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Keith slammed the door to his room. Lance pounded on the door, asking Keith to let him in, to just let him explain why he didn’t think Keith would be a good leader of the paladins.
“Keith, come on, man!” Lance shouted through the metal. “Just let me in and we can talk about this like teammates!”
Like teammates . Keith slide open the door, nearly sending Lance toppling to the floor because he was leaning against it, and crossed his arms. “What if I don’t want to be just teammates?”
Lance stared at him blankly. “What?”
“Nevermind, you would never understand.” Keith uncrossed his arms and slide the door shut again to drown out Lance’s protests. He laid down in his bed and closed his eyes, trying to think about anything, anything at all, that didn’t have to do with Lance or the other paladins.
It was hard, Most of his life revolved around the paladins now. They did everything together -- eat, train, watch TV, explore new worlds -- there was barely any time they spent on their own. Almost every memory Keith had of the past months included Lance in some way, shape, or form, barring the times Keith stayed behind in the castle while the others explored or he travelled with Pidge, Hunk, or both Pidge and Hunk for some reason or another.
Recently, he had been staying behind more and more often during the exploring missions; without Shiro, there didn’t seem to be much of a point. No Shiro, no Voltron, no saving worlds they visit that need their help. Trying to save the universe with four out of the five lions was impossible, and there was no way they would be able to find someone who wasn’t Shiro to pilot the black lion. The black lion wouldn’t allow it, shouldn’t allow it. Keith wouldn’t allow it .
Keith rolled over onto his other side and tucked his knees up to his chest. The were going to find Shiro, they just had to. Who else was going to lead the paladins in the fight against the Galra? Keith’s first actual battle in charge of the group had gotten all of them nearly killed, though he refused to acknowledge it in the moment, choosing instead to press on. None of their training prepared them for how much the weight of a lost paladin would impact their abilities to fly their lions. And Keith knew the grief wasn’t the problem as to why they could barely keep their formations, switching lions was possibly the worst idea ever. There was no way the team was ever going to be the same.
It wasn’t likely the team was going to stay together much longer if they couldn’t defeat Lotor, Keith might as well get used to being alone. He scoffed to himself. Who was he kidding? He actually enjoyed being alone, actually preferred it.
"Keith, we need you on the bridge.”
He groaned. He stretched out his arm to poke the intercom button. “I’m a little busy right now, Coran.”
“There is a Galra ship fast approaching and you need to come up with a plan before they get too close.”
“Allura can do that.”
“Keith,” Allura’s voice took over. “No one else can pilot the black lion at the moment and we can’t win without all of the lions. Your leadership may need a little work, but the only way we are going to improve is if you lead us right now. We need you.”
Allura’s stupid encouragement barely ever convinced him on a good day, and it sure as hell didn’t work now.
“Sorry everyone. I’m just not feeling good today. Good luck out there.”
Keith put his intercom on mute and pulled the blankets over his head. Nothing was going right lately. Shiro was missing, the lions were out of sync, and Lance was acting more adorable than usual. Keith’s brain was all jumbled and confused and he just needed some time to work it out.
He laid like that for a few hours, letting only a few tears fall, before he heard the paladins’ disheartened voices in the corridor. He peaked out from under the blanket and watched the shadows of their feet wander past his door. One shadow passed, then stopped in front of the door. They stood there for a moment as if trying to decide whether or not to knock, but they finally walked off too. Keith drifted off to sleep not long after, able to finally relax knowing that the team made it back safely.
==========
Keith walked into the mess hall the next morning for breakfast and the team fell silent. He took a seat at the head of the table across from Coran, where Shiro used to sit. He dug into the plate Hunk placed in front of him, keeping his head down and ignoring the fact that everyone was watching him closely, trying to read his mood. He knew what they wanted, but he wasn’t going to give them anything. He finished his food and put his plate in the sink before heading back to his room.
There was a knock on his door as soon as it slid shut. Keith sighed and reopened it to find Lance leaning against the edge of the doorframe.
“We almost died yesterday,” Lance started. “Pidge was only able to save us because she calculated the angles our lions needed to be at to escape and--”
“Why are you here, Lance?” Keith said, his voice strained. All his thinking the previous day had forced him to come to two conclusions: first, even if Lance wasn’t going to accept him as (temporary) leader of the paladins, Keith was going to do the best he could to lead them in defeating the Galra; and second, there was nothing more he wanted right now than Lance’s approval of him as the new (temporary) leader. They contradicted each other, but he really couldn’t help himself, Lance was important to him for reasons he knew Lance would never understand.
Lance nervously kicked his toe against the eneven surface of the floor. “I want to apologized for the things I said yesterday. We got called away on our mission and then we almost died... and it kind of put everything into perspective for me. The team needs a leader. Allura tried yesterday, but we all felt like we were second guessing every command she gave. With you, sure there might be doubts, but at least you say them with conviction, like you know what you want us to do.”
“And what if what I’m asking you to do isn’t best for the team? You said it yourself. I can’t keep pushing us forward and pushing past our limits.”
“I think...” Lance took a deep breath. “I think you can work on that.”
“Right.” Keith moved to push the “close door button” and shut Lance out again.
Lance shot out a hand to stop him. The touch sent a shiver deep through their bones. Keith yanked his hand away and turned to move further into his room instead. He kept his back to Lance as he clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. Lance took a step inside the room, but didn’t come any closer.
“Look, I came here to say sorry and to tell you that I think you’ll make an okay leader. I didn’t mean for us to fight again. The team needs you, I need you. You can’t just keep hiding in your room by yourself.”
“Sometimes, you’re better off alone.”
“Okay. I can see your mind is basically made up on this, but I really think we could make this work.” Lance sighed and Keith heard his footsteps heading towards the door. “And if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
==========
“I’m going for a walk,” Lance announced, setting his fork down and pushing his chair back. “I’ll be on the nearest friendly, warm planet with a beach. Alone,” he added with a pointed look toward Keith. Lance placed his breakfast dishes in the sink and stalked out of the mess hall.
“What was that all about?” Hunk asked, turning toward Keith. The others also put down their forks and looked at Keith.
“I haven’t the slightest clue.” Keith picked up his dishes and roughly dropped them in the sink as well. “I’ll be in my room, don’t disturb me.”
The paladins watched him exit in silence.
“When do you think they’ll figure it out?” Pidge wondered out loud.
“They couldn’t figure it out even with a hundred foot banner shouting it at them right in front of their faces,” said Allura. “Best to just give them some space until their anger blows over.”
Coran nodded enthusiastically. “Couldn’t agree more, Princess Allura.”
Back in his room, Keith couldn’t stop picturing himself on next to Lance on a beach. Lance in blue Hawaiian swimming trunks and sunglasses, laid back on a towel tanning his gorgeous olive skin. Lance laid back under an umbrella with a fruity drink in hand, a paper umbrella and a straw circling the rim of the glass. Lance splashing in the shallow waters of the ocean. Lance emerging out of deeper waters and smoothing his dripping hair back out of his eyes in slow motion, wiping water from his face, his wet abs shimmering in the sunlight.
He shook his head. “You’re crazy,” he muttered to himself.
Keith rolled out of bed and pulled his own swim trunks on.