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August.
Lily Evans, who liked her new roommate Dorcas very much, finally had the room to herself after a long day of constant socializing. She just came out of the communal shower, drying her hair with her towel, when there was a knock on her door. She threw her hair towel on the floor, put on her blue bathrobe and opened the door. She saw three very good looking men standing at her doorframe. She immediately started fastening her bathrobe belt. “May I help you?”
“Bad time?” asked one of them, sounding sincere rather than joking. He had light shaggy hair, and despite a scar along the side of his eye and cheek, he had a kind face.
“No, it’s fine really,” said Lily. “Anything I can help you with?”
“Just were going around the floor, introducing ourselves to everyone,” said another. This boy had black hair, long and flowing down to the top of his shoulders. “Thought we’re all the new kid, being uni freshman. May as well make the best of it. You’re the last of the bunch.”
“Oh, well,” Lily hesitated, feeling extremely self-conscious in her robe alone. “That’s a nice thought.”
“No roommate?” asked the same boy.
“No, no, I do,” corrected Lily. “Her name is Dorcas. She’s at supper with some mates. I’m Lily. Lily Evans”
“’Lo, Lily,” he said. “I’m Sirius. This is Remus,” he said, pointing his thumb at the boy with the light hair. “And that’s James,” he said, pointing behind him.
The boy called James had black hair as well, but not nearly as long as Sirius’s. It was quite a full head of hair, however, sticking up in all directions. James had one hand resting in it, while the other one gave a curt wave to Lily as he was being introduced. He was wearing thin spectacles, and looking at Lily with amusement in his eyes.
“We’re right next door to you, in 403,” said Sirius, pointing to Lily’s right. “If you ever want to hang around, just stop by. Door is always open.”
Lily nodded. “Well…thank you. Maybe when I have proper clothes on I’ll take you up on that offer?”
“Or, you could come without? Just a thought,” said James.
Lily squinted her eyes, then rolled them, then shut the door.
“Was only kidding!” she heard him shout on the other side.
September.
There was a knock on the side of her doorframe. Lily looked up from her book to see James Potter standing at her room’s entrance. “You are aware it’s a Friday night, aren’t you?”
“Quite,” said Lily, returning her attention to her book.
She could feel James staring at her. “Mind if I come in?” he asked, rather politely.
“Sure,” she said, without even looking up.
James awkwardly walked in, and decided to sit at the chair beside her desk. After a few moments of silence, he said, “Sirius, Remus and I aren’t doing much, either. If you’d like to come hang out, that is.”
Lily shrugged, unsure of what to say. She had gone and hung out with them in their flat a few times. And they had been quite pleasant to be around. More than pleasant, really. The three of them had known each other since high school, so they had a very entertaining dynamic. Her and Remus got along splendidly, as if they were longtime friends. They even had a class together. Sirius and her had bonded over hating their families, so they had some odd kinship going on. And then, there was James.
James, who had taking a liking to her last name, and would call her Evans every two seconds. James, who despite his good looks, was a bit of a conceited jerk sometimes.
James, who Lily couldn’t help but find herself extremely attracted to, as much as she tried to deny the fact.
And there he sat, alone with her in her room. On a day she would rather just be alone. And yet, she kept the door open, anyway, hoping he’d stop by. Why did she do that?
“You alright, Evans?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” she shot back.
“You’re uncharacteristically quiet,” he noted, looking at her strangely. “Are you tired?”
She could have just said yes. She could have just said, ‘Yeah, I’m just tired. I’m going to go to sleep now.’ But she didn’t. Being in a bitter mood made her more truthful.
“No, I’m not tired,” she said flatly. “Just in a shit mood.”
“Oh,” said James, taken aback by her bluntness. “Sorry.”
Lily snorted. “It’s not your fault, Potter.”
James must have understood she didn’t want to be pressed, so he nodded and got out of the chair, and started walking towards the door. “Well, I’m sorry to hear it. I know I, er...” He stopped at the doorframe, hesitating. Finally he settled on: “If you ever do want to talk about it, you know where I live.”
He smirked, and it made Lily feel just the slightest bit better. “Thanks.”
He disappeared, and she heard the door to 403 close shut. For the next fifteen minutes, Lily tried to read her book, but kept skimming over the same two pages because she couldn’t concentrate. She was about to put it to rest, getting up from her bed and slamming her book, throwing it angrily on her desk, when she heard the door to 403 open abruptly. Lily looked up and saw James Potter skid to a halt in front of her doorframe.
He walked into her room without asking this time, carrying a bunch of items in his arms. He poured them out on her desk. He had brought her oreos, pretzel m&ms, twizzlers, crisps, and lollipops. “Candy always brings me comfort,” he said, breathlessly. He offered her a small smile. “I hope you feel better, Lily.”
She gaped at him wordlessly, and he turned around to walk away.
“James,” she forced herself to say. He twisted his body to face her again, raising an eyebrow. She couldn’t hold back; she reached out and hugged him, wrapping her arms around his neck, standing on her toes. It took James a second to register what was happening, but he wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tightly. She unabashedly stood there, holding him for quite some time, when she started to cry.
“Evans…” he whispered, and started rubbing her back as she cried into his shoulder.
She let go of him after a few long moments or so, wiping her eyes and looking at the floor. She heard James close the door quietly behind them. “Evans,” he said again.
She looked up at him, and felt a pit in her stomach at the look on his face: soft and concerned. “That was really sweet of you, Potter,” she said. “And I cry easily. But…thank you. For caring.”
“It was really nothing,” he said, staring at her intently.
“No,” said Lily firmly. “It wasn’t nothing.”
James hesitated, but then asked anyway, “Want to talk about it?”
And Lily found herself telling James everything. She told him how her mother called her today, yelling at her for apparently not congratulating Petunia on her engagement, which Lily didn’t even know about in the first place. She told him how her sister Petunia, has been jealous of her for years now and how distant they’ve grown. She told him about how when Vernon got into the picture, things only exacerbated. How the night before she left for school, Petunia barely even spoke to her, for no reason at all. She went into different examples of how unfairly Petunia has treated her over the years, and now she was getting reprimanded for not being invited to her sister’s wedding.
James was a good listener, and waited patiently for her to finish her rant. When she did, and said, “the end,” dramatically, flopping on her bed, James took that as his cue. “I know I don’t exactly know how you’re feeling. Sirius can relate to this kind of stuff better than I can. But if there’s anything I can say, it’s that this sister of yours seems like a real…”
“Bitch?” suggested Lily.
James chuckled shortly. “To put it lightly, yeah,” he said. “Of course she’s jealous of you. Who wouldn’t be? But you have to understand it’s her problem, not yours. You’ve done nothing wrong, and if she wants to disassociate herself from you for absolutely nothing, then it’s her loss. One day she’ll realize that. Today may not be that day, though. And I can’t promise it’ll be tomorrow either. Just hang in there.”
Lily smiled warmly at him. “Thanks,” she said, sincerely.
He smiled back. He had a sweet smile. “Any time,” he said. “I understand if you want to be alone, but our door is unlocked if you change your mind.”
Lily nodded, unsure of what to do. James awkwardly reached out and patted her shoulder, and then he swiftly opened her door and left the room.
As he opened up the door to his flat, she could hear Sirius’s voice shouting at James about something. Dorcas wasn’t arriving back at their room any time soon, and she felt some sort of pull towards their flat, or maybe towards James.
She opened their door and stood before them. James, Sirius, and Remus were all on the sofa, very intensely playing some video game. James turned to see who it was, and saw her standing there and smiled.
She cleared her throat. “Got an extra controller?”
October.
“Oh come on, Evans,” said James, pushing her playfully. “What’s wrong with you tonight?”
“Nothing,” she lied. “Promise.”
James shook his head. “Lies,” he said. “But whatever, I can take a hint. I’ll leave you alone.”
“You couldn’t take a hint if it was written inside your damn eyelids, James,” she told him, crossing her arms. “But yes, please leave me alone.”
“Some mate you are,” James joked, smiling at her. She barely returned the smile, and then walked away, knowing maybe she wasn’t being quite fair but also telling herself she didn’t owe him an explanation.
They were in the boys’ flat. Lily’s two friends, Mary and Marlene, had accompanied her to their party, as well as her roommate, Dorcas. Ever since she had confided in James about Petunia’s engagement, she grew close to the three boys, particularly James. She’d hang out with all three of them, but most nights ended up turning into Remus and Sirius retiring to bed while James and Lily stayed up until two or three or four a.m. talking. They were quite on the same page about politics, so they would discuss that quite often, many times both going on passionate rants about the state of the UK. At the same time, however, James and Lily quarreled almost every day over something. Lily would scold him for not doing enough work, while James would scold her for doing too much (though James did successfully rope her into their late night shenanigans here and there). Lily argued that McCartney was the best Beatle, while James insisted it was Lennon. James told Lily she put too much salt on her food, while Lily reminded him that, “there is no such thing as too much salt.”
And yet, they were like two best friends in grade school. They even had a handshake. But as much as Lily told herself that “friends” was all they were, she knew she was lying to herself. She talked to him about things she didn't feel comfortable confiding in anyone else. Family issues, what happened between her and Severus in high school, and even some of her own insecurities. He seemed to confide in her as well, about topics such as his parents' fragility at this age, about his, Sirius's, and Remus's former best friend from high school, Peter, who they were no longer on speaking terms with, and how rough it's been on all three of them. She had accidentally formed some attachment to James that was on a more personal and private level than most of her other friends. She couldn’t completely read him, but sometimes she’d see him looking at her in a not-just-a-friend kind of way. And every once in a while, he’d call her beautiful in passing, as if it were nothing. Yet, he insisted on always calling her a mate. It didn’t sit right, because in Lily’s eyes they weren’t just mates.
She walked over towards where Sirius was standing with Marlene and Dorcas, and she looked back over her shoulder to look at James. He was still staring at her, looking confused and oddly hurt. He caught her eye, but then turned away and went to talk to…her.
Not that there was anything wrong with the girl, but Lily couldn’t help but feel animosity towards Hayley Eden. She was blonde and beautiful, and she had spotted Hayley kissing James in the corner of the flat just twenty minutes before.
Lily sat on the couch, barely participating in Sirius, Marlene, and Dorcas’s passionate conversation about Game of Thrones, although she answered when one of them asked her opinion. Sirius was eyeing her skeptically, but she pretended she did not take notice.
Around a half hour later, most of their flat had cleared out. Dorcas went back to their room, while Marlene and Mary lingered until most people had gone before they went back to their dormitory. There was barely anyone left, when Remus was passed out in a chair, Hayley was talking to Sirius, and James walked up to Lily.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asked immediately.
Lily blinked. “What? No, of course not,” she said.
James squinted his eyes at her. “You aren’t cross with me?”
“No,” she said quickly. “Why would I be?”
He frowned at her. “I don’t know, you tell me.”
“There’s nothing to tell,” she said, trying to keep eye contact.
He stared into her eyes for a long moment, and then shook his head and sighed. “Whatever, Evans. Goodnight.”
He grabbed Hayley’s hand and led them into his and Sirius’s bedroom, closing the door behind them.
Sirius groaned. “Well, I’m really lucky that Remus fell asleep out here because now I don’t have access to my own bed, so I can just take his—“ He stopped talking once he looked at Lily and saw her face. She couldn’t help the fact that there were tears stinging in her eyes, or that all the color had drained from her face, or that it felt like her throat had closed up and she couldn’t breathe properly.
“Lily?” said Sirius quietly, touching her arm. She bit her lip, unable to speak. Sirius suddenly understood. “Oh, Evans…Don’t let this— if James knew—“
“Please,” she whispered hoarsely, interrupting him. “Please, don’t tell him.”
November.
“You’re not going to get through to him,” Sirius warned her, conceding and plopping down on the sofa, picking up the video game controller.
“Lucky I’m as stubborn as he is,” Lily said, striding into their room where James lay face down on his bed.
James groaned into his pillow. “Leave. Me. Alone. I want to die in peace.”
“Imagine not being overdramatic for approximately one day of your life.”
“Look who’s talking,” he mumbled.
Lily, reluctantly, sat on the edge of his bed. He wasn’t wearing a shirt anymore, which made her feel nervous a bit, but she patted his bare back. “Come on, Potter, get up.”
“No, let me wallow in my misery and guilt.”
“Guilt about what?”
“It’s all my fault,” he whispered.
Lily snorted. “Your fault? That’s rubbish, James. ”
He quite suddenly flipped over and sat up, facing her with something of serious and real anger in his eyes she had only seen once before. After his one-night stand with Hayley Eden, Lily avoided him for a few days, and on one particular night he stormed into her room, shouting at her with the same anger in his eyes, but a bit more intense then rather than now. It turned into a massive row, but after about ten minutes Lily lied and told James she was just having a bad week and was taking it out on him. James eventually accepted that story, and they made up. And Lily learned to deal with the fact that James was going to have one night stands as long as she kept her feelings—whatever they were—hidden. Although they constantly bickered normally as always, they never had an argument like that since.
The anger in his eyes made her nervous. She tried gentler this time. “I mean, it’s intramural football. It’s a team sport. It can’t be a single player’s fault. Besides, I watched the match, and I know it wasn’t your—“
“I appreciate it, Lil, but can we just drop it? Please?” he asked, the anger still burning in his eyes. He seemed more angry with himself than with her, she realized, so it made her feel more at ease.
She sighed, straightening her back. “Alright,” she said slowly. “What would you like to talk about?”
“Nothing,” he said, lying down again though this time on his back, eyes closed.
Lily mentally slapped herself for staring at his chest. “Tell me a happy memory.”
James’s eyes shot open, and he raised his eyebrows at Lily.
“What?” she asked.
Surprisingly, he smiled at her. “You’re mental, you are.”
“That’s why you love me.”
He smiled wider, the anger in his face completely dissolving. “Yeah,” he agreed.
Lily felt her insides squirm as she smiled back at him, and his hazel eyes had become soft, staring into her own. “So? Happy memory?”
James’s eyes lingered on hers for a few more moments, and then he looked at the ceiling.
“At our high school, every year they have a male pageant competition for seniors.”
Lily laughed with a snort. “You’re joking.”
“He’s not!” shouted Sirius from the common area of the flat. “We were both in it.”
Lily burst into giggles. “I have to hear this.”
James looked back at her, smiling. “There were three rounds, with judges and everything. Remus didn’t enter—not really his thing—but Sirius and I entered straight away. It’s quite fun.”
He sat up next to her and went on to tell her about the pageant in detail, and how he and Sirius were the two finalists. The last round was the talent portion. Sirius did a song; James did a dance. James won by five votes.
Sirius had walked in by the end of the story, sitting on his bed. “I still say you fixed the votes. My singing abilities are much better than your dancing abilities.”
“Rubbish,” said James. “I destroyed you.”
“Who did Remus vote for?” Lily asked.
Sirius and James both made a disapproving noise. “He abstained from voting,” spat Sirius.
“Or so he claims,” groaned James.
As if on cue, Remus came walking into the flat. “Hey, Remus! In here!”
Remus came shuffling into their room, taking in the scene. “Hello, Lily,” he said pleasantly.
“Who did you vote for in your school’s male pageant? Potter or Black?”
“Oh,” said Remus. “James,” he answered, and then left the room.
“Are you fucking KIDDING ME, Lupin?” screamed Sirius, hopping off the bed and going after him. “This is BETRAYAL, DO YOU HEAR ME?”
James doubled over in triumphant laughter. “I knew it!”
Lily laughed along with him, her heart fluttering at the sound of his. “Feeling better?”
His laughter died out a bit, and he smiled at her brightly. “Thanks, Evans.”
“That’s what I’m here for.”
They looked at one another, and then James, suddenly, moved his hand toward hers and held it in his. He squeezed it tightly, smiling at her. Her heart nearly jumped straight into her throat.
December.
“You’re mental, Evans.”
“I’m serious, James! When I was nine I used to have this existential crisis where it bothered me that I was stuck in my own head and I couldn’t take someone else’s perspective! And I still do! You know when you’re driving, and you stop at a red light, and there’s someone driving alone and they’re crying? And you want to console them but you don’t know them, and as soon as the light turns green you’ll never see them again, and you wonder why they’re even crying in the first place, but you’ll never know? Don’t you ever think about how damn small we are?”
“I mean…sometimes, but not when I was nine.”
“There’s billions of people in the world but I’ll only ever be able to see the world through my own experience. It’s like…constricting, don’t you think?”
“But that’s the beauty of the human experience, isn’t it? That you only get one perspective?”
“But there’s so much out there!”
“You’ll get to see it.”
“You know, for a brief period, when I was a kid, I considered being an astronaut.”
“Were you just as distraught as I was when they renounced Pluto as a planet?”
“DON’T BRING THAT UP, POTTER.”
“I’M SORRY.”
“You know what I always wanted as a kid? Those glow in the dark stars you could put on your ceiling. Petunia had them, so I didn’t get them because I didn’t want to copy her. But I wanted them so badly.”
“You should get them now. For your dorm.”
“I probably should.”
“You definitely should.”
“Fuck, James, it’s five in the morning. We’ve been on the phone for four hours. I have to be awake at seven!”
“Whoops?”
“This is what happens when we don’t get to spend every day together because we’re home for winter holiday.”
“We’ll be back soon.”
“Not soon enough.”
“C’mon, Evans…It can’t be that bad.”
“It is.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Talking to you makes it bearable, I suppose.”
“Oh, you suppose.”
“Shut up.”
“Make me.”
“Thanks. For cheering me up.”
“Always, Evans.”
“You’re my best friend.”
“…Mine too. Just don’t tell Sirius I said that.”
“Oh, I very much will be telling him. You can count on it.”
“Great. I’ll be murdered by morning.”
“Well…Goodnight. Or good morning. Whatever. This is your fault.”
“Always got to blame me, don’t you?”
“Yes. Goodnight, James.”
“Night.”
January.
For all of your ceiling and childhood needs
-JP
Lily laughed, looking down at the box of glow-in-the-dark ceiling stars on her school desk, with the note taped to it. Tears inexplicably filled her eyes, and she was thankful Dorcas had just gone to get some food and couldn’t see her react this way to something so small.
She stood on her bed, putting the stars on the ceiling on her side of the room. Every time she heard a door open, her heart thumped against her chest, hoping it was James coming out of his flat. Eventually, Sirius came out, smiling at her. “You’re back.”
“Sound more enthused, maybe?” she laughed, stepping off her bed and striding towards Sirius, embracing him. “How was your holiday?”
“Pretty decent. Mrs. Potter is a fantastic cook. I’m going to die having to go back to dining hall food. How about you?”
“Could have been better,” she shrugged.
Sirius smirked at her. “Bet you wish you were me, don’t you?”
Lily looked at him, confused. “Heh?”
“I mean, I live with James and his family out of school,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.
Lily rolled her eyes and shoved Sirius. “Stuff it.”
“He’s sleeping, by the way,” he informed her. “He drove us back up, so he’s knackered. Otherwise he’d be in here right now instead of me. He’s been passed out for around an hour.”
“It’s alright,” said Lily. “You’re good company.”
“Why don’t you come into the flat? Remus would like to see you, I’m sure. And your boyfriend will wake up eventually.”
“He’s not—“ Lily started, and Sirius put an arm around her, leading her out of her room.
“Maybe not yet,” Sirius said, patting her shoulder.
Lily snorted. “Yeah, right.”
“Listen, you don’t have to lie to me,” said Sirius, closing her door behind them. “We’re mates, right Lily? Mates tell each other the truth.”
Lily groaned, elbowing Sirius in the ribs. “Leave me alone.”
“And as your mate, I can easily see how much you fancy James. So stop acting like a nitwit about it, alright?”
“Look,” she said, releasing herself from Sirius, standing outside his flat. “Mary, Marlene, Dorcas…none of them know. Not even my mates from home know. I’m very…private about it, alright? So let us both pretend my feelings don’t exist.”
“But why, Evans? I know I’m fucked up in the head and all, but I’m not daft enough to think that that can be healthy.”
“Because nothing is ever going to happen, okay!” Lily snarled. “So why fool myself? Now, let’s just—“
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,” said Sirius, blocking the door so Lily couldn’t just go in. “Are you absolutely fucking mental? Never going to happen? Where the hell are you getting that rubbish from?”
“I’d like to stop talking about this, please. Can we just go in—“
“No, you listen here, git,” Sirius said. “You are out of your damn mind, Evans, if you actually think that James isn’t absolutely mental about you. I thought you were smarter than that.”
Lily looked at him, scoffing and crossing her arms. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t know? Don’t know? I only live with the bloke, and he only talks about you every waking fucking minute. I mean, really, Evans. I don’t know.”
Lily felt her chest tighten, staring into Sirius’s face. She didn’t think he’d just make that up to make her feel better, but she didn’t want to believe it either.
As if reading her mind, Sirius grabbed her shoulders. “Why is that so hard for you to believe?”
She bit her lip, unsure if she wanted to get into this in the middle of the hallway. Just then, the door to 403 opened, and it was Remus. “What are you guys shouting about out here?”
Sirius let go of Lily, who walked over to Remus and embraced him quickly. “Hi, Remus.”
“Hi,” he responded, letting go. “Everything alright?”
“Lily’s just being an idiot. Come on, idiot, I’ve been waiting to kick your arse in Mario Kart ever since my tragic and unfair loss last time,” said Sirius, leading them into their flat.
February.
She tried to remain calm, but he was touching her thighs, for Christ’s sake. She looked at him, and he smiled. She let herself revel in the feeling spreading throughout her body. She was sitting on his bed, and he was standing in front of her, practically against her, and they were talking about something or other that Lily couldn’t quite remember anymore.
“What?” he asked at her silence, a sparkle in his eyes.
“Nothing,” she responded, attempting to sound nonchalant.
He studied her face, and slowly let his hands slide off her legs. Lily let out the smallest whimper at the loss of his touch, but she was not sure that he heard it. He put a hand in his hair, as he usually did, and looked downward.
“What?” she asked this time.
James didn’t look up. Instead, he walked away slowly.
“Potter?” she asked, nervously. “Where are you—“
But she stopped, a lump in her throat forming as she realized he was just closing the door.
He walked back, still looking at the floor.
“Everything alright?” she asked reluctantly.
He looked up at her, his face suddenly serious. “No.”
“No?”
He bit his lip, his eyes piercing into hers. “Lily, I…I have to talk to you about something.”
She nodded, but was too afraid to form proper words.
“It’s…Ever since I met you, I…” He stopped, searching her face. And then, quite suddenly, his hands were on her face, and he was placing his lips against hers. An electric shock ran through Lily’s body, and she kissed him back, threading her fingers through his hair. He moaned against her mouth, sending vibrations all the way down to her toes.
The kiss started off forceful and fast, as if they had no time at all. After a minute, he broke his mouth away so that he could climb on to the bed. Instinctively, she laid down, and he hovered over her, returning his mouth to hers excitedly. She held his face this time, and slowed down the kiss. She opened her mouth and his tongue met hers, and they both let out a noise of pleasure. This made Lily giggle, which made James laugh too, and he kissed her again quickly before he pulled away once more, opening his eyes to look at her. He was smiling like a kid on Christmas morning, which made Lily break out into a goofy grin. His smile broadened, and then he kissed her lips once, twice, then moved to her cheek, her ear, her jaw, her neck. As he kissed her she could feel her heart trying to break out of her chest. She grabbed his face and brought his mouth back to hers, unable to take it anymore.
James laughed at this, and she muttered against him, “Shut up,” and he obliged for quite some time.
More time passed, and eventually it was James again who pulled away, although Lily thought she could continue forever, feeling a sudden loss. She opened her eyes and saw him gazing at her in a way she had never seen before. It was intense. “Fuck,” he swore. “Fuck.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he said. “Not a damn thing,” and he swooped in on her again.
Both of their shirts had been discarded when a bit later on, Sirius abruptly entered the room.
They broke apart quickly, sitting up, and Sirius started howling with laughter. “Oh man, this is rich. I told you! Told you both! Oh, wait until Remus hears. I’ll bunk on the couch tonight—“
“No, Sirius,” Lily tried, feeling like her face was on fire. “I’ll go, I shouldn’t—“
“No, no, I insist. Be safe, you crazy kids,” he told them, and with another hoot of laughter, he swept out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
James and Lily looked at one another. James was sporting an embarrassed sort of smile.
Lily blushed, looking away, trying to find her shirt. “I really ought to go—“
“Evans,” he said, grabbing her hand. She forced herself to look back at him. His hazel eyes were darker than usual. “Stay. Please.”
“I…I don’t know…I have class at 8:30 tomorrow morning—“
“Isn’t that your class with Remus?” asked James. “Just go with him! You can just hop in your room and change and get your things—“
“Oh, how humiliating,” she sighed, putting her face in her free hand, but not letting go of James’s hand. “I don’t want Remus to think I’m a—“
“Don’t finish that sentence,” groaned James, interrupting her. “He won’t think anything of you. And besides, Sirius is definitely talking to him about this as we speak.”
Lily pondered this, biting her lip. After a few more moments of silence, James said, “Did I do something wrong? Did I totally fuck this up? Was kissing you a massive mistake—“
“James, no,” she said strongly. “No. No mistake. I promise.” She smiled at him, and then leaned in and kissed him briefly.
“So you’ll stay?” James asked, an impish grin forming.
Lily laughed at the look on his face. “Yeah, what pride do I have left to lose anyway, eh?”
“Oh, shut up,” said James, shoving her shoulder. “You know, if I didn’t know you any better, I’d think you were insulting me.”
“Me? Insult you? Never,” she joked, smiling at him, and he grabbed her face and started kissing her all over again, all her pride forgotten.
March.
She was lying with her head in the crook of his neck, both of them breathing heavily. He kissed the top of her head, and started tangling his fingers through her hair soothingly.
Lily started absentmindedly talking about how she was nervous for her exam the next day, and how she should probably get back to studying, but she was just too damn comfortable.
“Can I talk to you about something?” James said when she finished, a hint of nervousness in his voice.
Lily felt her feeling of comfort dissolve, anxiety setting in again. “Yeah, of—of course.”
He took a deep breath, sitting up. Lily followed, pulling the blanket up with her to cover her bare body, hugging her knees. “The first night we kissed…I was trying to talk to you about, well, us. And now for the past couple of weeks we’ve been snogging and…well, I guess you can add shagging to that list now,” he said, smirking in spite of himself. “And I just wanted to make sure that…you know, there was no one else.”
Lily rolled her eyes, exasperated. “James, are you kidding? Of course there’s no one else. I’ve been…” but she stopped, afraid to lay her feelings all out there. She wasn’t sure what this talk was leading to. Maybe he just wanted to be exclusive and that was it.
“Christ, Lil, I…” he stared at her hard, his eyes blazing. “Do you have any bloody idea how I feel about you?”
Lily gulped. “Er…I’m, er, not sure. Well, I wasn’t sure,” she corrected herself. “I might have a better idea, now, since, you know.”
James let out a low chuckle at that, moving a hand to her cheek. She sighed contently, closing her eyes. “Bloody hell, you’re perfect,” he asserted, and kissed her hard. When he pulled back, he stared in her eyes deeply again. “Well, it’s about time you know. Alright?”
“Alright,” she nodded, feeling her stomach drop.
“Ever since I met you, I haven’t gotten you out of my head. It’s like…I just wanted to see you and be with you all the time. And then we became mates and I didn’t know if you saw me that way. Until, well…after—“
“You slept with Hayley, yeah,” she said, pursing her lips.
James sighed heavily. “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t know that you—I mean, assuming you do…I felt like utter shit the next day when Sirius had said you’d been crying—“
“He said WHAT?!” Lily screamed. “Oh, that absolute tosser! He swore to me he wouldn’t say anything! He promised—“
“Lily, relax!” James said, placing a hand on her covered knee. “He didn’t say why you were crying. I just asked him the next day if you were okay and he said, ‘I don’t know, mate, she left here crying over who knows what. Didn’t get a proper chance to chat about her sorrows before she bolted.’ I just…put the pieces together.”
“Well, aren’t you quite the Sherlock Holmes,” snorted Lily.
James looked at her seriously, squinting his eyes. “My point is, that I’m fucking mental about you, Evans. Absolutely out of my mind. Always have been. Don’t think I ever won’t be. You’ve planted your roots deep in there. And I just want to make sure I’m not the only one here,” he said, trying to smile.
Lily grabbed his hands, squeezing them tight. She inhaled deeply. “We must both be out of our minds, then, I reckon.”
James’s attempted smile turned into one very real and bright. “Really?”
“Really,” she confirmed. “I…I’m pretty mental about you, too. Ever since you ran in with that candy.”
James’s smile broadened. “Want to know what really did it for me? The night you tried cheering me up after we lost the football match.”
She smiled back, kissing one of his hands. “You nearly killed me with those glow-in-the-dark stars.”
“Good,” he said, laughing. “That was the point.”
“You always nearly kill me,” she said, and he let go of one of her hands to put a piece of her hair in front of her face back behind her ear.
He let his fingers linger on the side of her face. His smile still strong, he asked, “Care to be my girlfriend, Evans?”
She closed her eyes, leaning her cheek into his hand, breathing steadily. “Only ‘cause you’re cute, Potter.”
Lily opened her eyes to see James shaking his head, laughing. “I am cute, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, but that’s it,” she said. “That’s the single and sole reason I fancy you. Just because you’re fit.”
“Mhm,” he murmured, and then he leaned in and kissed her tenderly, and she pulled him closer to her and kissed him with all she had, her chest roaring, her brain spinning, her entire body filling with a happiness she wasn’t accustomed to. And he just kissed her, and kissed her, and kissed her, and nothing mattered anymore the way he did. James, James, James.