Chapter Text
EPISODE 1: CAKE
Light string music tinkles in. A pan zoom from a red-brick Georgian pile across green lawn shows the iconic white tent in the distance. In the foreground, two hikers dressed in khaki shorts, pristine floral button-up shirts and cloth hats, are holding compasses and a map.
"Chris! I told you, the tent is that way!" The exuberant man on the right called, pointing off to the his left, and throwing his wildly spinning compass into a conveniently placed rose bush hedge.
"No, Phichit, No! Did I not tell you? Google Maps is telling me that it is past the house, this way." The bespectacled blond to his left called, tilting his phone and his head at alarming and contradictory angles to one another in an attempt to understand the high pitched beeping the thing is emitting.
"Every year this happens, Christophe. We always follow your half-baked plans and look what has become of us? Lost after a night on the town."
An arm appears around each of the exasperated pair and spins them around. The camera zooms out to show the the silver haired man they are attached to, as well as a frowning older man a few steps behind, a full view of the white tent and the row of nervous looking bakers by the entrance.
"Ah well." Chris sighed.
"No roast for the wicked-" Phichit began, as they chorused together the famous words -
"-Welcome to the Great British Bake Off!"
The title series plays and as shots of the tent and its interiors play, short one liner's play to introduce the bakers, their names showing on screen as they speak. Dramatic orchestral music plays in the background.
"It took three years of applications, but I finally made it to the tent!" Leo exclaimed. "My mama says I am already a winner though." He laughed.
Georgi stared intensely at the camera. "My love, Anya signed me up for this - I am so proud to make her happy by competing here."
"My family said I should take this opportunity to become a more rounded baker! I can't wait to get in there and show the judges that young isn't foolish." Guanghong proudly called, a big smile on his lips.
"My brother said I should win at least once or he would call a nation-wide boycott. I'm…pretty sure he was joking but I definitely want to be Star Baker." Sara, the first girl so far, laughed loudly, throwing her head back.
"Am I dreaming? Am I really here? Am I really gonna see Katsuki Yuuri in the flesh?" Minami cried out. "I cant believe it you know - now I gotta do my best."
"Dedushka believes I can win this, so the others better watch out." Little Yuri, the youngest baker said, looking serious.
"I am pretty nervous, but I hope I can do well." Elodie said, the young woman's voice quiet.
"I'm doing this for my kids, they said that I had to!" Tran, a middle aged lady with a Vietnamese accent smiled. "I only hope I can compete well for them."
Emil said "I thought it was a joke at first but now - I'm ready."
"I'm not gonna believe it until I see it on TV probably! But I have been practising really hard. Fingers crossed!" Mila said, smiling a shark-like smile.
"I don't know. My heart is beating so fast right now! I can't believe I'm baking for Victor." Yuuri stopped for a second before paling several shades. "And Yakov."
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ricebuns @alex142
shit im in love w/Mila and were not even a minute in #gbbolb
32 likes 16 retweets
Orange Ramen <3 @narutooo9
who is He….where did he come from…yuuri if you're out there let us know
473 likes 361 retweets
Emily James @icecrazy3
the young blonde kid tho, so cute! maybe he'll do an upset and win this season?
106 likes 59 retweets
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Yuri's Angels @YuriPlisetskyFC
OMG he hates being called a kid? Our Yuratchka is definitely going to win dont bother joining if youre a fake fan
32 likes 4 retweets
(52 replies)
Janna The Third @lapochkanna
Uhh i think the whole world just saw me go gay for sara #gbbo
263 likes 91 retweets
Peter Baker @bakerlite_7
do the numbers seem off to anyone else? shouldn't there be one more? #gbbo #thetruthisoutthere
4 likes
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As the bakers file into the tent and acquaint themselves with their benches, Chris begins a voiceover. "Eleven new bakers, facing twenty four new challenges from our Master Judges all in a bid to earn the coveted internship at VARIETY."
At that point Phichit cut in. "Owned by the Living Legend of Bakery, our judge Victor Nikiforov. founded VARIETY at just age fifteen as a street stall selling his mother's challah on the street. The Golden Boy of Bakery grew it into an empire of stores across the UK selling different breads and pastries each week, all run from his Marylebone flagship store that he still heads - when he can escape the clutches of the great white tent!"
Cut to Victor, in an Armani suit. "Every year someone thinks that they can surprise me - and no wonder! It inspires me. But I have baked bread or pastry from almost every country in the world - very little can surprise me anymore. Now it excites me to see bakers improve and learn."
Chris took back over as the camera panned from the bakers to the judges and presenters. "And of course, everyones favourite grumpy grandfather Yakov Feltsman! A premier baker, he has taught at culinary schools worldwide and even managed possibly his greatest achievement to date - marrying the CEO of Lindt Chocolatier, Madame Lilia."
It cuts to Yakov, outside. "I am firm but I am also fair. If the food is bad, it is bad. I do not lie. But if it is good then I am, of course, happy. I say this every time you interview me but I very much hope that there will not be crying this year. Tears will not save their bakes - too much saline is bad for pastry."
As the music fades out with a ding, the camera focusses on Phichit and Chris at the head of the tent.
"First, we have a solemn announcement to make. Unfortuately, our lovely oldest contestant of the show was unable to make it past last week's midnight rave and, having thrown down too hard on the dancefloor with lovely Yuuri, sadly hurt her hip. A moment for Ingrid please." After a second of silence, Chris lifted his head. "But the show must go on, the bakes must be proved - as must our remaining bakers."
"So - as you may be able to guess, this week is Cake Week!" Phichit cheered, his vanilla sponge slice shaped hat tilting at an alarming angle.
"And this first, signature challenge, dear bakers, is a drizzle cake." Chris called out, at ease with his jaunty chocolate mud pie shaped fascinator.
"You have two hours to make it - but remember, the cakes must be lovely and moist;" Chris took the opportunity to leer, "And well-permeated by your drizzle." Phichit smirked.
"On Your Marks!"
"Get Set!"
"BAAAAAAAKE!"
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NO1 NIKIGIRL @victorsfuturewife555
god its always funny to see them pimp victors shop like it needs it
173 likes 94 retweets
Clarence Wells @clarity_in_life
waiting for the mention that viknik did the bread for the royal wedding
462 likes 391 retweets
BAAAAKE @gbboblogger_4life
omg yakov what the fuck theyre just nervous #gbbo #someonegethimthebooze
64 likes 14 retweets
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Nolan Medows @nolan1984
hes right tho, they need to get over themselves. in rl u cant cry all the time
14 likes 2 retweets
Alice Gonzalez @allykittykat47
did vic seem a lil sad to anyone? hard to tell behind the sunnys but…
93 likes 4 retweets
John Johnson @ johnson_writer1004
drizzle cakes seems a little tame tbh #stepitup #gbbo
229 likes 153 retweets
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The bakers made a break for the ingredients, and get out their tins. Yakov, standing outside the tent, explains why he chose a drizzle cake. "It seems very easy on the surface yes? A cake, drizzle a sauce on top, make sure it actually gets through and that is it. But this is wrong. This is baking in it's most basic form so everything must be good. The flavours. The colour. And as always, Victor looks for presentation. He likes flowers. I do not like flowers but that is the way of the world. Bozhe moi, edible flowers…" He trails off muttering.
The judges and Phichit hurry over the to first bench, with the little blonde french girl mixing an orange and lemon citrus cake. Phichit and the girl both wince as Victor face goes strangely still when she describes how she makes it. The judges move on quickly, cycling through the benches, dispensing advice and/or winces, seeing the (mostly citrus) cakes in various stages of baking but it's clear Victor at least has a destination in mind.
The silver haired man, to a telling lack of surprise from literally everyone else, deposits himself hunched over in front of Yuuri's bench, landing the elbow of his black suit in flour and smiling up at him as attractively as the environs of a sweltering tent could allow. Yuuri goes bright red and his hands begin to shake where he is putting his cake mix in the oven.
"And what kind of cake is this hmm Yuu~ri?" The judge purrs at him. "It looks just delicious."
"It's a ginger spice yuzu drizzle cake. I wanted to do something that is typically British but instill elements from my Japanese heritage and childhood." He was very still for a moment. "I really hope you will like it." Huge chocolate eyes met the camera as his gaze flickered back to his messy workstation, a silent recrimination in his expression.
"I am certain we will." Victor smiled as he rose up, and casually brushed his elbow off.
The rest of the challenge is punctuated by Chris's timely reminders, Georgi forgetting the almonds in his flour mix and Elodie forgetting to add her orange zest to her syrup. In the judging it became apparent who sat where in the scoreboard; Mila, Leo and Yuuri sitting up near the top, and Elodie and Georgi near the bottom.
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Janet Marks @janet_61
omg did u see vic's face when precious yuuri presented his cake i thought he was gonna die
736 likes 428 retweets
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Flower Power @naturesbest_things
edible flowers are the way to any gay's - sorry guys, heart
62 likes 28 retweets
Vera @sapphicgoddess
MIIILA her cake looked so gooooooood
288likes 172 retweets
Naomi @naonao_88
r u all jokin rn ma boi minami was so good and they did him dirty like that smh
22 likes 8 retweets
Tita Jameson @TTJ_bakes
can we hear it for Leo tho for doing smth outside the box
102 likes 87 retweets
Victorholic @vicvicforever_ever
but uh….victors thirst is reeeeal bets on them banging at least once before the end plz
715 likes 501 retweets