Work Text:
We don't talk anymore
Like we used to do
“what do you mean?”
yugyeom sits up on his bed, running a hand through his messy dark hair. almost the same way jinyoung did a few minutes ago, only with less pulling.
the bed covers are on the floor, discarded during the previous activity that took place in his room.
jinyoung is standing in front of the bed. cheeks still rosy, he pulls his pants up and looks around for his shirt. standard routine after what they usually do in yugyeom’s room.
but this time, the older doesn’t leave with a simple goodbye.
“i’m leaving korea. i got the scholarship and i’m gonna study abroad,” jinyoung explains, shrugging absentmindedly while pulling his shirt over his head.
“oh,” breathes yugyeom.
yugyeom knows that it's a poor reaction. but he’s disappointed and who really cares if jinyoung can tell.
however, if the other notices the sudden mood drop, he doesn't comment on it.
yugyeom should be happy for jinyoung; after all, studying abroad is a big deal. it has been jinyoung’s dream for as long as he has known him.
but jinyoung isn't acting as excited as someone who wants to escape from the boredom and routine of korea since puberty.
maybe he’s sad too, the optimistic side of yugyeom thinks.
but he knows that it’s false hope and that is just how jinyoung acts around him. always nonchalantly, as if he didn't have a care in the world. didn’t care about no one, not even about the younger boy on the bed in front of him.
“i’m going to the united states so we obviously won't be able to do…” jinyoung waves a hand around the room, not pointing at anything in particular. “... this anymore.”
“got it.”
jinyoung stands beside the bedroom’s door. he’s fully dressed now.
yugyeom’s still naked on the bed and he suddenly feels really exposed.
“good luck in america.”
“thanks, yugyeom. i'll talk to you later.”
jinyoung leaves and yugyeom’s alone.
he should've known that those last words were false hope too.
We don't love anymore
What was all of it for?
“how could you let him leave like that? weren’t you in love?” practically screams bambam.
yugyeom almost jumps on him, hand ready to cover the other’s loud mouth.
they are sitting on the ground beside the basketball court where they usually hang out and play ball with other boys from the neighborhood.
while bambam is sipping some water from his bottle after a particularly tiring match, yugyeom dabs his sweaty forehead with a towel, sharing with his best friend what happened a few days ago with his usual bed partner.
“would you quiet down?” hisses yugyeom, punching the older boy’s shoulder. “and i was not in love with jinyoung.”
bambam snorts. “could've fooled me.”
“shut up.”
“i mean, c’mon gyeom,” bambam sets his water bottle down, full attention turning to the other. “you’ve known each other for how long now? almost four months, give or take? and hooking up ever since!”
the shouted last part earns him another punch on the shoulder.
“didn't scientists claim that if a crush lasts longer than four months, it’s considered being in love ?”
“first of all, i wasn’t crushing on jinyoung. i was only sexually attracted to him. the sex was good, ok?” yugyeom ignores bambam's exaggerated gag. “second of all, stop believing every bullshit fact you read on the internet.”
“whatever, man,” bambam sighs. “i’m just saying; you just let a pretty great guy get away. that dude was totally boyfriend material.”
“too bad he didn't want to be anyone’s boyfriend.”
bambam barks a laugh. “you mean, too bad he didn’t want to be your boyfriend?”
yugyeom doesn’t answer.
they haven't talked since the other left his room that day.
and yugyeom realizes just now that he might be in love with jinyoung.
I just heard you found the one you've been looking for
I wish I would've known that wasn't me
“park jinyoung? oh, he’s doing great!”
in front of yugyeom, kim wonpil is smiling, his usual blinding all-teeth-out smile. his attention always peeks up when he talks about his best friend.
yugyeom didn’t want to do this but his own best friend insisted on it.
we both know that if jinyoung still keeps in contact with someone in korea, it's kim wonpil. now go ask, i know you're curious as fuck , bambam had said.
yugyeom smiles weakly at the news. half of him’s glad that jinyoung’s doing alright on the other side of the world. the other half feels sick, asking himself if jinyoung’s doing so great why hasn't he contacted him yet.
“he's adjusting well to the new country!” wonpil continues. “but knowing jinyoung, i’m far from surprised. the boy even appears to have settled down. no more just a friend, if you know what i’m saying,” wonpil winks.
yugyeom doesn’t want to know what he’s saying, but unfortunately he does know.
wonpil might not know that him and jinyoung have history in the bedroom but as the best friend, he undoubtedly knows the other’s liking in having friends who offer some benefits .
“the boy’s name is mark, if i’m remembering correctly. mark tuan or something. taiwanese-american, a year older than jinyoung and absolutely gorgeous! no wonder jinyoung decided to give it a try with him. hold on, let me show you,” wonpil reaches in his jean pocket, pulling out his phone. “jinyoungie made himself an instagram recently. his username is weird though. it’s like pepi_something ...”
“park jinyoung is on social media?” yugyeom is shocked to say the least.
“i know right! i couldn’t believe it either,” wonpil laughs.
alone. yugyeom doesn’t feel like laughing right now.
“i guess the american life changed him. or should i say that mark changed him.”
'Cause even after all this time I still wonder why I can't move on
Just the way you did so easily
later that evening, bambam goes to yugyeom’s place to play some video games. but he ends up playing alone.
yugyeom is busy.
“are you still on instagram?” bambam asks, leaning over to where yugyeom is in the fetal position on his side of the couch. “still on his instagram?”
stretching his immensely long legs, yugyeom kicks bambam back making the older boy almost drop his game controller. yugyeom hides his phone’s screen against his chest.
“why don't you let me be? you’re the one who suggested that i go find out what's up with jinyoung.”
“find out what's up with jinyoung as in to know how he’s doing, yes. not creepily stalk through his instagram feed for an hour and a half and stare holes into every picture this mark guy is in.”
“i can’t help it, he’s literally in every single pictures!” yugyeom defends childishly. “and he’s honestly not even that hot.”
“we both know you're lying to yourself. he's drop dead gorgeous to say the least.”
“shut up, bam."
yugyeom continues sulking, pouting slightly and goes back to his phone.
“can you really believe that jinyoung, park jinyoung, is dating?”
“yugyeom,” bambam sighs. “listen, this is a sign that jinyoung moved on. so should you.”
“in barely a month?”
“yes, yugyeom.”
yugyeom doesn't know what to say anymore.
“ok whatever. i don’t want to talk about it anymore,” yugyeom refuses to meet his best friend's pity eyes. “go back to your video game, will you? you’re losing.”
that shuts up bambam, whose attention immediately turns back to the tv screen where his character is indeed getting his ass kicked.
an hour or so later, bambam leaves. not before asking yugyeom to swear to put his phone aside for at least the rest of the night.
stops staring at it like some lovesick puppy missing his owner.
yugyeom promises.
Don't wanna know kinda outfit you're wearing tonight
If he's holding onto you so tight the way I did before
yugyeom doesn't keep his promise to bambam.
a few hours after the latter's departure, he goes back on jinyoung’s instagram and scrolls a bit further down. the scrolling stops when he reaches a certain picture.
it's a picture of jinyoung and that mark guy. dated from two weeks ago. the lighting isn’t good and shadows are casted over the two boys. it is obviously a picture taken at night or maybe even in a club. yugyeom can guess it’s the both judging by jinyoung’s outfit.
jinyoung is wearing a sleeveless mesh shirt under a neat leather jacket and his infamous pair of black leather pants that he only wears when he’s out looking for one thing. a good time .
frankly, in the picture, jinyoung is wearing an outfit similar to the one he wore when he first met yugyeom. and yugyeom can't help reminiscing the night they met.
that night, yugyeom had manage to sneak into a club with bambam and a couple of his other same-aged friends with some fake ids.
yugyeom might be a 97 liner but he doesn’t look like his age. at least that's what jinyoung kept repeating, much later that night, however not stopping the trail of kisses down his neck while pushing the younger further into the bed.
jinyoung is a 94 liner but the way he moved on that dance floor and the outfit that he wore that night made yugyeom forget all the thoughts that screamed in his head that the older was out of his league.
after drowning a couple of shots that his friends insisted they did, yugyeom was approached by a man wearing an amazing pair of black leather pants that he probably knew made his derriere look delectable. the other wasted no time in flirting and asking for a dance. ignoring his friends’ hollering and whistling, yugyeom let himself be dragged away by the man who introduced himself as park jinyoung.
that night, yugyeom enjoyed himself on the dance floor and in the arms of the older man. needless to say, yugyeom left with jinyoung that night.
yugyeom’s eyes refocuses on the picture in front of him. jinyoung looks happy; a smile curves his lips and his eyes wrinkles are present. mark is wrapped around him, arms tightly holding his waist, while his face is shoved into the younger’s neck, only half of his face visible.
they look happy.
suddenly, yugyeom is tired.
he blames it on the fact that he has been staring at the same picture on his bright phone in a dark room for too long.
so he closes his phone and sets it aside. he flops down face first into his pillow and stops himself from letting out a scream.
I overdosed, should've known your love was a game
Now I can't get you out of my brain
the next time yugyeom goes back on jinyoung's instagram, he’s high.
it has been two months since jinyoung left.
bambam gets his hands on a stash of weed from god knows where and proposes to share it with yugyeom.
yugyeom is not one to decline those type of offers. although he should've have. being the emotional high and all that.
“oh my god, yug. are you crying?”
yugyeom looks up from his phone screen. bambam is sitting opposite of him, eyes red and joint between his fingers, arms extended to him.
“no,” yugyeom sniffs. “i don’t cry.”
with his free hand, he reaches for the joint, and wipes his eyes with the back of the hand holding the phone. true to bambam's words, it’s wet.
“uh- it’s just because of the smoke and my eyes are irritated.”
“bullshit! i'm not high enough to fall for your lies,” states bambam, grabbing yugyeom’s phone right out of his hands.
yugyeom’s too tired to stop him.
“gosh gyeom, why are you still stalking jinyoung?” bambam tosses back the phone after getting a glimpse of the instagram feed.
“i‘m not stalking,” yugyeom doesn't know why he’s defending himself. he isn't doing anything wrong. is he? “i’m just- admiring.”
“i’m not sure if that makes you cute or creepy.”
a few seconds of silence settles between the two boys. yugyeom takes a drag from the joint.
“i miss talking to him.”
“are you high right now?”
yugyeom doesn't hesitate. “yes.”
bambam sighs. “ok. and i know you do, gyeom.”
“i know i’m not supposed to feel this way because we weren't dating and all that shit. but i can’t get him out of my head. i just can't stop thinking about him.”
when he stops talking to catch his breath, a single tear escapes yugyeom’s eye.
“why won’t he contact me?”
without a word, bambam takes the blunt from yugyeom's fingers and sets it aside. he shifts so that he’s sitting right beside his best friend.
“why can’t i move on like he did?”
the rest of the night is spent with yugyeom silently tearing up while bambam gently holds him.
they don't talk about jinyoung for a while after that night.
I just hope you’re lying next to somebody that knows how to love you like me
There must be a good reason that you’re gone
yugyeom’s tired. he’s not sure why but he just is.
so he cancels his plans with bambam that night and spends it on his back on his bed, staring at the fluorescent stars glued to the ceiling of his room.
that’s so childish of you to have fake stars on your ceiling, jinyoung had commented one night. one day, i'll take you to see the prettiest stars of seoul. yugyeom only hummed, cuddling his naked body closer into jinyoung’s warm embrace, enjoying as much as possible the rare occasion he gets to do so.
now yugyeom wishes he had taken up jinyoung’s offer on going star-gazing. he wishes they had went and he had asked jinyoung to be his boyfriend on that night maybe.
he wishes jinyoung was on the bed beside him right now.
but it has been three months since jinyoung left.
it’s midnight and yugyeom still can't sleep.
but thinking of jinyoung makes him grab his phone and open up the instagram app on it. he types in pepi_jy_ in the search bar, a username that he now knows by heart.
yugyeom feels his heart skip a beat when he sees that jinyoung uploaded a new picture. seven minutes ago. he wastes no time in clicking on it.
it’s a black and white polaroid picture of jinyoung. he's laying on his back on what appears to be a bed, both of his hands running through his messy raven hair scattered on a pillow. he’s naked, or at least shirtless. the photograph only shows his face and stops right under his ribs. his eyes are closed and he looks shiny which is guessed to be because of a layer of sweat.
yugyeom swallows difficulty.
not because it’s the first time in over 2 months that he gets to see jinyoung’s milky white skin so exposed.
no, it’s because he realizes the angle of the picture. if jinyoung’s hands are in the picture, then someone else took the picture. and the angle of the picture can only be produced if the photographer was hovering over jinyoung, straddling his waist.
yugyeom feels his heart sinks as he remembers how he had a similar view once upon a time.
jinyoung, a sweaty mess underneath him after a nocturne adventure in bed. he was always beautiful but yugyeom can assure you that the older is most stunning when worn out, panting in bed because of the younger’s doing. when seeing him in that state, yugyeom either wants to go for another round or simply just wrap his long arms around the other boy and hold him against his lean body and never let go. it’s usually the latter.
but cuddling and pillow talks were never really jinyoung’s thing. at least not with his fuck buddies.
not with yugyeom.
yugyeom learned the first few times when jinyoung politely declined his offers and stepped out of his room without looking back. after that, he had to propose another round if he wanted to keep the other boy with him longer. he knew it was one of the few only ways to make him stay a bit later.
but now that yugyeom looks at the picture, he tells himself that there must be a good reason jinyoung’s gone. back then, he didn't figure it out in time.
but he thinks that mark did.
yugyeom simply didn't give enough of a good reason for jinyoung to stay a bit longer. or forever.
Oh, it’s such a shame
We don't talk anymore
four months.
it has been four months since jinyoung left.
yugyeom takes four months to finally stop thinking about jinyoung.
while jinyoung waits four months before reaching out to yugyeom.
the notification that claims yu_gyeom has received a dm on instagram from pepi_jy_ is still there on the phone’s screen, untouched.
yugyeom doesn't feel like opening the message. in fact, he has no plans on doing so any time soon.
they don't talk anymore.
yugyeom thinks it’s just too bad.