Work Text:
Rohan was often the guy you'd look over. Yeah, he was popular and famous for his manga, Pink Dark Boy, however, if you were one to try and strike up a conversation with the man, you would often find yourself trying for nothing. The guy was simply not a talker. A simple yes, no or go away answer and then he'd be gone. Probably taking pictures or back to sketching in his notepad. Rohan was the sort of jerk who would rather jack off to a manga panel than a woman in a porn magazine. That sounds weird but he doesn't like social interaction. People annoy him. He spends half his time doing stuff for his manga and cooped up in his house in Morioh. He simply despised most people, especially that fucker Josuke who set his place on fire not that he cared or anything. So even though everyone liked him because of his talent in art, Rohan surprisingly had next to no proper friends and no love life. He was a virgin. His only proper friend was Koichi and that was about it. And even still, he wasn't exactly a close friend. The other guy who tagged along with the smol koichi guy sometimes wasn't exactly a friend either. More of an annoying fan who wanted to look at sneak peaks of new manga panels. Something Rohan was quick to clear up with him with a threat using heavens door. Rohan was a guy who could live without other humans partly because he doesn't care about people. He is basically a selfish bastard...
This story doesn't focus too much on Rohan's soppy emotions because that shit is boring so idk lets do other stuff. Let's fuck this shit up
yeaaaaa boiiiiIiiiiiiiii1 shouts Rohan
~time skip~
It was a sunny day in downtown Morioh. Rohan completed most of his tasks for the day. He had got his groceries from that kame turtle mart down the road and bought some new interesting reference books from the bookshop too. He snapped a few photos there and then which could be useful for drawing form and other things. He even got to pass nearby where that girl called Remi stayed, the passageway between life and death basically. He was sad he couldn't say hi because her and that mutt of hers were off to dreamland but nevertheless he sacrificed his reputation by looking like an idiot by talking to thin air. He made sure to leave some flowers too. She deserved them. Even though it was years ago, Rohan will always be in debt to her for saving his life that night. Remi was a true hero. She saved him and Rohan got revenge for her, helping kill that slutty kink shamed cunt kira yoshikage who now lives in hell because he deserves to be there after killing so many innocent people, mostly women. As he was walking back to his fancy house after a fun filled day of excitement in Japan's number one bizarre town, he heard a grumble in the jungle.
'roaaarrrrrrrr'
went Rohan's hungry gut
"uh oh spaghetti ohs shit I need to eat or I'll look like someone who got hit by an ambulance" cried Rohan
so after seeing he needed to consume something he headed off in search of a place who will give him garlic bread and lamb sauce.
Rohan ran up the street, desperate to calm his eating urges when he spotted a rather Italian looking building
"owo what's this?" Rohan questioned
he stopped outside it and examined it. It looked like the place you would deal cocaine or weed outside of and inside there were barely any tables but Rohan wanted to risk it because he was starving
'eeeeeEEEEEEEERRRRRRR'
went Rohan's gut
"fucking hell calm the fuck down before I heavens door ur ass" Rohan complained
seeing he couldn't turn around now because of his abnormal stomach he ventured inside. Hoping to find the foodstuff of dreams to shut his insides up.
Tonio was busy preparing ingredients for his massive reservation at 4:20. His stand was busy doing shit like entertaining the dog at the back and cleaning parts of the kitchen which josuke the germ King had forgotten to clean all those weeks ago when he came here with okuayasu for their gay dinner date which was apparently a not so gay bro time lunch. He didn't exactly notice a quite tall male with what looked to be a groomed green birds nest on his head walk into his cardboard box he called a restaurant. This so called visitor got confused and impatient to why he wasn't being served so walked into tonios super mean clean kitchen just as he was beating his meat.
"What the fuckitty fook ar u doin?" Rohan questioned as he witnessed Tonio chopping up some juicy beef for his starter.
"What the hell are you doing walking into my palace without washing your damn hands?" Tonio replied.
"oh shit sorry mate i didn't mean it I just want some food"
"Sigh, it's fine go sit down and I'll serve u in 1 minute while I finish off what I started" Tonio said
Rohan did as he was told like a little toddler and waddled off to a lonely table for 1 because he's a single pringle who's ready to mingle. Rohan sat on his ass eagerly waiting for (his saviour to sweep him off his feet and feed him lasagne till he pukes) Tonio to take his order and cook him up something fantastic.
"hello my name is tonio what can I get for u to-" tonio stuttered. It turns out this man was really handsome and beautiful and it made tonio choke on his words like when he choked on dick
"are you okay there m8" Rohan said.
"um yeah I'm fine what can I get u" tonio said this time not looking at the sexy man that may just turn his life upside down and gay.
"I want anything I like so spiders, ramen, snails, and anything green but cut back on the dairy bc I think I might have just turned lactose intolerant and I don't want to shit myself. Just make sure it's really realistic"
"K" said tonio his face looking bizarre at his clients order. "I'll see what I can do."
Tonio raced to his kitchen and started to prepare a starter while Rohan gulped down fancy ass Italian water that tasted beautiful like the sweat of an Italian chef who made pizza for a living
"fucking hell this is good I should stock up on this" Rohan said as his eyes watered and white stuff came out of his eyes
Tonio then came through with the starter.
"et 1 Caesar salad freshly cooked"
"what the fuck 1 u don't cook salad plus this reminds me of josukes gramps gay best fren who is also the bubble boy I don't want to eat it"
"eat it u skrub before I make u and 1v1 u on call of duty on ps4 even though it doesn't exist yeeet."
"fine fine shut up u slut." said Rohan as he tucked into the salad which grimly reminded him of annoying josuke and his problematic family.
"omg this tastes amazing what did u put in it"
"I can't tell u Rohan that's a secret" and tonio walked off again to his kitchen
"how did u know my name tonio oh wait how do I know urs actually I heavens doored u"
Rohan crunched on his salad like a cow with grass and sat there. He felt healthier but maybe it was the salad because normally he lived off dank memes and manga porn but his internet was broken so he needed some real food.
"hi I'm back daddy" tonio said instantly regretting what he said
"oh mama Mia I'm so sorry i didn't mean that" tonio said
"it's okay I'm gay tonio u probs turned me on like a light switch but give me my next meal"
Tonio took the old plate away and gave the next one. It was a delicious looking pizza with no cheese but instead goats cheese so Rohan wouldn't die
"Thank u senpai for the meal"
"no problem"
Rohan cut himself a slice and rolled it up like a joint and started smoking it like it was weed
"mamma Mia that isn't how you eat my pizza eat it properly Rohan, don't smoke it I don't want to be arrested for owning a weed plantation in my warehouse even though I don't plus it isn't hitlers birthday yeeet get it right"
"Wow sorry calm ur tits" Rohan said as he unrolled his makeshift joint and ate it like a normal person.
Tonio then watched with lust as Rohan ate the pizza. As he was eating the last slice, tonio moaned with lust in his voice.
"dude what the fuck" Rohan said
"Sorry sorry sorry I didn't mean to" Tonio said
"ugh it's fine"
The room fell silent again and Rohan ate the last slice.
"Thank u for ur plate sir" tonio said as he then ate it and crunched on the cheap 1$ porcelain
"eww that's weird where's my dessert sir" asked Rohan
"oh I was thinking maybe we could do something different for dessert Rohan ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" wink wonked tonio
" what were u thinking?"
"I was thinking something a little more sexy considering u look v/ gay ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" said tonio
"ooh well I don't think I have enough cash to pay u so I might skip dessert" Rohan said
"No dessert is free u don't need to pay for the meal if u do this Rohan"
"umm okay"
"do u love me Rohan?" Asked tonio
"uhm" Rohan said, blushing and looking down at his 30 inch dick which had a boner and hiding it"
"I'll take that as a yes." Tonio said
Tonio locked the door to his cardboard box and flipped the open sign to closed
"now what?" Rohan angrily questioned
"shut up u cum slut" tonio said as he mashed his lips on Rohan's and they passionately kissed
"I feel so gay right now thanks tonio" Rohan said
things then got really intimate with tonio grinding his meat on Rohan's giant hard-on and Rohan had bruises all over him
"let's do the bum secks Rohan"
"okay daddy"
they then proceeded to do the thing with the parts
"Wow I loved that I want to be ur boyfriend tonio" Rohan said after the really hot secks
"me too I bet ur not hungry anymore dessert is usually the most filling because of the d"
"ikr tonio are u gay for me" asked Rohan
"yes I am Rohan can I be ur boyfriend and be married to u. You are so sexy and I want to eat u out like a giant Ice cream gelato"
"okay tonio cum daddy I love you" said Rohan
"I love u too that will be 3000 yen for your meal thank u" said tonio.
Tonio and Rohan then got married happily ever after in front of Rohan's mountains he bought and they invited all their Morioh buddies including grumpy jotaro with a picture of kakyoin because he wasn't allowed to dig up kakyoins grave and bring his dead body with him to the gay marriage ceremony they also thought it was weird in case jotaro was going to fuck dead kakyoin or shove a vibrator up his ass because well necrophilia etc. Josuke almost got in a fight with Rohan but Rohan evened it out by writing on josuke with heavens door that josuke the gay one couldn't fight Rohan the gay lord. They also invited kira yoshikage but they didn't hear back from him so they didn't bother letting him come. The married grooms then went back to their 6666666666$ Gucci hotel suite and made out till there was no tomorrow and tonio saw stars and Rohan couldn't feel his ass for the next week.
They then figured out Rohan was preggers and he gave birth to a beautiful boy who they named Gordon Ramsay.
-the end-