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Sicheng is happy when Taeyong confessed to him because how can Taeyong, the infamous handsome boy of the universe, ever managed to harbour romantic feelings for Sicheng, the Chinese boy who gets coddled a lot, is a question Sicheng thinks no scientists can ever find the answer to.
‘’I like you, Sicheng. Be my boyfriend please.’’ Taeyong said, minutes after he grabbed Sicheng’s wrist and cornered him to the walls of their extra clean bathroom, courtesy to Taeyong’s mysophobia.
His request sounded almost like a demand. A demand Sicheng might have thought he would agree to in seconds because who in the world wouldn’t want to date Lee Taeyong? A crazy person, that is. And is it decided that he’s a crazy person if he were to reject Taeyong’s request? Maybe yes, maybe a big no. Sicheng is unsure about his feelings. Sure, he loves how Taeyong would always tend to his needs and would always help him during times he feels like a pile of puddle desperate for evaporation to do its work. But Sicheng is unsure and his unsureness leads them to where they are now.
Taeyong now avoids Sicheng. It may not be evident, it may not be apparent like how the Sun is bigger than the Moon. But Sicheng can tell it. Maybe somewhere in his heart (who mind you is filled with the last week’s events where Taeyong confessed to him in their dorm’s bathroom), he might have feelings for Taeyong. Maybe a teensy weensy bit but who is Sicheng to rely on that 0.1% of liking Taeyong that way?
Scratch that, make it a 20%.
Sicheng notices the seating during their rides to any events has changed. The seats next to him are now deprived of Taeyong’s warmth and Sicheng’s nose is missing the familiar scent that Taeyong has; Sicheng thinks the scent would only appear when you sit at least few centimetres apart from him. The fact that they have been few centimetres apart has never been a question Sicheng thinks he needs to ask himself because it was natural. The flow of the relationship was (is) natural. There have never been forced conversations or any delay in replying slow, boring topics.
They are comfortable with each other, at least in Sicheng’s opinion.
When Sicheng has said that ‘he would consider’, it might have meant a ‘no’ for Taeyong. Truth to be told, Sicheng couldn’t or wouldn’t convince him otherwise because what did he feel for Taeyong has never been a concept that he needs to research on. He loves Taeyong, just that he wasn’t sure it’s the ‘let’s kiss while watching the sunset’ love or the ‘let’s treat each other like super best friends’ love.
(At the back of Sicheng’s mind, he can’t ignore the fact that the two kinds of love do not differ with each other.)
;
On the third week of Sicheng’s consideration of Taeyong’s request, Johnny forces Taeyong to confront Sicheng again. Their hushed conversation which Sicheng supposed, should have been a discreet discussion between the two, unintentionally Sicheng walks into. He’s about to return Johnny’s old stash of classic family games when he hears Taeyong’s groan. Almost like a response Sicheng has been used to all his life, he stops right before he was about to turn the doorknob of Johnny’s and Taeyong’s shared room.
‘You guys should have a talk about it, again.’ Johnny’s muffled voice sounds almost like a warning, a red alert to Sicheng’s ears. Is he ready for another awkward conversation where Sicheng would be lost in the thoughts whether he loved Taeyong? Chances are a big fat no.
‘I don’t want him to be bothered about it. Let time does its work.’ Taeyong says, almost so calm that Sicheng doubts whether his answer is even important in the first place.
Sicheng walks away after, not wanting to probe more into Taeyong’s state of mind. He’s partially sad that Taeyong won’t pester him for answers and for the more weeks of Taeyong avoiding him
He’s partially happy that Taeyong won’t pester him for answers and for the more weeks of Taeyong avoiding him.
Sicheng is a mess.
;
‘’So have you talked it out with Taeyong?’’
Taeil asks as he lounges around the sofa in Sicheng’s room, a normalcy for him to hang out there as he stated that the sofa has given him a peace of mind like nobody else. Sicheng doesn’t question because it’s almost unspoken that his opinion of the older is that Taeil is wise and he’s obviously wise with his actions as well.
Apparently, not this time. Asking the question that Sicheng has been dreading the whole day might have been the most unwise Sicheng has ever seen of Taeil. He supposes hearing the question again after the nth time has its impacts; one is that this whole stupid dilemma of him plucking out the petals of a flower, wondering whether he loves Taeyong or not, is stupid.
It’s stupid and tiring.
‘’Is it that obvious that we are not in good terms?’’ Sicheng sighs as he tries to flex his legs’ muscles. Stretching has always been his daily routine and it might have been due to the stress piling on him that it feels as if he has ditched a whole year regime of stretching when he feels his muscles tensing up at the slightest stretch.
‘’I don’t get why you’re not smashing your face to Taeyong’s right at this moment. It’s a sad world here where you could have make babies with Taeyong and yet here you are, stuck with a Taeil.’’
Sicheng huffs as he finally gives up on trying this new stretching method he found on the internet.
‘’Getting stuck with a Taeil is not all that bad.’’
;
Before sleeping, Sicheng has always acquired this habit of his to arrange his sleeping necessities in the arrangement he likes best. His favourite plushy, a big yellow chick with an overgrown head named Winlose, is always placed on the left side of his bed. Another plushy that he owned is a Tracer plushy that he would always make sure in his embrace during his sleep.
Today’s arrangement is a little weird.
Sicheng is ready for his rest time, so ready that he could feel his consciousness slipping away just as he imagines the thought of lying on his bed. Today has been tiring, the reason being solely that people keep questioning whether he and Taeyong are about to get right back on track soon. In the less problematic side of his brain, Sicheng thinks they are already on a track. At least to him, they weren’t totally in ‘no talking’ terms. At least, just at least.
Sicheng is ready but a knock on his door blows his whole sleepiness away. A one hell of a wakeup call.
He groans; another conversation on how he should realize that he loves Taeyong is not needed right now. The knocks become louder and almost like a threat from God, the last knock comes with a set with Taeyong’s husky voice.
‘’Sicheng, can I come in?’’
Sicheng panics. He could pretend that he’s asleep already but his frantic steps as if scrambling for safety within the four walls of his room gives him away. He silently yearns for Taeyong’s goodwill to send him back to his room and hopefully not to mope around due to Sicheng’s informal rejection.
As if Taeyong could read his mind (and wishes to prod him further), a ‘let’s watch a movie’ and an ‘I bought ice-creams’ destroys all Sicheng’s effort to expel the older away from his room. Presumably, the ‘ice-cream’ plays a big part here. Sicheng is a weak man and he never says no to ice-creams. Never.
Taeyong knows his weakness and Sicheng drags himself to the door, every step feels so heavy. Sicheng huffs a sigh and opens the door to meet with Taeyong smiling sheepishly with tainted pink cheeks.
;
Ever since the night Sicheng and Taeyong had their ‘movie date’, the two have been talking more frequently and Sicheng is glad because who would have thought that their lack of communication might have been the reason why his muscles had tensed up pretty badly. Taeyong never brings up the topic, the topic Sicheng desperately wishes he could settle with Taeyong someday. The other members are glad that the two are back to how they used to be.
Today is their usual movie night. A custom of some sort that they do every Wednesday, a proposal from Johnny where its main objective is to have some quality time with each other. Usually, Sicheng is a sucker for these kinds of nights but tonight fails to do so solely for the reason that Donghyuck wanted to watch a horror movie. Call Sicheng a wimp but he hates horror movies so bad that he used to throw all of Donghyuck’s horror movies stash away. It’s inevitable that some nights are horror movie nights but Sicheng has lost track of the movies they’ve been watching especially when he’s too caught up with the ‘do I love Taeyong’ drama.
So, Sicheng blames it all on Taeyong.
‘’You have to sit next to me because I hate horror movies.’’ Sicheng says to Taeyong with pouty lips and his finger pointing to the seat next to him on the couch.
Taeyong stares at him dumbfounded.
In the end, with the work of Sicheng’s pleading eyes and a telekinetic conversation between the two finally drags Taeyong to the seat next to Sicheng.
Almost like an established routine, Sicheng leans his head on Taeyong’s shoulder.
It calms him so much that the horror movie didn’t disturb his sleep at night for days at all.
He knows now.
;
‘’I love Taeyong-hyung.’’ Sicheng mumbles to himself because he needs to tell himself that. A confirmation that sounds so unreal but Sicheng feels it in his heart. He feels like saying it again so he does.
‘’I love Taeyong-hyung.’’ He repeats again and somehow this time, it feels real and everything seems to correlate now. Sicheng feels as if he has connected the dots. A puzzle he’s been having a hard time solving and now it feels so stupid for even thinking it’s a puzzle in the first place.
Sicheng repeats again only to feel him falling deeper for Taeyong.
‘’I know that. I don’t get how you fail to realize that weeks ago.’’ Taeil’s voice whom Sicheng might have mistaken as his voice of reason sounds so mocking that Sicheng feels so stupid.
‘’Why am I so stupid?’’ Sicheng repeatedly slams his head (slowly) to the table.
‘’Might need to slow down on the ice-cream.’’ Taeil barks a laugh and Sicheng feels as if he should restrict the other from ever entering his room again hence losing his ‘peace of mind’ but Sicheng decides against it because he has a new routine now.
Slamming his head on the table. Repeatedly.
;
Sicheng contemplates his choices. If any decision were ever to make, Sicheng usually chooses the worst one yet. That part of him is one of the thousands of parts of him that Sicheng wonders why Taeyong could ever love him. Sicheng feels blessed.
To say it to the other is a problem. This drama that probably could have taken only a few days to solve but it has taken Sicheng weeks to solve it; he feels stupid and embarrassed. How does he even convey these words of love to Taeyong?
Should he stick to his usual plan? Where he would grab Taeyong and corners him to the wall and repeats the exact words Taeyong said to him?
Imagining it in his head seems so different than saying it out loud to Taeil.
‘’Why don’t you just grab him to your room instead? I really don’t need you guys making out in the bathroom because someone might need to use the bathroom. Plus, you guys would get uninterrupted making out time if you were to do it here.’’ Taeil says from his usual lounging spot.
‘’Should I say the exact same words as he did?’’
Sicheng feels like a child, asking for advice from Taeil.
A look from Taeil says it all.
Sicheng shouldn’t because it’s stupid and he should instead convey the true words of his heart. Sicheng doesn’t know whether his heart is poetic enough to make the long-awaited reply a dramatic one so he decides to ask Google.
;
‘’Sicheng, can I come in?’’
It’s Taeyong and Sicheng almost wanted to shout an ‘I’m sleeping’ except that it would look very ridiculous. Sicheng wants some more time to deal with his newfound (newly realized) feelings. He’s scared he would blurt his feelings. Is it too late?
Sicheng slowly trudges to his door from his bed. This time, Taeyong doesn’t need to shout an ‘I have ice-creams’ for Sicheng to turn the doorknob of the door to his room and Sicheng pretty much thinks it’s a revealing message of its own. ‘Taeyong-hyung, I love you.’
Sicheng is desperate.
‘’Hey, want to hang out in my room? I just bought this new game.’’
‘’Hey, I think I like you.’’ Sicheng says, almost inaudible but the second after he realized he just blurted that out, his hands reach out to his mouth all the while mouthing a ‘fuck’.
Sicheng would have thought he could brush off his unplanned confession when Taeyong stays silent. He would have thought he could go on and reply with a ‘sure’ or even with a nod of the head but when Taeyong slowly inches himself closer to Sicheng, he doubts that he could walk away now.
So much for making it dramatic.
‘’Did you…really mean that?’’ Taeyong’s hand slowly makes his way to Sicheng’s waist and it’s so ticklish that Sicheng wants to wiggle his body around but the look on Taeyong shuts his nerve system down.
That look of happiness on Taeyong's face is the happiest one Sicheng has seen in a while. Taeyong is unreal and Sicheng feels like crying. He feels like crying because to think that he holds such a power on Taeyong that he could make him sad for weeks and have him to flash the happiest smile when Sicheng says he likes him. Sicheng feels like crying so he hides his face on the crook of Taeyong’s neck.
‘’I mean that. Sorry, it took me this long and yet you have been so patient with me. I really like you.’’
Taeyong giggles and Sicheng could at least confirm one thing, happiness is indeed contagious. Taeyong presses light kisses on Sicheng’s head and his hands are rubbing soothing circles on Sicheng’s back.
‘’I don’t mind waiting really. So boyfriends?’’
Sicheng removes his head from the comfy warmth of Taeyong and smiles a toothy smile. A toothy smile with his teary eyes, that is. ‘’Yes!’’
Taeyong leans in and kisses Sicheng’s lips that he has desired to kiss for a while now. Is it dramatic enough if Sicheng thinks time moves way slower than it should have been? Is it dramatic enough that Sicheng feels as if he’s a princess who just got his happy ending?
It’s probably dramatic enough that Taeil shouts an ‘omg go make out IN your room’ which the two lovebirds barely bat their eye to.
Sicheng smiles into their kiss. ‘’We should do this more often.’’
So, they kiss again and again until the two could feel their lips getting sore due to the excessive contact with each other’s lips.
**