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She was there. She was in front of a soft haze, as if in a meadow at dawn… no, she was the soft haze. She was the sun and everything before it. Kaz watched her, red silks lazily hung to her knee, the shimmery fabric twisting in time with her hips, her waist, her shoulders. She was laughing, she was singing. She was singing terribly, but Kaz felt himself give himself away with a smile. Her shoulders were as bare as day she was born, hair hanging to her waist in thick, wavy tumbles.
She was bright like a dream is bright and wild like a dream is wild.
She laughed, mouth wide and open; it was the music she moved to. She was all the stars, all the moons, all the money Kaz had seen and more. She was not even comparable to things of this earth; she was a deity, all sun and stars, made of the earth and of the heavens. Watching her made him ache, made him sigh, allowing himself the soft noises of pleasure that no one but she would ever hear. It made her spin faster, squealing, giggling; this was a place she had seen all darkness in world to make her bright. Far too bright, Kaz felt himself laugh. He was smiling, though not touching her, rushes of happiness and pleasure shivering down his body.
Up until she gave a graceful fall, feet losing balance amongst her rapid spinning, giggling breathlessly on her way down, lying in the grass, chest heaving. Her eyes fluttered closed, a grin splitting her face, lips and cheeks flushed. Kaz felt it too; the fall, the ease of body as his shoulders went slack.
In fact, he felt it so much, he woke up. He was panting, brain swimming as he tried to figure out- oh. Oh.
If the beyond uncomfortable wetness in the lower half of his bedclothes and the very clear images of a frightless, giddily breathless Inej were any indication as to what happened, it was surely the blush that crept to his cheeks that gave him away.
Jesper. Shameless, big mouthed Jesper was asleep in the cot on the other side of the room. Wylan too, if his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him, and the second mound in the linen was not a bliss induced hallucination.
Kaz carefully slipped from the bedroom, shutting the door without so much as the soft click of the lock. He gave a visible puff of breath, the cold air refreshing his flushed body as he carefully opened the bathroom door. He tried to ignore the twang of shame he felt. Shame eats men whole, and he would not let a simple factor of his biology bring him shame. His mind was going to grab hold of the prettiest, shiniest thing in his memory and apply it to his more… primal instincts.
He was overthinking this.
He splashed his face with the freezing water from the tap, letting the icy droplets run in rivulets down his face, through his stubble. He raked his fingernails through the harsh hairs. Another piece of evidence that he had gone through what every man goes through. See? Inej doesn’t make you grow a beard. Your physical make-up does.
He needed a good slap to the face, and a reminder that he was not a school boy with a crush. Inej was his spider, his Wraith, and one day she would leave him. And his dreams were a product of his physicality.
So really, nothing mattered, and he could go on forgetting all about it.