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It’s drizzling by the time Chanyeol starts slurring his words and starts singing a song Baekhyun barely knows the words to. The bottle of wine he and Sehun stole from their manager is halfway finished and there are only two left from the plate of club sandwiches, and it has only been an hour.
When he turns to look, Kyungsoo is quietly running his fingers on the carpet, stare sleepy and idle. Sehun is sleeping on his shoulder but he doesn’t seem to mind the weight and Sehun’s quiet snoring close to his ear, just continues staring at nothing, now tapping his fingers on the carpet. Baekhyun’s head is kind of swimming too, barely sober but not that drunk, just enough for him to feel sleepy and a bit like shit.
Chanyeol pokes his shoulders three times and Baekhyun squints at him. “Go to sleep, Chanyeol,” he murmurs, poking Chanyeol’s tummy. He thinks if he listens close enough he’ll hear the drip-drop of the rain on the wide windows, dotting the glass, a filter to the soft glow of the Tokyo skyline. There’s something soft and sleepy about the city tonight, even though they’re in the middle of the hustle-bustle of it all, even though the city never sleeps. It must be the light rain or the soft buzz in his veins or the humming of the air conditioner in the background, he isn’t sure.
“No schedule tomorrow,” Chanyeol says, frowning at Baekhyun’s hand, “s’okay not to.” But he leans back on the foot of the bed and closes his eyes, nevertheless. Three minutes later, with the way Chanyeol’s foot is still moving under his socks, Baekhyun can tell he still hasn’t slept yet but has already stopped paying attention to things. He won’t see this: the way Baekhyun is scooching over to sit close to Kyungsoo or the way the edge of their toes press together. These things are the kind Baekhyun likes to keep to themselves.
“Not sleepy?” Baekhyun asks, voice soft, almost like a whisper, nudging his way into Kyungsoo’s space until they’re shoulder-to-shoulder. When their arms press, Kyungsoo feels warm despite the cold enveloping them. Baekhyun thinks it feels good, having him close like this.
“Kinda,” Kyungsoo mumbles.
“Sleep, then,” Baekhyun says and nudges him with his shoulder again, as if saying you can have my shoulder. You can use me as a pillow, we can clean up this mess in the morning.
You can lean on me.
“Thanks.” The corner of Kyungsoo’s lips lift up. “But maybe later. For now, I’m just…”
“Just?”
“I don’t know. Just stay like this. Bask in the moment. Sleep will come later.”
Baekhyun keeps quiet, just nods and settles on the comfortable silence, if that’s what Kyungsoo wants.
He thinks sometimes, alcohol does very weird things to his brain. Like make him want to be painfully honest yet have his tongue tie to knots. Like heightening each and every one of Kyungsoo’s movements. Like zeroing in on the dip of Kyungsoo’s upper lip or the moles lining the side of his neck. He thought of this once: sitting across Kyungsoo, celebrating manager-hyung’s birthday a year back, feeling the tangy taste of the alcohol sit on the back of his throat as he stares at Kyungsoo, thinking maybe he’d tell him he looked good or did great or made Baekhyun’s heart thump today when they locked eyes for more than a few seconds backstage. He thought of the way the alcohol sends his mind into overdrive and then think that maybe this will be gone in the morning, yet somehow still feels the after-effect warmth and rush of it all when he thinks back to it nevertheless.
“Don’t you ever think that this will be gone, one day?” Kyungsoo suddenly says. “One day, we’ll all be too old to dance in khaki pants, too tired to keep up with the schedules, too old and overused. We’ll all have our own careers. We’ll all be moving out of the dorm.”
Baekhyun thinks back to quiet nights, when all the noise in their dorm finally dies down, a hush of sleepy silence blanketing them. Still nights when he thinks of where he’ll be ten years later, what will happen to them, or how they’ll end. Still nights when he looks at his surroundings and thinks of every corner of their house, these faint cream-colored walls, these silk sheets, the leftovers and snacks on the refrigerator for Sehun or Chanyeol when they decide to venture out for a midnight snack. The company they keep. The feeling of home.
“Sometimes, yeah,” Baekhyun says, “but it just makes me appreciate everything more, you know? Makes everything feel more special.” He drops his hands to his sides, brings it to the carpeted floor, their fingers touch and Baekhyun interlocks their ring fingers and pinkies.
Kyungsoo doesn’t pull back.
“Would you ever want to move out, Baekhyun?” Kyungsoo asks. Everything is quiet—Kyungsoo’s voice, Sehun’s soft snoring, the low buzz of activity in the hallway. The night seems to be muted and blurry and sleepy.
“Well, paying bills would be a hassle and much expensive, so no thanks,” Baekhyun laughs.
Kyungsoo snorts softly, shaking his head with a smile, “You know what I mean.”
The air falls quiet again, and Baekhyun starts tapping on Kyungsoo’s hand. Moving out, moving on. Just having the past and their prime to look back to. “We all have to, one day,” Baekhyun says, and he thinks his tone is quite… sad, but not really—he doesn’t know. Melancholic, maybe. Pensive. Not sad. “Hey, maybe I can bring Mongryeong with me by then. Take him back to Seoul. I miss that dog.”
Kyungsoo smiles. “How is he?”
“He’s good,” Baekhyun says, “and fat. Grandma feeds him too much treats, I think. He needs friends to play with, just to get his butt moving.” Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo. “Maybe you can bring Meokmul and Huchu with you.”
“My pups with your huge, happy dog.” Kyungsoo laughs—Baekhyun thinks he did a lot of laughing tonight, it suits him, “Make sure Mongryeong doesn’t scare them away.”
“Mongryeong is a well-behaved dog. He would never!”
“Maybe Toben and Vivi can come, too. We’d all visit you in your apartment.”
“With treats.”
“With treats,” Kyungsoo reassures. “Imagine me coming and going to your apartment with two dogs and a bag full of treats every week. They’d wonder what kind of life we’re living. A dog club in your apartment.”
Kyungsoo is laughing again, and Baekhyun thinks the fondness and warmth suddenly spreading in his chest is going to make him burst if it fills up any more. Kyungsoo laughing, making plans with him, in their half-drunk state of mind that’s probably making them tell half-truths that they’d always wanted to say but don’t know how to, so they settle with talking about the future and dogs and moving in instead.
Baekhyun thinks he’d want to make more future plans with Kyungsoo, and it makes his throat dry just thinking about it. Or maybe it’s the alcohol and the lack of water in his system.
“You can stay, you know,” Baekhyun says softly. “You can stay so you won’t have to come and go every week. I can make space for your bed linens and movie CDs and more for Meokmul and Huchu. Your dogs and mine could be playmates.”
Maybe he’ll regret this in the morning, pull his hair out for being stupidly honest and for letting the thumping in his chest and the mess in his mind get the best of him.
Or not, with the way Kyungsoo is suddenly staring and smiling at him.
“Playmates. And best friends. You could buy them one huge bed to sleep on,” Kyungsoo says, yawning softly. And suddenly, Sehun moves his head from the crook between Kyungsoo’s shoulder and head, and blinks at them blearily, before moving to sleep on the floor instead. Baekhyun grabs the blanket from the bed and drapes it on Sehun, making sure to tuck his feet in so he doesn’t get cold. He grabs the remote control and turns down the temperature of the air conditioner. Somehow, he feels oddly warm despite everything and having just turned down the AC.
“We can take turns cooking. You clean the beds.” Baekhyun hums, chest still thumping in a rhythmic manner, comfortable. He plays with Kyungsoo’s fingers until Kyungsoo intertwines them, and he looks up to Kyungsoo’s stare.
“Sure, as long as you do the laundry and take out dog poop,” Kyungsoo says, blinking sleepily, smiling softly, and Baekhyun can’t really protest with the way Kyungsoo is staring at him with a look in his eyes… almost fond. Baekhyun thinks he must look the same.
Baekhyun, in the spur of the moment, bops their foreheads together. There must be something about Japan, or the wine, or the warmth in Kyungsoo’s eyes that makes everything feel like a dream. Like when he wakes up, everything is just from his head. But he opens his eyes and sees Kyungsoo still looking back.
“I can never say no to you,” Baekhyun says, honest, their noses pressing together. This isn’t new. They’ve held their faces this close before, several times whenever Baekhyun creeps into Kyungsoo’s bed, or when they were just laughing quietly on the couch, soles of their feet touching the cold tiles in the living room, or a few minutes before a performance. It’s quiet for a while, everything is still. Baekhyun can feel the warmth of Kyungsoo’s lips, his breath fanning against his, close but not quite enough, and Baekhyun just stops. He does not cross the distance. Not yet. The humming of the air conditioner hangs in the air
After a few seconds, Kyungsoo’s head drops to his shoulder and Baekhyun can feel his breath on his neck. “‘M sleepy,” he murmurs, “More talks about dogs tomorrow. Let’s go to sleep, Baekhyun.”
“Alright, then.” His voice is soft, a whisper to the night. “Good night, Kyungsoo.”
“Good night, Baekhyun.”
Outside, the Tokyo skyline dips into a more velvet black and the lights shine brightly. Baekhyun can still feel the warmth of Kyungsoo’s breath on his face, can still hear the echo of the plans they made. In the morning, they’ll either forget or laugh about it. But Baekhyun knows talk about what will happen to them will come some other time. They’ll have their time and have their answers soon. Kyungsoo’s not leaving some time soon, anyway.
He makes sure Kyungsoo is already nodding off before kissing the younger’s forehead, lips lingering, heart soft and filled with fondness.
Baekhyun isn’t planning on leaving, too.