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“I was at the swimming pool for about an hour, just chilling and playing around really but—” Seongwoo pauses all of sudden, and Jihoon feels dread crawling up his arms at the not so innocent smile on his face. He has a bad feeling about this. “But when I was just about to leave, Jihoon and Daniel came together hand in hand.”
Jihoon chokes on his spit.
What the fuck, Ong Seongwoo? Seriously what the fuck?
“So I stayed for a while and play with them, but well—” Seongwoo has the gall to wink at him and god, Jihoon’d never wanted to kill someone so badly. “Now that I think about it again, they were spending quite a lot time in the pool, so I had no choice but to leave first.”
He ends the provocative sentence with an eyebrow wiggle, and Jihoon is speechless.
Oh my fucking god.
Jihoon forces a smile even though all he wants right now is to set the obnoxiously tall creature behind him on fire until he’s nothing but dust littering under his feet. How dare this piece of lanky stuff exposes their date so casually like it’s no—
Ahem.
Nope. Not a date. It’s not a date for god’s sake what the hell he’s even thinking about.
Get yourself together, Park Jihoon.
“Because I thought it’s getting more and more interesting, I spied on them for a few minutes.” His smile grows wider. “They dived in the pool, then meditated for a while and ah—they also stargazed, together.”
Jihoon struggles upright at the unexpected words, biting lips from breaking into a train of curses.
Dammit, Seongwoo-hyung.
He breathes in, then out.
Calm yourself down.
Beside him, sitting with a ridiculously stupid grin on his face, is Kang fucking Daniel. The dumbass doesn’t even bother to at least act bothered by the fact that their stupid hyung had just exposed them to public. In front of their fans no less. Just what is his brain composed of? Air?
Just you wait, I’ll kill you both.
—[ of stardust and chlorine ]—
}{
{ amidst the sour water and bile lodging behind my throat, }
the only thing i can taste is you.
「Kang Daniel/Park Jihoon」
}{
05 – hotel
}{
Three weeks into their debut, Daniel finds himself standing next to Jihoon in a hotel room somewhere in Los Angles, staring at a double bed with wide eyes.
I’m screwed.
Daniel hears the sound of a suitcase hitting the ground and then Jihoon’s deep voice saying slowly, “Hyung, I’m gonna take this side.” he jabs his thumb into the side of bed propped against the wall. “And you can take the other one. You’re okay with that, right?”
Either because he’s is too afraid to answer or he’s too mortified to address him directly, Daniel stops short and literally freezes on his toes. After a moment or two, he nods stiffly at Jihoon, because really, he doesn’t trust his voice enough from embarrassing him further.
Silence showers down the room. He gulps when Jihoon suddenly turns around to look him a peculiar look on his face.
“W-What?”
Jihoon sighs. “I’m going to shower first. Just get yourself together already, hyung.”
Daniel nods again, not minding the way Jihoon bosses him around because really, he’s going to comply all his bidding without him asking anyway.
As soon as Jihoon disappears into the bathroom, Daniel dives straight under the cover of his – their, he reminds himself – bed in a whirlwind of curses and sanguine cheeks. Pressing his sweaty palms against his scorching face, he quashes the last of his embarrassment down the drain. The image of Jihoon’s surprised and hesitant eyes is still fresh inside his mind and god, he has never felt so embarrassed in his life.
Stupid, stupid mouth.
When Jisung had randomly put Jihoon in a room with Guanlin for the next three days, Daniel had quickly voiced his protest and demanded the younger to room with him instead. He didn’t stop for a moment to even think about his choice of words and let his sentence run free and just like he’d predicted, the result was disastrous.
“I want to room with Jihoonie.” He whined, latching himself to Jihoon’s arm like he’s some kind of overgrown koala. “Guanlin had roomed with him countless times already, now it’s is my turn.”
Daniel groans.
I whined, didn’t I? Oh my god I fucking whined.
(His foot in mouth syndrome got him into many, many misunderstandings and contretemps, but he thinks that was currently the worst and most embarrassing thing he could have said, ever.)
But Daniel was tired and hungry; all those tedious hours spent jet-lagged had drained his common sense and at that moment, he just simply couldn’t think straight enough to keep his apprehension from showing through.
So yeah, there you go.
Half of them then turned to pin Daniel with a look of confusion, as if staring at his face could answer all their question while the other half sighed tiredly into their palms, clearly exasperated. As for Jihoon—well, he had been throwing him a look every once in a while, but Daniel was too engrossed with his own feeling to even notice so he guessed that the younger male was as confused as the rest of them.
(As confused as he was, Jihoon didn’t hold back from showing him his infamous death glare, though. Daniel had cowered behind Seongwoo, too afraid for his life but also strangely mesmerized by Jihoon’s pretty eyes.)
The others had been trying to tone down the tension between the two of them with funny remarks and silly actions, but it’s no avail. Daniel just couldn’t bring himself to look at Jihoon without spiraling into madness, so ignoring the younger male at all cost is probably the most logical action he can think about right now.
Well, maybe.
Daniel grunts, pressing the pillow above his face deeper as though he’s trying to merge himself into the material.
“Hyung,”
Great, now I’m imagining things. What next?
“Daniel-hyung~”
No, go away you stupid thoughts. Let me contemplate my pitiful life in peace.
“Yah, why are you ignoring me?”
Wait a minute.
Daniel blinks when something hard and warm drops itself onto his stomach, straddling his hips. He looks up only to find Jihoon glaring behind his long eyelashes, mouth upturned and brows raised.
Woah his eyes are so pre—wait, what?
“Kang Daniel,” Jihoon hisses at him like an affronted kitten, his slanted eyes narrow into slits. Honestly, the act only makes him even cuter. “Stop ignoring me! I thought I told you to get your shit together?”
Shit, he’s real.
Daniel blushes hard when he finally realizes their position right now.
Oh my god.
"Ugh, I don’t care anymore!" Jihoon plops down and knocks his head against Daniel’s broad chest. Daniel stiffens under his body, eyes widening in horror. "I’m gonna stick with you like gum until you talk to me again."
He pauses, heart hammering fast. “W-What?”
“I’m going to stick with you like gum, you dummy.” repeats the younger male slowly. “Now, let’s see how long you’re going to last.”
The sentence is delivered quietly against his clothed chest, but Daniel can hear it loud and clear inside his ears.
Double shit.
“U-Uhm, Jihoon-ah? Can you—I don’t know, g-get up?” he stammers when Jihoon begins to wiggle against him. He’s too close and so fucking warm and it’s driving him crazy, really. “I don’t think t-this is a good position to, you know, talk.”
“Who said I want to talk?" Instead of answering, Jihoon nuzzles his nose along Daniel’s spine, breathing in his scent. "Hm-mh, I really like your smell, hyung. It’s like a fusion of earth and rain, what they call it again? Petri—petrichor I think?"
He freezes for a moment or two before he relaxes into his touch. "Is that so?" Daniel murmurs softly. His hands begin to creep up into Jihoon’s head in instinct, tangling his dark tresses between his long digits. "I like your smell too."
"Hmph, now you’re talking to me." Jihoon snorts. "You’re so unpredictable, hyung."
Daniel blinks. The moment he hears his words, the previously tensed lines of his shoulders wear off, and he lets Jihoon play with his hair with bated breath.
“You were making a scene,” Jihoon says after a minute of two, his voice a little muffled against the crook of Daniel’s neck. “They looked really confused, you know.”
“And you’re not?” Daniel manages to bite out. “Confused, I mean.”
“I dunno.” His ministration on his hair stops for a while before it continues again. “You can be really confusing sometimes, hyung. I don’t know what to do—or think. Sometimes I want to hit you because you’re being too obvious, but sometimes I want to pet you because you look so cute. Am I making any sense?”
“Is that—” Daniel bites down a moan when Jihoon’s cold fingertips brush against his scalp. He really loves the feeling of his fingers between his hair. “Is that supposed to be a good thing?”
Jihoon pauses.
“Hm, I guess.” He mumbles against his neck, and from the heat traveling under his skin to his bones, Daniel reckons his face is burning bright right now. “We just have to find out, shall we?”
“Jihoon-ah,” he calls him out. “Are you blushing?”
“No, I’m not.” The answer is immediate and sharp. “You’re imagining things.”
“Really?” Daniel mumbles, inhaling the flowery scent of his damp hair to calm his nerves. “Are you sure?”
“Yes!” hisses Jihoon right in his ear. “Stop asking already!”
“But I want to know if you—ack!” he stops when the younger bites his cheek all of sudden. “What was that for?”
“You're annoying.” He clicks his tongue in response, pouting. “Just stop talking and let me sleep already, hyung.”
A pause.
“But I need to shower.” says Daniel.
“Later.” Jihoon buries his face deeper into the crook of his neck. “Sleep first.”
“But I—”
“I said later!” he cuts him off with a glare. “Now sleep!”
Daniel shivers. An angry Jihoon is a dangerous Jihoon, so he nods his head rapidly and lets the younger male tangle their limbs together.
(You are so whipped; Daniel swears he can hear Seongwoo’s voice in his ear.)
04 – breakfast
}{
The smell of bacon and eggs drifts in the air as Jihoon reaches the pantry. Still with his eyes half open, he sees Daniel standing with a ridiculous pink apron tied around his back, stirring them in the frying pan. The television is on in the background where a news anchor spoke about the weather forecast in rapid English, weaving words that drift past his right ear to another before they disappear into thin air.
Jihoon hardly listens to the woman reporting about how it’s going to be a great weather to spend time outside, and instead, he focuses his hearing on the sound of Daniel rapping softly to himself. His deep, rough voice overlaps with the sizzling of oil and boiling water.
He has such a nice voice…
Jihoon lets out a yawn, rubbing his tired eyes with the corner of his sleeves. He trots right at where Daniel is standing, unconsciously leaning his cheek against his upper arm to peek on the food. Now that he thinks about it, why he has to cook for them? Not that he’s complaining but for a hotel this big it’s impossible for them to not receive breakfast.
“Oh, you’re awake already?” Daniel tilts his head slightly to smile at Jihoon. The action only shortens their already close proximity, making his face only inches away from him. “Good morning!”
Jihoon blinks up at him, and suddenly he is wide awake. Blushing hard, he latches himself off from the larger male. “G-Good morning hyung.”
“Do you have a good sleep?” he asks with his eye-smile still present. “I wouldn’t mind if you sleep longer, you know?”
“Nah, I’m okay!” Jihoon chirps out, trying to hide his nervousness with a bright smile. “Are we going to eat here?”
“Yep, our manager came an hour ago to bring our breakfasts. He said that they’re taking precaution just in case something happened.” He cringes a little while saying this, “It’s understandable though, too many sasaengs had been spotted following us yesterday. There is no way that they’re taking a risk by exposing us to them.” he sighs tiredly. “Anyway, the others must have already started, so we better eat now.”
“Aish, that’s really scary.” Jihoon frowns. “I guess there’s no helping it then…”
“Hey, don’t wear such a face.” Daniel smiles down at him. “Look, I requested some extra food from our staff for you! You need to eat this while we’re still here, trust me you’ll like it.”
Jihoon tilts his head at him. “That’s why you’re cooking, hyung?”
“Yah, what’s that supposed to mean?” he pouts.
“I’m a little bit worried—no, scratch that, I’m really worried.” He deadpans. “Are you sure you’re qualified enough to hold a frying pan, hyung? You’re so clumsy after all. I don’t want you to be shipped to the nearest hospital when we still have to perform tomorrow.”
“Oi, that’s really hurt my pride.” Daniel frowns at him. “I’m no Jaehwan-hyung, Jihoonie. And besides, this is an English Breakfast, it’s really easy to make.”
Jihoon scrunches his nose cutely. “But—”
“Aish, don’t be shy,” Daniel bops his nose gently, a large, bright smile forcing itself between his lips. “—we all know how big your appetite is~”
“Yah,” Jihoon smacks his chest gently, pouting. “Stop teasing me, hyung.”
“Teasing you is my life mission, Jihoonie~” he grins in response. “Come, let’s eat first.”
Daniel takes off the apron and pours up some coffee for both of them, and Jihoon begins to enjoy his breakfast happily. They exchange words and a laugh or two, especially when Jihoon gets too messy while eating his tomato soup, giving Daniel a chance to tease him and brush his finger against the corner of his mouth, wiping the excess of sauce which resided there.
“Park Jihoon, you remind me of my nephew when he’s eating.” Daniel chuckles fondly, then sticks out his tongue to lick his finger clean. “Do you want me to feed you so badly, hm?”
Ba-dump
Oh my god why my heart is beating so fast?
Blushing, Jihoon looks down into his plate, refusing any contact with the older. He focuses at the half-bitten egg roll and tries to calm his racing heart. After it has returned into its normal beat again, he looks up only to stop short while blinking at Daniel’s current state.
Then, he bursts into laugh.
“Hm? Why are you laughing?” Daniel asks innocently between a mouthful of butter toast, cheeks bulging out like a squirrel's and honestly, it makes him looks even funnier. “Ya, stop it and answer me~”
Instead of answering, Jihoon raises his hand and touches Daniel lips, wiping the line of melted butter which resided there carefully with a flick of his finger. “You were teasing me about eating like a toddler, but you’re no better hyung.”
He feels Daniel hold his breath when his fingertips accidentally sweep across his lower lip in slow motion, but he pays it no mind. It’s not like they are stranger with skin ships after all.
“There! It’s gone~” Jihoone exclaims happily. “You’re sure a messy eater, hyung.”
“Ah,” Daniel blinks at him. “T-Thanks for that, Jihoon-ah.”
Then suddenly, the air around them turns tense.
“Wait,” Daniel suddenly says. “Give me your hand, Jihoon.”
Jihoon stares at him in confusion but gives his hand anyway. “What’s wrong, hyung?”
“You forgot this,” Daniel brings his hand up to meet the line of his lips, then slips his butter coated finger right into his hot cavern.
Jihoon freezes.
Oh my god.
With a flick of his tongue, Daniel cleans the pad of Jihoon’s finger carefully before he smacks his lips together.
“There,” The older male smiles at him. “You can’t waste food, Jihoonie. Especially the sweet ones, okay?”
When Daniel looks at him and gives him another bright smile, Jihoon can’t help the blood from rising to his cheeks in full force.
03 – stage
}{
Ever since that morning, something has changed between them. Daniel honestly has no idea how the sidestepping and the plain avoidance comes about. But hey, he doesn’t complain. Because an embarrassed Jihoon is a cute Jihoon, so he takes it with a grain of salt and tries his best to act normal around the younger.
(Well, as normal as he could.)
Just like right now, Daniel suddenly has the urge to look at the mirror; his jaw itches and he knows that it’s not because he talked too much, no. It’s because he couldn’t stop smiling the entire time Jihoon tried to shy away from him as though he was about to burn him. The way his cheeks lit up in embarrassment and lips pursed is enough to drive him crazy.
Daniel doesn’t really understand what changes between them, but the way Jihoon always blushes hard every time he’s in the same proximity speaks volume. It doesn’t bother him, though. Because strangely, Daniel rakes in joy when he sees the younger blushing at everything he does, even when he’s trying to tone down all the touches and whispers.
The way he initiates contact with Jihoon is subtle, Daniel thinks.
(Lacing their fingers together before performances, a quick back hug in dressing rooms, soft touches and whispers at the confine of their hotel room when no one is watching. The way he circles his arms around Jihoon’s shoulders at interviews and performances when they are sitting side by side, making the younger his personal human-sized armrest—)
He is subtle, right?
Daniel always finds himself seeking Jihoon’s presence at every chance he’s got, craving his smile and shy giggle. Craving his sweet smell of rain and citrus, craving his plump lips and button nose and something much, much more.
(The others—well, they are confused, curious even, because it’s not the first time that Daniel has forced himself between Jihoon and whoever unlucky person that is fated to receive the end of his forwardness. Daniel thinks perhaps they know, but choose to say nothing.)
So when Guanlin makes a passing remark about Jihoon being cute and incredibly beautiful when he is embarrassed, Daniel thinks that maybe that's enough reason for his apparent obsession of teasing the younger boy.
Yeah, it’s just because I like anything cute, right?
It is only when Daniel sees him being squashed between Woojin and Jinyoung the day of their first performance at Kcon that his convictions do a complete one-eighty, a sense of epiphany washing over him so suddenly he almost forgets to breathe.
Because Jihoon, with his sweet smile and sanguine cheeks, all shy giggle and short stature and small hands, has robbed his breath away. The younger has stopped his time too, and at that moment when everything is still and quiet, Daniel finally realizes the meaning behind this tight sensation inside his chest.
(So this is why Daniel loves to bring out the red into his cheeks; this is why his heart always beating fast when he looks at him; this is why he feels the need to be close to him.)
When he and the rest of the group run backstage to prepare for the last segment, Daniel chooses that moment to suddenly appear in front of the younger male, blocking his way. Jihoon stops short, sweat clinging along his brow and bangs, looking dumbstruck and maybe, a little horrified.
“Nope,” Daniel pulls the younger by his shoulders, preventing him from any form of escape. “Don’t even think about running away, okay?”
Jihoon gulps down, working his lower lip between his teeth. His nervousness is as clear as day, but it makes him even more endearing. “W-What do you want, hyung?”
“Just a little favor.” Daniel nods at him and tries to block the mischievous gleam in his eyes from showing. “Can you accompany me somewhere tonight?”
Blinking up at him in confusion, Jihoon tilts his head cutely at the side. “Where to, hyung?”
“It’s a secret.” He presses his index finger against his lips, grinning wide. “You’re up for it, right?”
02 – ghost
}{
"Ah, here we are," Daniel pronounces as they approach a set of giant double doors made from glass. “It’s kind of cool, right?”
“Cool?” Jihoon squeals, hands flying to cup his cheeks in disbelief. “What do you mean cool? This is amazing hyung!”
Seriously, Jihoon is that impressed. The hotel they are currently staying in had impressed him beyond doubt, but its outdoor pool has just won him all over again. The pool is big with crystal-like water filling up the entire section, and there is no roof spreading above their head, leaving the night sky full of stars bare and spread wide against their eyes.
Initially, he'd been a bit nervous about having to spend a night with Daniel, in a deserted pool no less, because they might get in trouble for all he knew. That, and also the fact that his heart kept beating miles per hour whenever they were in the same proximity didn’t help his case even a bit. But then, the older male had clung against his arm and looked utterly desperate and in dire need of some extreme babying so how could Jihoon refuse, hm?
So here they are, standing outside the hotel overlooking the pool with minimal clothes and a towel around their neck.
Jihoon shakes his head, exasperated but strangely fond.
Things I do for you, hyung.
Daniel looks around, frowning a little. “There is no one here, though.”
“Of course, hyung.” Jihoon says, crossing his hands. “It’s past midnight, what did you expect?”
Daniel is a quiet shadow next to him, eyebrows furrowing and lips pursing into a line. There is a glint in his eyes, and for whatever reason, it makes Jihoon a bit worried.
What is he planning?
“Well, come on.” Daniel tugs him forward. “Let’s get going.”
Just when they are about to step into the pool area, a muffled bang at the end of the junction behind them reaches their ears. Jihoon turns his attention toward the frighteningly quiet sound, eyes and body high in alert.
Wait.
His eyes flicker into his right, then left, pupils shaking.
It’s not a ghost, right?
Jihoon’s about to cower against Daniel’s taller built when he notices that he has gone still like a stone beside him. Looking up slowly, he finds the older’s pale and sweating face inside his peripheral vision.
(And that, is the moment when he knows that they are screwed.)
“Hyung!” Jihoon hisses. “D-Don’t get cold feet right now! Why a-are you like this!”
“H-Huh?” Daniel forces a weak laugh. Jihoon pauses in his breakdown to give him a disapproving frown. “W-What are you t-talking about I’m fine! Come on let’s just—uh, move.”
Even though Jihoon feels scared as hell, he still follows Daniel’s steps with his shorter ones. Despite his worries, the only horrible deed Daniel had ever done to him was leading them into a deserted corridor which happened to be haunted. But the older had been brave despite his trembling limbs and pale face, so Jihoon thinks it’s okay to trust him with his life. Beneath all the goofy laugh and eye smile, Daniel is a reliable hyung he can count on.
(Oh well, he hopes.)
“J-Jihoon-ah, give your hand to m-me.” Daniel suddenly whispers. “We need to stick together, j-just in case something happened.”
Jihoon looks at him with his big, doe eyes and wonders how could someone reach this level of stupidness. “Stop s-saying nonsense, hyung!” he grumbles, but still reaching out to grab Daniel’s bigger hand tightly. “Just lead the way!”
Daniel is looking everywhere but at him, but Jihoon doesn't really care because his resistance is hanging by a thread right now. It's been a long day and all he wants to do is to go to bed and deal with this crap when he's finally gotten some sleep, but Daniel has to drag him along his merry way. And also—
“What the fuck?”
They’re making their way past the bleachers when Daniel freezes in his track. Jihoon looks up slowly, following Daniel’s line of vision and catches the black shadow near the door where they came in from, its dark silhouette moving among the darkness.
BAM!
Jihoon mutes a squeal when the door suddenly blasts open, eyes widening comically.
Oh my fucking god.
“J-Jihoon,” beside him, Daniel chokes out. His pupils begin to shake, one hand fisting his trunks while another crushing Jihoon’s fingers, trying not to panic as he stares at the door. “I-I think we need to reschedule our date t-tomorrow, now let’s get out from this place q-quick.”
“This is not a da—dammit hyung it’s not the time for that!” Jihoon whispers-scream into his ears and points his index finger at the now half-opened door. “Think about how we’re going to escape from this place when that thing is standing right—”
“Ow!”
“—there…”
Jihoon blinks. Wait, he knows that voice.
No way.
“Oh my god hyung!” Jihoon jumps when Daniel screeches with his rare high-pitched voice. “What the fuck are you doing there?! You scared us shitless!”
Standing behind the half-opened door is Seongwoo, who is currently sobbing dramatically while nursing his head. The skin of his forehead is red, probably the result of hitting some hard surface head on.
Wait a moment.
When the hammer of epiphany finally falls upon him, Jihoon stalks past, all eyebrows and intensity and deep snarl, and when he reaches Seongwoo, he raises his hands to his face then—
He pinches his cheeks, hard.
“Ow! Jihoonie what the hell?” Seongwoo plants his palm into his throbbing cheek, eyes widening comically. “It hurts! Why are you doing this to your beloved hyung?”
The younger male doesn’t answer him, and instead, he pulls the skin of Seongwoo’s cheeks until they stretch painfully. He ignores the pained yelp Seongwoo howls into his face. “You. Are. So. Annoying.”
“I swear I didn’t mean to scare you two!” Seongwoo raises his arms in surrender. “I was just trying to leave quietly!”
“Quietly my ass, you almost gave us a heart attack.” Daniel hisses to him, and Jihoon is suddenly reminded that Daniel is not some innocent samoyed puppy. He is dangerous as fuck. “I swear to god hyung, I’m going to skin you alive as soon as I have the chance.”
Jihoon can’t help the small smile breaking over his face when Seongwoo lets out an exaggerated girly gasp and sways on his feet. “I am your hyung, you dipshit! Show some respect!”
“Yah, stop it.” Jihoon comes between the two of them. “Why the of you are fighting?”
No one answered him, though. Daniel is looking at Seongwoo with this expression plastered on his face and Seongwoo is looking back at him with this exact expression, all the while raising his eyebrow high until it touches his hairline. They keep the same expressions and stances for over five minutes, and Jihoon is confused. Even after all the months he spent living with them, not even once Jihoon had ever understood the way they communicate with each other.
They are so weird.
“Alright, fine. I give up.” Seongwoo finally speaks, pouting. “You owe me a drink.”
Daniel rolls his eyes at him. “Whatever hyung, now go!”
“Yes, yes, god, be more patient with your elder would you?” He sniffs and moves toward Jihoon to pat his head. “Jihoonie, be good with him alright? Just scream if he molests you. I’ll bring Jisung-hyung and Minhyun-hyung in seconds. And also a baseball bat, if it helps.”
Jihoon chokes on his spit.
“SEONGWOO-HYUNG!”
01 – water
}{
The first ten minutes after Seongwoo disappeared into the hotel passes in total silence. Jihoon is staring unseeingly at his open palms, his expression pinched. Daniel peers at him and wonders how to open up a conversation with him when he’s three seconds from drowning himself because damn, he has never felt so nervous in his life.
Daniel takes in a calming breath, the freezing air surging through the wall of his windpipe down his lungs. The smell of chlorine fills his nostrils with a sharp nudge, robbing all oxygen from his lungs and forcing his eyes to slightly water.
That’s it. I need to cool my head down.
Daniel walks toward the edge of the pool as if it’s pulling him. Breathing deeply, he doesn’t think twice to catapult his body into the pool, sending splashes of chlorine infested water in every direction. After soaking himself entirely, Daniel resurfaces, willing his body to relax against the biting cold. It’s a good thing that Daniel warms up quickly. He backstrokes through the clear water, reveling in the peace and quiet.
Yep, this is exactly what I need.
Sighing, he dives under and marvels at the way stardust and yellowed moon reflected across the bottom of the pool, then resurface three minutes later, breathing hard. Daniel groans when he notices the way his t-shirt sticks into his body like a second skin. He’d forgotten to take it off before submerging himself beneath the water, and now it’s completely ruined.
“Hyung,” Jihoon’s smooth voice snaps him back into reality. “You should test the water first before entering you know?”
Daniel watches as Jihoon plops down near the edge of the pool then sticks his feet into the still water. Almost immediately he pulls back with a screech and falls into the tiled floor.
“What? What’s wrong?” Daniel tilts his head at the dramatic reaction of his part. “Why didn’t you get in?”
"It's too cold!" protests the younger. “I need more time to adjust.”
“Yah, don’t be so dramatic," says Daniel heartlessly, wading out to where the water lapped about his chest. "See, the water is just fine.”
“I don’t want to.” Jihoon whines, folding his arms. “I’m going to sit here, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.”
Daniel cocks his head to a side, brow lifting up slightly. He begins to swim towards the cowering boy then, watching as he takes a step backward every time their distance cuts short. But his feet are longer, and they give him an upper hand to reach Jihoon first before he can even think to run. Daniel smirks at Jihoon and watches blood drain out from his face when he gets a hold of his lower back.
"Hyung... what are you doing?" Jihoon’s voice is a hiss of his indrawn breath. The older stops the movement of his hands mid-thigh and cocks his head to the side.
Daniel grins, a full row of teeth on display.
“I’m doing exactly like what you’re thinking right now.”
Pulling Jihoon’s weight into him, Daniel lets him fall into the pool and catches his much smaller body snugly inside his arms before he can hit the water. He ignores his scandalized shriek and focuses on keeping them from sinking down into the bottom of the pool, feet paddling firmly against the push of the water.
When he finally balances both of them, Daniel lets out a few chuckles at the slight shudder wracking Jihoon’s shoulder. The younger is still wearing his sleeveless t-shirt and the material sticks into his skin, outlining the sift muscles he has on his chest and arms subtly.
“Hi,” Daniel breathes to his face, still grinning bright. “It’s not too bad, right?”
Jihoon looks at him, peeking over his wet eyelashes and regards him with a frown. Something is lurking behind his eyes, something peculiar and unknown. Besides his slow breathing and wind caressing his half-wet hair, the younger boy is silent.
Why are you looking at me like that?
“I—” Daniel stops, words falling behind the wall of his teeth. Honestly, he doesn’t know what to do; to say; even after all this time he spent building up his confidence brick by brick. The younger male is watching him, stars glittering inside his eyes and looking into those eyes alone has forced his wall to crumble down to pieces. “Jihoon… I—I have something to say.”
Jihoon is silent for a few seconds before he speaks. “That’s why you brought me here, right?”
“No—Yeah, I mean,” he pauses, “I don’t know. Can you give me a moment? I need – I need to—”
“Hyung,” Jihoon licks his lips, and Daniel’s eyes automatically trail on them. His heart does a somersault, mind blanking and body stiffening slightly. “You’re getting on my nerves.”
“Wh—” he gulps down, forcing the why down and brings out another question instead. “W-What do you mean?”
“I don’t even know myself.” he huffs. “You’re messing with my mind, and I feel so frustrated.” He scrunches up his nose in distaste. “I’ve never been so frustrated in my life, and the thought of being like this for so long scares the hell out of me.”
“You’re getting on my nerves too.” He blurts out. “I mean—you’re just, there. At the back of my head, behind my eyelids, inside my mind, you’re just,” he pauses. “You’re everywhere, and I don’t know what to do or feel and it scares me.”
Jihoon eyes soften. “Daniel-hyung…”
“And when you’re with me, just like now, I am always at a loss for words.” Daniel continues even though he feels so weak, so scared. “Because I yearn for you, I need you in my life, but I’m also afraid to let you in. But I want to, Jihoon.”
Daniel breathes in, then out, and with it his heart.
“I want to let you in.”
Jihoon looks at him, softly, gently; but he doesn’t know if he’s looking at him or something behind him and suddenly his mind is in complete chaos. His body fighting dominance over the mess, and at that moment, Daniel just knows.
Daniel knows what will happen to them ten seconds from now. All because this crushing feeling inside his rib cage and between his lungs is impossible to be ignored. But he also knows that, whether if he stops right now or continues forward, nothing will be the same anymore, and the outcome will be different from what he’d expected.
(And he doesn’t mind the surprise, really. Not even a bit. But Daniel, well, he just didn’t expect for Jihoon to make the first move.)
The younger answers him by putting his lips over his parted ones. And suddenly there are hot lips upon his; harsh and wild against his fevered skin and his mind is reduced to chaos because it’s Jihoon – his teammate, his dongsaeng, his crush – and he’s kissing him senseless like there is no tomorrow.
But when Daniel is about to lose himself into their kiss, Jihoon suddenly pulls away and breathes harshly across his face. Daniel watches him with half-lidded eyes and finally realizes that he’s not breathing the entire time Jihoon’s staring at him. He takes a deep breath, swallowing enough oxygen to pump up his entire lungs wet and full.
In instinct, Daniel tightens his arms around the smaller male again, giving him a gentle squeeze. The water is getting chilly, despite the bright light shining down on them. Daniel knows he needs to get Jihoon out of the water soon, but his feet won’t move, and his body is frozen still.
“Daniel,” Jihoon finally speaks, voice full of emotion he can’t seem to describe perfectly. “—answer me this,”
(Daniel needs a few moments to process the facts that yes, Jihoon had kissed him first, and yes, he has dropped the honorific behind his name, and yes; he is talking to him in fluent English right now.)
“Do you like me?”
And then, time seems to stop instantly.
What?
Gulping hard, he pins their eyes together. “Jihoon…?”
“Daniel~” The younger male calls his name back playfully; gone was the previous boy who was looking at him carefully as if he’s trying to unravel him piece by piece. Now there is this boy who smiles at him so brightly and true and god, he’s so beautiful. “Are we playing a game right now, hm?”
Daniel feels his cheeks burn from the slight drop in his tone. Jihoon shuffles a little against the body of water around him, kicking his feet against the gentle waves so that his face is leveled with him. The younger male then raises his arms, propping them around his shoulders and laces his fingers behind his neck.
“Hyung, I’m nineteen.” Jihoon continues after a couple of beats and smiles cheekily at him. “Do you like me?”
A pressuring sensation dwells in his chest when Jihoon graces him with a beautiful smile. Starlight falls upon the nineteen years old boy in soft tendrils, highlighting the slope of his face and the red of his apple cheeks. And he thinks, he thinks; does he like this boy in front of him?
Do I like him?
“No,” Daniel blurts out and watches Jihoon’s eyes widen in hurt. “I don’t.”
Jihoon’s reaction is immediate. He flinches back, his previous confidence fading fast and he looks at Daniel as if he is hurting him and maybe he does.
No, I don’t want to hurt him.
“A-Ah, I’m,” The younger male pauses, biting his lower lip hard as if he’s about to cry. “I’m s-sorry. I—Uh, I’m…”
His sentence is left unfinished. Jihoon pulls himself away from Daniel and begins to swim to the edge of the pool before he climbs up the ladder. The younger sits there, catching his breath. Daniel is too shocked to even move, but when the hysteria wears off, he pads quickly to approach Jihoon, watching as the younger regard him with fear inside his eyes.
No, please don’t look at me like that.
Daniel moves closer, settling in front of the Jihoon’s knees. Trying to comfort the younger, he skims the palms of his hands up his thighs, enjoying the feel of the smooth skin. Even this little bit of contact was intoxicating.
“Hyung…?” Jihoon croaks out. “What are you doing…?”
Daniel gulps the bile down his throat when Jihoon settles his pretty eyes on him. His eyes are like old stars as he speaks; echoes of stars burned out eons ago.
“I don’t like you, Jihoon.” he whispers, “Because I’m in love with you.”
Daniel lets the truth slip across his lips in a tumble. Strangely enough, no regret comes after the confession. Usually, his foot in mouth syndrome got him into many misunderstandings and contretemps, but this time around, Daniel knows that he means every syllable because it’s Jihoon and he, of all people, deserves the truth.
He deserves everything.
Yeah, Jihoon deserves those little words, and so much more than that.
00 – galaxies
}{
On the surface, there is no distinction between the warmth on his cheeks and the cold slapping against his skin and Jihoon automatically thinks that yeah, this must be a dream. But there is no precise way of knowing which are dreams and which are reality, so he settles at the confusion at the tip of his tongue and watches Daniel attentively.
“What—” Jihoon stops for a moment to catch his breath and watches as Daniel props his hand against the ceramic tile to raise half his body from the water. Jihoon gulps when the older male leans into his face, eyes bright with emotions he can’t seem to describe. “W-What did you s-say?”
“I love you.” Daniel uses their closeness to whisper right into his ear, his warm breath tickling Jihoon’s sensitive skin. “Jihoonie—”
He holds his breath when Daniel lingers there for a moment too long, his lips plush against his burning earlobe.
“I’m in love with you.”
Jihoon stops breathing when Daniel suddenly tilts his head and leaves a chaste kiss upon his lips.
This must be a dream, he thinks. There is no way that he feels the same way.
So in the moment of weakness, Jihoon shuts his eyes and waits for the spiraling feeling he always has when his dreams are about to end. Unconsciously, he drags his fingernails across Daniel’s exposed chest, hears and feels his diaphragm expanding, filling with air. Feels his heart beating fast under his cold fingertips and suddenly his mind is blank.
Jihoon breathes out when Daniel breaks their kiss and lets himself fall into the pool once more. And when Daniel looks up to stare at him as though he’s holding his entire universe, Jihoon loses himself completely.
“It’s okay, Jihoon.” Daniel beckons him softly, hand outstretched for him to hold. “I have your back.”
Jihoon gulps at that, loosening his grip on himself as he takes a deep breath and lets his feet submerge into the water once more. When he’s about to jump in, he hesitates for a bare moment, then looks up into Daniel's bottomless dark eyes, noting the confidence and concern there.
Hesitantly, Jihoon reaches out, accepting Daniel's hand as he lets himself slowly sink into the still water, calm waves lapping around his things and hips as he sinks further. Daniel's grip is warm and tight, lending support, steadying him as he takes another deep breath.
A gentle squeeze and a light tug coax Jihoon to let the chill water engulfing him whole, trusting the older to not let him drown. Soon, the water moves up to his chest, the soft material of his maroon trunks and sleeveless t-shirt clinging wetly to his skin in the waves. They pause for several moments, Daniel's grip never wavering as he waits for him to get comfortable.
Within a moment of a few breaths, Daniel has propped his smaller built against his chest, connecting their foreheads together. “You okay there?”
After a moment, Jihoon nods jerkily. "I-I’m okay." He chokes out, his voice shaking at the dishonest syllables. "I’m—um, okay."
“Good,” he chuckles. “Because we still have one thing left to do.”
Jihoon tilts his head at him in question.
“Look,” instead of answering, Daniel points his index finger to the sky. “That is our last agenda for today.”
He follows the direction of his finger and loses his breath all at once.
Woah.
Jihoon can see cosmic ocean scattering above his head so clearly, its vast surface holding up the galaxies and universes alike. He almost forgot that they are standing right under the sky full of stars since the start. If the previous scenery was beautiful, the current one is otherworldly. Jihoon lets the chaotic picture burn into his mind, creating a memory he sure will not forget.
He closes his eyes only to open them again. Jihoon blinks up into the stardust littering his eyes and raises his arms into the air, head tipped back like the hinged lid of a lighter, then breathes.
“It’s—” he stops, eyes softening. “It’s really beautiful…”
“Yeah.” Jihoon turns around when he hears him whisper. But Daniel isn’t looking at the sky, and instead, he’s looking at him. “Beautiful.”
Jihoon suddenly forgets how to function when his eyes accidentally lock with his dark, stunning eyes. Jihoon has always thought that Daniel has the prettiest eyes among their wayward little group, but now that he’s looking at them again, he notices that they have gotten even prettier.
“Hyung…?” he murmurs. “Did you really mean it?”
For a long moment, Daniel doesn't reply and just stands there, between the still water and twinkling sky full of stars, watching him quietly with loving eyes. The silence crawls up to among the gentle waves of the water, into the surface, and straight under Jihoon's skin.
(The feeling is suffocating and nerve-wracking all at once.)
“Yes," Daniel says resolutely, leaning in until he is only a breath away from Jihoon. “I did mean it, Jihoon. So what about you?”
Something has changed in the way Daniel smiles, Jihoon notices. Maybe it’s the upturned of his lips, or maybe it’s only his eyes playing a trick on him, but he thinks that this Daniel in front of him is totally a different person altogether.
“Jihoon, I’m twenty-two.” He begins softly, eyes curving into crescents. “Do you love me?”
For the first time, Jihoon can’t think of a single word to describe this feeling in his chest, so scary and real it requires an entirely different language.
What is this feeling called again?
Because the way Daniel smiles at him is too bright that it hurts not to watch him; that’s how bright he is.
If I remember correctly—
“I love you so much,” Daniel continues after a few moments of silence. “I love you so, so much and I—hmpft!”
—they called it love.
Jihoon swallows his surprised gasp and molds their lips together. Daniel’s skin is warm against his. His long fingers trembling and palms damp with sweat and water, but his whole being smells like home; like happiness.
You’re driving me crazy, hyung.
He pulls back only to connect their lips again and lets Daniel press him against the edge of the pool. This feeling he has clogging up his throat, this flutter in his chest—this, whatever it is, has nothing to do with the cold air robbing his lungs from air. Jihoon doesn’t want this moment to end. Because this short, fleeting moment is not enough.
(It will never be enough.)
Even though I’m trying so hard, even though I’m doing my best, why you always knock away my resolution like it’s nothing?
A smile makes its way between his lips when Daniel cradles him closer, refusing to let him go even for a second. In that instant, Jihoon thinks they can spend forever like this; late night dipping under the cold water, tasting chlorine and something unbelievably sweet across their tongue while staring at the sky full of stars as if it is galaxy itself. And Jihoon thinks, if they look hard enough, close enough, they can find the outline of themselves in the shape of constellations littering right above their head. Mapping out every feeling and doubts lingering at the back of their eyelids.
But I won’t have it any other way.
They break the kiss and stares at each other deeply. Jihoon thinks about things that have made him happy, and then he thinks about how this person in front of him is one of those things.
Thank you for being here with me.
“Repeat it again for me, Jihoon?” Daniel whispers.
Thank you for loving me.
Jihoon feels his chest bursting out in seams. He wonders if Daniel feels the same thing like him. If somewhere in his heart, even only a little part of it, feels the same tightness like he does.
“Daniel, I’m nineteen.” He croaks out, voice shaking with emotion. “Do you love me?”
With a bright smile, Daniel leaves a kiss upon his plump lips; full of love and affection and the tight feeling inside his chest intensifies.
“I love you, Park Jihoon,” he whispers against his bitten lips. “What about you?”
Jihoon feels his heart flutter once more and wonders how a few strung-together words from his mouth can seem so meaningful and beautiful to his ears. He doesn’t want to expect too much, and the confine of his mind and heart alike is full of feelings and no actual thoughts; just tenderness, affection, and, finally, love.
“I,” Jihoon rakes in a breath, then smiles beautifully at him. “I love you too.”
But then Jihoon decides that he doesn’t want to be a careful person, that he doesn’t want to live his life comfortably; constantly worrying about the distant future and far-fetched dreams. Because as long as he has Daniel by his side, he thinks that everything will work out just fine.
Love you so, so much.
“Jihoon,” Daniel laces his fingers together again, smiling at him that eye-smile he loves so much. And at that moment, Jihoon feels content; he feels calm. “Let’s go.”
Yeah, we will be just fine.
stardust and chlorine; ends.