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Those Deadly Creatures

Summary:

Their human is moving in with Christophe. He should have warned them that Christophe lives with a monster.

Notes:

For CynicInAFishbowl, who, in comments to Some of the Best Ideas, asked how Phichit’s hamsters would get along with Christophe’s cat.

Technically, this is a sequel to Some of the Best Ideas and set in the same universe as On the Naming of Hamsters, because I like my headcanon that the hamsters have the same first names as the triplets. You don’t have to read either of those for this ficlet to make sense; all you need to know is that Phichit married Chris on a whim, and the hamsters' names are Axel, Lutz, and Loop.

Work Text:

Axel knew they should have stayed with their namesakes in Japan. The human girls offered, but the hamsters decided to remain loyal to Phichit and follow him to Switzerland.

And now this is how he’s repaying their loyalty.

“This is Christophe,” Phichit says. “You remember Christophe? We’re going to be living with him from now on. And this is Mia.”

It’s a monster. A real, actual, terrible monster. Axel thinks they’re called ‘tigers’. Or ‘lions’. They saw those on TV a few times, but Axel never thought they’d be this huge: almost three times as big as the three of them combined, or maybe even bigger. Almost as big as Makkachin and at least five times as scary.

“Mia, be nice,” says Christophe.

Who names a monster ‘Mia’?

They should have stayed in Japan. Should have stayed in Thailand and never believed Phichit’s promises to come back in a few months, ‘after Chris retires’. Should have, at the very least, stayed in the safety of their carrier—but who would have thought that Phichit, their Phichit, would allow this to happen?

It’s too late now.

Lutz wandered too far in his exploration of the couch, and ‘Mia’ has taken interest in him. Axel has seen enough documentaries to know what comes next. Lions chase their prey, catch it, and—how could Phicht do this to them? After everything they’ve been through together?!

The beast approaches Lutz and sniffs him.

“You’ve been a good friend, Lutz,” Loop says, and hides her face in Phichit’s shirt. “We love you!”

The beast makes a scary noise, and Axel realizes that if neither Phichit nor Christophe are doing anything to protect Lutz, it’s up to her to save her little brother. She can do that. She’ll give him a second to run away.

She rushes to his side and puts herself between Lutz and the monster. The monster makes that terrible noise again.

“Run,” she tells her brother.

The monster sticks out its tongue, and Axel closes her eyes, preparing for her demise.

She feels something soft touch the back of her head and pat her, from ears to tail. Then again. It’s nice. Very nice, nicer than when Phichit tickles her. If this is what death feels like, it’s not as scary as she thought.

“Look!” Phichit yells, “She thinks they’re kittens!”

When the patting stops, Axel opens her eyes and looks around. She’s still alive, unless this is some elaborate illusion. The monster’s sitting next to her, making another noise—prrr, prrr, like a car, only softer—and it’s not as scary as the first one. And it’s licking Lutz’s tummy, just where he likes to be tickled. The expression on Lutz’s face says Mia knows exactly what she’s doing.

“I told you they’d get along,” Christophe says. “An ex of mine brought her a mouse once. The asshole thought live mice make for good cat treats. She adopted it and tried to feed it her actual treats. Cried when the mouse died a few months later, too.”

Mia finishes tickling Lutz and gets back to patting Axel.

It’s good to know that their human friend isn’t a traitor, after all.

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