Work Text:
10 September 2049
05:43 AM
Overwatch HQ
What if, I hadn’t joined the SEP programme?
It’s hard to imagine life without him, but it isn’t hard to imagine his life without me. He'll save the world, he’ll retire with someone special, and he’ll probably lead a good life. I’ve always got his back, and he’s always got mine as well. He always did what he had to, out of instinct and impulse towards saving the people in danger. I fear he may be the one in danger himself and he can’t save anyone else.
I’m trying to keep it cool whenever you dive in, but I’d give in to your actions and adapt myself to how your unknown plan will take place. Maybe it was how your constant optimism that keeps me staying here.
I fear you may break yourself one day, and no amount of company could save you in your ever falling pit of depression. Always helping others and never expecting any back, it isn't always the brightest of scenarios. You'd try to assure yourself that you actually saved alot of people. But you yourself, aren't safe. You’d say that you aren’t worth it and you’re always guilty of the amount of deaths during the mission, but look at the amount of people you've saved. You're driving yourself insane with all the overthinking that you've had working for Overwatch, slowly blurring your morals further and further as more ulterior motives are made up to try to always be ahead of the enemies so you can save everyone.
You’ve always paid respects to everyone who you couldn’t save, you always try to make everyone feel safe. But under that charming smile, is a man who’s broken and has no one to share the pieces you’ve given, back to you. Behind that smile, the agony of all the people you were really close to saving continues building up. Underneath it all, no matter how much you hide, is the face of guilt. Guilt that comes from lying to so much people about yourself and them. Words like "I'm fine", and "You'll be alright", constantly bearing the weight behind the words you've said.
As the commander position becomes part of who you are, the weight of the world rested in your hands. Whether good or bad, lawful or chaotic, they all matter to you, echoing in your mind throughout this whole ridiculous war. You’ve already been shattered from the inside, but you kept on going, unknowing of the limits you yourself can’t take. Being selfless has broken you in many ways but you still keep on going. Not that you had a choice right?
I was there at your lowest, not the best I could do as a friend, but the most I could do to help you out as a colleague, as a person of lower rank, as a friend. Maybe even more than just friends.
It's hard to shake off that I think that you also want to settle down with someone who loves you and would want to take care of you and never leave you behind. I want to be that someone, and I’ve never confessed to anyone but, I love you Jack.
I really do. I’ve been confused and trying to gather my own thoughts but, I can’t lie to myself forever. But it ain’t a good time to talk about it either, so in the event that we never will see each other again, I’m leaving this letter in the overwatch database that can only be accessed by you after the omnic crisis. If you’ve seen this, it's either after the omnic crisis, or something horrible happened to overwatch. I hope it ain’t the latter, but I’ve got to express this to you someday, and I might have forgotten with all the war going on.
I hope not.
I really hope so.
Anyways this ain’t like me to write a letter and store it in some super secret location but, you know how discreet of a man I am.
Maybe.
I don’t know.
But I hope this messages gets to you Jack. Because I miss you.
Your life-long partner in crime,
Gabe