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Cries...sobs...screams...again. Cries...sobs...screams...again... He would have given anything just to hug him one more time, to feel his warmth against his skin for the last time. But he couldn’t...it was too late, his grandpa was gone, those were his funerals. And all Yuri could do was to cry, sob and scream. Victor and Yuuri, Beka, Mila, all tried to make him feel better, but nobody succeeded.
At a certain moment, he felt really sick. He vomited all over himself, on his lap, on his jeans, on his shoes, but he didn’t care, all he knew was that his grandpa, his agape, the person he loved the most, died, leaving him alone in this cruel world. He didn’t even pay attention at the fact that he couldn’t breathe. He was puking and crying and his lugs were screaming for air. He didn’t know when Beka came and started cleaning him, it seemed like, all of sudden, he was in front of him, scrubbing his pants. He didn’t hear Victor’s soft words whispered in his ear, he didn’t feel Yuuri’s hand rubbing his back. Just when Otabek started caressing his face with a wet cloth, Yuri looked at him, with his red, watery eyes, with dark bags under them, but still so beautiful. Then, he noticed the other two.
“What are you -hic hic- doing -hic- here?” he asked through sobs.
“Just trying to make you feel better” Victor said. Yuri looked down again and continued crying.
When Nikolay was brought to the hole, he screamed and sobbed even louder. It was true... his grandpa was not coming back... that was the last time he saw him... he didn’t know when his legs melted and he fainted. He didn’t hear Otabek shouting his name, worried, when he caught him.
***
“Yuri! Yuuuri!” Victor and Yuuri were a bit further, but they heard him and came there in less than a second. “God, Yurio! Otabek, what happened?” they asked. “He-I don’t know- he was there, sobbing, then he fainted. The shock was probably too much for his already tired body. I’m gonna take him in the house. You stay here and deal with all these weird people.” he said.
“Don’t worry, take care of him and don’t bring him back here” Victor answered, waiving.
Yuri’s relatives were the weirdest people in this world. His mother, the person who gave him birth and was supposed to fucking love him with all of her heart and maybe a little more was the worst bitch Otabek ever met. It took him all his self control not to punch her in the face five minutes after she opened her fucking dirty mouth. Shitty bitch... she spoke to Yuri as if it was his fault for the poor old man’s death. When his kitten felt already so bad, she just came here and started shouting at him for the god knows what. All he did was to look at her with unfocused eyes and all Otabek could do was to yell at her to leave him fucking alone. Oh, he wanted to punch her and her boyfriend in the face so bad. That strange guy was just as bad as her, no wonder why he was her boyfriend. Otabek couldn’t wait for all of this to end, all of these weird people to go to their home, leaving him with his lover, with Victor and Yuuri. He couldn’t wait to see his kitten happy again.
Good, Victor’s flat was very close to the church. He entered, with Yuri still in his arms and went directly to the bedroom. He laid him on the bed and started poking lightly his cheek with a finger. Yuri opened his eyes slowly and mumbled a “Be-ka..”
“Everything is fine, don’t worry” Otabek said and hugged him tight, Yuri’s head on his chest.
“Sleep, kitten!”
He didn’t answer, just grabbed the fabric of his t-shirt with his shaking hands. Otabek rest his back on the wall in front of the bed and started rubbing his back with a hand. Soon, from his eyes stopped falling tears and his breath calmed. He was sleeping... good, he didn’t sleep at all in the last three days, all he did was to cry, and in the few times when he spoke, he just asked worried who was going to be his guardian. Every time he said that he didn’t want to return to his mother, he cried louder, breathed hardly. He seemed really scared of the thought of going back to her. Otabek had made a mental note to ask him more about his past when he would feel better. Yuuri and Victor assured him that they would be his guardians and he had nothing to worry about because of this, that he had already passed enough.
Well, at least now he knew a little reason, his mother was horrible, but this was probably not the main one. Otabek closed his eyes as well. He didn’t sleep enough in the last days too, he was too worried for his kitten. How could he sleep and leave his lover alone, crying? He was not so cruel, he stayed with him, hugged him, rubbed his back, tried to make him eat something, even if he didn’t manage to convince him to swallow more than two or three spoons of food. Soon, he fell asleep. His Yuri was fine now, safe in his arms. He was going to protect him till the death. They slept like this for a while, until...
“He’s going to stay with me, I am his mother! Where the fuck is my son?” she shouted. Otabek could feel how Yuri’s whole body was shaking, the grip on his t-shirt tighter. His eyes were tight closed, but he was crying, tears gliding on his cheeks.
“It’s none of your business, woman! You didn’t care of him for sixteen years old, why would you do it now?” Victor shouted, angry.
“Where is he, I want to talk to my son!” she accented the word ‘son’. They could hear steps coming in their direction. His mother was coming.
Yuri was trembling even more now, Otabek didn’t know it was possible for a person to tremble so hard. “Don’t let her take me, d-d-don’t let her do this, d-don’t, please! Please, Beka, please!” Yuri cried.
“Don’t worry, kitten, I won’t let this happen!” he said and hugged him tighter. That was when the weird woman and her boyfriend entered the room.
“Yuri, honey, you’re gonna move with mommy” she said. This women was toxic. Her red lipstick, her movements, the way she spoke, all of these shouted ‘toxic’.
“Nyet, nyet” Yuri whimpered, his eyes tight closed, trembling just like a new born kitten.
“He’s going to stay here” Otabek said with his calm voice.
“And who the fuck are you?” the woman said, coming closer. Yuuri and Victor were in the room, ready to say something if he needed help.
“Otabek Altin, ma’am, nice to meet you” he answered. Yuri was still whimpering in his arms. He was really worried for him. What had this woman done to his lover?
“Are you fucking kidding me?” she shouted, coming even closer.
“Nyet, nyet, nyet” Yuri was whimpering continually .
“You are going to shut up” she said, grabbing his blonde hair and slapping his face.
“Nyet, nyet...”
That was all he needed. All he saw in front of his eyes was just red and he was so close of punching her face, when Yuuri grabbed his wrist and Victor took the mad woman from there. He tried to get out of the room, but that damn woman didn’t want to. Yuuri came to help him and Otabek took the boyfriend who, to his surprise, didn’t oppose. They took them out of the flat and locked the door. The woman was still shouting, but they didn’t care. She was going to leave at one point.
All three stormed back into the bedroom. There was something under the blanket. It had to be Yuri. Otabek let it go away. The blond was curled in a ball, hugging his knees tight, his eyes closed, still trembling. “Nyet, nyet..” Yuri whimpered, his voice weak.
“Easy, kitten-“
“Nyet... d-d-don’t punish me... I-I’ll be good...” he cried.
“Yuri! Look at me, love, it’s me, Otabek, you’re safe, nobody’s gonna hurt you!” he said, raising his voice a bit, catching his attention. He lifted the teen’s body and wrapped his arms around it.
“Easy, easy, everything is gonna be fine, we’re here.”
Yuuri and Victor sat on the bed as well, one of them rubbing his back, the other one speaking soft, russian words. Yuri opened his eyes slowly and looked at Otabek. “B-Beka?” he whispered.
“Yes, Yura, I’m here, don’t worry”.
After he heard this, the teen wrapped his arms around his back and grabbed the fabric of his t-shirt again. He started sobbing, his head on Otabek’s shoulder.
“You’re safe, you’re safe, kitten”.
“Did she leave?”
“Yes, she’s not gonna bother you again.”
“T-thank you” he whispered. Yuri cried until he fell asleep in Otabek’s arms again.
……………
“Moan for me!”
“Nyet…”
“Be good”
“N-nyet…”
“Oh, you’re going to be, otherwise I’ll punish you. Be a good kitten”
“Aaahhh…”
…………..
Yuri woke up from his nightmare and noticed that someone was holding him. No, no, this couldn’t be true. He tried to struggle, to punch that person, but his wrists were caught fast. No…
“Yuri, what are you doing?” Otabek was worried.
“Nyet…” Yuri could just whimper. Where was he?
“Yuri! Look at me, love, what happened?” He tried to wrap his arms around him, but he was just struggling continually.
“I’ll be good, d-d-don’t punish me”. Yuri was crying. This couldn’t happen again. He told him that he was safe.
“Yura, look at me, kitten, please” Otabek pleaded.
Yuri rose his head and looked in the man’s eyes… Otabek’s eyes. He bursted in tears and burried his face in his lover’s t-shirt.
“It was awful, Beka!”
“It was just a nightmare, you’re fine, I’ll take care of you.”
Otabek ran his fingers through his hair, trying to make him calm down, to make him fall asleep again, but he didn’t succeed. He sobbed and whimpered the whole day and he refused to eat anything.
In the next day, Otabek had to go to Germany for a competition. He wanted to stay in Russia, he really did, but Yuri almost threw him out because ‘It’s a really important competition, I’ll be fine, don’t worry’. So, he left, leaving his lover with Yuuri and Victor.
***
He ate a bit that day, to their surprise. Maybe he had started to feel better? Yuuri thought. This was till that night when, because of his anxiety, he woke up to cheek on the teen, who refused to sleep with them. He was never grateful for his disease, until today. He went to Yuri’s bedroom, just to find the bed empty. Then, he saw the light from the bathroom on, so he knocked. Nobody answered. That was when he heard some weak sobs through the door.
He entered, just to find Yuri on the floor, curled up into a ball, sobbing. He looked at the toilet. It was filled with puke. Had he just thrown up all that little amount of food he had eaten? Yuri haven’t stopped crying even after he noticed him. Was he sick? Had he thrown up because of too much crying? He had to know what was wrong.
“H-hurts” Yuri croacked.
“What hurts, dear?” Yuuri asked, worried.
“All” he screamed. “My head, my eyes, my stomach, my body! My heart!” he accentuated the word ‘heart’. It broke Yuuri’s heart… the teen was in so much pain and he couldn’t do anything to help him feel better mentally. He knew something now: Yuri had faked all that morning, he was everything but okay…
Yuuri kneeled in front of him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Do you feel like throwing up again?” he asked. Yuri didn’t answer, he just shook his head.
“Let’s set you in bed” he said, helping him stand up.
“I want my grandpa!” Yuri whimpered.
“I know, honey, but he wants you to be strong.” Yuri tried to encourage him.
The walk to his bedroom was hell. Yuuri supported half of the teen’s weight on the way to his bedroom. He kept collapsing and collapsing into him continually. But they reached there, eventually. Once settled in bed, Yuri tried to muffle his sobs into the pillow.
Yuuri climbed in bed and hugged him tight. He was so shocked when the teen didn’t shove him away. He must have felt really awful. He rubbed his back until he fell asleep, after some hours.
This happened every night for one week after…until Otabek came back and somehow, he and the two others helped Yuri pass after this moment…helped him come back to normal. At least, they knew that all those efforts were not in vain, that they made their little tiger come back and smile again.
…….
“Yura, I think we need to talk about something” Otabek said, rubbing the teen’s palms.
“I know, at least you know how fucked up I am now”.
……..
Six months later^^
Yuri raised his hands in the air, taking his final position from his program. He raised them to the sky…to the Heaven, where he knew that someone was looking at him, someone was proud of him. He was sure. Dedushka had watched him, he felt it. And he did his best, his performance was flawless, he did it. He had just won the gold. He knew he was the best from all he saw there. Yuri felt the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He fell on his knees, sobbing. He did it, he did it for his grandpa and he was proud of him. Just if he could tell this to him… just if Yuri could see him for ten seconds…just if he could feel his strong arms around his tender frame…Yuri wished he was there, but he knew it was not possible. At least, dedushka had watched him from a better place and he was proud of him, he thought.
The other ones congratulated him. A few people even hugged him and Beka had sent a HUGE message about how proud he was of him and how he couldn’t wait to compete against him next month. He was so happy to have this kind of people around him, he was so happy for this special day. This medal was so special for him, as special as his gold at his first GPF. This was the first competition without grandpa, and he did it.
Yuri was grateful that the competition was just in another city, not country, so they could get home in the same day. He felt so tired… Once in the back seat of Victor’s car, he felt how his eyes started closing. He listened to the conversation his two guardians had. It was nice, they were so happy… Yuri didn’t realize when he fell asleep.
“Shhh, he’s sleeping” Yuuri said, pointing at the sleepy teen.
“Hm? A-oh! He’s probably tired. Let’s let him sleep, he deserve this” Victor answered, looking for a second at Yuri.
He drove in silence, avoiding the holes, so his beloved ‘son’ could sleep fine.
Yuri woke up just a few minutes before they got home. He still felt tired. He needed more sleep. He kind of forgot about it in the last week, because of the intense practice for the competition.
Once at home and dressed in his sweatpants and comfortable t-shirt, he collapsed on the couch. Yuuri and Victor brought him food and let him choose the movie they were going to watch in that night. Yuri chose his favorite movie, the one he used to watch with his grandpa every time they had some free time. It was somehow strange, to watch it with someone else than his family…no-they were his family now. They took care and cared of him, they were his family. Yuri felt good with them, he felt protected and loved and it was nice to see two parent figures every day… as he never saw before. He was happy here, but he still wanted to see his grandpa so much… the lines from the subtitle of the movie started dancing in front of his eyes and Yuri fell asleep, thinking at his grandpa.
Yuuri took a blanket and covered him with it. They couldn’t bring themselves to wake the teen up. He was too cute, he slept so peacefully. It was the first time they saw him sleeping so deep and calm after Nikolay had passed out. After the movie ended, they went to sleep as well, happy that their little Yuri was finally fine again.
….
Strong, warm arms were hugging him tight. Yuri knew whose those arms were, before he opened his eyes. He wrapped his own arms around his grandpa’s back. As he opened them, he spoke:
“I’m so proud of you, Yurochka! I love you so much!”
“Deduska! I love you, I love you!” Yuri said, already crying.
“You’re strong, don’t cry for an old man, my dear grandson!” Nikolay spoke softly, wiping a tear from his cheek.
He wanted to say so many things, to sob in his arms, but soon, his grandpa smashed in a lot and pieces that disappeared before Yuri could even touch one of them.
“Grandpa, grandpaaa!” he shouted. Everything became blurry as he woke up, gripping the blanket tight, tears rolling down his cheeks.
He wanted his grandpa, he just wanted him, he wanted… he wanted someone, he didn’t want to be alone, not now.
V-Victor and Yuuri! They were with him. He could stay with them…but he didn’t want to bother them, they already did too much for him. He tried to stop crying, but he was not able to. So, he just let the tears fall, sobbing silently.
He took his pillow and entered their bedroom, the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Yuri placed the pillow at the edge of the bed, on the floor and laid there. Yuuri turned in his sleep and let his hand fell, near the teen. He took his palm and placed it on his cheek. It was warm…he leaned into the touch. Yuri stayed this way some time and cried, until he couldn’t muffle one of his sobs and it went out loudly.
“Yu-Yuri?” the black haired man asked, the sleep noticeable in his voice.
He didn’t answer, he just let go of his hand. Maybe he would fall asleep again. He didn’t want to bother Yuuri with his feelings.
“Hey, what happened?” the man spoke again, fully awake now.
“I’m so sorry, can I sleep here tonight? I promise I won’t disturb you anymore, I will sleep on the floor I won’t snore, you won’t notice I’m here, please!” Yuri cried. He didn’t know what to do if Yuuri said no. He had already awaken him up, he could always reject him. Anytime, but please, not now, Yuri thought.
“Hey, hey, dear, it’s okay, it’s okay. Of course you can sleep here, with us. But what happened?” the man asked, wiping some tears from his face.
“I dreamed my grandpa and he said he was proud of me, then he disappeared, and I woke up, and I don’t want to be alone, please!” he answered, in a single breath.
“Oh, dear” Yuuri hugged him and rubbed his back. This was the kind of affection, the protection and love he needed. “Remember, you’re always welcomed here, to sleep with us, or just stay, whenever you want, for as long as you want. We’re happy to have you with us!” he said, his voice full of love.
“Thank you” was all Yuri answered.
Yuuri settled him in bed, between him and Victor, who wrapped his arms around his tender frame immediately. Was he awake? A soft kiss on the top of his head answered his question. Soon, Yuri fell asleep, his lips curled in a smile…
They were not perfect. Not at all. But Yuri was not perfect as well. They cared of him and made him happy. Maybe his grandpa was not with them anymore, but he had a family that loved him…a true family he never had before. And he was grateful for this.
An angel took his agape…but he brought two other ones for him. He was never going to feel lonely again.