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1.
"Hyung?"
Namjoon rubs his eyes groggily and rolls over to face Taehyung's side of the room. The younger is curled up hugging a gigantic whale plushie, phone in one hand. He gazes at the leader intently and Namjoon begins panicking inside his head because it’s four a.m. and whatever question is keeping Taehyung up at four a.m. has got to be a weird one.
"Yes, baby?"
Taehyung blinks his long lashes. His face is utterly solemn. "Hyung, what's a sub?"
Namjoon chokes on air. "Uh, wait, Taehyung, what?"
"S-U-B," Taehyung spells it out. "A sub. I'm trying to learn some English by reading what international ARMYs say, and I saw something about how I would make a good sub. So I just wanted to know."
Namjoon coughs. "Uh. Tae, you shouldn’t… Um. That's an entirely new world you don't want to get into."
The younger frowns, hugging his plushie closer. "But I want to know! If ARMYs think I can be a good sub, then I want to be a good sub. The best sub. I want to make ARMYs proud."
Namjoon scrunches his eyes shut. It wouldn't have been so bad, if Taehyung hadn't look so entirely, 100% serious. "It's nothing you need to know, really."
Taehyung's brow wrinkles, having come to the wrong conclusion. "It’s something bad, isn’t it? But hyung... You don't have to protect me from the comments. If it's something bad, then I want to know too, so that I can change for the better, I don’t want to hold the group down—"
"No, no, goodness," Namjoon cries, slapping his own forehead in frustration. "It's not something bad!"
"Then why won't you tell me, hyung?" Taehyung's eyes are big, innocent. Namjoon sighs.
"It's just... a sub is... short for a... submachine gun. I don't want you to go around learning about names of dangerous weapons. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you."
This is a lame answer, Namjoon decides, but Taehyung seems to be considering it carefully.
"But why would I be a good submachine gun, hyung?"
Namjoon wracks his brain hard. As eloquent as he can be sometimes, it is four a.m. and he can't think straight.
"It's because... I'm not sure, but I think what they mean is that even though you look cute you can be surprisingly fierce too. You won't hesitate to fight to protect your family, and people you care about. You're Bangtan's secret weapon, you know?"
Taehyung's face lights up and Namjoon literally feels his heart drumming in his ribcage from emotions because wow, that was such a good impromptu speech he even impressed himself.
"Oh. I didn't know they think that about me..." Taehyung smiles sheepishly and Namjoon can't help smiling too. "Guess I'll have to work harder! I want to be the best submachine gun out of all submachine guns!"
Namjoon laughs, and he knows he must look like a doting dad right now but it's hard to keep the fondness out of his face. "You're already the best submachine gun, Tae. Why will you ever think otherwise?"
Taehyung looks all solemn again. "Because! I saw comments that said Jimin would be a good sub too, and I can't lose to Jimin!"
Namjoon stifles a groan in his pillow.
**
Taehyung takes his pledge to become the best submachine gun very seriously. The next day is a hot one, and Jimin, stupidly selfless and uncomplaining Jimin, spends so much time sweating it out in the dance studio that he half-collapses on the way back to their dorm. Taehyung catches him in time, and it's all right because he hasn't exactly full-out fainted and will probably be okay after they get back home and rest in an air-conditioned room. It should be all right, but why are there cameras everywhere? Does every passerby really need to take pictures of Jimin looking half-dead? Taehyung thinks not.
So he pulls his best friend even closer and wraps one arm around his head, so that his face is directly buried in his chest. That way the cameras won't get anything! But they're still so close, too close, and while Taehyung doesn't mind attention can't they see Jimin's not okay? He puts on the coldest, unfriendliest look possible, but they just keep coming, and when someone reaches out one hand to grab at Jimin's jacket Taehyung snaps.
For the reputation of his team, he can't say "fuck off" out loud, but he does manage to send the perpetrator the deadliest glare, which is very deadly because he is Kim Taehyung who performs with his eyes (and tongue, but this isn't quite the point right now).
When he is summoned by manager-hyung next day for a good talking-to ("Idols don't go around growling at people, Taehyung, this could have turned out much worse but we're lucky everyone seems to care more about Jimin collapsing than you giving people the stink-eye, or else you’d be in deep shit! Honestly, though, from a hyung perspective and not a manager perspective, I'm kind of proud of you"), he thinks it's all right because he's doing his job well, and soon he will be the best submachine gun that ever submachine-gunned.
2.
Taehyung stumbles upon Namjoon talking to Seokjin about the submachine gun situation over tea one afternoon. They're sitting on the kitchen counter looking incredibly domestic and Taehyung hates to interrupt, but he can't really help it when he himself is the subject matter, can he?
"You told him that a sub is a submachine gun?" Seokjin says, incredulous, and Namjoon sputters over his tea.
"I... I couldn't just... What else could I have said?"
Seokjin sighs, deeply. "You could have told him the truth—" he says, but stops half way, seeing that Taehyung has entered the doorway. "Uh. I mean, you could have told him the truth, that a sub is a Subway sandwich. My favorite sub, by the way, is the turkey one.”
"Oh, so that's what it means?" Taehyung whispers, looking crestfallen. "ARMYs think I'm a Subway sandwich?"
Namjoon coughs violently, spilling his tea all over himself.
"Yes," Seokjin says emphatically as he fetches napkins for Namjoon, "I can't believe you didn't ask me first, Taehyung, considering I know the most about food."
Taehyung gazes worriedly at his hyungs, having an internal crisis then and there. "Um, why do ARMYs think I'm a Subway sandwich?"
Namjoon recovers enough from his coughing fit to say, "It's because, uh, they think you like sleeping with many layers around you, just like a Subway sandwich."
Taehyung, again, seems to buy this explanation. "That's true. Wow, English is so complicated, there are so many different interpretations for just one word!" He mulls this new information over. "But if I'm a Subway sandwich, Jimin is one too, and I can't be out-subbed by Jimin! I must sleep with even more layers!"
Namjoon groans again as he busily attempts to dab the tea out of his shirt, but only succeeds in making it worse. Seokjin's broad shoulders are shaking in silent laughter.
"Hyung, why do you always groan when I say I want to be a better sub than Jimin?" Taehyung asks, brow knitted in a frown.
Seokjin can’t hold it in anymore and bursts out laughing. Namjoon accidentally ends up spilling tea over him too.
3.
Taehyung decides that the best way to ensure that he can sleep with more layers than Jimin is to just steal all of Jimin's blankets. It is a feat easily achieved as all he has to do is to steal Jimin's bed, when the latter is having fun bothering Jungkook in his room. That is how he finds himself alone with a bleary-eyed Hoseok, who is always consistent and dependable and sweet and so willing to lend an ear to listen to whatever is on Taehyung's mind. And Taehyung currently has a lot on his mind.
"Why, hyung," he whimpers, "does Namjoon-hyung groan whenever I say I want to be a better sub than Jimin? And Jin-hyung, he just laughs." He imitates Seokjin's characteristic laugh for extra effect.
Hoseok crinkles his brow. "What's a sub? You know I... no English speakeu."
"According to Jin-hyung, it's a Subway sandwich," Taehyung informs him, always happy to teach his hyung some English. Hoseok ponders this with a triangular pout on his lips.
"I didn't know that’s what it means," he says. "I had thought it might mean substitute. When I was little, our dance teacher had to travel around sometimes and he always got a sub teacher."
"That could be a possible explanation too," Taehyung says encouragingly, "because English is complicated and the same word can have multiple interpretations!"
Hoseok nods. "In that case, you and Jimin are both good subs. You're getting really good at dancing, you know. If any of us were absent, you could probably substitute for us any day."
Taehyung's eyes sparkle. "Really? You think so? You think I'm good?"
Hoseok chuckles warmly. "Of course you are. And if Yoongi-hyung gets lazy or something and doesn't want to perform in one of the Cyphers, you can totally substitute for him with your rap skills!"
"Hyung, thank you so much, you're too nice," Taehyung cries, wiping away fake tears with melodramatic gestures. Just then the door creaks open, and Jimin comes slouching in.
"Hey, Taetae, you're sleeping in my bed again?" Then his eyes widen in sudden concern. "What, are you crying?"
Taehyung emits a fake sob. "Yes I'm crying! Me and hyung are having a heart-to-heart talk, and I'm s-so moved!"
Jimin slumps down at his side, snatching some of the blankets. "Why are you moved?"
Taehyung sniffles exaggeratedly. "Because hyung thinks I'm good enough to be Yoongi-hyung's sub!"
Jimin eyes the two of them suspiciously. "Wait, what kind of heart-to-heart talk was that?" Then he shakes his head. "Ugh, it's late. I don't think I even want to know." He sinks down into the covers and throws one arm over his eyes.
"What," Taehyung teases, "you don't think I'm good enough to be Yoongi-hyung's sub?"
Jimin whines. "Why are we even talking about subs? Let me sleep!"
Taehyung wonders why his best friend is suddenly acting so annoyed—perhaps he thinks he could totally sub for Yoongi-hyung better than Taehyung? But no way, because even though Tae loves the little mochi with all his heart he can't rap for shit!
It's fine anyway, he thinks, because as they drift off to sleep Jimin drapes his arms and legs over Taehyung and holds him very tightly and overprotectively and Taehyung doesn't need to count to know that he definitely has more layers on himself than Jimin tonight.
4.
They are in the backstage waiting room, everyone either resting or lazily scrolling on their phones, when Taehyung makes the very new and very important discovery. He nudges the person next to him, which happens to be Yoongi.
"Hyung," he whispers, keeping his voice down so as to not wake the others. "Hyung what's a dom?"
Yoongi scowls, putting his own phone down. "A what?"
"A dom," Taehyung flashes Yoongi his phone. "It's spelled D-O-M."
Yoongi squints. "I'm not as good as Namjoon in English. Why would I know?"
"Because," Taehyung says emphatically, "it seems to be the general consensus that you'll be a good dom, so you would probably know what it is! Besides, you're smart."
Yoongi sighs. Now that Taehyung's called him smart, he can't disappoint the kid. If Taehyung expects an answer from his smart hyung then Yoongi will damn well give him one.
"I need context," he tells the younger boy. "One word can have many meanings depending on context."
Taehyung nods enthusiastically. "I learned that much these days! I'm not sure about context, but the word dom is used heavily in relation with the word sub, which according to Jin-hyung is a Subway sandwich."
Yoongi purses his lips in thought, and then he gets it.
"Ah. If a sub is a Subway sandwich, then a dom is obviously a Domino's pizza."
Taehyung looks awed. Can't blame him, Yoongi thinks, my deduction skills are A+.
"Wow. So, hyung, why do ARMYs think you're a Domino's Pizza?"
Yoongi shrugs. "I like lying flat, I guess? And when I'm warm I'm good but when I'm cold I'm fucking nasty. I also wear a lot of accessories, like pizza."
Taehyung continues looking awed. Honestly Yoongi could probably spout utter bullshit and he would still be convinced. "Wow. I never thought of it that way. This means that mushrooms, anchovies and pepperoni are all pizza accessories."
Beside them, Seokjin rubs tired eyes and stretches. "Why did I wake up to you guys talking about pizza accessories?"
"Because," Taehyung explains calmly, "Yoongi-hyung is the Domino's pizza to my Subway sandwich."
"That I am," Yoongi agrees.
Seokjin doubles over laughing again and accidentally kicks awake Jungkook, who is sleeping on the floor.
5.
Jungkook is as nice and sweet and enduring as a maknae could ever be, but sometimes there are limits. For example, being awaken from his beauty sleep by Seokjinnie-hyung's windshield wiper laughter three days in a row is a bit too much. Namjoon-hyung spilling his tea everywhere, even on Jungkook's favorite-white-shirt-number-eighteen is a bit too much. Tae-hyung coming to his room all beaming and proud to show off his newly acquired English vocabulary is also a bit too much.
"Kookie," he says, breaking Jungkook's intense focus on the gaming console screen, "you know what's a sub and what's a dom?"
Jungkook snipes at a passing enemy, successfully shattering his head into smithereens. "Taetae-hyung, you know I'm better at English than you are! Of course I know what they are!"
"What are they, then?" Taehyung asks with a knowing grin.
"Submarine and Dominican battleship," Jungkook replies, taking out three enemies in a row. Wow, he's on fire today.
Taehyung considers the answer. "I've never thought about it this way before, but it makes sense I guess?"
"Of course it makes sense!" Jungkook cocks his head to one side as he manage to blow up a whole tank. "I'm better at war games than you!"
Taehyung doesn't argue, because yes he knows Jungkook is better at war games than he is, and there's no point in denying the truth. But he doesn't leave, just sits there, face all scrunched up in thinking.
"Why do you think then, Kookie, do ARMYs think I would be a good submarine and you would be a good Dominican battleship?"
Jungkook grins. He has just achieved a 20-combo kill and he is damn happy. "Because I'm cool and deadly, like a Dominican battleship, and you... I don't know, you can stay underwater for a long time?"
"Hmm." Taehyung ruffles Jungkook's hair absently. "Would you say I'm a better submarine than Jimin?"
"I don't know, challenge him to see who can stay underwater the longest?"
"Oh, but I'll definitely win!" Taehyung concludes with a happy grin that is shaped like a rectangle.
"I'll beat both of you no problem," Jungkook declares.
“You think? I’d like to see you try!” Taehyung laughs, then pauses. It's a few moments before he finally speaks again.
“Jungkookie…”
“Hm?”
“Do you think Jimin will like me, if I become a better sub?”
Jungkook takes a deep breath. He puts down the console and turns to look at his hyung. “He gives zero fucks about how good a sub you are, man. You could be the worst sub in the world and he’ll still love you.”
Taehyung’s eyes widen in distress. “I’m the worst sub in the world?”
“That’s not what I said, hyung!”
Jungkook shakes his head as Taehyung leaves the room, still looking mildly distressed. He would gladly suffer a lot of a little bit too muchs for his hyungs, but really, sometimes Taehyung’s cluelessness can really be a bit too much.
**
Jimin coming into his room late at night to whine about Taehyung, though, Jungkook thinks, is also a bit too much. Can't he just man up and confess already? It's not like Taehyung would ever turn him down, they're practically married?
He says as much. “Can’t you just man up and confess already? It’s not like Tae-hyung would ever turn you down, you’re practically married?”
Jimin rolls around on Jungkook’s bed, not caring that his shirt is hiked all the way up. “It isn’t that simple, Kookie! Taetae is too innocent! He doesn’t think of me that way!”
“Innocent?” Jungkook rolls his eyes. “He came in yesterday asking me if he would make a better sub than you. Definitely not innocent.”
“That’s exactly why he’s innocent! He thinks subs are, I don’t know, subtitles or some shit? And he keeps crashing on my bed claiming he wants to out-sub me, and it’s driving me nuts!” Jimin wails. Jungkook sighs and pats Jimin on the head.
“You know, if you really think he’s oblivious about that sort of thing, all you have to do is educate him until he’s not oblivious.”
“Educate him how? And I can’t educate him when all I want to do when I see him is kiss him!”
Jungkook can’t help smiling. His hyung is so whiny. “Then kiss him. That’s the quickest way to educate him, no?”
“That’s called violating him without his consent, Jeon Jungkook—”
“If he had no feelings for you it would be,” Jungkook agrees, “but you’d have to be blind if you can’t tell how much he cares for you.”
“Not in that way! Never in that way! He only cares for me as a friend!”
Jungkook smooths Jimin’s hair and gives him a small push out of the door. “Geez, hyung, and everyone thinks I’m the one who’s bad with feelings.”
+1
Taehyung only cares for him as a friend, Jimin knows this. Taehyung is too soft and innocent and needs to be protected at all costs and Jimin would never ever hurt him. If Jimin tells him how he feels, how he’s dying to kiss him all the time, that would hurt him. It won’t do.
Jimin can’t hurt Taehyung, so he will dutifully play the role of a good friend and try to get those feelings to go away. It’s just that Taehyung is making it so difficult for him, always doing nice little things for him and engaging in physical contact like a clingy puppy and just looking simultaneously adorable and smoldering in general and Jimin wants to scream into his fists and throw coconuts at trees and cry.
He hates how Taehyung is always in his bed violating his private space and taking up all his blankets because for some stupid reason he wants to have more layers than Jimin. He hates how completely soft and pure he looks in his sleep and how it makes Jimin want to pull his own hair out in frustration while also wanting to defend Taehyung from every single evil in the world at the same time.
He hates how when he overworks Taehyung is always the first to know and is always there to catch him when he falls and how whenever he wakes up from an exhausted nap Taehyung is beside him holding his hand. He hates how Taehyung is talking about being a sub for Yoongi-hyung for whatever stupid reason and how illogically jealous it’s making him, and he hates how Jungkook keeps saying that Taehyung is smitten for him and he just can’t see, because excuse me Jeon Jungkook he, Park Jimin, has eyes, and he can see thank you very much, and he also hates how he’s rambling on inside his head now because getting drunk at a pool party probably isn’t the best idea, but he has feelings and how in the world is he supposed to get the feelings to go away if not with soju?
Jimin scans the area expressionlessly. The pool party is a private one booked by Jin-hyung so it’s only them, and he’s glad that at least there aren’t any cameras that will capture him staggering around all tipsy. He remembers that time the media caught photos of him almost fainting and it sucked and it was something he really preferred to not be printed in the news, but at least Taehyung was there to protect him that time, and damn he misses Taehyung, where is Taehyung?
He looks past Namjoon-hyung and Jin-hyung who are lounging around drinking some weird-colored things, probably cocktails—funny name isn’t it, cocktails? And Yoongi-hyung is curled up under an umbrella even though it’s night and there’s no sun to hide from and why does Yoongi-hyung need to be afraid of getting a tan anyway he’s already got porcelain skin? And oh look, there’s Hobi-hyung and Jungkookie having a doggie-paddle contest. Of course, like always, Jungkook is winning. Why is the kid so damn good at everything?
And then Jimin notices it, a dark, unmoving shape in the deep end of the pool, and his heartbeat quickens and he feels more sober than he has ever been in the whole night.
He dives in by reflex, wild panic consuming every fiber of his being as he wraps one arm around his fucking unmoving best friend. They pop out of the water at the same time, and Jimin is shaking madly from adrenaline and sheer terror. Taehyung, on the other hand, is panting hard, but grinning.
The audacity, Jimin thinks.
Taehyung shakes wet hair out of his face like a golden retriever and blinks at Jimin in slight confusion. His grin fades away into gentle concern when he realizes that Jimin is crying.
“You okay?” he asks. “What’s wrong?” and Jimin screams.
“Kim Taehyung I’m gonna fucking end you, what was that? You nearly gave me a heart attack!” he accuses, tears pouring down his face.
“I was practicing being a good submarine,” Taehyung explains. “I want to be able to stay underwater longer. Wanna see who’s a better sub?”
It’s probably the alcohol speaking but Jimin finds himself yelling “fine bring it on” and dunking Taehyung underwater, following himself.
As soon as he opens his eyes, though, he thinks that this competition is fucking unfair because how can he expect to win when Taehyung is there, looking like that? He is making all kinds of cute aegyo gestures at Jimin, even winking once or twice, soft hair floating around his face like a halo, and Jimin almost envies the small bubbles that escape from his lips.
His eyes trace the bubbles in a sort of dazed wonder, and it’s definitely the alcohol in him taking charge because the next thing he knows his own lips are on Taehyung’s and he’s swallowing chlorine water but he can’t care less because he’s kissing his best friend and he wants to cry and do a victory dance at the same time. It feels so good, Taehyung’s lips are soft and pliant, but it’s also so sad because Jimin knows that he’s ruined everything, it will never be the same again, pure and untainted Taehyung will never want to be close to him again and it hurts so much. He closes his eyes, knowing that the salty taste on his lips has to be his own tears.
Jimin wishes he can stop this moment forever because once it’s over everything’s over, but Taehyung is struggling, pushing him away, and he finally lets go when Taehyung gives him a huge shove on his chest. His chest hurts, but his heart hurts even more.
They burst above the surface and break apart, and Jimin watches his best friend, ex-best friend more like, make a wild grab at the side of the pool, gasping desperately for air. His side profile still looks so good illuminated under the poolside lights and Jimin doesn’t know what to say, because what can he say? This is the end of their friendship, the end of harmonious no-one-is-avoiding-each-other Bangtan, the end of everything, and Taehyung is sputtering and heaving, eyes squeezed tightly shut, and Jimin knows he’s ruined everything and how could he, when all he wanted is for everyone in his team to be happy and for them to grow together without any awkwardness? Now there’s going to be so much awkwardness and he caused it, all because he got a little bit intoxicated? And excuse him for being selfish just a little because right now he cares less about his team’s future than the fact that Taehyung is never going to talk to him again, the poor kid’s probably scared of him now, and how in the world can Jimin ever live with that?
He wipes away a tear hastily, angrily, and then someone is grabbing his hand and he looks up. Taehyung is blinking at him, water droplets coursing down his neck and past his collarbones, which is really distracting, Jimin thinks, but all he is capable of seeing is the stars in Taehyung’s eyes.
“That was unfair, you caught me off guard,” Taehyung exclaims, indignant. “I couldn’t breathe!”
“Uh, I’m sorry—”
“Second round!” Taehyung declares. “This time I’ll definitely prove I’m a better sub than you!”
And he pulls Jimin in for a kiss and they disappear underwater again. This time it is magical. Taehyung’s hands are in Jimin’s hair, and his lips are so plump and Jimin wants to yell profanities into the starry night sky.
When they break apart for oxygen, Jimin whispers “is this okay? You’re really… okay with this?”
Taehyung lets out a small whine and tugs at Jimin's hand. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since thirty years ago!”
“We didn’t know each other thirty years ago. We weren’t even born!”
“Does it matter?” Taehyung asks with a careless shrug. His wet lips continue to look enticing under the lightning, and Jimin feels a bit dizzy from the alcohol and the sheer beauty that is in front of his eyes.
“It doesn’t matter,” he agrees, “I still want to kiss you.” And he pulls Taehyung in once again.
After they break apart for a third time, Taehyung is grinning widely, radiating as much sunlight as three Hoseoks holding puppies. “I knew practicing to be a good submarine will come in useful,” he exclaims joyfully. Jimin lets out a long, suffering sigh.
“Kim Taehyung,” he declares, “you, me, bed. I’ll teach you what it really means to be a good sub.”
**
“Ah, young love,” a few lounge chairs away, Seokjin comments, watching the scene unfold fondly.
“To be honest I’ve always thought Jimin is a dom,” Namjoon muses. “He’s a lil’ birdie most of the time but when it comes to Taehyung he takes out the big guns.”
“What?” Yoongi asks, yawning loudly. “Why is Jimin a Domino’s pizza? I thought I was the pizza? What am I missing?”
“Please, not you too, hyung!”