Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Cut!”

As she heard the word Belle released her costar from her arms, giving him a smile as she reassured him that he had not hurt her. Members of the crew rushed over to Belle, helping her out of the protective harness that was to keep her from actually falling to her death. She was very grateful as the harness had been quite tight, digging into her skin, and uncomfortable.

Of course with today’s technology they could have green-screen the whole take, however the director of the film was known for his deliberation for complete on location shoots. He felt that not only the moviegoers would get a more realistic feel but moreover the actors would feel the realism. Belle certainly did as she was forced to jump out of an elevated train onto a rooftop, into the waiting arms over her love interest, in the action sequence they just shot.

The director always pushed his actors through the shoots and to their limits, through frosty forest or blazing hot desserts. He was a stern director but the producers and studios would concede he was the best.

His work was always brilliant. He was very proud of his movies. He pushed for perfection and would expect nothing less.
As usual Gold stepped off his black director’s chair fixed in front of the camera screen monitor, to give his own thoughts on the scene.

“Hey Gold, that shot looked pretty good. Go easy on them.”

Gold turned to look at his director of photography or DOP for short. Like most of the crew members on the project Gold had worked with them multiple times. These were the people who he was use to and who were used to Gold and his method of barking orders.

His DOP, David Nolan, was actually a good friend; not that Gold would ever admit that or the fact that David was really his only friend. To be sure they had an odd relationship but it was hard to find someone who didn’t with Gold. He would jab at him and David would fight back, but he also knew when he had to shut up and listen to Gold; which was handy being the director of photography. Gold told him how he wanted the scene to look on screen and David made it happen.

“Seriously Gold.” David looked at him earnestly. “Go. Easy.” Gold shot him a smirk.

“We can’t all be charming, Nolan.” Gold said playing on his DP’s dubbed nickname and strode off to give his critiquing.
This was the part that most of the actors he worked with hated the most. Sure, he was a great director; he always told you what he expected and showed you what he wanted, while still allowing the actors to be artistic about it. But his ‘critiquing’, putting it lightly, could be quite harsh.
Gold walked towards his actors, but was met with brunette curls and bright blue eyes bouncing up to him, closing the final distance.

“Soooo…how was the last take?” Belle asked with her unforgettable accent and an expectant smile on her face.

Her costar Graeme walked up behind her with a small but completely forced grin. He held his breath in nervousness. The last scene was one of the harder ones. A lot of work had gone into it. Pulley and suspension mechanisms had been set up, harness and floodlights had been brought it, not to mention it was shot on the coldest night ever.

“How was the scene?” he repeated, then shrugged hiding a smirk. “Eh, it was okay. You could have built the tension more before the jump and when you two embrace at the end there could be a fiercer reaction, it is quite an emotional scene…, but other than that it was…,” he stopped for dramatic pause and did his foreseeable habit of jerking his head back a bit, causing the offending stray hair failing into his eyes to retreat.

“…Adequate.” He told them, so nonchalantly that Belle frowned at the lack of appreciation.

She had put a lot of effort into the scene hoping to please him. It seemed as if he didn’t notice, but she looked into his eyes earnestly she saw the twinkle there and slowly smiled. Belle saw the pride behind his eyes; showing her he had been happy with the scene. Happy with her. However his usual smug indifference was ever present on the rest his face and she couldn’t let him get away with it.

“Is that so?” she asked him, with a barely concealed grin as she placed both hands on her hips. “I thought it was perfect.” She stuck her chin out. “But you know if you would like I can get re-harnessed up, have the crew reset the roof, and have them rig the door to blow up for the third time.”

A corner of his mouth upturned; god he loved working with her. Shooting and directing and making sure every detail was perfect and in place was stressful, but the playful banter with her between shots made even the toughest shoots bearable. She made everything better.

“Well…,” he seemed to deliberate. “It would be difficult and too hard to reset now. I guess we’ll just have to settle dearie,” he ended with the term he knew irritated her. It worked as she gave him a disapproving look.

Of course Gold admit it, but he didn’t particularly want her back in the situation where she needed to be put in a harness to keep her safe.

“Are you sure, because if you’re not completely and utterly happy with the last shot I’m sure it wouldn’t be too difficult to reset everything for you? Seeing as you are the boss.” She said challengingly.

She had him caught and she knew it, giving him a triumphant smirk. Although, being the great spinner of words he would not disappoint with a smart comment. Gold paused for a moment in feigned thought before replying.

“I’m not unhappy.” She gave an exasperated laugh as Graeme stood nervously beside her. Gold internally grinned knowing how scared he made people feel. He gave a low chuckle as he turned around.

“Alright everyone that it’s for tonight! Pack up and remember we shoot again after the break.” He said.

Gold wasn’t the kind of director to praise a lot or say ‘good job’ but people had come to know that no criticism meant that he was please. People had immediately froze when he had spoken but now rushed to get everything moved out. They were all eager to enjoy the month break the studio was giving them.

Gold gave Graeme a pat on the back; most likely the only form of approval he would receive from the director. Graeme took this as a sign to grab a coffee to warm up. As he strode off, he looked over his shoulder puzzled at seeing Gold smile down at Belle; an always rare and almost terrifying expression for the young actor to see. Belle, however, he could tell was not unnerved in the slightest by his attention. In fact, he saw her laugh and swat Gold’s arm playfully.  Gold good-naturedly pretended to be hurt.

Gold himself was constantly amazed by her warmness towards him. His own heart flooded with happy feelings as she laughed at his sarcastic comment about how Leroy would love if he had to rig another explosive to blow up the train door. The ex-mine excavator was known for being grumpy so much so that it was his nickname on the production. Although, with Belle it seemed the even ‘Grumpy’ couldn’t be grumpy, something Gold could relate too.

“Well I’m glad were done for the night, because I’m freezing!” she stated, now rubbing her pale white arms. The bright lights shone on her face, pale from powder though turning pink on her cheeks and the tip of her nose from the cold. Without her heels that night, in her white flowing nightgown, she was a good half a foot shorter than he.

Gold looked around for the bulky black coats for the cast that were usually lying around, but didn’t find any, so without another moment’s waste he took of his own coat off carelessly and wrapped it around her shoulder. He had done it in such a manner that at one point his arms were completely encasing her. Just for a second.

“Thank you,” she said soundly slightly surprised.

“No matter,” he replied casually.

She slipped her arms into his coat that for some reason made her smile.

Neither one knew what to say. Gold broke the stare first, turning his gaze to the rooftop, seeing that everyone was almost gone. He looked back at Belle.

“We should go.”

“Yeah probably.” She said softly. They both took steps towards the rooftop exit.

Belle glanced over to Gold to see him lost in thought. Not everyone would’ve seen the worry in his brow and the anxiousness in his gait, but she did.

“I- are you okay?” He didn’t hear her. “Rum?”

That he heard.

Hearing that nickname was more solace than the strong drink itself. He remembered the night Belle had given it to him.

It had been a lonely walk to the hotel, after a late shoot, when Belle caught up to him and walked beside him. She was a welcome addition to the wearisome commute. He couldn’t remember what challenging scene they had done that day but he couldn’t forget that night. They ended losing their way. Both Gold and Belle’s attention on something other than the way back to the hotel. Gold mostly listened as Belle rambled on on how she knew her passion was acting. He was thoroughly enthralled.

They ended up in front of a small pub. Gold paused for a moment before throwing caution to the wind and opening the pub doors like a gentleman. He raised his eyebrows towards Belle who seemed to contemplate the offer, before eventually smiling and walking in.

They sat on the round stools, one elbow on the mahogany bar. The low light shadowed Gold’s face as Belle studied it and took sips of her drink.

She smiled.

“What?” Gold asked not finding her stare unsettling but curious as to what she found in him.

“Your eyes,” she commented like it was apparent, like there was nothing else she could be looking at.

Gold, even with the ‘liquid courage’ of alcohol, found himself shy and looked away. He didn’t know why a beautiful woman like Belle would be having drinks with him let alone gaze into his eyes. He never thought they were particular intriguing. They weren’t striking blues or green. They didn’t have that ‘dreamy’ look like the actors he directed had. They weren’t like Belle’s…

“No don’t.” Belle said in a small voice. “I like looking in your eyes. They’re warm, comforting, like the color of the Rum you got.” She pointed to the dark rum that was poured into a short glass. Belle watched an odd expression come over her director’s face. She giggled but hid it in her glass.

No one had ever thought that about him, never had thought he was warm or comforting. But the most beautiful woman he ever met did. He couldn’t quite believe it.

He should have been braver that night, been less afraid of rejection as she set down her glass and inched closer. Her gorgeous blue eyes met his previously unremarkable ones. “Yup, definitely Rum.”

They held each other in the moment for a few long, uneven breathes.

Gold should have kissed her. He could’ve, very easily in fact, given how close their lips had been, but he was too afraid; to scared she would leave him, maybe not right away but eventually. Everyone did.

Of course that night had been two films ago and she hadn’t left yet.

Gold remembered his first day shooting with her. Belle had neither been deterred nor scared to work with him after the frightening tales of his sternness and firm directing hand. he supposed see it as a challenge or at least it seemed that way after she would heart-fully persevere though his corrections and even goes as far as to thank him each night. Being as her first film he had guided her so much and for that she was eternally grateful.

Sometimes he wondered if that was why she kept signing in his movies; out of a feeling of debt. He knew she could do far better. Perhaps roles with more comfortable working conditions and easier going directors. But when he looked at her questioning and hopeful eyes after each shoot he didn’t have the will power to tell her, though he knew she would figure it out soon.

Belle deserved someone so much better anyways. Someone without scars and battle wounds. He was a divorced middle age past actor turned director who lived by himself in a great big house; not many friends, no family to tell of. Belle was the only light in his life and when she left he would return to the lonely man he once had been. The man he’d been before he met her.

‘So what’s wrong?’

Everything.

“Nothing.” He said. “Nothing is wrong, Belle.” Gold tried to work up what he hoped wasn’t a sad telling smile. But of course his Belle saw through him.

“Please Rum, I know when you’re lying. You can’t fool me!” she waggled a finger in his face, trying to earn a laugh. But when he didn’t, her smile waned and her hand dropped. “Whatever this is about, I can help. You just have to talk to me about it.”

He snorted. He certainly couldn’t tell her there was a high possibly that he might maybe be in love with her and that he was most definitely terrified to lose her.

Belle came to a halt, causing him to also stop.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Belle asked, her face all scrunched. I, I know I’m not as rich, or famous, or as knowledgeable as you but I thought I could at least help in some way!” Gold could see her chest heave as she spoke. She parted her lips again but this time quieter words came out. “I thought that we were at least-.”

“No Belle! That’s not what I meant.” His hands flew to her forearms. “I didn’t mean to scoff. It’s simply…,” Gold opened his mouth trying to find the right words. “You can’t help me with this Belle-. Believe me,” he looked at her with an almost pained look. “I would love your help. But not with this…,” Belle’s eyes softened but still looked frustrated. However, he knew the emotion wasn’t directed at him as so much the fact that she couldn’t help him.

“I wish I could.”

“Me too Belle.” It was then when he saw her so torn up about him, about not being able to help him that he decided. This beautiful woman had wasted too much time and kindness on an old monster. She deserved more. Since she was too sweet to leave him he’d have to let her go.
Gold removed his arms and took a step back. Gold tried to hide the sad grimace on his face, cause by the realization that as soon as the movie was shot he’d have to force her to go. Let her free.

He would capture the memories the best he could; making a mental movie in his mind of the time they spent together because once there time was up it was all he would have. He would remember her smile as he went to sleep, hear her voice while they were miles apart.
He remembered why he had gotten into film making. Why he loved it. You could make something so beautiful, so profound, and so permanent. It wouldn’t leave, age, or die. It was almost ironic how he could make the everlasting creations and yet have nothing in his life ever stay. His father, his wife and son were gone and soon Belle would be too.

The pair reached the hotel where the cast and crew were staying and they shared an uncomfortable and silent lift ride up. The lift buzzed and the metal doors slide open revealing the dimly lit and fancy carpeted hallways. They reached their doors, stopping in front of each other. Their rooms happened to be straight across from each; he didn’t know who he would have fire in the planning department for that one. It was an odd sort of torture thinking of her sleeping fifteen feet away, her small body almost swallowed in the empty space of the great big beds. He pictured how her pale skin would look against the silky sheets and her limbs stretched across. A small peaceful smile would grace her face as she chased the ever elusive sleep, trying to get as many hours of rest before she would have to wake (most likely because of him and early shoots). Gold had been trying to shake Belle’s thoughts from his head for a week. He was glad that this would be their last night there, but doubted the picture would ever leave him.
This moment too would haunt him. They were standing too close.

“Rum,” Belle breathed, making him shutter in desire to feel her soft lips against his own. The temptation was so strong, so he raised his hands to cup her head. He drew her in, feeling her soft skin underneath his worn fingertips. When at last he could feel the heat of her breathe and the tingling of her skin he realized how close he was to doing something they’d both regret. Gold, at the last possible second leaned back and let go.

“Good night.” He said even as Belle’s eyes were still closed anticipating something that never came.

He released her and walked into his room. Gold hadn’t looked back no matter how much he wanted to. This was just part of letting her go.

Chapter Text

Belle was stunned. She stood in the hall, trying to understand what the hell just happened. How could he just walk away? Weren’t they about to finally kiss? Belle had been thinking about kissing that man for months.

They had gotten so close over the last three films. In the beginning, he had been so closed off. He limited each interaction to be purely professional- he was even quite cold the first few months of filming. His criticism seeming so harsh she almost wanted to quit.

Little by little it seemed as if she gained his respect. She decided she wasn’t going to quit a project she believed in-or leave a director she had looked up to.

She had admired him for years. Before their first movie if anyone had asked her who the one director she’d want to work with was, her answer would’ve been him.

She knew his reputation; he was stern, critical, callous. But his films were different. They were profound and overwhelming.

She couldn’t believe it when she had received the phone call from her agent saying she had landed the role. She could never had guessed, since they’re first movie, that her admiration would turn into so much more.

Belle had been trying for awhile to determine if they’re friendship could be something more. She thought it could- but every time it seemed they would cross the line, Gold pulled away.

It was close to the end of filming their first movie when she started to break down his armor. He had knocked on her trailer door while was eating lunch and trying to memorize the next chunk of lines they were shooting.

He had been to her trailer before, always only saying a few words and always staying outside. But this time, he had asked to come in.

“Hey Gold, what’s up,” she asked as she sat back down and pushed her to-go container of fries and a hamburger to the side. She gestured for him to sit but he stayed standing.

“I uh-, I just wanted to say that you were good today. I mean, the scene went really great.” He underplayed it, even though he really wanted to say so much more. He had been enraptured by her performance.

He couldn’t even pay attention to her costar as he watched her profess her love for the heart-throb of a actor. She told him she loved him but knew he was no good for him. The way she was able to portray both the love and devastating hurt was astounding.

“I was really impressed with your evocation of Rose. You captured her struggle brilliantly. It wasn’t to much or focused on one emotion to heavily. It was the perfect balance for what Rose was feeling.”

Belle blinked in surprised. After rarely hearing a “good job” or nice work this felt like an Oscar coming from him. She couldn’t help but feel proud.

“Thank you. I tried to really take the time to understand the book-and Rose,” She explained. “She was with a man who was flawed, not unlovable. I’m sure there was so many things she would miss, but staying would’ve been harder.”

“He didn’t deserve her.”

“I think he could’ve.” Belle challenged. “But he used power as his crutch and chose it, time and time again, over her.”

“Yes well, some things are hard to let go off.”

“You talk like someone who knows.” She dared, eyebrow raised.

He was taken back, but unlike she thought he didn’t tell her off. His personal life wasn’t really her business.

“I lost someone very important because I chose…other things.”

Belle looked at him softly, afraid to scare him away when he was opening up.

“Sometime people have a way of coming back to us.”

Belle wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to say. Gold had opened his mouth to reply before rethinking what he would say.

“Yes well, I better go. I need to start setting up for the next scene,” He said. “I’ll see you in 30 mins on set. Don’t be late.”

“I wouldn’t dare boss.” She said with smile. She couldn’t see it, but his lips curved into a wry smile as he walked off to find David to go over the next shoot.

She loved that memory. It reminded her the cunning cold director had opened up to her. That had been the beginning of there friendship.

But look at them now. Belle left the hotel hallway and walked into her room, admitting defeat.

Gold had done the same, hating himself for not kissing her. Hating that he wanted to. She was too young, too bright to be with him.

Unlike Belle who decided she needed a shower to wash off the day and contemplate what just happened, Gold wanted to forget. He immediately headed to the mini-bar in his room, reaching for the overpriced shooters of whiskey. He sat in the fancy, uncomfortable chair adjacent to bed, feet thrown on the nearby desk.

He thought maybe he’d answer some emails- the annoying barrage of complaints from the studio or his agent; they’re over the costume budget, they’re past the shooting deadline, or he needs to confirm his next project, etc. Normally, all this gave him a headache. But a distraction is what he needed.

No what he needed was Belle. He needed her to not leave him tomorrow… or ever.

He made several trip to the mini bar not caring he had a 6 AM flight in the morning. He looked at the clock. It’s bright red numbers harshly stated it was already 2 AM. Belle had probably long been asleep. She also had an early flight, he remembered.

They wouldn’t see each the tomorrow. Wouldn’t see each other for a month. What would be the harm in calling her, maybe leaving her a voicemail? The whisky-addled brain seemed think it was a great idea. He fumbled for his phone. It was unluckily on 5%. The charger was well within reach.

Gold opened his favorites. There was only two numbers on the list. One was his son. The other, his beautiful actress. He clicked call and waited for the rings, but it went straight to voicemail.

Gold frowned. Perhaps it was on Do Not Disturb, he thought. Maybe it was a sign he shouldn’t leave her a voicemail. That would’ve been the right decision. However, Gold had to say something.

o0o

Belle had try to sleep, she really had. But she couldn’t stop thinking how she didn’t know how she was going to get through the filming break after they left it like this. With all the bravery she could muster she got out of bed. Ignoring all thoughts that knocking on your directors door at three in the morning was a terrible idea.

The hotel was quite as she walked into the cold hallway. She wrapped her blue flannel shirt closer around her. She was regretting not pulling pants on over her sleep shorts. She briefly wondered what Gold slept in before lifting her hand to knock and realizing she was probably about to find out.

Knock. Knock.

There was no answer. Should she try again she thought? She needed to resolve this. She tried again. The door whipped open. Gold surprisingly still in the same jeans and white button down he was wearing before, amply wrinkled now.

“Belle,” He breathed. She could smell the whiskey on his breathe. That wasn’t good. He only drank whiskey when he was really low.

“Rum I uh-“ She couldn’t help but be taken back by his dissolved appearance. The director usually looking commanding and put together. Something in her liked this look. His walls were down. “Could I come in.” She shifted awkwardly in the hall.

“Of course, “ he said. He reluctantly moved out of the way ashamed of all the abandoned mini liquor bottles on the ground. He kicked some out of view uselessly.

“Wow did you throw a party in here,” she poorly joked. He looked ashamed. “I’m just kidding…have you slept at all?”

“No,” he admitted. “I have an early flight. Decided I would just stay up.” He said as if it was a choice at not just a coincidence of him being unable to forget about there almost kiss.

“Doesn’t seem like a good idea.”

“No, no its not.”

“Maybe sometimes…bad ideas are worth it,” she said slowly hoping he would fill in the rest for her. He didn’t.

Belle stepped closer to him, her heart pounding. She saw his eyes darken. She was so close now, her head just under his chin. She could feel his breath on her skin, hear the rapid beat of his pulse.

“Belle…what are you doing?” He whispered, his voice low, laced with confusion and desire.

She looked up at him, her big blue eyes wide with unspoken answers. Slowly, she rose onto her tip toes.

“Something worth it.” Her voice barely above a whisper.

Gold’s breath hitched. Was this real? Was he dreaming? His whiskey-laced mind tried to convince him it was an alcohol-induced vision. But then, he felt her—her solid, soft presence, the warmth of her lips as they brushed against his.

He didn’t pull away. This time, there was no hesitation. He captured her lips, his hands reaching for her neck, pulling her closer as if he couldn’t get close enough.

The kiss deepened, urgent, messy, and full of pent-up emotion. Belle let out a soft moan, her lips parting for him as she gave herself over to the moment. Gold’s heart raced, a raw, intense need flooding through him.

“Rum,” she breathed as they finally pulled away, both of them gasps for air.

Belle giggled and much to Gold’s own surprise so did he- a quiet, almost nervous laugh, as if the tension between them had finally cracked.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.” She confessed, her voice tinged with both relief and longing.

“Me too, actually.”

Belle eyes widened in disbelief. “Really?”

“I had hoped that maybe you felt the same way.” She took a deep breath in. “I love you Rum. I don’t know when it started. You have become the first person I want to call no matter if I’m sad or happy. You’re dark humor and grumpy personally make me laugh. I’ve never had someone get me the way you have. On other sets its just a job for me but with you it’s different.” It had become the same way for him, Gold thought. “I want something more with you and I think you do too. So…” she left off. Waiting for him to reply with hopefully an affirmation that this was indeed worth it.

“Belle you’ve become-,” he started. He didn’t know how to say everything he wanted to say.

Beep.

“Sorry,” Belle said as she pulled out her phone. “It a reminder for my flight-Oh!” She smiled. “You left me a voicemail.” She wondered if it was going to be a drunken confession, finally admitting how he felt about her. She was so caught up open the voicemail and putting it up to her ear she didn’t realize Gold face dropped. Pure panic set it.

“Hey Belle, It’s me. I mean you know it’s me,” his Scottish accent was heavier than usual. Belle giggled.

“Belle hang up,” he tried. Belle waved him off.

“We’ve gotten close over the last few years. I couldn’t believe when you signed up for our second film and then our third. And you were gorgeo- you did really good tonight.” He let out a long sigh, like a doctor before delivering bad news.

“I’m no good Belle. You’re good though.”

He paused, collecting himself, before continuing. “And I think it’s time you moved on. You need to work with other directors. I’m not the director for you. You were fun to work with, but we both need to move on. I’ll find a different star. They’re not hard to find,” he lied.

“And you’ll meet a young handsome actor.” By now his accent was getting really thick. “Or a director…either way after reshoots were done dearie. I don’t want to see you after that.”

Belle was stunned.

“I already emailed the studio and told them this is my last film with you. Good bye Belle”

The voicemail clicked off. There was a long pause.

Belle just stood there, trying to understand what she had just listened to.

“Belle-,” he began. She put her hand up to stop him.

“What is wrong with you?”

“Belle, I can explain.”

“Is this what was bothering you earlier? It was too difficult to work with me. You didn’t want me on your films anymore!” She exclaimed.

“After everything we’ve been through, after everything we’ve felt for each other, you push me away. I know you have feelings for me too! Are you that afraid to try?”

“I don’t need to try Belle!” He said sternly. “I know how this ends.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked incredulously. “You can see the future now?”

“I mean I’ve dated actresses before. It always ends the same! ” He said, regretting them the instant they came out. The tears that started building in Belle’s eyes finally fell.

“So I’m just like all the women you date. Just like any other actress to you.”

“No Belle! You’re not. I’m just…old. I’ve been here before, and it doesn’t end well for either of us. You’ll get bored of me, or you’ll meet someone younger, better looking.”

She looked at him defeated.

“I guess you can already written our future. Sealed our fate.” She paused. “And you’ve already emailed the studio so what’s there left to say.” She was particularly mad about that.

She didn’t know how it had gone from them grasping at each other, not waiting to let go, to this. She reached the door. Her hand hovered over the handle before she turned around.

“You’re a coward Gold,” she said sadly. “You could’ve had happiness if you just believed I could want you! Instead, you’ve chosen to live up to your reputation. You really are as cold as people say you are.” With that, she walked out, tears freely flowing now.

She was right. He was a coward.

Belle was brave though. She had marched in his room and finally kissed him. What had he done? He had hurt her. Maybe it was for the best. She would move on now, and she would definitely find someone better despite how much he loved her.

He did loved her. And now she was gone.