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As a mercenary, life wasn’t always easy.
You got beaten up in battle, your stuff got stolen, you had to share the only shower room with the other members on your team. And on top of all your bed consisted of a mattress that felt like it was filled with bricks.
Six months might be a long time for some things but for other things it’s no time at all. Six months is the time you’ve spent fighting for the RED team. Six months of battling for your team’s glory every day.
Except weekends, of course. Even mercenaries needed a break.
And just about six months in sounds like the perfect time to realise you are developing a crush on probably the most insane guy in your team. Well, you could argue about that fact all day long - you’ve been there long enough to know that the whole group was kind of bonkers.
Including you, the person who had a crush on the team’s undiscussable mad doctor, the Medic.
Swiftly and on quiet feet you made your way down the halls to the med bay. It was barely midnight as the ingenious idea of faking a headache came to your mind to spend some time with the ever-so-busy Medic.
You made sure no one saw you before you knocked on the barren steel double doors that led into the med bay. The hollow sound of the knock made you question your choices. It might have been a stupid idea.
Actually, you were sure it was a stupid idea.
Inside the room you hear something falling to the floor with a clank (scalpels maybe?) and a low voice cursing in German. You nervously swallow.
Heavy footsteps approach the door and Medic opens them just enough to stick his head through.
“Ja, was ist - ach, vhat is wrong Duelist?” the Medic asks with an annoyed expression, brows furrowed tightly.
It was clear to you that you have interrupted him and he was not happy to see you. Yeah, this plan was going fantastic. You should have stayed in bed after all.
“Uhm, I have a headache” you say and point to your head clumsily like the Medic doesn’t know where headaches occur and you’re being very helpful in pointing out where your head is. A classic.
Medic glances over your body with his cold eyes once before opening the door to the med bay a bit more, leaving the door ajar as he turns around and goes inside. You follow him. It’s too late to run away now - he might end up diagnosing you with severe concussion if you do so.
Medic, against all your expectations, isn’t covered in blood for once. There’s also no cut-open body lying on the medical cot. It was rare to see it so clean and… normal.
“A headache, ja? Well, if it is just zhat then there’s nothing to worry. You know there is a supply of basic medicines in the kitchen, right?”
Medic’s voice throws you out of your thoughts and you turn towards him. He is shuffling in a medicine cabinet, squinting his eyes as he reads several labels sticking to containers of colorful pills.
“Actually, I don’t think anyone told me about that before…” You lied reluctantly.
Yes, pulling the ‘I am the new guy here!’ move isn’t the best thing you could have done, but it was very convenient for this situation. You know that Medic deployed a small cabinet filled with painkillers and basic gauges so that people would stop running to him crying over some little… Headache, for example.
“Ja ja, now you know. I am busy most of the time so I prefer it when people try to fix their problems first before disturbing me in the middle of zhe night.” He said as he finally settled on a rather plain looking bottle of pills and opened it.
“Here, take one at first. If it doesn’t help, take another one.” He handed you two of the pills and placed the bottle back with the others.
“It will help with the headaches. Oh, and it also might make you smell a little funny. Just a harmless side effect though.” Medic’s face beamed with confidence.
“...Unless you hate the smell of roasted asparagus, of course. Then I’m afraid you will have to choose what to suffer from. The smell of the most perfect vegetable finely roasted or your head that feels like it will explode.” He went on, not noticing the concerning face you can’t help but make.
Pills that make you smell like… What? And most importantly, how? At this point you were glad you haven’t suffered any major injury yet. Who knows what funny side effects you get if you need to take the real stuff.
“Thank you doc. A real life-saver, as always. I will take these, uh… once I’m back in my room. Yes, I will take these immediately once I’m back in my own private quarters. Promise.”
You stumble over your own words as you slowly realise that this was the end of the conversation. That’s it. He gave you pills that will make you smell like roasted asparagus and maybe also get rid of the headache you currently don’t have but surely will develop if you think about this stuff for any longer. Ah, darn it.
Time to pull something out of your bum.
“Ah you said, uh, these will make me smell like asparagus?” Oh yeah just keep talking about asparagus, THIS will make the stones roll for sure.
“Why this vegetable, out of everything there is?”
Medics brows arch as he looks at you. He started to lean against the counter, arms crossed.
“Ja, asparagus. Strange word in English, isn’t it? In German it is way more feasible - ‘Spargel’. It reminds me of home. One of my favorite dishes, in fact. Spargel mit Kartoffeln und Hollandaise Soße. Something like asparagus with potatoes and some kind of butter sauce. It’s fantastic.” His face lights up at the mention of his apparently favorite dish, relaxing his posture a bit as he nods his head to himself.
You just kind of stare at him, trying to make him believe you have the world’s biggest interest in the vegetable that kind of looks phallic and you have never eaten in your entire life. You nod intensely.
“Ah, yes! That dish. That exact dish you just mentioned. Yes, that’s the one I ate. Not only once of course, but many times. That’s the dish I used to eat a lot and I also very much loved it, naturally. Just kinda hard to come by around here, right?”
It was working. You got his full attention. Medic stands upright.
“Mein Gott, I can’t believe zhis. Could you be... Are you a fellow asparagus lover?”
Well, are you?
Of course you are. You were born an asparagus lover.
“Of course I am. I was born an asparagus lover, my dear Medic.” You said and slowly bow your head with one arm crossed behind your back. That’s how the doc always kinda did it. Maybe it will impress him.
This was your most important revelation in your life after all. You better make it flashy.
“Zhat is Wunderbar, mein Freund!” Medic jumps a few feet towards you and grabs both of your hands. You immediately tense up. He is so close to you.
“I never would have imagined to meet someone way out here who shares their love for zhis magical vegetable! What is your favorite way of preparation? Please tell me it’s without ham.”
Medic is swaying your hands in his excitedly as he keeps on rambling. His face changes from joy to suspension and then to a questionable stare as he finished.
“Of course I like it most without ham.” You repeated flatly. You didn't dare to disagree.
“Gott sei Dank! I don’t even know who came up with the ridiculous idea to tarnish such a perfect dish with the overpowering taste of ham. Oh, and even worse are the Americans who got their hands on it and use bacon instead. Bacon! Can you imagine?”
He keeps on rambling and he keeps on holding your hands and his face is way too close to yours and you are starting to question if your crush is real or if you really are just suffering from a severe concussion. From the panic that you feel it’s like you’re getting a fever, too.
Feeling dreadful and flustered in front of a person who talks about asparagus like it’s God’s blessing itself? Yeah, actually you were certain it’s a crush after all. Only crushes felt like this.
“Ach, anyways…” Medic finally calms himself and lets go of your hands. “You need to show me how you like to prepare your asparagus sometimes, Duelist. I would be delighted to see zhis.”
Alright, now your whole stomach just dropped 2 feet. You weren’t prepared to enter a round of Germany’s Next Masterchef.
“Uhm, well, I would surely like to do so, Medic. But I am afraid that I haven’t been able to find the ingredients I need for my own personal recipe around here.” You fumble with your hands and it’s obvious that you’re nervous. It was better before, when they were being held by the doc.
“It's a secret recipe passed down by my grandmother who had relatives in Germany. Real complicated stuff and top secret.” you added.
“Your own passed down recipe? Oh, zhats sounds interesting! Don’t worry Duelist. Just tell me what you need. I’ve been able to find every ingredient I needed in the past. Whether it was for Linsen mit Spätzle oder Maultaschensuppe oder sogar Saure Kutteln.” One of his hands is absentmindedly stroking his chin as he goes on listing all those very dangerous sounding dishes. His eyes fly back to you as he realises that he’s been talking in German.
“Ach, Entschuldigung - I got too excited there. It’s not everyday that I can share my passion for zhis.” He took a deep breath, steadying himself again. “But I’m sure you recognised some of these dishes, ja? A true asparagus lover must have been exploring the other wonderful dishes of the swabian culinary world.” he leaned back on the counter again.
“Ge-Gesundheit… “ you manage to croak out. Your German was less than ideal and you honestly had no idea what this man just said to you. Saying the only German word you dared to pronounce was some sort of defensive reflex.
Medic let out a low hum.
For one moment you think about either running out of the med bay as fast as you can or simply telling him the truth. But the happy look on his face earlier as you told him you'd share his passion… You didn't want to turn it into a look of malice as he pulls out your warm guts for outright lying to him.
Yeah no, not today. You made it further to touching the man's heart than ever before. And no, that's not counting the one time he called you at 2am for you to hold his literal heart as he put some weird new invention into it.
Medic pushed himself away from the counter he was leaning on, taking huge steps as he strode over to you. Your thoughts started racing again and you felt cold sweat starting to form on your back.
Medic stopped in front of you. You strained your neck a bit as you looked up.
He was tall. You knew he was tall before but right now, as your heart raced and your heart beat rapidly in fear, you felt like a small child compared to him. A small child about to receive a scolding.
Except that you are a grown person and you should have had enough thought capacity to know that your idea sucked and now you have to deal with the consequences. Being an adult sucks.
“Medic, I -” you start as his hand suddenly reaches out towards you. You flinch, expecting the worst.
It gently lands on your forehead instead.
“You are acting really out of it, Duelist. You're excessively sweating, eyes are unfocused and your forehead is a bit warmer than it should be. You might be starting a fever.” He said in a professional tone while holding his hand against your head. “Shall I give you a proper examination?”
You might have stopped breathing for a bit.
It is after midnight, Medic is touching you gently in his med bay while you two are all alone. His low voice is echoing through the room and you're certain your heart is beating so loudly he can hear it even without the help of a stethoscope.
Isn't this what you originally wanted?
Yes.
Then why is it making you feel like you need to escape as quickly as you can?
You take a step back, leaving Medic with a puzzled expression. “I think I just got too nervous thinking about how I will manage to cook the dish to satisfy a real asparagus expert like you.” You try to give him a wry smile.
“I'm fine, Medic, I assure you! Just a bit tired.”
“You told me you had a headache.” He frowned.
“Yes, of course. That too! But that won't be a problem anymore as soon as I take these.” You waved around the pills Medic gave you earlier and presented a wide smile.
At this point you were sure Medic thinks you're more than just medically challenged. But he doesn't say anything as you slowly walk backwards out of the med bay.
“Th-thanks again, doc.” You manage to say, halfways through the door already.
You sneak a last look at him. His posture upright, one arm behind his back, a concerning look on his face.
"Good night, Duelist. If you start feeling worse then you know where zhe medicine cabinet is, I suppose.”
“Yes! Certainly. Good night, doc.” You closed the heavy metal door.
It was quiet in the halls. Too quiet. You took a few moments before you started walking back to your quarters - your own footsteps felt way too loud.
Back in your quarters you took the pills with a bit of water. You were afraid he will notice that you never took them and flopped onto your bed, exhausted.
You are a coward.
The next morning you discreetly ask Scout if he notices you smelling like roasted asparagus. Not only were you met with Scout's repulsed face but with loud laughter coming from Medic who has been overhearing your question.
He can't believe you were naive enough to believe what he told you last night.