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Jinyoung was at the point in his life when he generally felt, well to put it bluntly, like shit. All his days ran together. His life was just a whole mass of schedules and barely any breaks. The other members noticed how he felt and tried to help but this was just something that Jinyoung couldn’t shake off no matter how hard he tried.
“….Hyung!”
Jinyoung’s head snaps up. He had spaced out and didn’t even notice Yugeom trying to get his attention.
“Yeah?”, Jinyoung said with his full attention on Yugeom. “Hyung I have been asking if you want to go get ramen with Mark hyung and I for like 10 minutes now” Yugeom said with worry clear on his face.
“Sorry Yugeom-ah I’m just tired” Jinyoung put on the best smile he could muster up. Evidently it was enough for Yugeom because he just smiled back, “Oh okay that’s fine hyung! So do you want to go with us?”.
Jinyoung thought about it. If he went he would most likely not be able to keep up his normal attitude and would eventually put everyone in a flutter of worry for him. But if he stayed at the dorms then he could just try to fall asleep. He wasn’t lying about being tired. He hasn’t gotten a full nights sleep in almost 6 months. He would go to his room around 10pm and he would sleep for an hour or two but then he would wake up and not be able to go back to sleep. It wasn’t his fault. Occasionally he would have a dreamless few hours of sleep but more often than not his nights were plagued by terrible nightmares. His loved ones saying that all he does isn’t good enough and that he’s just a disappointment. Getting fired because he wasn’t working hard enough and his talent wasn’t up to JYP’s standards. Jaebum yelling and saying how much of a fuck up he is…
In reality none of these things are true and will most likely never happen but Jinyoung can’t help it. These are his worst fears and everyday he tries his best to make sure that they never happen. The thing he is most scared of though is Jaebum yelling at him. Ever since JJ Project, Jinyoung and Jaebum have been inseparable. Jaebum is one of his oldest friends and Jinyoung can’t bear the thought of Jaebum being disappointed in him.
Jinyoung has always thought of Jabeum as a best friend, nothing more. The past few years though, Jinyoung has noticed how Jaebum has grown into his looks nicely since their early JJP days. He has noticed how Jaebum in general is an attractive person, inside and out. You could say that Jinyoung has developed a tiny crush. Well it has turned into a huge crush now but Jinyoung has been doing a great job of hiding it in his own opinion. No one has asked him about how he has became more touchy with their leader or how he stares a little too long after Jaebum gets off stage. Sweat rolling down his neck, face red, and…
“Hyunggg~” Yugeom whined.
“Sorry Yugeom-ah I don’t think I will accompany you guys tonight I’m really tired and I don’t feel too well” Jinyoung says semi apologetically.
“Ah, that’s okay hyung! I hope you feel better soon” Yugeom said as he walked out of the living room to go with Mark.
Jinyoung sighed and got up off the couch when he heard the front door shut behind Yugeom. He might as well attempt to sleep. He looked at the clock on the wall,
9:45pm. I still have time to shower, he thought.
After a quick shower Jinyoung laid in bed and was just about to go to sleep when he heard someone knock at his door.
“Come in” Jinyoung said loudly and Jaebum opened the door.
“Hey how are you?” Jaebum said with a small smile on his face, “Be honest”.
“I’ve been better but I’m okay” Jinyoung said and he was actually being honest. He certainly wasn’t at his best but he wasn’t at his worst either.
Jaebum nodded, “Good. I know this past months haven’t been the best for you. I like to make sure you’re doing okay”. Jaebum sat down on the bed next to Jinyoung, “I know that you’ve been having nightmares”, he says quietly and Jinyoung is flooded with panic. How does he know? Does he know that they’re about him? Oh my god he is going to be mad at me-.
“Jackson could hear you calling out from across the hall. Do you want to talk about it?” Jaebum says patiently, knowing that Jinyoung is upset right now.
No.
“Sure, I guess so..” Jinyoung says and pulls his knees up to his chest. “Um well they started around 6 months ago maybe and my friends and family all tell me how I don’t do enough and how I am such a disappointment to everyone. JYP saying I’m fired because I’m not good enough. You um…yelling at me because I’m such a f-fuck up” Jinyoungs voices catches and he feels tears start to well up in his eyes.
Jaebum looks shocked, “Jinyoung, why would you ever think those things? You are so amazingly talented and you make me so proud of you every day. You have come a long way from our JJP days. I could never be disappointed in you. I love you too much for that to happen”.
Jinyoungs head snaps up to look at Jaebum, “What did you just say?”.
“I love you”.
No hesitation. No regret. Pure honesty.
“You love m-me?” Jinyoung starts crying again. This time it’s for a whole new reason.
Jaebum panics and reaches over to cup Jinyoungs face, “No no please stop crying. Why are you crying, please don’t cry”. He wipes away Jinyoungs tears and turns his head to make Jinyoung look at him.
Jinyoung hiccups. “I-I love you too”, he whispers softly and Jaebums face lights up.
“Can I…can I kiss you, please” Jaebum asks quietly and Jinyoung nods slightly and that’s all is takes before Jaebums lips are pressed against his. The kiss is sweet and makes Jinyoungs heart flutter. The kiss only lasts a few seconds but it feels like an eternity to Jinyoung. When Jaebum pulls away and softly smiles at him.
“I love you so much and don’t you ever think you could disappoint me. Okay? Now I want you to go to sleep and remember that. Goodnight Jinyoung” Jaebum says and gets up off the bed.
Jinyoungs arm shoots out and reaches out to grab Jaebums wrist, “Could you um..could you stay with me?”. Jinyoungs face flushes and he looks away embarrassed.
Jaebum grins at him, “Of course darling”.
Jinyoungs face gets even more red at the casual use of the pet name. Jinyoung scoots over to make room for Jaebum and he crawls into bed next to him and pulls Jinyoung to his chest. Jinyoung doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around him and tucks his head into Jabeums neck.
Jaebum kisses his head and starts to gently play with his hair. Jinyoung can feel himself start to get sleepy and he hears Jaebum say one last thing before he falls asleep,
“Sweet dreams Angel, I love you”.