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It wasn't as if Kei was...envious of the affection other couples gave each other. Far from it. Tetsurou gave him more love and attention than he'd initially known what to do with. Kei liked to tell himself it was aggravating, annoying even, to have Tetsurou say and do such corny things. He knew deep down it wasn't true.
Of course, when the pair had first started dating, Kei was overwhelmed by the cheesy texts, the subtle touches, the shameless declarations...all of it seemed way too over the top and embarrassing. Half the time, his mind told him Tetsurou must've been joking, maybe making fun of him. Kei hadn't had a clue about how to react.
He'd been a lot more insecure and distrusting then, and while not all of those problems had gone away, he was a lot more comfortable with Tetsurou these days. While he wasn't completely used to the caresses, the gifts, or the kisses, he no longer doubted the nature of them. Everything Tetsurou said and did was genuine, and it set Kei's heart ablaze in ways he didn't know how to deal with. It was unfair.
This was unfair.
Why am I like this?
Tetsurou was talking beside him as they lounged in bed, oblivious to Kei's internal panic. As he went on about some movie they'd seen recently, all Kei could think about was their trip to the mall earlier that day.
It was winter now, the air outside cold and biting. People were obviously bundled up, sharing coffees and hot chocolates, cuddling closer even in public. Hell, the season was so powerful, it made Kei feel more affection starved than usual. He found himself clinging to Tetsurou more, striving for warmth.
He'd been watching the crowds of people, waiting while Tetsurou had left him to get them both dessert, and slightly grumpy due to the absence of his boyfriend's warm body.
He was getting antsy, when he'd seen a couple a few tables away lean in close, shamelessly nuzzling each other's noses and cheeks to provide warmth. They giggled and smiled, uncaring of the glances they received, too wrapped up in each other.
Ever since then, Kei had been in hell.
He wondered how it would feel, how Tetsurou would react. They'd never done it before, yet it seemed rather common among couples. Now, no matter where Kei looked, he saw pairs sharing the innocent 'kisses,' radiating affection sickeningly.
Disgusting.
Shameless.
What were they thinking?
Kei wanted to try it so bad.
At the thought, his fists clenched in the soft bedding beneath him, a shiver traveling up his spine. The heater was on, so he couldn't blame the cold.
Fuck.
Maybe if he just did it, it would be fine. It wouldn't be too out of character.
Right?
No. Like hell. There was no way he of all people, could initiate that sort of kiss. It was way too cutesy, not befitting someone tall and stoic like him. It would just be weird.
And yet...
Kei tugged at his fingers, trying to will the butterflies in his stomach to calm down.
No matter what he did, he couldn't shake the thought, the urge to grab Tetsurou's face and rub their stupid noses together.
Kei was two seconds away from bashing his head into the bedroom wall. How had it come to this? He never would've thought he'd get to this point in a relationship, but he guessed it wasn't too big of a surprise anymore. It was simply because he'd gotten used to their affectionate exchanges, that was all. It was common for Tetsurou to kiss him randomly, to join their hands together, to cuddle and touch without care.
Surely, he could play this off as no big deal...
Oh, who was he kidding?
He most definitely could not do that.
Every time he worked up the slightest courage, he hesitated, and then ended right back at square one.
"Kei, are you alright?" Tetsurou's voice broke through his tangled thoughts, and Kei turned to him, blown away by the soft smile on his face. It was hard to remember sometimes, to believe that such a smile was all for him. "You're a little tense."
There was apparent worry in Tetsurou’s voice as his hand reached up to grab Kei's. Luckily it was still cold from the weather outside, not quite warmed up yet. Had Tetsurou touched his neck or his face, he probably would've thought Kei had a fever.
"I'm fine," Kei said easily, melting some more under the other's gaze. "Just--"
"Cold?" Tetsurou asked, somewhat amused. Without waiting for Kei to respond, Tetsurou grabbed the comforter, wrapping it around both of them and pulling him closer until they were leaning against the headboard. "It always takes you forever to warm up."
You always help.
Kei's heart swelled with delight, though he still felt guilty for ignoring Tetsurou's ramblings in favor of fretting over his own cowardice. "Whatever, it's not my fault it's cold. What were you saying?"
There was hardly any bite in his complaint, and Tetsurou knew it, laughing lightly as he went on. "Well, I still say we should've seen the other movie, because..."
And of course, because Kei was the worst, his mind drowned Tetsurou out again, focusing back on his earlier struggle.
He felt warm and cozy under the comforter, his hand linked with Tetsurou's like it was the most natural thing.
For them it was. It wasn't awkward anymore, nor unwanted. Kei's hand belonged in Tetsurou's.
They came home to each other, had seen each other at their worsts. With tears running down their faces, with little to no sleep, they'd witnessed it all. Every bad mood, every hard night, every embarrassing episode...
They shared all those things, so why couldn't Kei let them share this?
Kei swallowed from where he was sitting on Tetsurou's bed, clutching the sheets in his hands as he tuned back in on whatever Tetsurou was talking about.
It was hard, especially when some traitorous aspect of Kei only wanted to focus on his boyfriend’s lips and nose.
Fuck. No. I'm not going to do it. I can't. It's stupid. I don't care.
And there was the hesitation...
"And like, the special effects were pretty bad," Tetsurou continued, his rant far from over. "I've seen better horror flicks from the nineties and..."
The longer he avoided this, the longer he'd be unfocused and nervous.
Kei felt bad for ignoring his boyfriend, he really did. The guilt was back to festering in his gut. Regardless of what everyone thought, he rather enjoyed listening to Tetsurou, since they tended to share similar opinions. Talking with his boyfriend was hardly dull, and had Kei not been so fixated on his own internal predicament, he'd have been more than happy to bash that disgrace of a movie he'd been forced to endure.
It really had been awful. So awful, that halfway through it, they'd decided to just say fuck it, and made out for the rest of the movie.
In the theater. In public. Kei's breath stilled a little at the thought, a pleasant tingle running down to his toes.
Wow. Really?
Compared to that, Kei's problems seemed stupider than ever. They'd practically almost jumped each other in a dark, popcorn littered movie theater and yet...
Why couldn't he do this again? In the privacy of their own home?
The worst Tetsurou could do was laugh at him, and that would hardly be the most humiliating thing Kei had ever done in front of the raven. Kei had once laughed so hard on one of their first dates that he'd had soda come out of his nose, so he was probably prepared for the worst.
Somehow, the thought was more reassuring than anything.
"Tetsu." Kei's voice was small and hoarse, as if he was horribly parched, and he cursed himself internally for sounding so nervous already. Hell, he cursed himself for talking at all.
Why couldn't he let this go? He didn't know, but he did know he wouldn't be satisfied until he actually acted on his desire, so whatever.
Tetsurou stopped mid-sentence, but fuck it, Kei didn't have time to feel bad. If he lost this impulse, there was no hope for him. He had to utilize whatever bit of courage he had, to hell with it.
All for a stupid eskimo kiss. I hate people. Fuck the mall.
Before Tetsurou could even respond, Kei grabbed his cheeks, bringing him forward until their noses were touching, and rubbed them together maybe a bit faster than necessary. It was too sudden, awkward. So much for a romantic gesture, but Kei couldn't deny it felt nice.
It sent a surge of warmth from his face down to his toes, his stomach fluttering as his head bumped lightly against his boyfriend's. The tenseness in his muscles faded, and his motions slowed, until he was barely nuzzling Tetsurou. He was content like this, breathing in Tetsurou scent, his heat.
Against his own wishes, he admitted that eskimo kisses were really all they were cracked up to be. He thought he'd only do it once, just to get it out of his system, but deep down he knew that was bullshit now.
Dammit. I hate the mall. The mall sucks.
It only took a few more seconds of Kei's affection fueled daze before realized Tetsurou wasn't moving, was hardly even breathing. It shattered the spell.
Kei pulled back, his face red as he reached up to cover his nose. Tetsurou was staring at him, eyes comically wide and mouth ajar, like he hadn't fully processed what had just happened.
Shit, I knew it was weird...
Oh well, it was a one-time experiment. The embarrassment would hopefully be short lived. Kei tried to push down the disappointment at the thought.
When Tetsurou continued to remain silent, Kei got slightly worried, face still red as all hell. Maybe Tetsurou had thought it was stupider than Kei anticipated.
Kei lowered his hand from his face, scooting closer to Tetsurou once more as he squinted at his blank expression. Okay, so maybe this was excessive. The only time Tetsurou looked like this was when his brain was really short-circuiting, which could be caused by a plethora of things.
Kei reached out dumbly, poking Tetsurou's cheek with his index finger. "Uh...Tetsu, are you--oof!"
Tetsurou's arms were around him in an instant, pulling him down onto the bed as the raven nuzzled his neck frantically.
Needless to say, it sort of tickled.
Kei snorted, unable to hold back a few giggles as he tried to fight Tetsurou off, to no avail. They were evenly matched in strength usually, but Tetsurou was a determined bastard, and was not letting Kei get away this time.
Kei squirmed, still laughing as Tetsurou kissed him and initiated several more eskimo kisses. He was shameless about it too, in the way Tetsurou always was.
"Hey," Kei protested, weakly shoving Tetsurou's face away. "What are you--"
"Kei, are you trying to kill me? Because I'm sort of offended, but if this is how you're gonna do it, I can't complain," Tetsurou said with a sigh, fighting past Kei's block to bury his face back into his neck. Kei could practically feel Tetsurou’s dopey grin against his skin, and it was less annoying than usual.
Something proud and fond fluttered deep inside him, his confidence building as Tetsurou continued to unload all his affections on him.
He...
"You...liked that?" Kei asked slowly, and instead of answering like a normal person, Tetsurou kissed him. Then, Tetsurou's nose was rubbing against his, and it didn't take Kei long to reciprocate.
Yeah, it was definitely better when both of them did it.
Kei fought back a dreamy sigh, instead reveling in the moment.
"Is that answer enough?" Tetsurou asked, voice smug, and Kei swatted him playfully.
He always ruins it. Despite the thought, Kei couldn't help but smile.
"I hope you know what you've gotten yourself into though," Tetsurou sighed, shaking his head, and Kei debated pushing him off the bed.
But well, curiosity got the best of him. When would he learn?
"What do you mean?" He asked, petting Tetsurou's hair absentmindedly.
Kei only knew he'd messed up when Tetsurou smirked dangerously at him, his eyes reflecting nothing but mischief.
"There's no way we're not doing that all the time now, even in public," he said, and Kei only felt warmer with every word. "I won't be able to restrain myself."
Oh god, you loser.
Kei groaned, knowing full well he'd brought this on himself. These were the consequences he had to face, and yet, he seldom felt any dread about it. Not that he'd ever tell Tetsurou that.
Yeah, Kei definitely hated the mall. But oh well, he loved his boyfriend twice as much, and he sealed the deal with an eskimo kiss.
Naturally.