Work Text:
sickeningly in love
the first time it ever happens is in second grade, with his old best friend han jae. he’d told his older sister how pretty he thought han jae’s lips were. he’d told her how he thought if han jae wanted to be, han jae could be girl, because of how pretty he was. his sister had told him that, yes, han jae was quite handsome, but that he should never say it to han jae’s face, because most of the time boys don’t call other boys pretty.
hoseok nods along and tells dawon that she’s probably right.
hoseok didn’t listen to his sister. on tuesday morning he finds han jae and tells him he thinks he’s really pretty. he tells han jae, “i like you!” and han jae’s face distorts in disgust. he backs away from hoseok and calls him a mean word that makes his chest hurt, and his eyes well up. when he goes into class after that, all of the other kids call him the mean word too.
that night, after mommy gives him a kiss and tucks him in, his throat burns. his chest feels heavy and he thinks he’s going to throw up, so he gets up and dashes to his trash can. instead of his dinner, he hacks up tons and tons of pale pink flowers. metallic blood drips down his chin and he falls onto the floor, kicking the can down in the process.
bloody petals litter his floor and he doesn’t know what to do but cry. he wipes the blood from his mouth and crawls back into his bed to cry and cry and cry.
in the morning, when daddy opens his bedroom door and tells him it’s time to get dressed for school, he doesn’t seem to notice the flowers. when mommy comes in because hoseok still hasn’t gotten up yet, she does notice them. she sees them and is shocked for a moment, but then she rushes over to his bed and pulls him abruptly out of it.
she looks at him with a look in her eyes hoseok doesn’t know the word for. “jung hoseok, what is that?” she points accusingly to the flowers, as if hoseok did it on purpose. he sits up and isn’t sure what to say. the blood had dried overnight, and now the flowers are just stained a darker shade of pink.
he can’t quite tell his mother he puked up flowers, so instead he lies and says, “i’m really really sorry mommy… i saw the pretty flowers at the park and picked them.” his mother looks angry. she’s always told him not to take things that aren’t his, and she’s fuming. “hoseok, don’t you dare steal again. when you get to school apologize to ms. green for taking from her flower garden.”
hoseok won’t apologize, because he didn’t do it. but he lies to his mom anyway and says he will(he sure has been doing a lot of lying).
with time, hoseok learned what the disease that haunted him was, and with even more time, he learned how to hide it. and in general, he did a good job keeping it from other people. he’d managed to have little to no slip ups in all of his time since the second grade incident, even though he still often found himself coughing up those disgusting flowers, especially when new-boy min yoongi shows up in his class.
he knows from the start that yoongi couldn’t be interested in him, but that doesn’t stop him from taking a liking to the mysterious teen.
yoongi almost instantly becomes a part of his group, namjoon and seokjin both adoring him immediately. taehyung likes his stories, and jimin likes anything taehyung likes. hoseok is almost sure that jungkook only sticks around because namjoon buys him coffee.
either way, it works out.
one night, seokjin has managed to lure all of the gang to his apartment(jin is the eldest of them all, a college freshman), and yoongi and himself are left alone in the living room. somehow, even though hoseok swears nearly five minutes ago they were just talking about yoongi’s favorite color, they’ve made it to the topic of love.
and then, somehow, hoseok learns that yoongi has a crush on jungkook, and before he even realizes it, the flowers are coming and coming.
shit, he thinks, shit, shit shit. the bloody cymbidium orchids(hoseok had researched it, once) are all over the floor. everywhere. there’s a lot of blood, like, a lot of blood. hoseok thinks he’s going to die, no, he’s sure he’s going to die. there is so much blood, running down his chin and then on the carpet, and the flowers won’t stop coming.
yoongi is behind him, rubbing his back and pushing his bangs out of his face, apparently not questioning the fact flowers are spewing out of his mouth. he can barely hear the door open, and he can barely hear jin scream.
he can barely hear jin speaking frantically on the phone, and he can barely hear yoongi telling him he’s going to be fine. he’s not going to be fine, though, he’ll never be fine. this won’t ever stop. he was already crying, but now he’s sobbing.
then he passes out.
he wakes up in a hospital, with typical white walls and beeping. the bed he’s lying in isn’t particularly comfortable, but it isn’t uncomfortable, either. he’s wrapped in a thin white quilt and the television in front of him is playing a drama he doesn’t recognize. he can hear doctors and nurses outside of his room buzzing around.
next to him, he notices, is yoongi, asleep, and next to yoongi is his mother, who’s typing on her phone, a distressed expression on her face. hoseok shuffles in the bed and both yoongi and his mom’s heads snap up.
his mom rushes to his bed and hugs him to her chest tightly. “hoseok, oh, hoseok, you’re okay..” she breathes out. hoseok sits there frazzled. a nurse comes a moment after ms. jung has sat down. “good morning hoseok.” she smiles at him. she’s a pretty young woman, and the tag on her scrubs reads jisoo.
“morning..” he says, a bit disheveled. jisoo begins to do check up’s on him. when she’s done she asks his mom if she can speak to her outside. once again he’s left alone with yoongi, and a wave of nostalgia washes over him. he’s suddenly afraid orchid’s are about to come out of his mouth, again.
yoongi looks at him, worried. his eyes are dark and the bags under them even darker. he must’ve been up all night. “hoseok..” yoongi says quietly, approaching him. he hugs him carefully, as is he’s fragile. hoseok hugs him back. “i’m sorry..” yoongi whispers. hoseok isn’t sure why. “what is there to be sorry for, hyung?”
yoongi shrugs, “dunno. felt right to say. so.. uh..” hoseok grimaces. it’s so awkward. “the flowers.” hoseok mumbles into the older man’s shoulder, neither of them have made a move to back up. “the flowers.” yoongi repeats. “what is it?” he asks, moving back a bit so he can look hoseok in the eyes.
“um.. well.. i think, i’m pretty sure that it’s called hanahaki.” yoongi cocks his head to the side. “hana… what?” hoseok laughs, “nothing. uh, it’s.. unrequited.. love..” yoongi’s face brightens in recognition. “oh..” he says silently, and then yoongi says, “they want to do surgery, but it’s your choice.”
hoseok shoots up in the bed, and then he’s caught in a fit of wheezing. so, no fast movements. “no, no surgery. that means… that means i’ll lose my feelings.” “you would keep them, even if that keeps happening? couldn’t you just go like someone new?” hoseok glares at yoongi, “no, yoongi, it doesn’t work like that, okay?”
yoongi deflates. “ah.. sorry. anyway, who is it anyway?” hoseok looks perplexed, “you didn’t figure it out yet..?” yoongi shrugs, “dunno..” hoseok groans. “oh.. um, well, it’s.. you.” “me?” hoseok blushes and kind of wishes that the flowers did kill him. “yep.. hahah, it’s you..” yoongi repeats that and then jumps back to where he was previously, wrapped up in hoseok’s arms. “great.” the older man grins and plants a kiss on hoseok’s cheek.
“wh- wait.. what about jungkook?!” yoongi laughs, “i lied, hobi-ah.. i didn’t want you to know i liked you. if i had known… oh, shit, it’s my fault you’re in here, isn’t it? if i hadn’t lied then..” hoseok doesn’t disagree, because in all honesty, it’s true. “oh.. well, it’s not a big deal hyung.” “yes it is hoseok! you could’ve died!”
hoseok smiles sadly, “i didn’t though, and now that i know you lov… you like me, i won’t.” yoongi looks ashamed of himself. “..i love you, hoseok.”
“....i love you too.”