell the truth,” she thought grimly, her blood rising up as always when he baited her. “Levi, it would be a lie, and why should we go through all that foolishness? I’m fond of you, like I said. You know how it is. You told me once that you didn’t love me but that we had a lot in common.”
He had, in a moment of weakness, when she had poured out some of her most confidential secrets to him, her eyes big as she looked at him in the dark.
“Oh, God!” he whispered rapidly, turning his head away. “To be taken in my own trap!”
“What did you say?”
“Nothing,” and he looked at her and laughed, but it was not a pleasant laugh. He laughed again and bent and kissed her hands. She was relieved to see his mood pass and good humor apparently return, so she smiled too.
He played with her hand for a moment and grinned up at her.
“Have you ever in your novel reading come across the old situation of the disinterested wife falling in love with her own husband?”
“You know I don’t read novels,” she said and, trying to equal his jesting mood, went on: “Besides, you once said at the beginning of our marriage that it was the height of bad form for husbands and wives to love each other.”
“I once said too God damn many things,” he retorted abruptly and rose to his feet.
“Don’t swear.”
“You’ll have to get used to it and learn to swear too. You’ll have to get used to all my bad habits. That’ll be part of the price of being--fond of me and getting your pretty paws on my money.”
“Well, don’t fly off the handle so, because I didn’t lie and make you feel conceited. You aren’t in love with me, are you? Why should I be in love with you?”
“No, my dear, I’m not in love with you, no more than you are with me, and if I were, you would be the last person I’d ever tell. God help the man who ever really loves you. You’d break his heart, my darling, cruel, destructive little cat who is so careless and confident she doesn’t even trouble to sheathe her claws.”
He jerked her to her feet and kissed her again, but this time his lips were different for he seemed not to care if he hurt her-- seemed to want to hurt her, to insult her. His lips slid down to her throat and finally he pressed them against the taffeta over her breast, so hard and so long that his breath burnt to her skin. Her hands struggled up, pushing him away in outraged modesty.
“You mustn’t! How dare you!”
“Your heart’s going like a rabbit’s,” he said mockingly. “All too fast for mere fondness I would think, if I were conceited.”
“You’re acting awfully strange, Levi!” she cried. She peeled her hand back to slap, but he caught it.
“No, darling, I just don’t hang on to your every word like those puppies you call gentlemen do. Tell me,” he continued, “what were you thinking of just now? Before I kissed you?”
“Before you kissed me? Oh! You mean…” Mikasa hesitated, although she wasn’t sure why. She prided herself on her truth-telling, however, and moved past her discomfort to tell him, “Why, I was thinking of Eren before.”
Levi laughed bitterly at that. “Eren. Of course. You and your shitty little crush.”
“I won’t stand here and be insulted—!”
“Fine! Then leave!” Levi slammed his fist on the door. “I feel so sorry for you.”
His sneer stung. “Sorry? For me?”
“Yes, sorry because you’re such a child, Mikasa. A child crying for the moon. What would a child do with the moon if it got it? And what would you do with Eren? Yes, I’m sorry for you—sorry to see you throwing away happiness with both hands and reaching out for something that would never make you happy. I’m sorry because you are such a fool you don’t know there can’t ever be happiness except when like mates like. If I were dead, if Armin were dead and you had your precious honorable lover, do you think you’d be happy with him? Hell, no! You would never know him, never know what he was thinking about, never understand him. Whereas, we, dear wife of my bosom, could have been perfectly happy if you had ever given us half a chance, for we are so much alike. We are both scoundrels, Mikasa, and nothing is beyond us when we want something. We could have been happy, for I loved you and I know you, Mikasa, down to your bones, in a way that Eren could never know you. And he would despise you if he did know. . . . But no, you must go mooning all your life after a man you cannot understand. And I, my darling, will continue to moon after whores. And, I dare say we’ll do better than most couples.”
Mikasa gasped in shock. She turned around, lest Levi see her tears, and immediately he was at her back. She could smell the pungent odor of whisky, and said with horror, “Why, you’re drunk.”
“I’m drunk? My pretty darling, the only one of us who’s truly drunk is drunk on some childish notion of princes and white knights.”
“I won’t stand here and continue to be called a baby by you!” Mikasa stomped away angrily, followed by Levi’s sharp laughter. She went to bed angry, and she went to bed sad, her pillow wet and salty by the time she managed to fall asleep.
---
She woke up in a jolt that night, and was suddenly brought very back to another night when she had been woken up suddenly. Terror shot through her, but she made her way bravely to the front door, where the knocking noise was coming from.
“Levi?” she murmured in surprise. “What’s going on?”
“Mikasa…just go back to bed. I’ll figure this all out.”
“No,” Mikasa said stubbornly. “Why are you being handcuffed?” She addressed the stranger at the door. “Do you know who you’re arresting right now? Where in the world do you have right, sir?”
The man smirked ugly. “Ma’am, we’ve heard grave accusations that your husband here has been dealing in bribery and fraud. I’m afraid we’ll have to keep him locked up for the night.”
Bribery? Fraud? If there was anything Mikasa knew about Levi, it was that he was an honest in all of his financial dealings. This was utter bullshit, and she said as much.
“Whoo, we’ve got a feisty one,” the man laughed. “Wouldn’t mind a taste of her fer myself.” He winked at Levi.
“I’m sorry, officer; she’s just a little distressed.” Mikasa grinded her teeth at Levi apologizing for her. “Mind if we speak alone…?”
“Ooh, some time alone,” the man said salaciously. “Mind if I watch?” he sneered, but stepped outside of the doorway.
“Listen, Mikasa,” Levi said urgently. “Don’t provoke anyone, don’t interrupt anyone, and certainly don’t call any of them out on their bull shit while I’m gone.”
Mikasa opened her mouth to speak, but he kissed her fiercely, leaving both of them breathless. “I know it will be torture to ask that of you. But please…I’m begging you…I can’t protect you while I’m gone.”
“But these charges are bullshit! It’s more civilian bullshit; they’re just trying to string up the nobles. They don’t really want any proof to back it up; they’ll just keep you there indefinitely—”
Levi kissed her again, a little softer this time, but with no less passion. His lips moved gently over hers for a couple of moments, and Mikasa pressed frantically into him while the kiss lasted. “You shitty brat. If you cared, why didn’t you say so?”
“What?”
Levi looked at her tenderly. He passed her a handgun discreetly. “Keep this. I know you said the bodyguards were a waste of money, but there should be one patrolling the plantation right now—”
“What!”
“I couldn’t risk your life on it.”
“Levi, at least keep the gun then.”
“My dear, why couldn’t you be this doting when my life wasn’t on the line?”
“Your life’s not on the line!” Mikasa said sharply. “It’s not, right, Levi?”
“Of course not, darling.”
“Levi! Don’t treat me like an imbecile!”
He looked as though he might laught, and Mikasa was overcome with worry. “I would never.”
The officer knocked on the door loudly. “Alright, I’m bored. We have to go now.”
“Mikasa…please…just don’t cause any trouble.”
“Come back to me, and we’ll see,” she said stubbornly.
“It’s a deal.”
Just before he left, Mikasa called out, “Wait, Levi!”
He turned around, and Mikasa jumped onto him, pressing her lips against his and wrapping her legs around his waist. His hands handcuffed behind him, he could only react as Mikasa peppered his face with little kisses to the background noise of the officer’s wolf whistling.
“Be safe,” she murmured, before running back into the house, leaving an entranced Levi staring at her back. As kisses went, it was one of the most innocent that they’d shared.
It was also the first one she’d instigated.
Both of them hoped it wouldn’t be the last.