Work Text:
“love stayed away for years. and when love finally reappeared, i barely recognized him.”
***
When Jinwoo thought of love, he thought of green eyes; of a deep voice and hands larger than his own. Love was a dancer, like him, love wore the same silver watch every day and love went to sleep at exactly 9:00pm each night, only to wake up at 7:30am the next morning. Love enjoyed going for runs, would always choose tea over coffee, had perfect vision without the need for glasses, and liked being the 'big spoon' when they cuddled. Love drove a black car, enjoyed camping, planned his schedule around date nights on Friday's, chuckled lightly at Jinwoo's jokes, and preferred fish as pets over dogs or cats. Love was quiet, spoke in hushed tones only intended for Jinwoo's ears and preferred comedies over action movies. Love texted more than he called, watched baseball whenever he could, and liked having a routine; would rather know exactly where he was going to go and when and how long he would be there for instead of chancing something new which he might not like.
Love was everything Jinwoo could ask for and more, was all Jinwoo could think about and wanted. Love was the centre of Jinwoo's universe from midway through his senior year all the way until the start of his second year of university.
And then love left.
Slowly, carefully, drawing further and further away from Jinwoo until he was just gone. So Jinwoo was left, with an idea of love which he knew in and out and with a broken heart .
Love, in Jinwoo's life, didn't return until Jinwoo was just about ready to give up on it; to destine himself to be single until he was 30 (or something like that).
Love, of course, returned when it was meant to, though Jinwoo didn't realize that it was love when it appeared. Love had taken a new form, one which Jinwoo didn't recognize.
Love, now, had taken the shape of Kim Myungjun.
Kim Myungjun had dark hair and dark eyes and a smile which could light up even the darkest of rooms. They had met at Jinwoo's favourite coffeeshop, where the new barista's habit of writing silly jokes on Jinwoo's cups caused his heart to speed up in his chest, made him rush every morning to make sure he had time to get a coffee and made him late on the days he didn't.
Jinwoo recognized the signs of a crush, knew that the butterflies in his stomach and inability to stop smiling around Myungjun meant he liked him a little too much. but he pushed the feelings away; because Myungjun wasn't love to Jinwoo, Myungjun was great, sure, but Myungjun didn't fit the mold. (In short, Myungjun wasn't Jinwoo's high school sweetheart, he wore glasses, he didn't have green eyes, and he didn't wear a watch. That wasn't his fault, Jinwoo was being foolish, and Bin and Minhyuk told him this every day he came into work at the studio.)
And then one day the joke on Jinwoo's cup wasn't a joke at all, but rather a phone number, neatly written with the words, " You’re nearly as funny as me, hmu some time :) " beside it. Jinwoo had blushed when he noticed, been teased by Minhyuk and Bin when they saw it and had to hide his phone from them so that they wouldn't send Myungjun a text for him.
He stared at the number all day, added it to his phone before he threw out the cup, and then stared at it some more before finally giving in and sending a message.
jinwoo: hey myungjun, it's jinwoo.
jinwoo: the lame dude w bad jokes from the cafe lol
myungjun: hey jinwoo!! ^^
myungjun: dw i knew who you were :D
jinwoo: so i obviously saw your message on my cup
jinwoo: and so i thought i’d message you as soon as i could
myungjun: eager are you? ;D
jinwoo: oh jeez i just realized how lame that sounds
myungjun: no no i'm kidding xD
jinwoo: did you just use "xD"??
myungjun: yeah?? what's the problem lol??
jinwoo: ugh myungjun, "xD" unironically is a big nono
myungjun: hold on, i'm gonna call you, i hate texting
So Jinwoo prepares himself to hear the excited tone of Myungjun's voice, tries not to smile too much as Myungjun shares stories about his day at work and silly things that have happened in his time working at the cafe. He fails, of course, giggles falling from his lips at nearly everything Myungjun says and keeps up with his own stories about the studio today and what some of the kids had done during his classes.
They talk until Jinwoo's eyes are barely able to remain open between words, breaths beginning to even out and his body struggling to stay awake, if only to talk to Myungjun just a little bit longer.
"What time is it now?" Myungjun asks then, as if he's just realized that Jinwoo seems tired.
"I don't know, last I checked it was 11:00." Myungjun giggles to himself, "Wow you're like an old man, Jinwoo, you've been tired since I got on the phone with you."
"I had a long day at work, dancing takes a lot out of a person," Jinwoo defends weakly, pretending as if he doesn't climb into bed before 9:00pm almost every night; old habits die hard, he guesses.
"Excuses, excuses, it's just your age, Jinwoo; you're so old," Myungjun continues teasing and Jinwoo can hear his grin through his phone's speaker.
"You're older than me."
Myungjun just laughs again, "Details, details." he pauses then, calming down for a moment, "It is midnight, though, so I'll let you go. This was nice, we should do it again."
Jinwoo just hums in agreement, bidding Myungjun a good night before hanging up his phone and trying to go to sleep, thoughts of Myungjun occupying his head up until the minute he finally drifts off into dreamland.
At some point in the few weeks that follow which Jinwoo can't really remember, phone calls at night become a daily thing, and him and Myungjun go to movies and restaurants and the park and hang out at one another's houses; and Jinwoo's idea of love begins to change.
Love becomes the faint smell of coffee which always seems to linger on Myungjun's skin and a newfound appreciation for the depth of brown eyes.
It becomes his giggles whenever Jinwoo tells a joke and Myungjun's inability to stop them falling from his lips, laughter causing Jinwoo to laugh along with him every time without fail; able to cheer Jinwoo up the second he hears it.
Love becomes the freckles which are present on Myungjun's shoulders and back that Jinwoo once used a pen to connect like constellations when the two were just past sober, both of them missing shirts and lazily pressing kisses to open skin as they laughed a little too hard over whatever was being said.
Love is Myungjun's inability to go to bed at a set time, and his affinity for sleeping in on weekends wrapped in Jinwoo's arms, refusing to get out of bed until late morning and sometimes afternoon because he prefers spending the day talking with Jinwoo across bedsheets.
Love is Myungjun talking about the future, about the pet dog he wants and the possibility of them having children one day. It's watching superhero movies because they're Jinwoo's favourite, and calling Jinwoo every night when they aren't together. Love is Myungjun letting Jinwoo see him when he isn't his normal self, when the world bears down on him and he can't find the positive in anything and he curls against Jinwoo and cries; letting the younger boy rub his back and comfort him into silence. It's making cookies at midnight, the sound of Myungjun's voice as he sings in the shower, and waking up to breakfast in bed when Myungjun is feeling up to it.
Love becomes the first time Myungjun calls him JinJin, the nickname tumbling from his lips late at night over the phone once and sticking. It's the first time they kissed, when Jinwoo looked into Myungjun's eyes while they sat eating ice cream and just couldn't help himself. It's holding hands with Myungjun whenever he can, enveloping Myungjun's much smaller hands with his own and knowing they fit together perfectly.
Love becomes Kim Myungjun. In all that he is, in all that he was, in all that he'll ever be. His personality, and his quirks, and all the small idiosyncrasies that made him Myungjun.
Jinwoo lies next to Myungjun one night in bed, years later, when the possibility of adoption is now a process in the works and the dog they'd always talked about sleeps right between the two of them, that Jinwoo explains what love means to him; words whispered over sheets, only intended for Myungjun's ears because he was the only one who needed to hear them.
"I was so stupid, Myungjun; I had no idea what love was back then," he pauses, "But now I do, love is you, Myungjunnie. It's getting to wake up every single day next to you and the way you always leave the cap off the toothpaste no matter how many times I remind you to put it on. It's the fact that you can't stand exercise of any sort and always doodle on things absentmindedly. God, Myungjun, I just, I love you so so much."
Myungjun doesn't say anything for a little while, remaining silently with his legs intertwined with Jinwoo's and their gazes locked before he whispers that he loves Jinwoo too, that Jinwoo means the world to him, that Jinwoo may call Myungjun the sun and centre of his world but damn if Jinwoo wasn't his entire universe he wouldn't be that great of a sun.
Love for Jinwoo continues to change, expands to include the first time they meet their daughter, just a small pink bundle of joy Jinwoo holds in his hands; dark tufts of hair and dark eyes which blink up at him curiously. It expands to the sound of Myungjun singing lullabies late at night after she wakes up, soft voice lulling even Jinwoo to sleep from their bedroom.
Jinwoo isn't sure love will ever stop changing, but as long as Myungjun is still apart of love, he's not sure he really cares.