Archive of Our Own ^beta

Park Woojin knows that he doesn’t deal well with variety shows. As someone who has always been advertently shy in front of large crowds – much more people he didn’t know, he never knows when is the right time for him to speak his mind. His satoori -accented phrases sit at the tip of his tongue, and his brain slowly tries to convert them into the proper Seoul tongue. But as soon as he manages to do so, the moment would skip and just like how a turtle jumps back into its shell, he would too, shrink back into his own shell of introversion.

When it comes to variety shows, there are just so many things that Woojin would be afraid of. It isn’t just about not being able to say his mind, but the expectations weigh him down so hard, just like how a ship is pulled down by an anchor. The expectations come from all places: from the company, the fans, and himself . He knows that his fans would be excited when they hear that he has an individual schedule, but he doesn’t want to disappoint them. Not when the program airs and his fans would be waiting, like a hawk watching its prey, for the show to start – to dissect his gazes, his random fidgets, and the ways he responds.

Hence, when Woojin is whisked off away to an individual schedule after the conclusion of the music show of the day, Woojin doesn’t know what to expect. It’s a schedule for a variety show, something so out of his comfort zone, something that definitely isn’t his forte. He’s going to be alone, without the company of his group mates with him. He doesn’t know what to do. Daehwi had given him a little thumbs up, whispering a soft “Good luck!” before heading into a separate van, but those didn’t do anything to calm his churning stomach.

“I can hear you thinking from here,” his manager says, breaking Woojin’s train of thought. “It’s just a recording for Hello Counselor. You don’t have to be so afraid of it.”

“A-Ah, I’m not exactly a-afraid,” Woojin flinches from the stutters in his voice. He knows that he’s a transparent person – people could read him like a book and the tremors in his voice do nothing to mask his feelings. From the driver’s mirror, Woojin sees his manager shaking his head, but he doesn’t prod out, and Woojin’s thankful for that.

Even though Woojin has already been an idol group member for the past year, trained in the “know hows” of the idol world, he could never find himself adapting perfectly to it. Sure, the stage always gives him the jitters: his heart would beat hard and quick against his chest before a performance, but the palpitations that come before a variety are different. Anxiety bubbles from within him, getting more aggressive as time nears, and it eventually threatens to suffocate him. Daehwi always tells him to take deep breaths, but he always feels like he’s running out of oxygen, much faster than he could replace it.

He knows– Woojin knows– that his anxiety is a problem that he needs to fix as soon as he can. He belongs to a cut-throat industry,, and if he doesn’t fix the problem, he knows that he’d be devoured in an instant. Woojin could only wish that the anxiety is a problem that could fix itself with a snap of his fingers, and thereafter, he would no longer feel the air bubbling uncomfortably from within his throat. But it isn’t as simple as that.

Woojin feels his hands becoming clammy with sweat, and no matter how much he wipes his palms against the denim of his jeans, they don’t go away. The car drives into the carpark of the broadcasting building and Woojin feels like he’s entering a landmine. He feels his sweat glands working into an overdrive, and he’s suddenly thankful for the thin shirt that his coordi had put him in. It manages to provide a small sense of cool relief.

As the car slowly comes to a stop and his manager hops off the car, Woojin knows that it’s time for him to leave his safety zone, and he could only pray the filming for Hello Counselor would go well.

--

When Woojin settles into his waiting room, he doesn’t get a moment of respite as his manager takes out a stack of CDs from his duffel bag. He makes the notion for the two of them to leave the room, and Woojin knows what he has to do. Ever since a particular senior in the industry had mentioned about “younger idols these days, don’t give respect to their sunbaes ”, entertainment companies had made extra precautions that such events never happened again. Woojin knows what he has to do: visit the waiting rooms of the other guests who were also invited, hand them his group’s album, and say a generic introduction.

Of course, Woojin knows that it was only right for them to give due respect to the sunbaenims who had carved the path that allowed future generations to walk upon, but it’s still something that he didn’t quite want to do alone. Without his group members by his side, he never quite knows what to say to break the awkward silence that would follow after “Hello! I’m Wanna One’s Park Woojin. Please take care of me!” His other members are good at filling the silences – genuine praises and words of adoration spill from their mouth. But Woojin just doesn’t know how to piece his words smoothly together in a way that his group mates know how to. It also doesn’t help that his satoori leaks out whenever he got nervous and Woojin hates it.

“What are you waiting for?”

“Ah, yes. I’m going now.”

Woojin follows after his manager and closes the door behind him, giving out a huge sigh as he did so. As much as Woojin wishes he didn’t have to do this, he understands that it’s something that’s expected out from him. It’s his job. He just has to do do it.

Suddenly, a sense of gratitude washes over him as he recalls that the names of the guests in the waiting rooms will be on pieces of papers stuck on their doors, just like his. At least, that will give him some sense of relief, for he will be able to slightly plan out what he could potentially say. He turns to his left, ready to knock at the door before he enters the room.

Park Jihoon, the paper reads. If Woojin remembers correctly, Park Jihoon is an actor who is the same age as he is. He’s nineteen, but as a child actor, he would definitely have more experience in the showbiz than Woojin did. He would definitely know how to act and react in a variety show, knowing when would be the apt moment for him to say his piece, while Woojin would swallow his words.

Knock knock.

Woojin doesn’t wait for a response and opens the door that leads into Jihoon’s waiting room. He takes a quick glance around the room, before his eyes settle on a figure who’s sitting on the leather couch in the room. The figure has his earphones plugged into his Samsung phone, probably watching a video, from the way his phone’s rotated. Woojin slowly makes his way to Jihoon, hoping that Jihoon had already noticed him as he really didn’t want to interrupt him from whatever he was doing.

Like as if Jihoon could sense the environment around him without seeing, he looks up from his phone without removing removing his earphones. When he sees Woojin making his way towards him, he starts to take his earphones out, standing up to greet Woojin. Woojin feels his hands trembling and he hopes that Jihoon wouldn’t land his eyes on his hands.

“Hello, I’m Wanna One’s Park Woojin,” Woojin manages to say his introduction without any stumbles. His satoori doesn’t leak out, and his voice doesn’t quiver. A good start, at least. Woojin takes an album from the stack of albums that’s placed precariously in his manager’s arms, and hands it over to Jihoon. Giving a bow,  he makes sure to add, “Please take care of me!”

“Thank you!” Jihoon responds, taking the album from Woojin. As Woojin raises his body, he could feel Jihoon’s gaze on him and it’s a gaze that Woojin doesn’t quite know how to describe. “Ah, you’re from Wanna One? From the survival program show?”

Woojin nods in response. At least he was saved from having to be the one to start the small talk between the two. Although Woojin does know who Park Jihoon is, Woojin hasn’t taken a good look at his filmography yet. While his members spend time off practicing to take a look at the latest entertainment news or watch some new drama, Woojin has always opted to spend more time polishing up that dance move or that enunciation in his rap instead. Perhaps, that’s why the other members are better at making small talk and know exactly what to talk about.

“I heard that most of the contestants on the show were pretty young, around my age. How old are you?” Jihoon asks as he takes quick glances at the (generic) messages that were written on the top of their album. It feels like a rehearsed action, from the way his gaze sweeps through the messages, not completely reading it but not completely ignoring the messages written as well.

“I’m nineteen,” Woojin responds. “If I’m not wrong, we’re the same age.”

“Oh?” The brief look of boredom that Woojin could see in Jihoon’s eyes sweep away, and his eyes start to sparkle. “You’re a 1999er too?”

“Yeah, I’m a November baby.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Jihoon says, with a smile on his face. “We can be same age friends. It’s hard to find friends who’re the same age as me in this industry.”

Woojin didn’t expect Jihoon to say that. Or anything remotely similar to it, even. From his first impression, he assumes the boy to be friendly and outgoing, someone who could easily make friends as soon as he smiled at them. Perhaps, it’s the result of the many years that he had spent in the industry so far: too many stories of friends turned enemies and people who weren’t what they seemed to be. As Woojin gets immersed in his thoughts, he misses the way Jihoon taps away at certain buttons on his phone, only comprehending when Jihoon’s phone is in front of him.

“Give me your Kakao ID,” Jihoon says. “Let’s be friends.”

Woojin takes a quick glance at his manager, who gives him a small nod of approval. Only then does Woojin enter his ID into Jihoon’s phone. His company doesn’t have any restrictions when it comes to the usage of mobile phones, for they believe in trusting their artists. If anyone commits an action that puts them in a compromising position, then their mobile phones would be taken away from them. Woojin doesn’t think that it’s unfair for the company to do so. If mistakes are made, then they should receive the right consequences. But still, when it comes to matters pertaining to social media and networking accounts, Woojin still feels that it’s better to get his manager’s approval before he does anything.

“Well, I guess, we’ll see each other around then? I gotta go greet the other sunbaenims, ” Woojin says, internally surprised at the ease in his voice as he’s talking to Jihoon. Jihoon gives him a nod and smiles back at him when Woojin hands his mobile phone back.

“See you around, Woojin-ah!”

--

The recording runs smoothly without any problems. Woojin’s expectations had played out just as he thought it would. It was difficult for him to voice out his thoughts whenever he wanted, and he could feel the weight lodging itself deep in his throat. He could feel Jihoon’s gaze on him, one that felt almost judgemental. It seemed to say, why aren’t you talking? You’re here on the show for a reason .

To his surprise, Jihoon doesn’t come to find him after the recording ends and he’s able to head back to his dorm with his manager. As he walks into his room in the dorm, he is surprised to see the lights remaining lit. He assumed that the rest of the members were asleep, burnt out from the activities of the day and ready to hit the bed in order to ensure that they had enough energy and rest to combat the schedules that are following after. Daehwi looks up from his phone, with a glimmer of anticipation, that he had been waiting for Woojin to be home. “How was the recording?”

“You know how I’m like.” There is just something about coming back home to familiar people; Woojin doesn’t have to explain the sequence of events but Daehwi would still understand him. Woojin’s anxiety and shyness aren’t something new to them. Sometimes, Woojin could feel Daehwi’s frustrations seeping through his advices, but he never pushes Woojin beyond his limits. “I made a new friend though.”

“Really? Who?”

It isn’t exactly unheard of that Woojin could make new friends. He did have friends. He would actually consider himself to be someone who was popular back when he was younger – constantly being surrounded by people. But as time passed and seasons changed, the distance continued to grow between him and them. They don’t understand Woojin’s determination to become an idol and they slowly stop asking him out since he would reject their invites to practice instead. This isn’t something that Woojin resents his friends for, he understands that people just drift away as they age. Nothing more. Now, he prefers to have a smaller group of friends, as long as they were people he knows he can trust and he can be himself in front of them.

“Park Jihoon, you know, the child actor?” Daehwi nods and Woojin takes it as his cue to continue. “He was also one of the guests invited for the recording today, and he asked for my contact details when he found out that we’re the same age.”

“Isn’t that great? It’s always good to meet new people.”

It’s as if Park Jihoon is really a psychic, who overheard their conversation and knew that they were talking about him since Woojin feels his phone vibrate and he opens his phone to see a new Kakao notification from Jihoon.

|ω・`)ﾉ Hey, it’s Jihoon~
It was a long shoot today, you’ve worked hard!!
Hope to see you around soon!

Read: 1.24am

“A text from Jihoon?”

“Yeah,” Woojin responds, fingers tapping away at the screen to send a reply to Jihoon.

Hello!
Thank you. I hope to see you around soon too.
Good night, sleep well :)

Sent: 1.26am

Woojin hopes that the smiley face would make him seem less awkward. He could feel Daehwi giving him a soft smile from where he was seated, and he then feels a pat on his head. Daehwi’s younger than him, but sometimes, his rather mature personality for his age could be so comforting. He presses against the lock button of his phone, knowing that they should go to sleep soon for they have another music show recording the next day.

Good night! (´・ω・｀)
Delivered: 1.56am

 

--

Woojin isn’t a fan of how long music shows’ recordings take. They often take multiple times to film the same song all over and over again; and each time, they would have to put in more and more effort to show the fans that they aren’t tired from the intense schedules that they have. Upon the ending of the song, staff members rush up to them: the make-up noonas hurry to pat away their perspiration before it ruins their makeup; their managers hand them bottled mineral water and the other staff simply walk around, with portable fans in their hands in an attempt to help them cool off.

The PD gives an approving nod and it’s a sign for them that they were done with the pre-recording. Now, they are only left with the actual live broadcast. Woojin doesn’t forget his duties as an idol group member: giving some finger hearts to the fans while his hyungs engage in stronger, more active fanservice. Suddenly, he feels the urge to use the washroom and he excuses himself, whispering to Daehwi as the rest of them make their way back to the waiting room.

After the filming for Hello Counselor, Woojin honestly didn’t really expect to see Park Jihoon anytime soon. With a new album release, his group had been continuously busy with promotions: promoting on music shows, appearing as guests on variety programs, and filming their own variety content so that they could attract more fans.

So, Woojin definitely doesn’t expect to run into Jihoon in the toilet of all places.

He opens the door to the toilet, only to see Jihoon in the toilet as well. It’s awkward and Woojin doesn’t know what to say; meeting in person wasn’t like how it’s like to talk via text, where he could count on smiley faces to make the conversation less awkward, or how he would be able to look through the messages time and time again before he hits the send button.

“Hey, Woojin, right?”

“Yeah,” Woojin replies without looking up, finding that maintaining eye contact with Jihoon is awkward and he doesn’t know what else to say. “Why are you here today?”

“I have a drama recording today!” Jihoon gives him a bright smile. “You’re here for a music show recording?”

“Yeah, I finally got a break after like, four hours.”

“Man, that sounds tough. Dancing for hours,” Jihoon mutters, and gives Woojin a pat on his back before he makes the notion of leaving. “I gotta run. Recording starts in a while too. See you around?”

Woojin is secretly thankful for he doesn’t know what else to say. He manages to cough out a “See you” as he watches Jihoon leave the toilet.

--

Conversation is much easier through text, Woojin thinks.

After the brief run-in in the toilet backstage, he and Jihoon had been exchanging text messages more frequently. Sometimes, it’s about random topics like what they had for dinner, or how Jihoon is starving from his diet that his company had pushed onto him (and Jihoon’s actually advertising for a chicken delivery company, and Jihoon complains about how ironic it is that he can’t actually eat that food), or a particular fan that Woojin met during a fansign earlier that day.

The conversation between them is smooth, like the running water down the Han River. There is just something about talking to Park Jihoon that feels so natural. Certainly, there are moments where Woojin doesn’t know what to reply, but those moments are broken down so fast. It’s like as if Jihoon can tell when Woojin doesn’t know what to say, so he changes the topic and then, they move on. It’s not like they are avoiding the topics that Woojin’s uncomfortable with; Woojin thinks, that neither he nor Jihoon want the conversation between the two of them to stop; and hence, they rather move on to other topics to prevent awkward stilted replies.  

It seems like Woojin himself is becoming a brighter person, for Daehwi is constantly smiling at him, like a proud mother who’s watching her child take his first steps. Baby steps. He ignores the way the other members – mainly Seungwu- hyung and Jaehwannie- hyung – giggle at him and make fun of the way he lights up whenever he gets a new message from Jihoon. He ignores the way they sing, “Woojinnie has a boyfriend~” because honestly, it just isn’t worth it to get riled up about.

He doesn’t want to think of Jihoon in that manner. He just wants to think of Jihoon as a friend first. He hates the way people assume that two people are dating just as they’re getting close. Woojin just wants the friendship to be established, and not have to consider dating so early into the friendship . Dating is too fast, and he just wants the constancy of friendship. It’s comfortable for him this way already.

It’s late at night when he can’t seem to sleep. His roommates, Daehwi and Jinyoung are already asleep (and Woojin thinks, it’s best for him not to say anything about the way they’re cuddled against each other, albeit too tightly for close friends) and his phone screen is still bright against the darkness of the room. He’s scrolling absent-mindedly on Twitter, looking at the #streetwear tag to get inspiration for the next time he has to be dressed in his own casual clothes. Woojin doesn’t think that he’s an insomniac, but there are just times when he just couldn’t sleep, when the thoughts are much too loud in his mind even though his body is practically begging him for rest.

He tries to ignore the way his heart skips a beat when he gets a Kakao notification from Jihoon.

Yah, Park Woojin,
You awake?
Read: 12.06am

Shouldn’t you be sleeping?
Delivered: 12.07am

I can’t sleep (╯︵╰)
Wanna’ take a stroll around the neighbourhood?
Read: 12.08am

I’m five minutes away from your dorm, meet you outside (´・ω・｀)
Read: 12.10am

Woojin certainly doesn’t expect Jihoon to say that, to invite him out in the middle of the night for a “ stroll around the neighbourhood. ” They had found out earlier that their dorms are relatively near to one another, just a ten-minute walk away, but they hadn’t met each other ever since the toilet incident. Both of them are busy artists, Jihoon is still filming his drama and Woojin is never not busy as an idol. Even after official promotions have ended, they are always sent to perform at music festivals, and they have to start working on their next album.

He hurriedly climbs out of his bed and grabs random clothes from inside his wardrobe. Jinyoung and Daehwi have always chastised him for the lack of variety in his personal clothes, that they are always in blacks and whites and greys; but at times like this, Woojin thinks that it’s for the better because it means that he doesn’t have to worry about his clothes not looking nice when he’s in a rush.

Thankfully, everyone is deeply asleep so Woojin doesn’t have to worry about sneaking out of the dormitory without waking anyone up. Woojin isn’t someone who usually sneaks out the dormitory anyway, so if he comes back before anyone wakes up, he shouldn’t land in any trouble. When he makes his way out of the dormitory, Jihoon is already standing outside of his dorm.

Jihoon’s dressed in a bright pink hoodie and black sweats, a mask over his face while he’s tapping away at his phone. Even without makeup, Woojin thinks that anyone would be able to tell that Jihoon’s a celebrity, from the way his body naturally radiates confidence and charm. Jihoon can be doing nothing but standing there, and Woojin feels himself being drawn to him.

“Hey,” Woojin says as he jogs up to join Jihoon. “Did you wait long?”

“Nah, don’t worry about that,” Jihoon replies, tucking his phone into one of his jeans’ pockets. He makes the notion for them to move away from the entrance of the dormitory. It’s been so long since Woojin last came out in the middle of the night (as he was always practicing late into the night) so he doesn’t quite know what’s there for them to do. Are they really just going to take a stroll around the neighbourhood?

Now that they’re both alone and their mobile phones are tucked away in their pants’ pockets, Woojin suddenly feels the anxiety hitting him like a truck. He had stepped out of his safety zone willingly, without consciously realising this fact until now. He feels his footsteps slowing down, his body and nerves being wrecked by his mind‒ where his inner demons threaten to swallow him whole.

Woojin doesn’t realise that he’s suddenly so far behind until Jihoon suddenly stops in his tracks, and turns to face him. “So, any ideas on what you want to do now?”

Jihoon’s tone is friendly and warm, inviting him to say whatever it is he wishes. There’s always a part of Woojin that’s hesitant‒ afraid to speak his mind, because he’s afraid that the listener wouldn’t appreciate what he’s got to say.

But this is Jihoon, who he has been speaking to so frequently and comfortably even though only through text. There’s also a part of Woojin that tells him: he already made the first step to meet Jihoon, the next step is now staring back at him. Woojin takes a huge breath, swallows his saliva, and he decides to speak. “I don’t know. You know, I don’t really have the time to go out.”

Jihoon doesn’t reply immediately, and instead, he gives him a meaningful look‒ one that suggests that he knows what Woojin is talking about and feels it for himself. “That’s true. We’re all so busy, after all.”

“Maybe we could just walk along the Han River or something?” Woojin suggests, after a moment has passed and Jihoon hadn’t said anything. He ignores the lingering thought at the back of his head that reminds him of the cruelty of the idol world and comments that netizens leave, “We could order chicken and eat there too.”

Upon hearing the word chicken , Woojin sees the way Jihoon’s eyes light up and the way his head bobs up and down fervently. Woojin takes a mental note: Jihoon definitely likes the idea of having chicken. He watches the way Jihoon hastens his steps when he sees an incoming cab and flagging it. “What are you waiting for?”

--

When they arrive at the Han River, there are still people around the riverbed: some are engaged in conversation while others are eating. He hadn’t expected the Han River to be this crowded in the middle of the night, but Woojin realises that it has really been a long time since he has been to the Han River. He’s probably lost touch of what normal citizens do. After all, ever since he moved over to Seoul, he had always been too caught up with practice, that he thinks, he isn’t very familiar with the Seoul cityscape.

They manage to find a quiet spot hidden behind several trees and it’s nice. It’s almost the end of summer, so the wind is cool and slightly chilly, and there’s no trace of that humidity that he feels during the day. People are walking in the area, but no one realises that they are celebrities and it almost makes Woojin feel like he’s not an idol‒ and just a regular person.

“Which chicken brand do you want to grab?” Jihoon asks, fiddling with his phone. “How about Mexicana?”

Woojin stifles a laugh because that is the chicken brand that his group, Wanna One, is promoting. He’s not sure if Jihoon is aware of that fact, but when he sees Jihoon’s knowing gaze, the way his eyes curve up slightly, Woojin thinks Jihoon knows. “Why not?”

“Alright then,” Jihoon responds with a laugh before he dials the number so that he could order the chicken. It’s also during times like these where Woojin is amazed at the ability of the Korean delivery services to find them in the middle of the Han River Park, which is literally, in the middle of nowhere. Perhaps, Woojin had let that slip because Jihoon laughs again and says, “I know right?”

They talk about small, random things that they hadn’t talked about while waiting for the chicken to arrive. They talk about the shows that they’ve grown up watching‒ realising that there are some nostalgic childhood shows that they both have watched since they were born in the same year. They talk about how they used to wake up in the early mornings to watch Japanese anime, not realising that they were actually called anime ; or the way they used to play games like tag when they were in elementary school but as the years kicked in, physical play was replaced by cellphones.

They are interrupted when Jihoon receives a phone call from the deliveryman, and Jihoon leaves their spot to collect it‒ “You have to watch over our space!” Jihoon had said‒ and Woojin kicks at the grass absent-mindedly. When Jihoon comes back, the smell of chicken is overwhelming and Woojin thinks, chicken is always the answer to anything.

Jihoon puts the boxes of chicken down onto the ground, and Woojin is honestly taken aback by the sheer volume of chicken they ordered. It’s like Woojin had shot Jihoon an accusing gaze because Jihoon says defensively, “What? I will finish everything.”

“I’m not doubting you,” Woojin laughs, opening up the boxes of chicken and pushing the straws into the drinks. Jihoon gives him an accusatory gaze, but it fades when Woojin grabs a piece of chicken and places it in front of Jihoon’s face.

Looking at the way Jihoon happily finishes up the chicken, Woojin thinks that the criticisms that he’ll face when his managers find out that he ate chicken, or when netizens point out‒ “Don’t you think Woojin has gained weight?”‒ won’t bother him. It doesn’t matter.

--

News outlets report how YMC Entertainment had given the members of Wanna One some free time, time of respite after their activities. They do get some free time, “free time” is defined by the lack of official schedules. The members spend their day catching up on sleep, or playing the games that they hadn’t had the time to do so, and Woojin thinks, perhaps, this is a chance for him to actually take a look at Jihoon’s dramas.

Jihoon is a supportive friend, sending him screenshots of how he had streamed their latest single and leaving comments on their music videos. But Woojin can’t say that he has also been a great friend, for he hadn’t watched any of Jihoon’s dramas before. So Woojin decides to boot up his laptop, and take a look at Jihoon’s drama‒ make conversation with Jihoon after he watches it.

I’m going to check out your drama, we have a free day today :’)
Delivered: 9.01am

About time you did! (ಸ‿ಸ) 
Let me know what you think about it, okay?
Read: 9.05am

Yeah, of course!
Delivered: 9.06am

The drama that Woojin decides to start with is the drama that is currently being aired on television‒ Crush. There are currently 12 episodes, with only 4 more to go; and Woojin thinks, that’s a nice amount of episodes to start with. Jihoon’s acting as a college student who has a crush on a senior, who doesn’t like him the way he likes her. Woojin thinks, that it sounds like the typical “second male lead syndrome” but then when he sees that Jihoon’s listed as the main character, then maybe, it’s different from his expectations.

As the drama proceeds, Woojin starts fidgeting and there’s a sense of uncomfortableness that washes through him. He’s not sure what this feeling is, as he looks at Jihoon’s acting‒ the way he looks at the retreating figure of the female lead, the way he sends her soft messages of encouragement when she’s down. The drama is good and Jihoon does a good job in leading the drama, with the way the female lead’s acting seems to grow exponentially whenever she’s in a scene with Jihoon, compared to when she’s alone.

It’s really good. I like it.
Delivered: 11.30am

Minhyun-hyung knocks at the door of his room, opens the door to ask Woojin what he wants for lunch. He shakes his head, “Anything is fine.” He didn’t really have anything that he was craving for in particular, and he watches Minhyun-hyung nod and close the door behind him. Well, time for Woojin to carry on with Jihoon’s drama.

That’s great to hear!!!!!! (´・ω・｀)
Received: 12.22pm

--

Wanna One comes back with a repackaged album several months after their first release. By now, Jihoon finally gets a period of rest for he’s done with filming the drama so Woojin thinks that he has to invite Jihoon, who’s easily one of his closest friends (and fans).

He sends him a text a week before the showcase is announced publicly, and there’s a part of him that really hopes that Jihoon can come. Sure, the other members may make fun of him later; but he isn’t too worried because he knows the way everyone masks the concern with teasing. They see how interacting with Jihoon has allowed him to open up, has made him less afraid to speak his mind when he knows that he ought to be confident with his skills.

It’s the day of the showcase, and there are mixed emotions that hang in the air of the waiting room. At the side, he sees Jaehwan-hyung and Sungwoon-hyung warm up their vocals, Daniel-hyung and Seungwu-hyung give a final run-through of the choreography, Daehwi reassuring that the posture that Jinyoung makes during his solo part looks good, is good, Jisung-hyung trying to control the amount of food Guanlin inhales and Minhyun-hyung trying to calm his nerves by playing a mobile game.

Woojin is sitting down in front one of the mirrors, letting the makeup noona do her magic when he sees the door to their waiting room open from the corner of his eye. It’s Jihoon. He hadn’t expected Jihoon to appear, not when he is in the middle of shooting for his new drama. But Jihoon did come. He ignores the way Seungwu-hyung and Daniel-hyung start whistling and the way Minhyun-hyung sighs and shakes their head at their antics.

“Hey,” Jihoon says. The makeup noona applies her finishing touches to Woojin’s makeup, gives a nod of approval upon seeing the final product, and Woojin takes it as his cue to stand up from his seat. He opens his arms to wrap around Jihoon, who settles into his embrace.

“I didn’t think you would come.”

“Why wouldn’t I come to my best friend’s concert?” Jihoon punches Woojin’s chest lightheartedly. Woojin couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. Indeed, why did he think that Jihoon wouldn’t come? If Jihoon invites him to a premiere of his drama or anything, he too, would definitely make his way down.

“Hey, where’s my present?”

Jihoon looks like he was taken aback by Woojin’s question. There is that look in Jihoon’s eyes again, the same look that he saw when they first met and Woojin passed him a copy of their album. “Sorry, I didn’t know what to bring.”

“Hey, hey, you know I’m just joking with you,” Woojin pats Jihoon’s shoulder. “Thanks for coming though, really..”

Jihoon smiles, and it is one of those smiles that Woojin really likes to see on Jihoon. Woojin reaches into the pocket of his pants, opening up Snow and taking his time to choose a cute emoticon. He finally settles with one of the dog ones, thinking that it would look really cute on Jihoon. It isn’t the first time that they are fooling around on the Snow app and Jihoon poses in front of the camera together with him.

“I’ll send you the pictures,” Woojin says, opening up KakaoTalk. “Post it on Instagram, okay?”

“Yes, yes, Mr. Park. I gotta boast about our friendship, after all.”

--

@therealjihoon Woojinnie finally invited me to one of his concerts~ (´・ω・｀) Who is this Woojinie????
This isn’t the Park Woojin I know!!!!!!!!!!! (•ˋ _ ˊ•)

--

Several days after the showcase, and after Wanna One has performed on various music show programs, Jihoon asks Woojin out in the middle of the night. Woojin knows that he should turn down Jihoon’s invitation, that he’s been burnt out from the whole day’s worth of activities, but then again, he and some other members have a free morning tomorrow because Daniel-hyung and Minhyun-hyung have been invited for another variety show recording. So, Woojin does reply to Jihoon with a “yes, where do you want to meet?”

I’m already downstairs!
Received: 11.44pm

Daehwi wakes up after Woojin dresses, just as he’s about to leave the dormitory. The younger male rubs his eyes, still trying to get the sleep out, but manages to murmur out, “Where are you going hyung? Isn’t it late?”

Woojin fumbles an answer. He’s not sure if he should be honest to Daehwi: tell him that he’s meeting Jihoon, or come up with some weird excuse like, his sister has come up to Seoul and wants to meet him! The excuse sounds ridiculous the more he thinks about it, so he replies simply, “Jihoon wants to meet me.”

The mention of Jihoon’s name makes Daehwi perk up immediately. If he was sleepy before this, then Daehwi is now wide awake. Daehwi looks down at his bed and tries to make his voice soft so that he doesn’t wake Jinyoung up. “Hyung, you know, we have a schedule tomorrow afternoon right?”

“Yeah, I know,” he bites the bottom of his lip. “I just‒” don’t know how to say no to Jihoon.

Daehwi doesn’t wait for Woojin to continue, merely giving off a sigh as he climbs out of his bed to envelop Woojin into a hug. “Hyung, I hope you know what you’re doing.”

Woojin wishes he knew too.

--

“How does noraebang sound today?” Jihoon asks, the moment Woojin steps out of the dormitory.

Woojin wants to say no, that he’s tired from the schedules today and he ought to be resting his voice. He shouldn’t engage in activities that may cause him to strain his throat, and he knows that every time he goes to karaoke, he would come back with a slightly sore throat. But then again, it’s been a long time since he has been to a noraebang (outside of variety show filmings). It’s been a long time since he’s belted out songs (albeit, off-key at times), screaming and egging friends on while shaking the tambourines that the noraebang place would provide. So he says, “sure.”

It’s not like he can say no to Jihoon, anyway. Jihoon beams when he hears his response, and skips to the main road, probably to hail a cab so they could hurry to the nearest karaoke joint. There’s a sense of deja vu that ignites, Woojin recalls their first night out together beginning in the same way. He follows after Jihoon, putting his hands into the pockets of his hoodie as he bites back the slight autumn breeze.

--

Woojin thinks that the staff at the karaoke joint had definitely recognised them, from the way her eyes had widened upon seeing Woojin and Jihoon enter the room. Even with a mask on, Woojin thinks, you will be able to tell Jihoon apart, from the way his eyes seemed to hide the map of the galaxy within in. He remembers a post that he saw on Pann, that complimented Jihoon’s eyes, claiming them to be “eyes that you can’t even get with plastic surgery!” Woojin agrees, and he thinks, if you see them in real-life, they are all the more brighter and glittery.

“For two please, three hours,” Jihoon says to the girl at the counter.

Her voice is shaking, and Woojin’s suspicions are confirmed. She definitely knows who they are. “S-sure! Could I get your name please?”

“Park Jihoon,” Jihoon replies without a moment’s hesitation. “If you could, please do not tell anyone we’re here. We appreciate our privacy.”

She nods furiously before printing out a receipt and placing it in front of Jihoon. Woojin doesn’t remember this procedure, but perhaps, there have been too many cases of customers singing without paying and Woojin thinks, it makes sense to have the customers pay first. He watches Jihoon make payment from behind, and the staff says “Please head to Room 29!” after their payment has gone through.

Woojin manages to bite out a “Thank you!” together with Jihoon and they both make their way to the karaoke booth that’s been assigned to them. He’s not sure if it’s because they’re celebrities, but the room that they have been allocated is huge, not quite the karaoke rooms that he had in mind. It’s really spacious, and the facilities look clean.

Karaoke always starts off awkwardly, and singing with Jihoon is no different. People take time to warm up, to get the adrenaline running in their veins so that their tensions can be raised. But soon, he’s yelling at the top of his lungs and Jihoon is egging him on, and he breaks into a dance.

It’s a nice feeling, to be able to relieve all your stress in karaoke. It’s like there’s no one in the world that’s judging you for what you’re singing, whether or not you’ve hit the right notes. It gives Woojin a sense of comfort and security; a stark difference from the actual world where netizens and people are always waiting for the moment when idols screw up so they can harp on the mistake, point it out for a long, long time.

Woojin manages to convince Jihoon to sing one of his favourite songs, finally feeling the tiredness flow into him after consecutive dance tracks. He notes the way Jihoon bites his lower lip, the way he seems nervous and uncertain; but he nods anyway, and Woojin anticipates. He chooses one of the songs that Woojin himself, knows ‒ Eddy Kim’s The Manual.

He never knew that Jihoon had such a nice voice, that he could sing so well. His voice was low, but soothing, a hint of muted solemnness. Woojin’s not a singer, but he can tell. He can sense the way Jihoon lacks confidence in his singing, although he does have a really nice voice. He sounds polished, but there’s also a sense of unrefined skill. It’s a surprise‒ he didn’t expect Jihoon to sing so well, so softly but the emotions are so strong.

He claps after Jihoon is done, and Jihoon gives him a soft smile. There’s a shade of pink that’s dusted on his cheeks, that he’s only embarrassed now, after the song has come to an end. They hadn’t chosen the next song to sing, and neither of them speak, only having the noise from the other karaoke rooms near the vicinity as the background noise. Woojin’s about to pick up the machine, choose a random song so that he’ll be able to break the silence but Jihoon beats him to it.

“You know, I’ve never told anyone this,” Jihoon starts, looking down and playing with the tips of his shirt. It’s a Jihoon that Woojin has never seen before. Jihoon has always been about confidence and charm, and not blistering insecurity. “But I’d always wanted to be an idol.”

Woojin doesn’t expect that. He thought that as Jihoon was a child actor, his only desire would be continue acting. He didn’t think that Jihoon wanted to be an idol, there was nothing about him that suggested that. But when Woojin thinks about it‒ the way Jihoon had looked at him when they first met and when Jihoon appeared backstage during his showcase, Woojin now understands his gaze. His gaze that spoke volumes of his hidden feelings‒ a sense of tiny resentment and bitterness at his own inability to becoming an idol, and yet, the inner desire and want to be just like Woojin. Woojin doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t know what to say. He can’t find the right words to say, and he hopes by nodding, by shifting just a tad closer to Jihoon, he hopes that it’s enough to encourage him to continue talking, that his presence would be able to send the message that “Hey, I’m listening.”

“They told me that I wasn’t good enough,” Jihoon continues, after taking a moment of pause. “That I wasn’t good enough at singing, at dancing, at rapping to be an idol.”

“So many years of hard work, only to be dropped out of final lineups for idol groups," this time, Woojin can clearly hear the way Jihoon’s voice is breaking so he does what he thinks he should do, and pulls Jihoon into the tightest hug. “I just, couldn’t deal with that anymore.”

“You’re my first idol friend, Woojinnie,” Jihoon sniffles and Woojin rubs his back and the back of his head soothingly. “I didn’t want to make friends with idols, I couldn’t bear to, but I don’t know why I wanted to be friends with you.”

Woojin pulls away from the hug and he brings Jihoon to eye level. He looks at Jihoon, at how tears had welled up in his eyes, at the streaks of tears that painted his cheeks. He didn’t like it, he didn’t want to see Jihoon cry, and so he brings the pads of his fingers up to Jihoon’s face and wipes away the tears that are falling. It feels like an intimate moment‒ Jihoon pouring out his emotions to Woojin in a way that he would never tell anyone else. He could sense how much Jihoon trusted him, and Woojin thinks, he’s really heartened to have been able become friends with Jihoon. Jihoon’s still sniffling, gaze darting away from meeting Woojin’s eyes‒ anywhere, anywhere would be better than having to look straight into Woojin’s eyes.

“It’s okay,” Woojin whispers. He’s not great at comforting people, but he hopes that Jihoon can feel how much honesty, how much trust he’s putting in his words. “You’re a great actor now, talented and charming. The company’s blind.”

“You’ll always have me by your side too,” Woojin continues, letting his hands cup Jihoon’s face so that he can finally meet Jihoon’s eyes, so that Jihoon can see the way he’s smiling at him.

Jihoon laughs softly‒ it’s a funny image, seeing that his eyes are red-rimmed and there’s still wet tracks on his cheeks. “Thank you for being here.”

There’s something within Woojin that wants to capture the moment in front of him. It’s the first time that Jihoon had revealed something about himself that isn’t superficial (isn’t about the food that he likes, isn’t about the filming that he had today). He feels his heart clench when he sees Jihoon’s watery eyes, the way his body shakes as he sniffs. But he thinks, that there’s also another reason why his heart is beating so quickly against his chest‒ the way his mind tells him that he wants to protect Jihoon, he wants to punch those people who invalidated Jihoon and how he doesn’t want anyone else to see this side of Jihoon. He wants this side of Jihoon, the one that shares his innermost, most personal thoughts, only to him.

He thinks, perhaps, he’s falling in love with Park Jihoon.

--

He decides to keep his newfound feelings as a secret. Woojin really does like it‒ the way that they’ve developed their friendships, the way they have melded their trust in one another. Idol friendships that are real and filled with trust are rare, and Woojin doesn’t want to risk it. He doesn’t want to confess, the fear that Jihoon doesn’t like him back (or even, hate him, after he confesses) is too strong. He doesn’t want to lose the relationship that they have with each other.

They still talk, via text message as Jihoon thinks that he might have a new drama coming up and Woojin’s still busy with album promotions. Whenever Jihoon sends him a text message, Woojin hates it. He hates the way his heart starts beating a little too fast for his comfort, and it almost feels like his heart could jump out of his throat, if it weren’t for his ribcage holding it back in. He hates the way he has become so dependent on Jihoon, that if he doesn’t receive a message from Jihoon, he becomes fidgety and he can’t concentrate on practice. He knows that he’s letting his new-found feelings affect him too badly, especially with the way Minhyun-hyung and Jisung-hyung have been shooting him quiet, worried glances.

Woojin tries, he really does try to contain his feelings. He thinks, it’s probably due to his lacklustre performance on Hello! Counselor because he doesn’t get scheduled much solo schedules. But, he takes the opportunity whenever the rest of the members are scheduled for solo variety show, to start watching Jihoon’s other dramas: if he can’t meet him in reality, then, at least he’s still able to see his face on his phone screen. This time, he’s watching one of Jihoon’s older dramas, a modern drama where Jihoon acts as a chaebol son, who transfers into a public high school and falls for the bullied student. The plot sounds cliché, but Woojin finds himself getting more and more engrossed in the drama, and he wants to think that it isn’t only because Jihoon’s the one acting in it.

Jihoon’s character in the drama is charming but arrogant. He knows that he’s talented, confidence brimming in him as a result of his parents spoiling him and allowing him to go for a variety of classes: piano, fencing, driving, horseback riding, you name it. He unexpectedly falls for the bullied girl (although, Woojin doubts how “unexpected” it is, because it is a Korean drama) and he tries to help, only to get constantly rejected.

The sense of uncomfortableness that Woojin first felt when he first watched Jihoon’s drama is still there. Woojin watches the way Jihoon acts his character, the way he walks around in such a confident, know-it-all manner, only for everything to come tumbling away when he realises that he has fallen in love. He watches the way Jihoon’s character stands up for the female lead, against the bullies and against his parents. There’s so much that Jihoon’s character is willing to sacrifice, willing to go against for, and Woojin finds himself, secretly hoping that Jihoon’s like that in reality too.

It’s then, that he realises. It’s like a light bulb had gone off in his head, that he sees why it had bugged him so badly when he first watched Jihoon’s drama. He sees the parallels between Jihoon and the characters he plays‒ sometimes, he’s the confident chaebol child who knows what he’s doing, at times, he’s the smiley dongsaeng whose presence is soothing and he chases after his crush. With all his interactions with Jihoon, he suddenly sees the inconsistencies, the different personalities that he seems to possess. It then begs the question, does he really know the real Jihoon?

He doesn’t know if the Jihoon that exposed all his innermost feelings is the real him, the him that wishes for comfort in too-cold world. He doesn’t know if the charming, confident Jihoon is the real him, the him that understands his charms and knows how to act around them. He doesn’t know if the soft Jihoon is the real him, the one that goes out for slow walks around the neighbourhood in the middle of the night.

Woojin thinks, and he realises: he’s not sure if he has fallen for Park Jihoon, or the roles that he play.

--

Woojin tries to brush away his new-found thoughts: the realisation that Jihoon’s characters have seeped into the way he acts in reality. He doesn’t want this to be true, it pains him to know that there’s a such a possibility. It almost feels like every interaction that they have had together is like a lie. He doesn’t know if what he thinks is the real Jihoon is real, or it’s merely parts of a character that he acted before.

He doesn’t tell anyone. Not even Daehwi, not even Youngmin-hyung. He doesn’t know if he should say anything about it to Jihoon too. It is a touchy topic, one that he doesn’t even know how to bring up even if he wanted to. He’s in the car, heading to another group recording for a variety show (which shouldn’t be too long, since it’s merely a cameo) when he feels his phone vibrate. Woojin fishes around his pocket for his phone, trying not to wake Guanlin, who had fallen asleep on his shoulder, up. It’s a message from Jihoon (and Woojin tries to calm down his beating heart).

っゝω・)っ Woojinnie~
I got a new drama offer!!!
Received: 7.54am

That’s great! :)
What’s the drama about?
Delivered: 11.01am

Hmm, it’s a secret (ꈍᴗꈍ)
I’ll tell you more later tonight!
Btw, it’s alright if I come over, right?
Received: 11.10am

Jihoon had never visited the Wanna One dormitory before. For all the times that he had asked Woojin out, he always waited in front of the dormitory, never stepping in, not even to the lobby. He didn’t know what to reply Jihoon. If he was living alone, he’d definitely say yes but he isn’t. There are twelve other souls (including the managers) living in the dormitory too, and he doesn’t know if they will be okay with it.  

Perhaps, the contents of the message had somewhat made itself visible on Woojin’s face because Jisung-hyung turns back and asks him, “Is there anything wrong, Woojin-ah?”

Woojin contemplates for a moment, wondering if he should or should not bring it up (and reject Jihoon even before he asks the rest of the members and managers). He thinks, it could be awkward that Jihoon comes over, like he’s stepping over a line that he shouldn’t have. But he sees the gaze in Jisung-hyung’s eyes, begging Woojin to be honest, and Woojin thinks, he hasn’t been honest to the rest of Wanna One for a very long time. So he says, “Jihoon asked if he can come over tonight.”

When he says it out, it almost feels like he’s back in elementary school, asking his mother if his good friend could come over after class tomorrow. It’s almost like he had returned back to the age of blissful, child-like innocence, asking for permission to do things. Jisung-hyung gives him a gentle smile and replies, “Why not?” like as if it weren’t a serious question; that Woojin could have asked them anytime without worrying about anything.

“It’ll be nice too, you know,” Jisung-hyung continues, wanting to reach out to pat Woojin’s head, but he’s pulled back by the seatbelts. “To see this Jihoon.”

From the way Jisung-hyung phrased it, Woojin feels a blush hop over to land itself over his cheeks. It was like as if Jihoon was someone he was dating and Jisung-hyung was his mother, and he was asking his mother for permission to bring his date home. Woojin gives a small nervous laugh, and Jisung-hyung replies defensively after realising how his words had come across, “I didn’t mean it that way!”

“Sure, hyung,” Woojin laughs, the worry from before dissipating. Jisung-hyung gives him another smile, a motherly smile that is filled with so much warmth that a feeling of gratefulness washes over him. He looks down to his phone again, and he begins to type out a response to Jihoon.

Sure! :)
I don’t think my schedule will end that late tonight, I’ll give you a text when I’m home.
Delivered: 11.31am

 

--

It’s half past ten when Woojin gets a text message from Jihoon, saying that he’s already downstairs and waiting for Woojin to come pick him up. Woojin did ask his managers for approval and when he did receive it, Seungwu-hyung and Jaehwan-hyung had came over, wriggled their eyebrows and teased him, “Oh? Woojinnie is bringing his boyfriend home tonight?”

He was about to lean over to punch them but Jisung-hyung had beat him to them with chops to their heads. “Stop teasing Woojin.”

Woojin had smiled at Jisung-hyung, grateful that at least one of his hyungs weren’t being annoying about his friendship with Jihoon and actually helped him. Daehwi had come over with Jinyoung, sat down on their bed and said dramatically, “I’m so happy that you’re bringing Jihoon-hyung home. We’re finally going to be able to speak with him.”

Jinyoung tried to act along with Daehwi, pretending to nod softly but the laugh that was bubbling in his throat ended up escaping, and it broke the mood. Woojin rolled his eyes. It was ridiculous how dramatic the rest of his members were being, when it wasn’t even the first time that they met Jihoon.

He heads down to the lift lobby. Their old dormitory was a two-story dormitory that didn’t have any security guards, but when the fans started to become a tad more crazy, with more of them starting to sleep outside the house, their management had moved them over to a new building with stronger security. Woojin sees Jihoon waiting in front of the security desk, fidgeting with his phone as he waits for Woojin to come down.

“Sorry for the wait,” Woojin says, jogging up to Jihoon.

“No worries,” Jihoon smiles. “Show me your paradise, my friend.”

--

When they arrive at the dormitory, they are greeted by the other members of Wanna One, who are standing in a line, preventing them from escaping into Woojin’s room. Woojin rolls his eyes, why are his hyungs so ridiculous, and Jihoon’s face is a mixed of incredulity and awkwardness at the situation. His hyungs have their hands crossed, acting like parents who are watching their child’s first girlfriend, and Woojin really tries not to laugh when he sees Guanlin’s gaze of adoration at Jihoon.

“So, you’re Jihoon?” Daniel-hyung asks, an eyebrow raised.

“Yes,” Jihoon says awkwardly. “If I’m not wrong, we’ve all actually met. At the showcase?”

“That’s different,” Seungwu-hyung starts. “That was us, the idol us. But now, you’re meeting us, the non-idol us .”

Jihoon turns to look at Woojin, a hapless look on his face as he doesn’t know what to say, how to deal with the conversation. Woojin bites back a smile, for although it seemed like a stupid situation, he thinks, it was also his members’ way of showing their concern and love for him.

“Alright, alright,” Woojin starts, walking up to the members and giving them the shoo, shoo movement. “You’ve seen Jihoon and that’s enough, isn’t it?”

Jaehwan-hyung laughs, and like always, his laughter prompts the rest of the members to laugh too only because his laugh is hilarious. They start to slowly move away, some retreating into their rooms while others headed to the living room. Woojin sighs, but he thinks, it’s good enough that his members’ were being cooperative.

But before he can direct Jihoon to his room, Daehwi taps him on the shoulder and whispers, “We’re going to vacate the room. Let us know when you’re done.”

Woojin nods thankfully and Daehwi smiles at him before dragging Jinyoung to the kitchen (“I’m hungry! And you’re making supper with me.”) Jihoon tries to hide his laugh from behind his hand (where his oversized hoodie had covered half his palms, and made him look very cute) and Woojin sighs, threading his fingers into his hair. “Sorry about that.”

“Nah, don’t worry. It’s cute.”

“Cute?” Woojin is incredulous but Jihoon just nods. “Alright, alright, just follow me to my room.”

Woojin makes sure to close the door after they both of them have entered the room, considering if he should lock the door for second. He is about to do so, but when he thinks of the hyungs’ reactions if they found out that he did lock the door (“Oh, our Woojinnie has grown up!”), he decides against it and keeps it closed. He points out his bed for Jihoon, who dashes to his bed and starts rolling in it without any care, “It smells like you.”

“It’s my bed, of course it’s going to smell like me,” Woojin replies, trying to find a spot for him to sit down on the bed that has now been predominantly occupied by Jihoon. “So, what’s the drama role that you got?”

“It’s something that’s like you and me,” Jihoon winks. “It’s an idol drama.”

“An idol drama? Aren’t those pretty passé?”

“Nah,” Jihoon shakes his head and Woojin thinks no one else could look as cute as Jihoon did when he does do. “It’s an all-actor ensemble so it’s going to be good too.”

It’s going to be a drama about an idol group that has so many problems, that they’re on the verge of disbandment but they try to find solutions to prevent this.”

“I see,” Woojin muses. “What’s your character like?”

Jihoon turns silent, like as if he hadn’t expected such a question. “It’s a character that isn’t like me, I guess.”

Woojin recalls the way Jihoon has acted in his past dramas, the way he has been able to digest the characters and their personalities so well (albeit, too well, considering how Woojin feels like the characters are part of the Jihoon who he’s been interacting with too), so he finds his eyebrows furrowing at the confusion, at the lack of confidence that Jihoon has.

“He’s the main singer of the group, but he lacks confidence,” Jihoon starts explaining. “The people around him know that he can sing well, but he’s afraid of making mistakes. He’s afraid of the consequences when he makes mistakes, of the reactions that he’ll get. The hate comments are bad.”

“I’ve never acted someone like that before, you know. I’ve always been the confident character, or the soft character who’s aware of what he’s doing. I don’t know about this role.”

Woojin thinks differently. He sees the self-doubt, the anxiousness and he thinks that Jihoon’s already reproducing the character. He has already absorbed the character’s own worries and placing the worries’ onto himself. He tries to convince Jihoon, “I’m sure it’ll be fine” and pulls him into what he hopes, is a reassuring hug.

--

Jihoon starts coming over to the dormitory more often, saying that he wants to talk Woojin‒ an actual idol group member‒ so that he’s better able to understand what goes on in an idol’s head and reproduce it in his characterisation accurately. Woojin bears the brunt of it, for the hyungs are getting worst with their teasings: “Don’t you think he’s been coming over too frequently?” and “At this rate, Jihoon should just be a member.”

Woojin rolls his eyes at their comments, but there’s just only so much that Jisung-hyung can chatise them for because it really does feel that Jihoon has been coming over very frequently. It’s almost an everyday occurrence, and he feels bad for having to kick Jinyoung and Daehwi out of the room whenever Jihoon’s around. It doesn’t help that Jihoon’s always coming over late at night (because that’s the only time he can) and at night, it’s when everyone wants to sleep so Jinyoung and Daehwi end up sleeping on the couch more often.

When he tells Jihoon about what the other members say, Jihoon simply laughs it off and says, “Does it matter? We’re spending time with each other; it’s not like we’re doing anything else.”

But as Jihoon comes to find him more and more, asking questions about the idol life, Woojin feels that sometimes, it just hits a little too close to home. He finds the similarities between him and Jung Minho too close‒ the way they are both anxious and nervous when they are in front of the camera (although Woojin’s one is more of, when he’s in front of a camera for a variety show filming), the way that they can’t seem to confide in anyone about their anxiety and they are slowly breaking apart at the edges, and the way they both find comfort in newfound friendships.

As much as he and Jihoon are now great friends, he still feels that he has his guards wrapped tightly around his heart, that he can’t break away from the bindings to share his vulnerabilities. But when Jihoon gets frustrated at Minho, “Why can’t he just‒ I don’t know, stop being a wimp?”, it feels like an indirect hit to Woojin and he feels himself getting more and more hurt. He doesn’t want to bottle up his emotions, so he breaks in front of Jihoon.

“I d-don’t think it’s that he wants to be a wimp,” Woojin says. It’s hard for the words to come out of his throat, like as if he was trying to force a marble out of a narrow bottle. “He has crippling anxiety and insecurity. If he could deal with it, he would have. But he can’t.”

Jihoon raises a single brow, “Why do you say that?”

“Because he’s just like me,” Woojin breaks. The lump in his throat dissipates slowly, and he feels like his heart has stopped clenching so tightly within his ribs, that it threatened the way he breathed. “I know what he’s feeling.”

When Jihoon doesn’t reply, Woojin takes it as his cue to continue. “I know how he feels, because I’m the same‒ I wish I could be more confident when I’m up for a variety show. I really do. I wish there was a way for me to transfer the confidence that I have on stage to be able to speak well in front of a variety show.”

“But I can’t. The words get stuck here,” Woojin points to his throat for better reference, trying to ignore the way his emotions are welling up, almost causing his voice to break.

“I don’t understand,” Jihoon says, putting his script down on the Woojin’s bed. “I watched your fancams and your performances. You look so confident when you’re performing on the stage. Why don’t you have that same confidence on variety shows? You’re snarky with me. You’d be funny.”

Woojin wishes he knows how to explain. Jihoon isn’t Daehwi, nor Donghyun-hyung, nor Youngmin-hyung who have been with him since the start of his life as an idol trainee. Jihoon doesn’t know anything and yet, Woojin shares with him about his insecurities. He wishes he knows how to explain how suffocated he feels to someone who didn’t understand.

“It seems like it’s the same thing to me, you know? It’s about knowing how to push out that image, that side of you that is able to draw people’s attention to you.”

He could feel Jihoon’s intense gaze on himself and Woojin fiddles with his fingers. “I just‒”

“When it comes to performing on the stage, I’m doing what I love, I guess. But when it comes to being on variety shows, I just don’t know what to say. Or when I should say things.”

Woojin thinks of the way some of his friends had been edited in Produce 101, the way Haknyeon had been edited to be lazy and horrible, the way Hyunbin had also had the same treatment. He recalls the way Youngmin-hyung had been witch-hunted for something that he didn’t know, and the way Ha Minho’s scandal was never cleared even though it was proved that it was fake. People twist and turn facts, make them up, and Woojin thinks: it’s even easier for them to do so based on minute clips on variety shows.

When it’s a performance, there isn’t anything to twist. What people see is just the person in front of them: Woojin dancing, Woojin rapping, Woojin feeling music. They are presented with the cold, hard truth of their hard work and skills in front of them. It’s not like variety shows that suffer from evil editing, that people can twist their single phrase into something else entirely. He’s afraid of the consequences, of the “might bes” and he lets them cut into his confidence.

“I’m sorry,” Jihoon doesn’t look at Woojin. He knows what it means‒ that Jihoon doesn’t understand Woojin because he doesn’t have the same experience (and this isn’t something that Woojin can blame him for), and Jihoon will try to understand him but he won’t be able to feel what Woojin feels. “I wish I could help.”

Woojin bites back a chuckle. He doesn’t want to come across as mean, but when Jihoon said that, it doesn’t make him feel better. In fact, he feels frustrated‒ at his own inabilities and how Jihoon doesn’t understand his insecurities even though he’s placing his heart on his sleeve.

It hurts, it really hurts. Woojin wishes that he didn’t like Jihoon, because perhaps, if he didn’t, it wouldn’t hurt as much. It hurts because he had thought, he had assumed that Jihoon would be able to understand him and comfort him, reassure him that things will be fine, that things will get better. It hurts because Woojin likes him so much, that he placed invisible expectations on Jihoon, and as Jihoon doesn’t meet them, his heart wrenches in pain.

Neither of them say anything, and uncomfortable silence washes over them. Jihoon fidgets with his hands, touching the tips of his shirt and then his jeans and then, the blankets. It’s like an eternity had passed when Jihoon says, “I should go.”

“Yeah.”

It’s the first time that things have become like this for the both of them. Before Jihoon leaves his room, he gives him a pat on the shoulder and whispers, “I’m sorry. I hope things really get better.”

When Jihoon leaves the room, Woojin breaks down crying. He hears the sounds of the door open and close and senses the lights go off. He knows it’s Daehwi who comforts him, giving him pats on the shoulder while bringing him into a tight hug, whispering, “It’s okay, hyung. Just let it out.”

--

Things get awkward between them.

Woojin doesn’t know how to start a conversation with Jihoon and he thinks, Jihoon is probably facing the same problem because he also hasn’t gotten any text messages from him. Or maybe, he’s busy with his drama filming since it has started. Woojin tries to distract himself, focusing on dance practice‒ dancing, dancing, dancing into the wee hours of the morning so he’s able to focus solely on the tiredness of his muscles instead of Park Jihoon.

He tries to bury his feelings into a corner of his heart. He doesn’t want to think Jihoon, much more, his feelings for him that would probably make things worst. He hears how people describe the feeling of falling in love to be heart fluttering, a lovely experience; but Woojin thinks it’s the opposite. It threatens to rip his heart into shreds, and turns him into a person that he doesn’t want to become.

He knows the other members have been casting worried glances at him, at how he shut out the rest of them, except Daehwi; and how he avoids the question when Guanlin innocently asks “Why hasn’t Jihoon-hyung been coming over?” and the way he turns silent whenever anything related to Park Jihoon turns up.

“Hyung, pass me your phone,” Daehwi says at practice one day. Woojin doesn’t think much of it, and hands it over, focusing on his stretching instead.

He only realises that Daehwi had intervened, had done something he reaches home at 2 am, and Jihoon is sitting on the couch in the living room of their dormitory. Everyone else had headed home first, Woojin had said that he wanted to “practice some more” despite the worried glances that Minhyun-hyung and Jisung-hyung had sent him. Perhaps, this is why Jihoon is here, in their dormitory without Woojin knowing. Jihoon’s quiet, the only thing that actually made Woojin notice Jihoon was the light that was emanating from this cellphone.

“You’re back late,” Jihoon comments. Jihoon talks like as if nothing had happened between them, like it isn’t strange for him to be at the Wanna One dormitory in the middle of the night.

“Yeah, I was practicing,” Woojin replies. He doesn’t know why, but there’s a heavy awkwardness that weighs in the air, and the weight of it crushes Woojin. “What are you doing here?”

“Daehwi texted me,” Jihoon explains while pocketing his phone, sitting to the side of the couch and Woojin gets the message that Jihoon wants him to sit by him. “He said that he was tired of seeing Woojin-hyung being sad, and that, I should do something about it.”

So that’s why Daehwi asked for his phone. “That little…”

Jihoon laughs. Woojin almost laughs along with him, but he still feels the lingering tension, the awkwardness that he can’t seem to swallow. He wants things to go back to how they were at the start, where they were good friends who basked in the comforts of familiarity, but Woojin finds himself hesitating, finds it hard to do so.

“I’m sorry,” Jihoon starts and he doesn’t look up. He’s fidgeting with the edges of his long sleeves‒ a tic that Woojin notices that Jihoon does whenever he’s nervous. Woojin didn’t expect Jihoon to start the conversation like this, but then again, if Woojin didn’t start, then Jihoon would. “I know I should have said something when you poured out what you said, but I didn’t.”

“I didn’t know what were the right words to say,” Jihoon admits, his fingers moving to scratch the back of head. “And I’m sorry. I know it’s not easy for you to have said all that, to be honest to me about what you’re feeling and I should have said something, anything , in reply.”

Woojin shakes his head, “No, I’m sorry too.”

It’s like Jihoon didn’t expect him to say this, didn’t expect that Woojin would be apologising too because he questions, “Why?”

“I think I placed my own expectations on you,” he says, trying to avoid Jihoon’s steely gaze. It’s ironic how it had been Jihoon who was trying not to look at him, but now it’s Woojin’s turn. “I expected you to have the right words, to know what to say but in fact, it must have been difficult for you too.”

He wonders. They are having a heart to heart talk, a serious conversation which is hard to come by. It’s difficult for him to bring up serious issues when he’s talking to Jihoon, because he wants their time together to be happy, rather than being blistered with sadness. He doesn’t want to upset Jihoon, but Woojin also knows, that it is something that he should bring up.

He wants Jihoon to know. He wants him to know how he has been unknowingly allowing the personalities and the behaviours of his character seep into the very way he acts. The way he has been projecting his characters onto himself. The way he has inconsistencies in the way he presents himself, in the way he interacts with the people around him. Woojin wants to get to know the real Jihoon‒ the one that he saw and listened to at the noraebang and not the one he wants other people to see.

Woojin swallows his saliva, and he asks warily: “Hey, do you mind if I ask you something?”

Jihoon furries his eyebrows, confused but agrees anyway.

“Do you realise, that you’ve been projecting your characters onto yourself?” When Jihoon doesn’t reply, Woojin thinks that he should continue, he should elaborate on what he wants to bring across. “I’ve been watching your dramas, so I know.”

“I know how Lee Jiyoung is soft and gentle, the way you are when we head out for nightly walks. I know how your confidence mirrors Kim Minho.”

“But I don’t want to see that, you know. I want to get to know the real you, and not the characters that you play.”

Woojin knows that he’s dropping an entire bomb on Jihoon so he quickly adds, “I know I’m springing a bomb onto you, but I just… don’t want to see you carry on like that.”

He sees Jihoon nod softly, but he doesn’t say anything like he needs some more time to accept what Woojin had sprung onto him. Woojin doesn’t know what to do, but his instincts take over him and he pulls Jihoon into a tight hug. The latter is limp and doesn’t do anything in response, and Woojin almost feels guilty.

Woojin feels the way Jihoon’s chest heaves up and down, his deep breathing and the way it slowly calms down. He feels Jihoon beginning to pull away and he lets him, and Jihoon’s eyes are slightly watery but he isn’t crying. “Thank you for telling me.”

“I’ll try,” Jihoon continues, voice slowly cracking and Woojin feels like his heart is being stabbed with every breath that Jihoon takes. “I don’t think it’s something that I can fix so easily, like how you can fix your anxiety.” Woojin nods. “But let’s try, to fix this together, shall we?”

It feels like it’s easier already, for Woojin to try to get over his complexes, to try to become a better person. It’s hard for people to change, and Woojin thinks, that he finally has the courage to slowly do so if Jihoon’s by his side, if Jihoon’s here to take his hand and they both face the demons that have been crawling within them. He feels like he’s falling ten feet, but with Jihoon at the bottom to catch him, to hold his hand so that they can both run into the better world ahead of them.

“We can do this,” Woojin whispers, his fingers finding Jihoon’s own instinctively and interlocking them. “Together.”

It’s natural, like the way puzzle pieces fit together. Woojin’s almost worried that he overstepped his boundaries, but he feels the way Jihoon squeezes their hands together and gives him the softest smile, Woojin thinks, it’s going to be alright.

--

Just like quitting a drug, the beginning is never easy.

They talk, like how they were like before. Wanna One gets their own variety show and Woojin thinks, it’s the perfect opportunity for him. He calls Jihoon before they start shooting, and Jihoon picks up and speaks words of encouragement to him. Jihoon is Woojin’s moral booster, and when they hang up, Woojin feels the budding senses of anxiety still and his heart and head are clear. He gains the confidence for him to speak his mind, and he does so throughout the recording. When the recording ends, and Seungwu-hyung gives him a thumbs up, he can’t help but feel proud of himself‒ that he has come such a long way from how he used to be.

Jihoon is busy with filming for his drama‒ the idol one, and Woojin takes the chance to meet up with him more often. He leaves practice earlier than the rest of the members, who tease him (“Aw, Woojinnie’s going to meet his boyfriend~”) but when Jisung-hyung tells him that he’s happy for him, that he’s glad that Woojin’s no longer staying so late at night in the dance studio, he thinks nothing of the teases.

When he senses that Jihoon’s about to relapse into his character, projecting his characters into the conversation, he gives him a stink eye and chastises him. He bites the straw of the iced latte that he ordered and says, “I came here to talk to Park Jihoon, and not the character you’re acting.”

Jihoon gives off a soft laugh again, hiding his mouth from behind his hands. Woojin had been trying hard, to push his feelings to the back of his head, wanting to crush them to smithereens so that he’d never accidentally reveal his feelings to Jihoon. But when Jihoon smiles and laughs, and when Woojin meets eyes with Jihoon, he finds himself struggling to catch his own breath, and the all-too familiar palpitations of his heart. He hates the way Jihoon has such an effect on him, he hates the way Jihoon’s eyes sparkle, like as if the constellations of the galaxy were in his eyes itself and the way he’d be so inexplicably drawn into them.

It feels like the two of them are in a “some”, that they’re in this ambiguous relationship where they are closer than friends, but haven’t quite established themselves as lovers. It’s almost creepy how Soyu and Junggigo’s Some does start playing in the cafe, and he feels himself glaring at the speakers. He hates this feeling, but he’s so afraid of what will happen if he says anything. He doesn’t want to risk anything.

While he breaks down the walls that had been shackling his anxiety, Woojin thinks, he has also been building walls of his own.

Walls that hid his feelings for Park Jihoon.

--

Early mornings on day offs are meant for sleeping in, so when Woojin gets rudely waken up, he can’t help but snap, “It’s still early !”

He tries to rub the sleep out of his eyes and he also hears Daehwi (?) sigh. When he hears the sigh, he knows. He knows that Daehwi didn’t mean to wake him up and there must have been a reason why he did so and thus, it makes him wake up. “What happened?”

“You wouldn’t believe it,” Daehwi explains, and his voice is a mix of disbelief and sadness. He hands his phone to Woojin, and his phone screen is on the Naver homepage and the top news reads: Park Jihoon (19), is dating his co-actress, Choi Yoojung?!

“What,” Woojin breathes out. He can’t believe the words that are in front of his eyes, that Jihoon would be exposed in a scandal like that. From what he has inferred from the way Jihoon talks about his co-actors, he interprets their relationship as friendship‒ close female/male friendships. But of course, the reporters (who resemble wolves more like people) are always so ready to pounce on such fallacies, so ready to twist relationships like these into clickbait stories. He’s shocked because he knows that Jihoon isn’t like this, isn’t someone who would date Yoojung, not when the way he speaks about her is purely in a friendship sense.

But there’s also a part of him that feels betrayed, that feels scared because he can’t get rid of the lingering thought that they might be dating, that Jihoon hadn’t told him anything about Yoojung. And he thought that they were close friends, closer than normal friends.

Daehwi’s about to speak, about to say his piece about the situation at hand when they are interrupted by Woojin’s phone, ringtone blasting loudly in the room. Woojin never really had phone calls, except from his family and even those, were rare and often initiated by Woojin. When he takes at his phone, he sees Jihoon’s name and he hastily picks up his phone.

“Woojinnie, are you home?” He hears the way Jihoon’s voice is shaking, slightly out-of-breath like as if he had been running a marathon.

“Yeah, I am. Why?”

There’s silence over the line. Woojin thinks that Jihoon already knows that he knows about his scandal, and perhaps, he’s contemplating on whether or not he should say something about it. “There’s a whole lot of reporters outside my house right now, I can’t go home‒”

“Come, come over now .”

--

When Jihoon comes over, he looks horrible. His eyebags are dark, like he hadn’t slept in days and he looks exhausted, mentally exhausted. He looks like he hadn’t gave much thought to his clothes, dressing in a simple black hoodie compared to the usual bright colours that Woojin’s used to seeing him in. Woojin immediately grabs Jihoon’s hand, pulling him closer while wrapping a single arm over his shoulders. Instincts take over Woojin and he presses a single kiss to the top of Jihoon’s head, in hopes that it’ll provide a small sense of comfort for Jihoon.

He brings the both of them into the room, closing all the curtains and wrapping his blanket over Jihoon. Luckily, Jinyoung and Daehwi had already vacated the room when Woojin told them that Jihoon was coming over. Honestly, he hadn’t expected Jihoon to be in such a bad shape, it’s so bad that he’s at a loss, he doesn’t know what he should do to help Jihoon. So he doesn’t say anything, but tries to rub soothing circles on Jihoon’s back and waits for Jihoon to say something.

“It isn’t true, you know,” Jihoon whispers. He’s not looking at Woojin, and Woojin wishes that he was, so that he could see the emotions that would be reflected in Jihoon’s eyes, and see the feelings and frustrations that are running through his head. “Yoojung’s a friend. ”

Woojin sighs, “I know. But we can’t just tell that to the reporters, no one is going to believe us.”

He sees how Jihoon’s phone light up, countless notifications of comments being left on his Instagram, from worried fans and angry fans. There are varying replies: “Jihoon-oppa, please tell us that the rumours aren’t true!”, “I didn’t think you’d betray us like that.” and “Jihoon-oppa, I think you and Yoojung-unnie are very cute together. I support you!” Woojin reaches out, and switches off his phone and says blatantly, “You don’t need to read such stupid comments.”

“Thank you Woojinnie,” and Jihoon breaks into a small smile. It prompts Woojin to return a smile as well, a small smile that he hopes will be able to cheer Jihoon up, to send the bad thoughts away.

Woojin hates it. He hates how easily the reporters can throw Jihoon off, and turn him into someone that he isn’t. He wishes it was easier, that they could just say that “They aren’t dating” and the rumours would be resolved. But he knows that it isn’t so easy. Even if Jihoon’s company did deny the rumours, the relationship between Jihoon and Yoojung would never be the same again as there would be awkward tension that hangs between them; and no matter where they go, the idea that they are dating will always remain.

He stays with Jihoon, continuing to rub soothing circles on his back until he senses that Jihoon has fallen asleep. When he does, he leaves the room. Jihoon needs his sleep, after all.

--

It’s lucky that Wanna One has finished their repackaged album promotions, because this means that they’re currently having a break, activities slowed down and their dormitory can serve as a refuge, a safe place for Jihoon. Things have calmed down somewhat, as both companies have denied the rumours but there’s still prickling insecurities as the fans are still leaving comments on Jihoon’s social media accounts.

Jihoon hasn’t gone out ever since the day that he started coming over, moving around like a zombie and Woojin almost feels bad. He feels bad for the members, that they have to put up with a stranger being around them and the way they had moved a bed to the spare room (that was actually their closet) so that Jinyoung and Daehwi could sleep there without disturbing Jihoon and Woojin.

Woojin can sense Jihoon’s feelings, how he’s still afraid to contact Yoojung even though Yoojung had sent him a text message several days ago: Hey, Jihoon! Don’t worry too much about the scandal. It’ll go away soon when the media gets a new target. Cheer up :)

He wants to be able to help Jihoon, get him out of his slump but when Jihoon’s so unresponsive, he really doesn’t know how to start helping. And this is why he’s sitting on Daehwi’s bed, in the spare room and asking the younger (albeit, thoughtful and smarter) for advice.

It’s like Daehwi is a mind-reader, because he has all the answers to the questions that he asks.

“You don’t have to do anything,” Daehwi says plainly, like as if it’s something that’s obvious, that he doesn’t even know why Woojin had asked him. “He came over to find you. Isn’t that telling enough?”

“Telling enough of what ?” Woojin raises a single eyebrow. “For all you know, he just couldn’t think of where else he could go.”

Daehwi rolls his eyes, muttering a “Oh my god, hyung, you’re so stupid” under his breath which Woojin tries to ignore. “Okay, hyung. If you didn’t realise , Jihoon-hyung obviously likes you too.”

“You know how much the scandal impacted him,” Daehwi starts explaining, ignoring the way Woojin was about to say something. “It’s something that affected him so bad and the first person he thinks of going to find is you.”

“He wants your presence by him. He feels comforted by you. That’s why he came to find you first. And that’s also why you don’t have to do anything, because your presence alone is enough.”

“But if he likes me, then why didn’t he say anything?” Woojin takes in Daehwi’s words, but he isn’t convinced entirely. He still thinks that Jihoon considers him as a good friend, and he doesn’t want their relationship to progress anymore from there.

Apparently, he must be really dense because Daehwi sighs loudly and throws his arms out in the air in frustration. “Hyung, you’re so blind. Have you not seen the way he looks at you? He comes to our dorm so often, and we haven’t even had a word with him unless you’re there. He texts you so much, asks you out; do you think he’ll really do that with a close friend?”

“Does he hang out with Yoojung outside of shoots, even though he says that they are friends?” Woojin shakes his head after thinking about it. “Yes, exactly. So you think that he thinks of you as just friends?”

Woojin reaches back to scratch at the back of his head, and suddenly everything makes sense , now that he has heard Daehwi’s perspective. “I guess, you’re right.”

Daehwi smiles at him and it’s one of those motherly smiles again, filled with genuine happiness and pride that he managed to get Woojin to understand what he wanted to tell him. He takes Woojin’s hands in his, and he beams, “Now, it’s time to get your man.”

--

Woojin enters the room without knocking. It's his own room after all, so he thinks that it shouldn't matter if he knocked or he didn't. Jihoon's still lying in his bed, looking at the ceiling soullessly‒ and that hurts Woojin. He knows that Daehwi had told him that the best thing that he could do is to do nothing , to be by Jihoon's side and offer him companionship and comfort, but when he sees Jihoon in such a state, he still wants to be able to do something more for him. He wants to help Jihoon get out of his slump.

He walks over to his bed, and sits down by Jihoon's side. Jihoon turns over, like as if he had sensed Woojin coming over, and he whispers, "Hey."

"Hey you," Woojin smiles. "Are you feeling better now?"

Woojin watches the way Jihoon muses, and he slowly nods his head. "Yeah, I guess. I'm sorry if I've been an inconvenience in any way."

"No, no, it's alright," he reassures. "Everyone knows about the scandal, and Jinyoung and Daehwi really don't mind."

"I hope so," Jihoon chuckles, and it almost sounds self-depreciating. Woojin thinks that Jihoon has yet to really recover from the effects of the scandal, and it's almost revolting to Woojin. He can't believe that Jihoon could spend so much time moping about it. It's been days, and Woojin thinks that it's about time that Jihoon should have come out of it. It makes his previous conversation with Daehwi seem almost pointless: what was the point of even realising that Jihoon had feelings for him, when he probably isn't even going to be receptive to them?

"Hey Woojinnie?" Jihoon suddenly whispers softly, looking into Woojin's eyes. He's so used to seeing the way Jihoon's eyes usually sparkles, the way it glitters in happiness and excitement; and when he sees the cloudy darkness, he wants to paint the happiness back over them. "Thank you, really. Thank you for being here with me."

"I know it hasn't been easy, that I've been difficult to work with. But I've been thinking about other things and not just the scandal."

"And I don't want to bottle these feelings anymore," Jihoon's voice is slightly breaking, like he's afraid to say the words that he wants to say. "I want to be honest to myself, and honest to you too."

"What do you mean?"

Jihoon smiles softly, and he brings his hands to cup Woojin's, interlacing their fingers to pull Woojin in, pull him closer so that he can press their foreheads together. "I want to tell you that I like you, Park Woojin."

"I'm scared, I'm so scared that you don't like me in the same way as I do," Jihoon admits, his eyes closed even though Woojin is staring at him, wanting to see the subtle changes in his facial expressions, the way his mouth open and closes to form words. "You're so important to me, and I don't want to change any of that."

"I don't want to experience a time where I make my feelings clear, but you don't see me as anything else but a friend."

Woojin wants to interrupt, wants to tell Jihoon that he's assuming things, that he does like Jihoon back. But he knows that he should let Jihoon finish what he has to say. He hears the way Jihoon speaks about his assumptions, his insecurities and he thinks that they must really fit each other so well, because even their thoughts are in sync.

"You're my safety blanket, you know. When my scandal was up on the news, I was so scared. I was so scared that you would think that that's the truth, that you'd end up hating me. But you didn't, and I was happy. I was so grateful and thankful, that you were by my side whole time."

"I know I was a terrible person to deal with, that I was unreceptive and almost like a zombie," Jihoon chuckles at this point. "But you never said anything."

Now, Jihoon opens his eyes and their eyes meet and Woojin can swear, he can see the invisible lines of electricity that is between their eyes. He sees the way honesty is reflected in Jihoon's eyes, the way his eyes don't waver even as he says, "I really like you, Park Woojin."

"It's okay if you don't return my feelings, I just really wanted to let you‒"

Woojin thinks that it's time for him to stop hesitating. He doesn't want to hear what Jihoon plans to say, he thinks that he has a brief idea on what is about to escape his lips; and so he does the first thing that comes to his mind‒ stop Jihoon from saying anything by pressing his lips to Jihoon's.

Their kiss is soft, and he can feel the way Jihoon's mouth opens slightly in shock. He presses deeper, and he hopes that Jihoon gets the message that he's trying to say‒ that he likes him back and there's no need for anymore assumptions. He senses Jihoon's own eyes flutter shut as well, surrendering to his instincts and deepening the kiss.

They pull apart from each other after a heartbeat, and when they pull back, the both of them are panting slightly and their cheeks are dusted with matching shades of pink. Woojin looks straight at Jihoon, who tries to advert his eyes and his cheeks get redder; but Woojin reaches out to grab Jihoon's chin to force him to look straight‒ to also look into his eyes.

"I like you too, Park Jihoon."

There's a moment of silence that washes over them and the silence is broken when the both of them erupt into soft chuckles. Woojin muses, "I guess, we're both really stupid, huh."

"We both assumed that neither of us liked each other, but we were so deeply in love with each other all along."

Jihoon nods, his hands moving up to cover his mouth again as he laughs. Woojin thinks that Jihoon really does look the prettiest when he laughs and Woojin wants nothing but to store the memories of a laughing Jihoon in his mind forever. He doesn't want this moment to end‒ it's so intimate and private and solely theirs.

"Guess we're the real lovers now, huh," Jihoon whispers and Woojin laughs. If only the paparazzi actually knew that their rumour of a non-existent relationship had actually led to a real one.

(Later that night, when the both of them come out of Woojin's room while holding hands for dinner, he sees Daehwi's triumph smirk. He sees the matching frowns on Seungwu-hyung and Daniel-hyung's faces, and Woojin has a bad idea, a bad premonition.

Indeed, he is right because Daehwi does walk up to Seungwu-hyung and Daniel-hyung with his palm extended. Both of them give Daehwi a grimace, before reaching out to the back of their pockets to take out their wallets and place a wad of cash on his palm.

"Thank you to your very generous donation to Daehwi's funds!" Daehwi beams, as he springs over to Jinyoung to give him a high-five. It's only then he remembers that Jihoon and Woojin are in front of them, and he explains, "We had a bet on whether or not you'd be able to get together without my help."

"Of course, you would never have gotten together if it weren't for the very intelligent me," Daehwi smiles confidently, hand pointing to his own chest. "No need for thanks, you are very welcome."

Woojin laughs at Jihoon's shocked expression, and the urge to give Daehwi a chop disappear. He was about to give Daehwi a chop‒ how could he have bet over something like that?! But then again, it was true‒ that if it weren't for Daehwi, they probably wouldn't have gotten together and Woojin agrees, that it was great that he intervened and talked to Woojin.

"Yeah, yeah," Woojin says, pulling Jihoon over to ruffle Daehwi's hair. "Thank you, Daehwi.")

--

Celebrities aren't like regular humans, so it's hard for them to go on actual dates together.

But they are also both males, so it's easier for them to bluff. They are free to post pictures together on social media, to go to places in South Korea together, and their fans squeal excitedly at how cute they are, at how they were able to "find friendship in the bitter, icy cold entertainment industry!" It's easier because they are males, and they aren't tracked around by paparazzi and they don't have to worry about click-bait titles appearing on news portals after they go on dates together.

They do keep it subtle. They avoid wearing couple clothes, and it's easy because Woojin still likes his blacks, and Jihoon still likes his neon colours. But they do have subtle couple things, like matching watches (Jihoon had loved the ugly bomb watch the moment he set eyes on them in a shop in Garosugil. Woojin thought it was ugly, but if Jihoon liked it, then Woojin thinks, it'll probably grow on him).

Jihoon constantly posts pictures of them together on his Instagram account and Woojin always laughs at how Jihoon complains, "Our pictures together always get so much likes! Why do my fans even like your stupid face?" Woojin like the way Jihoon's eyebrow furry when he's angry, the way he fidgets nervously and tries to grab on the edges of his shirt (although Woojin thinks, it'd be better if he just grabbed onto his hand instead.) He likes watching Jihoon, he likes everything about him.

When Wanna One has their next round of promotions, he isn't surprised when a fan approaches him and the post-it in it says:

Q. What is Park Jihoon to Park Woojin?

A. My best friend
B. My soulmate
C. Someone I really treasure
D: ______

He wants to pick Option D, and write in "my lover" but he knows that he shouldn't, that he can't. So he laughs softly, and picks Option C. The fan watches him tick the option, and he can see the way her eyes gleam in excitement: "Why?"

Woojin muses for a moment, thinking of how he can describe Park Jihoon's existence to him, without being overly descriptive and saying too much. He settles for: "He's really one of the people who I can count on no matter what happens."

He thinks, the fan is satisfied with the answer, because she smiles gratefully at him, and leans in for a high-five before she gets ushered to the next member. Woojin thinks that it's great that they had decided on the ugly bomb watch, because he's wearing it now and he feels like Jihoon's by his side, and he doesn't have to worry about the eagle eyes that fans' possess.

The next fan comes in line, and it's a male fan‒ much to the members' surprise. But when Woojin sees what the fan is wearing‒ head to toe in bright pink, even his cap is pink, he tries to stifle his laugh and he thinks that the mask really a terrible job of what it's meant to do.

He can tell that the fan too, is laughing upon seeing Woojin's own laugh and he walks up to the table and slides his own album over. Woojin chuckles and thinks, perhaps, he should tease him too. "So, who should I address this to?"

The male fan giggles and he says softly (so that the people around him are unable to tell his voice, so that they can't tell who he is), "Park Woojin's lover , of course."

Woojin does laugh this time, and the male fan brings his hand up to cover his mouth as he laughs too, and when he does that, the sleeves of his shirt slide down, and it reveals a bomb-designed watch that matches Woojin’s own.

He writes: "To my lover , Park Jihoon."