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Nami's nakama were certifiable. Loony-bin material, every last one of them.
That day's schizophrenic episode started with Luffy grabbing her by the shoulders and planting a kiss like sunshine on the corner of her mouth.
"What the hell?" Nami asked, calmly enough considering the circumstances. She ignored the stares, the dropped plate breaking beyond the galley's open door, the bemused chortle from Chopper and the muttered 'huh-oh' from Usopp.
"-Was- so you wouldn't be mad anymore- about that treasure I lost overboard-" Luffy's voice came out all distorted as it squeezed past Nami's grip on his rubber neck. "Zoro said- you'd be im-impossible to live with until you forg-" a squeaky noise "-forgot about it - and Sanji once told me a good kiss can make a guhh-girl forget everything-"
"Oh really." She should have known. Sanji and Zoro; taken separately and out of context, but still their fault.
Zoro had been talking to Luffy before the captain had spun around to do the grabbing-kissing-suicidal thing. He had his mouth open and a vaguely disturbed look on his face. "Oi-"
She got into his guard easily enough. He was expecting her to hit him, and he usually let her take a swing since she couldn't really hurt him, and the alternative was financial retribution. But she had much worse than either in store. Instead of punching him, she grabbed him by the collar and kissed him.
There were earthquakes, there were seaquakes...Nami was able to add 'shipquake' to her ocean-faring knowledge, and ground zero was at the galley door.
Nami smirked as she watched the ensuing fight. She couldn't hurt Zoro, true, but Sanji could.
"But she kissed me-"
"Youfuckingmarimobastard- you never earned that kiss!"
A kick connected and Zoro snapped.
"Fine! You want it so bad? You can fucking have it!"
Nami crowed with delight as her revenge took a wholly unexpected turn.
Zoro rubbed his mouth with the air of one who'd gotten the upper hand whatever the cost, while The Look on Sanji's face was simply beyond price (and this was for a girl who put a price on nearly everything).
"Agh!" Sanji went ballistic. The spin-kick put Zoro into the rigging - fortunately without breaking more than a guide rope and a small cross-spar - and Sanji then turned around to- "Robin-chan! Please save me from the trauma!"
He probably expected Robin to duck his embrace, as women were wont to do. Robin didn't.
Three seconds later, Sanji fell straight over backwards, felled by either monumental joy or absolute astonishment; it was hard to say.
Robin turned to a wide-eyed Chopper and, with that quiet, mysterious smile of hers, leaned down to drop a kiss on the forehead beneath the hat's brim.
Chopper seemed to go into convulsions. "Wahh!! Why did you do that, asshole?! I hated that, I really did!"
Robin's smile widened. "Then pass it on."
"Huh? O-okay!"
That's when Usopp did the math. "Wha- waitaminute-hey! Chopper, it's a joke-"
He tried to run. A human-form Chopper leapt on him like a furry avalanche.
"Ugh!" Usopp struggled to his feet, wiping his wet cheek furiously. He staggered over to the hysterical Luffy- and punched his captain right in the bulls-eye that was the straw hat. "This is all your fault!"
"Huh?!" Luffy rubbed the top of his head, giving Usopp an amused 'you idiot' grin. "No, you're supposed to kiss me! It's not come back to the start otherwise!"
Usopp's nose went ship-beacon red. "WHAAAA?!"
Nami had by this time climbed up the stairs to the galley. One lazy kick shot the tiller to the left, causing the sails to whip in the wind, the boom to snap and the ship to lurch. A variety of separate insanities were shelved while the crew quickly put hands to the rigging. Nami righted the tiller and shook her head, smiling affectionately. Crazy. Every one of them.
Wow, sailing on other ships must be so boring.