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“Tony, I think the best for us is that we break up.” The HD image of his now ex-boyfriend’s shocked face twisted his gut. “I’ve been away for seven months and things seem to be heating up, I won’t be having leave any time soon. It is not fair for you” Tony’s face grew incredibly red very quickly and the explosion that came afterwards was very well deserved.
“You have no right to tell me what will be better for me. I get to choose for my - fucking - self James!” He was breathing fast and heavy, shaking. His eyes were spitting fire. “What is really happening? Did you meet someone? Are you tired of the long distance? I told you I could pull some strings, I could meet you there at the base. I told you I could make it work!”
The desperation in his voice was killing Bucky but, no. He had to be strong. He had talked to Steve about this. Steve very vehemently didn’t agree with his posture, but Bucky really thought that Tony deserved to be with someone that could be there for him.
The guilt of being away for so long with only stolen moments via Skype or emails. It is incredible because he thought he would be able to handle it. Tony and him had talked about this, Bucky had asked over and over again if he would be OK with a long distance relationship. He had stupidly thought that Tony would have issues with one.
They were about to go on a mission that was incredibly dangerous, more than the ones they had been before. Bucky had been facing death over and over again for a while now. He didn’t really fear for himself, but for those he would leave behind. Nothing worried the dead. If for whatever reason he died… he didn’t want to leave Tony to say his boyfriend died.
In the end it was Bucky who couldn't stand the longing and anxiety of wondering if Tony was just staying strong for him, so that he wouldn't worry standing in the front. He had been angsting about it, never really bringing it up with Tony. He knew it wasn’t fair but he was certain that Tony would move on.
“It’s for the best, you'll understand. I’m sorry” He ended the call and ignored the ones that followed.
His unit was moving out in 2 days, it would help to keep himself busy and away from the temptation to contact Tony and grovel for forgiveness.
Two weeks after Bucky had broken up with Tony, Steve contacted him to tell him that Bucky has been reported MIA, but there was a strong possibility that he was dead.
Tony was devastated, after the initial shock went down a bit he wondered if Bucky had known and broken up with him because of it. Steve had told him that he had tried to talk to him but Bucky would change the subject or on the one occasion end the call.
A month after the funeral Steve got the news that military had recovered Bucky. He was going to be discharged after having been a POW. Steve let Tony know as soon as he could and together went to pick Bucky up. Tony was not going to let Bucky go a second time. Not before they had the time to talk it out and make sure it hadn’t been for stupid reasons. He was there for Bucky, no matter what.
“Tony, I know I asked you before, but are you sure. Bucky might not be alright for a long time after what he went through. One isn’t discharged lightly.” Steve was earnest but nervous. He didn’t want to make it harder for either of them. The next couple of months might be very difficult.
Tony frowned and his mouth curved down on one side. “I was going to ask him to marry me, Steve. It might feel too soon for many of you, but I am sure Bucky is it for me.” He broke into a soft amused smile. “I’m with him ‘till the end of my life.”
Steve’s eyes widened and then burst out laughing. Maybe they would be alright after all. Time would tell.
Soon enough soldiers started trickling in and when they saw Bucky they hurried to him but resisted the urge to wrap him up. They didn’t want to trigger him. “Buck!” “Bucky!” The grin on their faces and the tears in their eyes expressing how they felt.
“Tony?” James seemed confused but his eyes full of hope that rapidly welled up with tears. “What are you doing here?” His question didn’t come up as a demand or as a complaint. He sounded insecure.
“I’m here because I love you and I was not willing to not give ourselves a second chance after you went and died on us. I did not agree to our first break up and I think we can still be great together, unless you really, really, really didn’t want us to be. I can still be your friend otherwise. Just-” Tony’s voice broke and the tears finally fell. “don’t cut me away. We can take it slow, we can just be friends. I know things might be hard, I researched and I - I am willing to put all the effort into it, into us.”
Tony bit his lip to stop babbling, his shoulders shaking. This wasn't the time to put extra pressure on Bucky, he took a step back.
Bucky quickly took a step forward and embraced Tony, holding him tightly to his chest even though the sling he had made it awkward and uncomfortable. He was crying too. He pressed reverent kisses to his head.
“I was an idiot Tony, I am so, so, so sorry. I had plenty of time to think and you plagued my mind most days.” He pulled away slightly to see Tony’s eyes. “I love you so much. I want to be selfish, I want to be with you, if you will still have me. “
Tony chuckled wetly. “If that is what you call selfish then I am incredibly selfish too.” His smile was brilliant if a bit wobbly. “So, selfish together?”
“Together” He kissed the tip of his nose and leaned back. “Yes,” he leaned in and kissed
Tony. “Together. “