Work Text:
“You’re still not over Kihyun, aren't you, Hoseok?” Hyungwon’s voice was soft, almost being carried away by the gentle wind. Hoseok looked somewhere else, avoiding Hyungwon’s gaze.
“What even, Hyungwon. You know he was just an annoying kid. Always getting on my nerve, deciding on his own.” Hoseok stated almost bitterly. He snickered a little, trying to sound as sarcastic as ever. But Hoseok forgot the fact that Hyungwon knew him since young, to be precise since they were 8 years old, playing together and in fact always together.
Hyungwon’s gaze diverted somewhere behind Hoseok. He was watching a young man, almost around his age hiding behind the door of Hoseok’s house. His eyes were big, and shining, Hyungwon realized. His short dark hair was comb to the back, revealing his forehead.
If there is one thing that Hyungwon couldn't deny, it would be how close this man resembles Kihyun. Everything about him spells Kihyun. Even without seeing him fully, Hyungwon knows.
But Hyungwon has a hinge that this person, whoever he may be, is not real. Hyungwon had seen how great of a person Hoseok is, how creative and how genius he is.
“You wouldn't create someone like him if you don't miss him, Hoseok.” Hyungwon stated. His eyes diverting back to Hoseok, whose eyes were still on the ground. His arms were folding around his body, feeling rather insecure. The wind got harsher, blowing Hoseok’s long hair, his fringe almost covering his face.
“Maybe you are right, Hyungwon. I am always lonely and I still need him.”
+
“Ya… Hoseok ah!” Kihyun was shouting from far. Hoseok ignored the voice, focusing on the bull's eyes which he was aiming for. His arms were already sore from practicing his arrow shooting since morning. And to think that Hyungwon had won him twice is infuriating.
“Hoseok ah… You better stop whatever you are doing.” Kihyun’s voice was getting closer but Hoseok ignored again. He heard Hyungwon giggled softly by his side, holding his own bow with one hand waiting for Hoseok.
“To think that I am older than him but he still calls me by name.” Hoseok mumbled under his breath and let go of the arrow in his hand. He watched how the arrow pierced the ring outside the bull's eyes. He clicked his tongue, getting pissed.
“What do you want, Yoo Kihyun?” Hoseok pressed on his words as he turned around to face the small guy. His brows were stitched together, making Kihyun flinched a little, but the other guy looked as irritated as he is.
“You are not following me to East.” Kihyun said, firm. It made Hoseok raised one of his eyebrows.
“I'm going to the East for training. And you know well enough I'm not as good as you or Hyungwon.” Kihyun continued, pouting a little.
Hoseok smiled, looking at Kihyun who had his gaze on the ground. Kihyun is someone who decides things on his own and sometimes, Hoseok hates it. Yes, it's something that Kihyun couldn't run away from, being the next successor of the throne and both Hoseok and Hyungwon knew how big of a responsibility it is.
“Well, you should be glad that you’ll have 2 strong people as your general in command soon.” Hyungwon said, somehow mocking Kihyun. Kihyun continued to pout. He knew his two friends love to tease and mock him. He got used to it but it is something that kept him sane from all the hectic world.
“Go die, both of you.” Kihyun muttered as he walked away.
“If the king said that, we have to obey, don't we, Hoseok?” Hyungwon’s voice sounded mocking again, elbowing Hoseok who was already snickering.
+
Hoseok hissed the moment he felt a sharp piercing on his arms. He opened his eyes, looking by the side of the bed. Hoseok saw how his eyes were shining, staring back into Hoseok’s eyes, teeth sank deep into Hoseok’s arm. Hoseok sighed. It was nothing than just his feeding time.
“I'm sorry if I wake you up.” He said, licking his lips. Hoseok saw how his own blood was stuck onto his lips. There was a sudden urge to touch them, Hoseok thought but he looked away.
“Is it true that you couldn't forget about that Kihyun guy?” He asked, voice soft, almost stammering over the fear that Hoseok will scold him for eavesdropping.
“I need to continue working on the prototype. I need to hand them over to the Ohara clan soon.” Hoseok muttered, shifted from the bed.
“Is that the reason why you can't love me? Why you are still so kind to me but I feel like you are not giving your all to me?” He asked again. Hoseok stopped. He wanted to say something but he couldn't.
Sometimes Hoseok wondered why he created such thing. Why he even bothered to bring a non-living thing to live. Probably for the sake of mankind. Or probably to heal his broken heart.
But honestly, there's none that can heal his heart.
Not even something that he created to resemble Kihyun.
“Funny. You never even named me yet you let me feed on you. What are you trying to do, Hoseok?” He asked back. Hoseok studied him.
Having to create such creature who feeds on blood to survive is inhumane. But this being grows up according to the love that was given and how well it was treated. The blood fed from the owner creates the bond between them. If this prototype is correct, he wouldn’t harm anyone for as long as its owner treats them well.
And exactly. What is Hoseok trying to do?
+
Kihyun pushed the door open, making it creaked over the silent night. He poked his head through the small opening of the door, adjusting his eyes to the dim lighting of the room. It was only illuminated by candles. Kihyun saw how Hoseok was sitting on the chair, crafting something by the table. His long hair was tied nicely into a ponytail. Hoseok was too focus on his work that he didn't realize Kihyun crept into the room, standing beside him. Kihyun watched how Hoseok was sculpting a face, almost like a doll. It awed Kihyun, how delicate and how pretty it was.
“Do you have fantasies with doll, Hoseok?” Kihyun asked, almost above whisper. It startled Hoseok, not because of Kihyun's existence but because of the question. He stopped carving, putting the knife down. He turned to look at Kihyun, smiling.
“What if I do, Kihyun? Will you still be my friend?” Hoseok asked back. Kihyun could hear the teasing and sarcasm in Hoseok’s voice. He rolled his eyes.
“You can be full of surprise at times.” Kihyun paused.
“I'm just trying to create a prototype, something that can act as human. But the way it is being brought up and cared for determine its well-being.” Hoseok told him, continue touching up the doll’s face, or whatever Hoseok was referring to. Kihyun raised one of his eyebrows, overloaded with information. Sometimes he finds it amazing that these ideas came across Hoseok’s mind, something beyond his own imagination.
“So, don't be surprise if one day, I recreate someone like you but probably less noisy and doesn't make decisions on his own.” Hoseok continued and flashed Kihyun a smile. Kihyun gasped upon hearing that.
“Just go die, Shin Hoseok.” Kihyun said, firm as he was about to walk away. Before he did, he felt Hoseok's strong arms pulling him by the wrist, forcing him to lean on the wall just behind him. Hoseok's arms were towering him as they rested on the wall, startling Kihyun as he realized how close they were. He blinked, waiting for Hoseok's next move.
“Your wish is my command, my lord. What if I really die and leave you alone?” Hoseok said, voice just above whisper. There was a faint smile on his lips but it was making Kihyun unsettled. His lips parted, like as if wanted to say something. Kihyun studied Hoseok, how his gaze dropped to Kihyun's lips and before he knew it, Hoseok's hand was caressing his cheeks.
“Hoseok! We got a situation. The Kim clan is declaring war.” Hyungwon’s voice interrupted them as the door to Hoseok's room slammed open. They startled, looking towards the door and when Hyungwon saw the two of them, he had the questioning face.
But the timing was definitely bad.
“Ah… Kihyun. You are needed in the council. We'll be waiting for your command.” Hyungwon continued, his voice lowered as he continued. Kihyun took awhile to digest what Hyungwon was saying. He gave Hoseok the last look, to which Hoseok avoided, and walked out of the room.
The next time Hoseok heard from Kihyun was his deployment to the west. He was to lead the team into the west and fight some of the Kim clan there before they even reached their kingdom. Hyungwon got deployed to the North along with his soldiers. It would be months before they get to see each other again.
Hoseok was preparing himself to leave the castle when he heard Kihyun calling him. He saw how Kihyun's long hair was swaying along as he was jogging towards Hoseok. They didn't say a word until Kihyun settled in front of Hoseok.
“Remember you asked me what if you died and leave me?” Kihyun asked, more like pointing it out. Hoseok didn't answer, a cue to let Kihyun finished.
“It's something that I couldn't imagine because I got used to having you all the time beside me. Even though all you did was tease me, I don't think I'll be able to live without that.” Kihyun continued. His gaze was fixed on the ground. He raised them slowly, only to meet Hoseok's.
“So please… Don't ever dare to die in the battlefield and I'll be waiting for you.” It made Hoseok smiled, nodding his head in acknowledgment. He watched how Kihyun walked closer to him, removing a dark-colored string-like necklace which he had been wearing since Hoseok knows God-knows-when. He slipped it through Hoseok's head, adjusting them around Hoseok’s neck.
“Seriously… You talked a lot.” Hoseok stated out, one of his hands slipped around Kihyun’s nape, pulling him closer. The next thing Kihyun knew was Hoseok’s soft lips on his, startling him. But he didn’t push him either because he knew that was what he had been needing all these while too.
“I’ll definitely come back. So, wait for me.” Hoseok said just above whisper as he pulled away from the kiss. He saw how Kihyun’s cheeks were rosy, avoiding eye contact with him. He just gave a small nod, acknowledging what Hoseok just said.
+
Hoseok walked out from his hut, dragging along a prototype in his hand. He didn’t really mind about how it being dragged, its legs hitting the ground every now and then. It wasn’t any different from his own prototype, still ethereal and still feeds on blood for survival. There’s nothing much he can do to change those, even how much he wanted to. And to think of it, he doesn’t really care what was the Ohara clan’s plan in getting this prototype from him. Nothing much matter to him now.
“Hoseok… You’re going to meet the Ohara clan now?” Hoseok heard his voice from the back. He stopped, peeking through his shoulder overlooking the guy.
“You need not wait for me. I don’t know how long will the journey takes. And I don’t know if I’ll even survive in the Ohara clan’s hand.” Hoseok muttered, almost emotionless. He heard how his footsteps were almost dragging on the ground, standing in front of Hoseok. His eyes were sparkling, almost watery if Hoseok could see it properly. He raised his hand, slowly placed them on Hoseok’s chest. He went silent for a while, feeling Hoseok’s heartbeat thumping in his own palm.
“You have to come back, Hoseok. I’ll be waiting for you.” He muttered under his breath. Hoseok felt his cold fingers running on his cheek, caressing them. His other hand was playing with the string necklace around Hoseok’s neck.
Before Hoseok knew it, he drew himself closer to Hoseok, pressed his cold lips on Hoseok’s. It startled Hoseok but he didn’t push him away. Hoseok blinked, didn’t realize that a stream of tears fell from his eyes.
+
Hoseok lost track of the days of traveling. His troupe has been going deeper and deeper into the jungle towards the west. It felt like they are not getting any nearer and along the way, he had lost few of his men, battling some of the Kim clan’s troupe.
The moment Hoseok knew that it was safe for the troupe to rest, he stopped. He felt like he couldn’t carry on any longer. He got shot with an arrow on his back, and some other unknown scars that were untreated. He doesn’t know if he’s able to go on or should he just give up.
But if he gives up, what will happen to the empire? What will happen to Kihyun, particularly?
Hoseok walked towards the nearest river, washing some of the dried blood from his hands and arms. He splashed the cold water onto his face. The sudden thoughts of Kihyun and Hyungwon struck him. He wondered how both of them are doing.
As Hoseok was about to settle on the ground, he heard trampling of footsteps behind him, alarming him. He turned around, preparing his sword, only to realize one of the messengers from the castle had come. He was panting, face almost pale.
“Hoseok-sshi, Lord Kihyun… He decided to raise the flag. Hyungwon-sshi’s troupe wouldn’t be able to go any further and at this rate, it will just kill his whole troupe. He informed me to not let the two of you return back to the kingdom until his command.” Hoseok clicked his tongue, looking away. If he had it his way, He would find Hyungwon in the North and combined their troupe. But no, it’s Kihyun’s command. And Hoseok hates it that he is always deciding on his own.
“Until when will we need to wait?” Hoseok decided to ask. It feels like he is being abandoned by Kihyun, and it hurts a little.
“I don’t know, Hoseok-sshi. But I heard… Lord Kihyun will be performing seppuku on himself. It was said that he wouldn’t want the two of you to return until it was done.” The messenger said, almost stammering. It didn’t take long before Hoseok got on his legs and started to run away from the area. He ignored anyone who called him. He ignored the pain in his back, or anywhere else. It hurt more in his heart.
It hurt that Kihyun is not waiting for him. It hurt that Kihyun is breaking his own promises.
Hoseok hates him. Hoseok hates Kihyun for deciding everything on his own.
+
Hoseok was dragging himself back to his small hut. He was tired, almost famished. He couldn't believe he almost got captured by the Ohara clan, working for them to build a better prototype that could help them in war. That's not the life Hoseok wanted. And having to build a prototype and gave it out to those who wanted it, it is to his least concern on what will the owner do to the prototype.
He is like a dad who abandoned his children.
Hoseok fell on the ground, knees first. He ignored the searing pain that got through him like an electric shock. He was drained out. He knew that it will be the end of him soon.
Before he landed flat on the ground, he felt a pair of strong arms holding him up, pulling him into a tight embrace. Hoseok couldn't think at all but the scent was so familiar to him.
“You came back, Hoseok.” A small whisper was heard. Slowly, Hoseok raised his hands and embraced the guy back. He buried his face into the crook of his neck. He missed this. He missed Kihyun.
“I’ll get the food done soon. You can rest first and don't worry about anything.” He said again and pulled Hoseok away from his embrace, holding him by the shoulder. He saw how Hoseok didn't looked up to him, his head was low. He was taken aback the moment he saw teardrops from Hoseok’s face, falling straight to the ground. He was dumbfounded, couldn't get the right word in his head to console Hoseok.
The next thing he heard was Hoseok sobbing hard, covering his face with his palms. He let Hoseok cried, he let his owner cried, while he just watched. He knew he couldn't do anything much because there isn't anything that he could do to make Hoseok feels better, to heal Hoseok’s heart.
It was the first time he saw Hoseok broke down. Ever since the time he was awakened to this world. His existence was meant to fill the emptiness in his owner’s heart but he realized that it was the other way round.
His existence must be a nuisance. Probably hurting his owner so much.
Because he knew that Hoseok missed someone by the named of Kihyun. Someone that Hoseok loved dearly. Definitely not him despite how much he looked like that Kihyun guy.
+
Hoseok stormed into the worship hall of the castle, startling the people inside. He was panting hard, eyes looking for Kihyun. He saw in the middle of the room how Kihyun looked terrified upon sighting Hoseok, his eyes were wide, lips quivering like as if he wanted to say something.
He had never seen anyone so beautiful, so mesmerizing despite the fear and panic lied in Kihyun's eyes. The white kimono robe which hugged his small build looks exquisite, though Hoseok knew well enough it is the ceremonial robe.
Hoseok took a step in. His footsteps echoed through the hall. He could feel how his feet were burning from the nonstop running, how his knees were weakening. His visions were blurring. He felt the whole hall spinning around him.
Hoseok fell down to the ground, slowly losing his consciousness. Before his eyes shut, he saw how Kihyun was racing towards him, towering over him while calling out to him. Hoseok carved a weak smile on his lips, knowing that he is safe in Kihyun's arms.
***
Hoseok remembered running away from the castle, trying to get away from the empirical life. He got tired of it at times. Sometimes he refused to believe that he is born with royal blood. It's tiring, and annoying at the same time. Even though he is not the immediate successor after his father, this kind of life is tiring.
But not like as if he can choose his life. Not like as if Kihyun could choose.
And it's more tiring for Kihyun, the immediate successor to the throne after his father.
Hoseok stopped by the cogon field, where Hyungwon and he used to play hide and seek among the tall grasses. The sounds of crickets were filling up the quiet night. Hoseok pushed the tall grasses away as he walked through it, looking for that empty spot he used to sit at. He jumped out of shock the moment he saw Kihyun lying there on his side. His chest was heaving up and down in a constant speed and his head was resting on his arms acting as a pillow. Hoseok raised one of his eyebrows, unbelievable that Kihyun could sleep in a place like this. He walked closer to the boy and sat crossed leg in front of him.
It's weird. Hoseok doesn't want to wake Kihyun up. He looks peaceful, making Hoseok think that it's the only time that Kihyun could get away from the reality. Hoseok carved a smile on his lips, pulling the long strand of hair away from Kihyun's face. It made Kihyun stirred in his sleep, grunting a little. Slowly he opened his eyes, eyes growing wider the moment he saw Hoseok in front of him. He got up to a sitting position, his face was draining out of its color like as if he saw ghost apart from Hoseok.
“Sorry if I scare you.” Hoseok muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. Kihyun blinked, taking a while to process everything and let out a sigh of relief.
“I fell asleep while waiting.” Kihyun said, voice was still hoarse from his sleep.
“You know I was coming…?” Hoseok asked back, surprised. He watched how Kihyun was giggling over his reaction.
“The priest told me that there will be meteor showers tonight. I wanna watch it because when else will I be able to get the chance.” Kihyun paused, untying his hair and combed it through with his fingers.
“I might have fallen asleep when it happened. So I guess it's a waste for me to run up here.” Kihyun sighed, tying back his hair neatly into a ponytail.
“You could have asked Hyungwon or me to accompany you. It's dangerous to go alone, for a future successor like you.” Hoseok stated. Kihyun giggled again.
“You guys would have laughed at me if it's just for such lame reason.” Hoseok didn't reply. He lied on his back, hands underneath his head. His eyes were fixed on the dark sky, figuring out the stars which decorated the night sky.
“They used to say that if you die, you’ll be one of the stars. Twinkling brightly, overlooking your loved ones.” Hoseok started, without averting his gaze to Kihyun. He swallowed, slowly turning his head to Kihyun.
“One day, it's not about the meteor showers. One day, it might be me, the reason why you come up here to look at the sky.” Hoseok couldn't read Kihyun's expression but Hoseok saw how his smiling eyes disappeared. Kihyun crawled closer towards Hoseok, taking Hoseok’s hand into his. It was warm, Hoseok thought, despite the chilly October night.
“My generals are stronger than me. They don't die too soon. So don't ever think about dying before me.” Kihyun said, carving a small smile on his lips. Hoseok didn't know if he should take it seriously or the other way round.
***
Hoseok opened his eyes, wondering where he is. He remembered seeing Kihyun in the worship hall before passing out. He got up to a sitting position, ignoring the pain that seeps through his back. He hissed, reaching for the pain like as if his touch could heal it. He realized how his body was covered with a dark blue kimono, with he remembered to be his. He studied his arms, mostly covered with bandages, probably from those unknown scars which were left untreated before he came back. He let out a sigh. His mind went blank.
It’s probably morning, It’s probably a new day. Kihyun must have performed the ritual.
And having that dream isn’t helping at all.
Hoseok startled the moment he saw the door to the room was pushed open, lighting up the dim room with the light from the corridor. Hoseok managed to see that the skies were already dark outside, making him wonder how long he had lost consciousness. The silhouette that was standing by the door walked towards him after closing the door behind him, only to realize that it was none other than Kihyun. His white kimono was long enough that it was sweeping the floor. His hair wasn’t tied up like usual, and Hoseok wondered if they grew longer in the midst that he was away from the castle.
Hoseok was stunned by the beauty that he is witnessing right in front of his eyes. It’s so ethereal, so surreal that he is afraid that this might just be a dream.
Kihyun knelt down beside him and touched his forehead, feeling Hoseok’s temperature. Kihyun carved a small smile on his lips, his eyes still portrayed worriness in them.
“You should rest more. Your fever hasn’t subsided yet. And you should have gotten the wound treated. It was pretty bad when the doctor treated it this afternoon.” Kihyun said, his voice was small. Hoseok couldn’t move his eyes from Kihyun. His hand was reaching out for Kihyun’s face, feeling the warm skin underneath his own. He watched how Kihyun squirmed a little, leaned into Hoseok’s palm. Hoseok’s hand traveled to the back of Kihyun’s neck, pulling Kihyun closer till their foreheads met. Their eyes fluttered shut. Hoseok swallowed, clearing his throat.
“Don’t go, Kihyun. I need you.” Hoseok said, his voice was just above whisper. Kihyun couldn't find a word to reply Hoseok. He carved a smile on his lips, indeed a sad smile.
“You’ll be fine without me, Hoseok.” Kihyun finally said. But that didn't satisfy Hoseok a single bit. He leaned in closer and pressed his lips on Kihyun's. It was soft and filled with affection. With all the might left in his body, Hoseok pushed Kihyun to the floor without breaking the kiss. His free hand was slipping Kihyun out of his white kimono robe, revealing his milky shoulder. Hoseok moved away, breaking the kiss. He stared down at Kihyun, mesmerized by the beauty which will soon perish from his eyes. Maybe what they said is true. Something beautiful is never permanent.
Hoseok leaned in again for another kiss, pressing even harder this time round. He wouldn't want to forget this moment. He wouldn't want this moment to pass by. He wanted time to stay still. He never wanted tomorrow to come.
Because he knew by dawn, Kihyun would no longer be in this world.
He sent fluttering kisses all over Kihyun's face. And the moment he sunk into the crook of Kihyun’s neck, he whispered the word ‘I love you’. Never would he thought that the words could escape his lips easily.
Never would he have thought that Kihyun would tear up hearing those.
Hoseok never wanted this to end. He never wanted tomorrow to come.
It was a mistake for Hoseok to fall asleep in Kihyun's arms after making love. The next thing he realized was Kihyun's absence. Just him in the empty room, covering his face with his forearm. The rays of lights have seeped through the small opening of the door.
Slowly, his tears began to fall down from his cheeks. He didn't even care to wipe it away. His other hand was gripping onto the string necklace around his neck, gripping it too hard that his knuckles turned white.
Hoseok never wanted this day to come.
+
The sudden drop in the temperature inside the house awoke him. He got up to a sitting position, overlooking the other side of the room. He rubbed his eyes, wondering if he is seeing it correctly that Hoseok is not in his bed. He let out a sigh.
Hoseok hasn't been in his good self ever since he came back. Heck. He had always been acting this way. And it sucks that he couldn’t do anything about it.
He let out another sigh as he pushed the blanket away from his lower abdomen. He didn't know if finding Hoseok now will be a good idea or not. He opened the door to the hut and peered outside of the house. He saw how Hoseok was sitting with his knees high up to his chest, somewhere around the open field in front of their house.
It's a normal sight. He always watched how Hoseok sits there in the middle of the night, watching the dark skies decorated by the bright, twinkling stars. Usually he wouldn’t want to interrupt Hoseok but today, he did. He walked up closer to Hoseok and joined him on the ground. It didn't deter Hoseok from his star gazing.
“You know… I hate him because he always decides everything on his own. Acting all courageous thinking that he is right.” Hoseok began, breaking the silence between them. He tensed a little, unknowing where will this head to. Hoseok never opened up to him, all these while. So why now?
“I'm a fool for falling in love with him. So deeply that I am hurting.” Hoseok continued. He buried his face in his arms, which was resting on his raised knees. Everything went silence. The only noise came from the sound of the cricket somewhere around them and probably the sound of their breathing. He reached out for Hoseok, resting his cold hand on Hoseok’s folded arm.
“You shouldn't have hurt yourself by bringing me to life. I might be the reason why you can't forget him. But… I am in the same situation as you. I love you. So much that it started to ache in my chest.” He muttered, grip tightening around Hoseok's arm. Slowly, Hoseok raised his face. There was a faint smile on his lips.
“I was never a good owner to you. You were right. I could never love you, just like how I love Kihyun. No one could ever replace him.” Hoseok paused. He turned his head to look at him.
“You should go. Find someone who can love you better than me. Find someone who will name you, cherish your existence unlike me.” Hoseok said again. He couldn't believe that it has come to this. Hoseok is finally releasing him.
But it's true. Hoseok never loved him. He is not Kihyun, the one Hoseok loved the most.
Hoseok got up to his feet and walked away, leaving him alone on the ground. How could Hoseok be so cold towards him? Why would Hoseok created him, brought him to live and now, neglecting him like as if he is nothing at all?
He has feelings.
No. He doesn't. He is not a human.
He felt something escaping his eyelids. He took his fingers and wiped them off, only to realize pearly droplets on his fingers.
He had never cry before. He never knew he could cry.
No. He is not a human. He shouldn't have feelings.
He remembered how he hadn't been feeding on Hoseok, ever since he left to meet the Ohara clan. He carved a smile on his lips, more tears escaping his eyelids.
He is such a fool for loving Hoseok. So deeply in love with him till he is hurting.
He looked up into the skies, watching how the brightest star twinkling. He wondered if he were to die, will he be one of the stars, twinkling so brightly while overlooking the person whom he loved.
Then again, he is not a human. He wouldn't end up the same like a human.
And maybe, if he is a human, Hoseok would love him back.