Archive of Our Own

A gust of wind announces the train’s arrival. I tuck my book, a battered copy of Pride and Prejudice, under my arm and stand up ready to board the train with my small suitcase (also battered, but with fewer tear marks).

My body aches from the night before. It had been my first transformation on Wolfsbane, and although I am exhausted and sore, the experiment had been a success. The wolf had not taken over. My mind had remained, and from now on I would undertake my monthly transformations in my office.

Of course, as my luck would have it, the full moon had fallen the night before my first day as Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts. Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts, I repeat in my head. I can hardly believe it! But I digress, I am at King’s Cross today rather than at Hogwarts with the other teachers who are preparing for the students to arrive because of the cursed full moon. It was decided, and I agreed, that it would be prudent for my first transformation under Wolfsbane not to take place on school grounds. Nevertheless, too weak to Apparate safely, and with no home to floo from, my options for reaching Hogwarts are slim. I will take a train full of noisy over-excited children over Ernie’s driving any day, so the Hogwarts Express it is.

There is of course a second reason for my choice, although I hardly admit it to myself. Nostalgia. It has been 15 years since I was last on this train and it is of course nostalgia which drives me to the back of the train and to the carriage my friends and I had claimed for our own. We had thought ourselves the cool kids at the back. Looking back now, I see that we were anything but cool.

I slide the door open and it jams a bit. My book tumbles from under my arm and falls, spilling some of its loose pages to the floor. Scrabbling to pick them up I notice that on one of these pages, underlined in pencil, it reads:

"I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun."

It was the same passage that James had dramatically read out to his beloved Lily Evans, right outside this very compartment on the way back to King’s Cross after our fifth year. Incidentally, James ripping the book out of my hands that afternoon in order to do his dramatic rendition was the reason that this page, and a good number of others, are now loose. Lily, bolder off school grounds, had given James a bloody nose.

On the platform at King’s Cross station his mother fretted, “Oh James, why do you always go looking for trouble?”

“I don’t go looking for trouble,” James had told her with a grin. “Trouble usually finds me.”

I distinctly remember scoffing at such a plain and blatant lie. James always went looking for trouble, however it was usually me who ended up in the middle of it. In fact, had not the aforementioned quote been about love and all things romantic, it was quite an apt description of Remus Lupin, the Marauder.

i. Friendship
It was not fair, Sirius seethed. He was the son and heir of Orion and Walburga Black. He was to be a proud Slytherin prince, cunning and ambition personified. He couldn’t have been sorted into Gryffindor. He just couldn’t have been! What did that stupid old hat know anyway? Well, nothing apparently. That’s what the hat knew. Nothing!

“Isn’t it beautiful?” sighed the girl next to Sirius, cutting through his miserable thoughts like a knife. She was looking up at the ceiling in awe. “Do you think it is real?” she asked.

“Of course not,” Sirius told her grumpily. “It’s just an enchantment to look like the sky. Didn’t your parents tell you anything before you came here?”

“My parents have never been to Hogwarts,” she told him. “They can’t do magic, you see.”
Sirius stared at her, mouth agape. A Mudblood!

At that moment, the Gryffindor table erupted in a loud cheer when another student was sorted into Gryffindor. To his surprise, Sirius saw someone he actually recognised make his way from the front to the Gryffindor table: James Potter. The Potters had attended a few of his parents’ soirées. Sirius’s mother had warned him that they were not the most respectable of company, but that in this day and age it was important to keep families of pure blood, and good fortune, close.

“Hey, Potter,” Sirius called getting up from his seat without making his excuses to those sat near him. He made his way towards James who was approaching the front of the Gryffindor table, extending his hand to meet him. “Do you mind if I sit next to you? It looks like I’ve been put next to a mudblood.”

Rather than shaking his hand, as would have been polite, the other boy paused for a moment, looking quite taken aback and then slammed his fist into Sirius’s jaw. “You wanna say that again?” Potter shouted angrily.

Sirius stumbled back hand on his jaw. “Are you insane?” he asked incredulously, heat rising to his face at the humiliation. He reached for his wand and pointed it at James. “How dare you?!”

“Boys!” Professor McGonagall briskly made her way towards the two boys, sorting scroll still in one hand, her wand in the other. Sirius felt his own wand fly out of his hands. “Ten points from Gryffindor each,” she told them as she approached the table. “Losing points before the sorting ceremony is even finished, well, it is unheard of,” she told them sternly. “I am most disappointed that such behaviour should be displayed by members of my own house.” She turned towards a small boy sitting at the end of the Gryffindor table, quite apart from the rest of the house. “Mr Lupin, please accompany Mr Black to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey will show you the way.”

In the hospital wing Sirius sat glumly on the side of the bed as Madam Pomfrey rubbed an ointment on the side of his jaw. “Right, you sit still while that ointment gets to work. I’ll be back in ten minutes,” she said busily before disappearing into her office.

Sirius glanced over at the boy who had brought him to the hospital wing and so far hadn’t uttered a single word. The boy caught his look and piped up bravely, “It wasn’t very nice what you said.”

“Well, it was true,” Sirius sniffled, not used to being ganged up on. First Potter, then Professor McGonagall, and now this boy! “It’s just a word anyway,” he sulked.

“Not a very nice one,” insisted the other boy. Changing the subject he asked, “Do you want some chocolate?” He took a slightly misshapen chocolate bar wrapped in purple foil out of his pocket and offered it to Sirius. “I’m Remus Lupin, by the way.”

Sirius took the bar of chocolate, hungry and annoyed at the reminder that they were missing the feast. “It’s just not right,” Sirius lamented. “Everybody knows the purer the blood the better the magic. Mudbloods and Muggles are going to hold me back! My education wouldn’t suffer that in Slytherin.”

“There are more important things that - friendship and bravery and, well, everything Gryffindor stands for,” said Remus proudly beaming. “My mum is a Muggle and she’s the best. She can do everything better than my dad even though she can’t do magic!”

“My mother is horrible,” admitted Sirius glumly, breaking off a chunk of the sticky chocolate bar and handing it back.

“Do you like it?” asked Remus. Sirius nodded as he bit off a large mouthful, already looking happier. “My mum gave it to me. It’s made by Muggles too, but I think it’s as good as magic.”

It certainly tastes like magic, thought Sirius, but didn’t dare admit it out loud.

~*~

Dinner was due to start in five minutes time but Remus only had three pages left until the end of the chapter and he was determined to finish even if it made him late. At that moment, the dormitory door burst open and James Potter sprinted into the room. He frantically began to search through his trunk, its contents spilling over the side and onto the floor. He was a ball of nervous energy, and never did anything calmly. The search came to a sudden stop. “I know that book,” said James in an accusatory tone, eyeing Remus’s copy of the Fellowship of the Ring with suspicion. “It’s a Muggle one. If you read Muggle books, why are you friends with Black, then?” he asked.

Remus cocked an eyebrow and grinned sheepishly, “Well you know what they say: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” he said. “I’m hoping that there’s enough magic in this one that he won’t realise it’s Muggle until he’s finished and I tell him. He’s already asked to borrow it.”

James let out a roar of laughter. That boy never did do anything quietly either. “I like you, Remus,” he told him, leaping across his own bed to land on Remus’s. “Hey, do you fancy meeting a half-giant?”

“Where?” asked Remus, his eyes wide.

“Down in the hut by the forest,” James told him. “Don’t worry, he’s friends with my dad and he says that Hagrid is friendly and not scary at all! We could go tonight it you want. I have an invisibility cloak, but I didn’t really want to go in the dark on my own,” he admitted quietly.

“An invisibility cloak? Wicked!” said Remus, abandoning his book, chapter unfinished. “My dad taught me a spell for the dark. I don’t really like it either.” He reached for his wand and pointing it up he enunciated clearly just like his dad had taught him: “Lumos.” The tip of the wand lit up.

“Wicked,” said James, eyes as bright as Remus’s wand.

~*~

Sirius twirled his wand around his fingers again, pointedly ignoring his roommates, James Potter and the other one, Peter Pettigrew. They were on the other side of the dormitory loudly discussing gobstone tactics. It was past curfew and Remus, the only person at school who even spoke to Sirius, had still not made an appearance. Bored and feeling rather lonely, Sirius finally relented. “Do you know where Remus is?” he called across the room.

James ignored Sirius and didn’t even turn to look at him, but Sirius wasn’t particularly surprised, the two of them usually preferred to pretend that the other did not exist.

“Hospital wing, I imagine,” Peter shrugged. “He’s always sick on the full moon. Funny, isn’t it?”

“Funny in what way?” Sirius’s eyes narrowed.

“You don’t think he is, do you?” asked James at the exact same time.

They both understood Peter’s implication immediately, although neither had noticed the pattern themselves.

“All I’m saying is he always disappears around this time saying he’s sick or his mum is sick or his grandma. Then he comes back looking like he’s had a proper walloping,” stated Peter in a very matter-of-fact tone.

“We should go,” said James suddenly.

“Go where?” asked Peter, looking startled.

“To the hospital wing,” said Sirius, already standing up. “But what about Filch?” he asked uncertainly. He’d already had one too many plans ruined by the caretaker and his cat.

“I’ve got an invisibility cloak,” said James, triumphantly pulling it out from under his mattress. “And it’s not even dark yet. He can’t stop us having a little wander on this lovely spring evening, can he? Even if it is past curfew.”

He could, and he would, thought Sirius, but he didn’t dare voice his concerns.

“Still we’d better take the cloak,” said Peter. “Will it really make us invisible?”

“Yeah, look,” said James who swung it around his shoulders making his body disappear and leaving his head looking like it was floating in midair.

“Cool,” said Peter eyes wide.

“Come on then!” said James's floating head, as he opened up the cloak to let Peter under it too. He paused for a moment to think and sighed, “You too, then, Black.”

Sirius followed Peter under the cloak, and after a bit of adjustment including lots of poking with elbows they were ready and started to make their way slowly and awkwardly out of the dormitory and down towards the common room. The stairs were particularly tricky, causing the boys’ feet, and after one big slip Peter’s head, to become visible. Thankfully the stairwell was empty and they evaded detection. The common room was quiet, deserted apart from a few of the older students who had important exams soon who sat oblivious, scribbling away at various tables around the room with piles of books at their side. One of them looked up to see the portrait swing open and shut, seemingly without letting anyone in. She shook her head with a sigh and turned back to her N.E.W.T level Transfiguration notes, thinking that exam stress must be getting to her after all.

Once outside the common room the boys shuffled along the unfortunately familiar route to the hospital wing. Despite only having been in school for eight and a half months, the three boys had already been under Madam Pomfrey’s care several times each. James had ended up with a broken arm during their first quidditch lesson, Peter had been hit by a rogue bludger during the Gryffindor game against Slytherin, and Sirius had eaten so many sweets he’d made himself sick at Halloween! And that had been their first term only- since Christmas there had be a number of misguided spells, exploding cauldrons and one or two fist fights which had resulted in a stay at the hospital wing.

“What are we going to do when we get there?” whispered Peter as they finally reached the bottom of the third flight of steps they had taken.

“We’ll just ask him,” said James.

“You can’t just ask someone if they’re a werewolf!” said Sirius.

“Well, can you think of anything better?” huffed James.

“Shh,” whispered Peter. “Do you think he’ll tell us the truth?”

“I’m his friend,” said James indignantly, and far too loudly.

“He’ll tell me,” said Sirius at the same time, in exactly the same tone as James. Sirius felt a sharp elbow dig into his side. He was pretty certain it belonged to James, and that it hadn’t been an accident.

As they reached the final corner, Remus appeared accompanied by Madam Pomfrey. The three boys under the invisibility cloak flattened themselves against the wall. Once Madam Pomfrey and Remus had passed, they followed them through the castle and out onto the grounds. Remus walked a pace or two behind Madam Pomphrey, feet dragging and looking glum. She led him towards the Whomping Willow where she levitated a stick and prodded a node on the trunk of the tree.

“Come on then,” she said, ushering the Remus into a passageway the tree had been concealing.

“What do we do now?” asked James in a whisper.

“Follow, obviously,” said Sirius at the back of the trio, and gave Peter in the middle a shove. The three of them shuffled forward but as they approached the tree, it regained its life and started to swing and sway and they only narrowly avoided being hit by one of the branches.

“Shit,” said Sirius. “What now?”

“We need to levitate a stick like Madam Pomfrey,” said Peter. “You do it James.”

“I haven’t got my wand,” he replied sheepishly.

“You idiot, Potter,” Sirius grumbled under his breath.

“You do it, Peter,” said James ignoring Sirius.

“Oh I can’t. I’m terrible at levitating anything,” said Peter.

“Give it a go,” said James. “Go on.”

Peter extricated his wand, and despite the confined space he executed the perfect swish and flick . “Wingardium leviosa,” he mumbled. One of the sticks rolled around on the floor.

“It’s levios-a not levios-ah,” said Sirius.

“That’s what I said,” said Peter haughtily.

“Just try saying it shorter at the end,” urged James.

“Wingardium leviosa,” he said, much clearer and this time the stick did rise and hovered uncertainly inching towards the right spot on the tree trunk.

At that moment, the ever brusque nurse appeared through the opening. Peter let out a squeak and dropped his wand. Oblivious, she touched the node on the tree trunk and all the branches shivered to a stop and she strode back towards the school.

“Right, go, go,” said James, and immediately started forward pulling part of the cloak off Sirius.

The nurse stopped in her tracks looking around, but missed Sirius's bare feet poking out from under the cloak.

“But my wand?” whined Peter.

“We’ll get it on the way back,” hissed Sirius angrily pulling the cloak tighter over him. They scuttled forward and into the secret passageway where James pulled the cloak off the three of them and stuffed it into his pocket.

“Phew, that was close,” said James.

“Where do you think this leads?” asked Sirius, feeling along the walls of the dark tunnel. Pieces of mud fell to floor.

“Let’s just get going,” said Peter grimly feeling his way away from the opening they had just come through. They stumbled down the dark passageway, tripping over roots and the occasional rock until they met a dead end.

“I can’t see anything,” said Peter as he reached the end of the passageway frantically patting the walls trying to find a way out.

“Remus taught me a spell for the dark,” said James. “Sirius give me your wand.”

“No,” came Sirius indignant voice from the darkness.

“Do you want us to find Remus or not?” huffed James.

“Fine,” said Sirius and handed the wand over.

“Lumos,” said James. The tip of the wand lit up filling the passageway with light.

“You didn’t think of mentioning that before?” said Sirius. “I’ve twisted my ankle at least twice already.”

“I forgot,” said James sheepishly.

“Shh,” said Peter. “Look there’s a trap door up there,” he said pointing to the ceiling.

“Come on then,” said James, fiddling with the locking mechanism and pushing it open. “Here, Peter, give me a leg up.” He clambered up into a sparse wooden room where there was evidence of some damage to the furniture and walls. “Remus,” he called softly, as the other two boys clambered up into the room.

James led the way up the creaking stairs and as they reached the landing a door opened and Remus appeared. It looked like he had been crying. His eyes widened as he saw his friends. “What are you doing here?” he screamed. “Get out of here!”

“We just wanted-” James stuttered.

“GET OUT!! I’LL KILL YOU ALL!” he cried as his knees buckled and he fell to the floor, eyes bulging.

“LET’S GO!” shouted Peter, grabbing James by the arm and pulling him back down. “RUN,” he screamed at Sirius.

The three boys ran straight for the trapdoor and jumped through the hatch without looking down. Peter landed on Sirius and James on Peter. “The door,” gasped Peter. “Get the door.” James scrambled back up and closed it safely behind them. They lay for a few minutes on the tunnel floor, until they heard scrabbling on the trapdoor above them, and a howl.

“Let’s go,” said Sirius. “Do you still have my wand James?”

“What? Oh yeah, Lumos.” Once again the tunnel was filled with light and the boys made their way back to the safety of the castle, the purpose of their quest satisfied.

“Does this mean you won’t be friends with Remus anymore?” asked James once they were back in the dormitory.

“No,” said Sirius.

“Even though he is a werewolf? Isn’t that like worse than a Muggleborn for you?” asked James incredulously.

“There are more important things than that,” said Sirius gravely. “Like friendship and bravery and, and, well everything Gryffindor stands for. Remus is all of those things even if he is a werewolf.”

James nodded solemnly.

When Remus awoke the next morning in the hospital wing nothing much seemed amiss. James sat with Peter on his left side, and Sirius sat on his right, but there was a new look in the two boys’ eyes. A new truce had been declared, and Remus was right at the centre of it.

ii. War
“Come in,” said a voice, almost as soon as Remus had knocked on the door of the Transfiguration classroom. It was not, however, the voice he had expected. Stood by the large cupboard near the teacher’s desk and leafing through a large textbook was not the stern Transfiguration professor, but instead Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts. “Ah Remus,” he said, cheerfully. “Please take a seat.”

He indicated towards a chair placed on one side of the desk, while he took another on the other side. Remus sat down nervously, unsure of the meaning of the headmaster’s presence. “You know, this used to be my old classroom,” Professor Dumbledore told Remus. “I do like to come back and have a look around from time to time.”

“I don’t want to be rude, Professor Dumbledore,” said Remus. “But I thought I would be meeting Professor McGonagall for career advice?”

“Indeed, it is traditional that all fifth years meet with their heads of house in order to discuss career options and subject choices for their N.E.W.T.s. However,” he said pausing slightly, as if considering the phrasing of his next sentence. “there were one or two things I wished to discuss with you, and Professor McGonagall agreed to let me take this session.”

“Like what, Professor?” asked Remus, his eyes wide and his heart suddenly beating very fast. For a moment he feared that Dumbledore had discovered that his friends had become illegal animagi over the summer. Would he blame Remus? Was he angry that Remus had not managed to keep his condition a secret from his friends?

“I only wished to make you aware that seeking employment may not be as straightforward for you as it will be for some of your classmates,” replied Dumbledore calmly. “Unless, there is something else you wish to tell me?”

“Nothing, Professor,” said Remus quickly, relieved the headmaster had not come to expel him. Dumbledore’s piercing blue eyes held Remus's as if searching for something in them. Uncomfortable, Remus looked away. “It’s because I’m a werewolf, isn’t it, Professor?” He said trying to change the subject.

“Yes Remus, because you are a werewolf,” said Dumbledore kindly. “I’ve taken the liberty of looking at the reports your professors have written about you. You are an excellent student, good grades across the board. And a prefect too!” he read from the piece of parchment in front of him.

Remus smiled and felt heat rising to his face. It felt good to have his hard work recognised by Professor Dumbledore himself! “Well, like you said, things will be difficult for me so I need to try extra hard.”

“Things will be very difficult indeed,” mused the headmaster. “I’m sure you have read in the newspapers about the so-called Lord Voldemort and his followers.”

“Yes, sir,” said Remus. “But what’s that got to do with me?”

“Their movement is based on principles of blood purity which are rather appealing to certain influential sections of our society,” said Dumbledore. “They are calling for greater restrictions on magical beings they deem to be impure and dangerous. Werewolves are an easy target, most wizards are fearful of werewolves already and see the proposed restrictions as sensible laws to protect their loved ones.”

“So you’re telling me there is no point in trying?” said Remus suddenly rather angry at Dumbledore for even allowing him to come to Hogwarts. “That I’ll never be able to get a job so there’s no point in me coming to school?”

“Quite the contrary,” said Dumbledore. “I believe education to be a worthwhile endeavour in and of itself, wouldn’t you agree?” He said with a smile. “In any case, I have a proposition to make to you with regards to employment after you finish school.”

“You want me to work here?” asked Remus, feeling somewhat like the Professor was taking him on an emotional rollercoaster. Remus couldn’t think of anything better than staying on at Hogwarts!

“Not exactly,” said Professor Dumbledore. Remus tried not to let his disappointment show. “I am part of a secret organisation known as the Order of the Phoenix which exists solely to fight against Lord Voldemort and his followers. We believe that the spates of violence we are seeing at the moment are only the beginning. Soon the attacks will not only be aimed at Muggles but at anyone who dares stand in the way of Voldemort and the power he seeks. Furthermore, we have information that suggests he is amassing followers in a number of non-wizarding communities including among the werewolves.”

“But that makes no sense,” said Remus. “Why would they want to join him when he is trying to make their lives harder?”

“That’s exactly what we want to know,” said Dumbledore. “And what you may be able to find out for us.”

“You mean you want me to be a spy?” said Remus instantly imagining himself looking like a Roger Moore type figure, with a car full of gadgets and bikini clad girls on both arms.

“Yes, like a spy,” said Dumbledore looking amused, as if he could read Remus's mind. “When you graduate from Hogwarts we’d like to recruit you to infiltrate the werewolf ranks and find out what Voldemort is offering them.”

“When I graduate from Hogwarts? But isn’t this happening now?” exclaimed Remus. “Surely I should start now!”

“It will be dangerous work, Remus,” said Dumbledore putting his hand up to stop Remus in his tracks. “I must emphasise that to you. You are of much more use to us fully trained, and so I must insist that you finish your education first. Which brings me onto the second matter I would like to speak to you about. I would like to offer you extra training to prepare you for this mission, should you accept. Maybe once a fortnight in my office starting next Tuesday?”

“Er, yes, professor. Would you be teaching me?” asked Remus.

“Yes, with me,” Dumbledore smiled. “But I must warn you Remus, it is absolutely paramount that you tell no one about the conversation between us today, not even your friends. It is not just your own wellbeing or my reputation at stake this time - the lives of good witches and wizards would be at risk should the Order of the Phoenix be discovered.”

“Yes, Sir,” said Remus, once again certain that Dumbledore knew what he and his friends were up to every full moon. “But what shall I tell my friends about the extra lessons?”

“Oh I’m sure you’ll think of something,” he replied with a twinkle in his eye.

~*~

“Hey Moony,” said Sirius as he burst into the dormitory. James was right behind him, equally as energetic and equally as loud. “Hey Mooooooony, Moony, Moons,” Sirius said again, jumping onto his bed and landing on his back, head hanging over the edge so he was looking at Remus. His hair, which he’d been growing out, gently skimmed the floor. “Moony, Moony, Mooooooons.”

Remus sighed and looked up from his book. “You both look far too happy for having spent all evening in detention,” he said.

“I have had the greatest idea,” Sirius gleefully.

“It is spectacular,” said James. “Who knew he had the brain capacity?”

“Piss off, James,” said Sirius, reaching up for a shoe and throwing it at him.

“I’m with James,” said Peter emerging from his drawn curtains where he had been listening to music. “I want to hear it before I believe it.”

“You can fuck off too, Wormtail,” said Sirius beginning to look annoyed.

“Well, go on what’s the plan,” said Remus. “It had better not be jumping off the Library bookshelves with your hand made glider and James strapped to your front again.”

“Thank you, Moony,” said Sirius. “But that was a glorious moment.”

“I can’t believe you disapprove, Remus,” said James. “It was educational!”

“Educational my arse,” scoffed Remus.

“The plan! The plan!” cried Sirius landing on all fours on Remus's bed, before any of the others could even notice he’d got up from his own. “You must hear the plan.” In that moment he looked very much like an excited puppy.

“Go ahead, Pads,” smiled Remus. “We’re all waiting.”

“Ok, so,” started Sirius, his eyes full of mischief. “Guess who was in detention with us today.”

“I don’t know,” said Remus.

“Snivellus,” said Sirius, his face contorting in disgust as it always did when he spoke of the boy who he called his archenemy.

“Oh here, we go,” said Remus.

“No come on, Moony, hear the man out,” said James, now sat on the floor giving his broomstick its fifth polish of the day.

“I heard he blew the Library up earlier,” piped up Peter.

“I know, who knew the little swine had it in him?” said Sirius, and Remus gave a non-committal grunt. “Anyway,” Sirius continued. “You know he’s obsessed with trying to find evidence that Remus here, our very own Moony, is a werewolf.”

“Absolute heresy,” James chimed in. “We won’t believe a word of it; don’t you worry old sport.”

“Here, here,” cried Sirius. And Peter rolled his eyes.

“Guys, you do realise that I am a were-” said Remus, trying to look serious but with a hint of a smile slipping through his façade.

“The plan!” interrupted James.

“The plan,” cried Sirius jumping off Remus’s bed and onto his almost closed trunk. Sirius was fond of grand proclamations. “I propose, that next moon, I, in my Animagus form, spend some time on the hogwarts grounds, howling and acting all wolf-like. Snivellus will of course be sniffing around for clues, and then I shall lead him into the Forbidden Forest and disappear. Then he will be lost, and have to spend the rest of the night wandering around the forest absolutely shitting himself.”

James immediately began to clap. “Amazing,” he sighed.

“Seems a bit cruel,” said Peter.

“Shut up, Wormtail,” said James. “He deserves it.”

“How do you know he will follow?” asked Remus. “How do you know he won’t go back and raise the alarm?”

“Well, if he does, I’ll be long gone and he’ll look like a bit of an idiot,” said Sirius. “That’s the beauty of the plan. It’s foolproof.”

“But what if further investigation points to me?”

“There won’t be any,” said James. “Everyone knows Snape’s a nutter.”

~*~

The Werewolf snarled as it launched itself at James’s antlers. After a short struggle, he managed to throw the werewolf off, where it lay for a few moments seething. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the trapdoor leading into the Shrieking Shack burst open and huge black dog streak through the room. He could hear steps rushing towards them down the passageway. The Werewolf lifted his head, sniffing the air. A human.

The top of Snape’s head appeared and before James had really any time to think, he had launched himself, antlers, hooves and all, through the hole in the floor. A human hand, his own, he realised, closed on the handle and closed the trapdoor safely behind him. He landed on top of the other boy, who squeaked and squawked and shoved James off.

Above, they could hear frantic scrabbling and a howl.

“So this was your fucking idea, was it Potter? Trying to get me killed.”

James didn’t say anything. Even in the low light he could see that Snape was trembling. He could feel his own heart racing.

“I’m going straight to Dumbledore,” said Snape. “This is it, this will be the end of the lot of you. You’ll all be expelled and I hope they kill that… that… beast.”

“Look, this had nothing to do with Remus,” said James urgently. Snape ignored him and started walking back out towards the tunnel’s entrance. “It’s like you said. Our idea, just a little prank.”

“Just a little prank?” spat Snape, angrily swirling around. “Did you see how close it got?”

“It wasn’t Remus's fault,” tried James again, meekly.

When Remus awoke the next morning, sore and bruised, a committee had gathered around his hospital bed. James and Sirius, sat on one side looking rather anxious and on the other sat Peter, looking glum.

“You know, Sirius is really sorry, Remus,” rushed James as soon as he had shown any sign of life. To Remus it looked like there were two Jameses talking in sync. “He just didn’t think. And it was only a little prank? Wasn’t it Remus?” Remus closed his eyes and opened them again. Now there was only one James, although he was still a little blurry. “Dumbledore, has made Snape promise not to tell anyone. And given us detention for the rest of the year. That’s surely enough punishment? You’ve got to forgive him, Remus. We’re the Marauders. We stick together, don’t we? Don’t we?”

“Yeah, of course,” Remus managed to croak.

“You see,” he heard James say as he drifted off. “I told you it’d be alright!”

~*~

On a rare free Saturday afternoon not long after the incident on the full moon, Remus found himself rushing towards the quidditch pitch, flying gear under one arm and broomstick in the other hand. He’d promised James, Sirius and Peter a game of quidditch this evening but his lesson with Dumbledore had overrun. Dumbledore had given Remus a stern lecture, reminding him of the importance of keeping his condition a secret, and the consequences discovery would have on his future and his ability to work for the Order of the Phoenix. The comments were fair. But this annoyed Remus almost as much as if Dumbledore had been completely unjust. Remus only felt more guilty, even though deep down he did not feel at fault. He had no excuses, and yet, there was nothing in his opinion that he could have done differently.

As he entered into the changing rooms he noticed Peter still sat on one of the benches looking morosely at his broomstick. “Hey Pete, what’s up?” asked Remus, dropping his flying gear and broomstick down on a bench nearby and beginning to change.

“Oh nothing,” shrugged Peter. “It’s just freezing. Said I’d wait for you, the less time up in the air the better as far as I’m concerned. Flying at the end of October, it’s madness!”

“You can’t cancel quidditch,” Remus snorted, as he pulled his vest over his head. “Come rain or shine, that’s James and Sirius for you, isn’t it?”

“You know,” said Peter, suddenly very quiet. “we don’t have to do everything they say.”

“What do you mean?” asked Remus. “They’re not forcing us out on the pitch. I know it’s cold but you’ll warm up once we get going.”

“No I didn’t mean that,” said Peter uncomfortably. “I mean about the incident. With Snape.”

“Oh.”

“I mean has he even apologised?”

“Who?” asked Remus.

“Sirius.”

“No, well,” said Remus nettled. “James said he was sorry. And it was just Snape anyway.”

“It’s not just Snape!” said Peter, looking vexed. “It’s not just a prank. If you’d hurt Snape, you could have gone to Azkaban Remus!”

“Well, I didn’t. All’s well that ends well,” said Remus cheerfully. When Peter didn’t respond he tried again. “Look Pete, we’re the Marauders. Like James said, we in this together!”

“Yes, I know,” said Peter. “But you’re allowed to be angry at your friends when they’ve crossed a line. You don’t need to forgive them just like that, because they’re your friends. It wouldn’t be disloyal to the Marauders or anything. It’s just James. He has this weird all or nothing attitude to friendship. To everything really. Sirius should at least apologise for what he did.”

“Look, it’s not like he killed anyone,” said Remus, feeling rattled.

“He could have!” exclaimed Peter.

Remus ignored him. “Well, I’m ready. You coming with?” he asked, motioning towards the quidditch pitch.

“Sure,” shrugged Peter, deflated.

iii. Romance
A pungent sock sailed across the room and landed on Remus's headboard and slid down behind his pillow.

“Stop cuddling you two. You’re grown men,” called James from the rough location of the socks provenance. “It’s weird.”

“Fuck off,” mumbled Sirius, who did not take his eyes off the Transfiguration textbook he was reading over Remus shoulder. Both boys lay on their side, admittedly rather close together. Sirius head was popped up by his elbow, chin on Remus shoulder.

“Well, I’m off to the Library,” announced James ignoring Sirius.

“Off to snog Lily in an alcove while pretending to study more like,” said Remus sarkily.

James raised his middle finger at the two on the bed as he flounced out of the dormitory.

“You don’t think this is weird, do you?” asked Remus once James had gone, turning his head awkwardly to look at Sirius.

“Of course not,” said Sirius. “We’ve always done this.” They both looked back at the textbook. “Besides, Padfoot ate my textbook. How else am I supposed to study?”

“Sirius, you are Padfoot. You ate your textbook.”

~*~

When Remus opened his eyes, sore and achy from the full moon the night before, the first thing he saw was Sirius sat by his hospital bed in uncharacteristic silence.

“Sirius, what are you doing here?” croaked Remus. Hi throat felt like sandpaper. “We have Ancient Runes. Who’s going to take notes for me if you’re not in class?”

“Trust you to be worrying about studying and exams when you’re in the hospital wing,” smirked Sirius. He looked fondly on Remus passing him a glass of water, as he carefully sat up to drink it. Remus’s hair was slightly tussled, which made him look a bit like bad boy. Sirius liked this a lot. Of course, he also liked Remus’s goody-two-shoes look, with his hair combed and his top button done up. Sirius wasn’t picky when it came to Remus.

“This is serious, Sirius,” said Remus and added a “Don’t!” when Sirius opened his mouth to interrupt, with what would no doubt be Sirius’s favourite and oldest joke. “We’ve got N.E.W.T.s in less than a month and I can’t get behind!”

“You’ll do fine Remus,” soothed Sirius. “Look,” he added changing the subject. “Madame Pomfrey left this salve to put on your cut. If I wasn’t here who would rub it it?” Sirius reached up and picked up a small tub from the bedside.

“I have a cut?” asked Remus looking down, for the first time noticing the angry red mark poking out from the neck of his pyjama top. Sirius sat up on the bed and carefully undid the first couple of buttons. “I can do it myself!” said Remus only half heartedly swatting at Sirius’s hands. “And I specifically asked to you take notes for me-”

“But isn’t it so much nicer when someone else does it?” Sirius interrupted, gently rubbing the ointment with a grin.

“I suppose so,” sighed Remus sleepily sitting back against his pillows.

“I promise I will make sure to get someone’s notes for you,” said Sirius.

“Mphf, ok,” said Remus sleepily, eyes half shut. “Just make sure she’s a Ravenclaw- but just for the record this does not mean I condone your flirting for favours.”

“I do not flirt!” said Sirius indignantly.

“You do too,” said Remus, opening his eyes just to give Sirius a malicious grin.

~*~

“Thanks for letting me study with you, Remus,” said Susie, standing up and flattening her skirt down nervously.

“Oh, it’s no problem!” said Remus earnestly. “I needed to study all this anyway.”
He gathered his Defence Against the Dark Arts books and she waited by the desk.

“I was wondering,” she said finally, when he seemed to have finished. “Do you want to go for a drink with me? I mean, like after exams, of course.”

“Oh,” said Remus, a million things started flying through his mind at that moment. He tried to process the question, but he came up blank. “Sure,” he said finally.

"Ok," she said, beaming. "I'll see you later, Remus" She walked away leaving Remus dumbfounded at the desk. At the library door she paused to wave goodbye. Remus hesitantly returned the wave, feeling rather confused.

~*~

“A date?” asked Sirius, sat cross legged at the end of Remus bed looking aghast. “Are you sure she meant it like a date?”

“Always the tone of surprise!” said Remus, suddenly wishing he hadn’t called an Emergency Marauder Meeting and given the others an excuse to mock him.

“Of course she did!” exclaimed James who was sat next to Remus, his long legs outstretched across the bed. “A drink is code for date. As the only one here with a girlfriend, I can attest to this truth.”

“Hey,” said Peter from his perch on Remus's trunk. “I’ve had girlfriends too.”

“Yeah,” said James dismissively. “But not Lily.”

“Literally no one cares James,” said Sirius. “And I’m not saying she couldn’t have been asking you out on a date. I mean, you’re not completely undateable. All I’m saying is that you want to be absolutely sure she was before you let her down so you’re not left in the awkward position of her saying ‘Oh but I didn’t mean it like a date.’”

“Who said I was going to let her down?” asked Remus indignantly.

“Well isn’t this what it’s all about?” said Sirius quickly. “I mean, what’s the emergency if you want to go out with her? And, I mean do you? Susie? And you’re a… Well, there’s your…”

“Furry little problem?” asked Remus.

“Sirius!” scolded James. “Just because Remus is a werewolf,” he said, mouthing the last word. “Doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve love.”

“I don’t mean that,” said Sirius softly looking at his hands. “Just he’d have to tell her… and she might not take it well.”

Although Remus did not want to admit it, this was one of the main reasons he’d called the Emergency Meeting.

“It’s not like they’re getting married,” exclaimed James. “There’s loads of things I don’t tell Lily.”

“Yeah like what?” asked Sirius.

“Well, um…” James hesitated. “I haven’t told her about Moony,” he said finally.

“Yeah, well that’s not your secret to tell,” said Peter. “I agree with Sirius, this is the sort of thing that needs to be out there at the beginning or else she will feel like you’ve been keeping it from her.”

“So basically, I have to only date people who already know?” asked Remus looking rather deflated. “That pretty much leaves: my parents, some crusty old Hogwarts professors and you lot,” he said counting it off on his fingers.

“I think if any girl is worth her mettle, then she’ll understand that you needed to wait to tell her,” said James matter-of-factly.

“I think you have rather lofty expectations,” said Peter, shaking his head. “You could always date Muggles?”

“Muggles?” asked Sirius, who suddenly looked worried again. “Why Muggles?”

“Well then it would be illegal to tell them that you’re a werewolf, so not to telling them would be the lesser evil in that scenario,” explained Peter.

“There we go mate,” grinned James patting Remus across the shoulders. “You can date Muggles ethically.”

Remus did not look particularly comforted by this statement. “I have too much going on right now to be worrying about the ethics of werewolf dating,” said Remus finally. “I’ll let Susie down nicely, and that will be the end of it. It’s not like I fancied her or even thought about her like that until she asked.”

“If you’re sure then,” said James solemnly. The others nodded in agreement.

~*~

The four boys passed through the gates, onto the Hogwarts grounds on return from an afternoon spent at Hogsmeade after their final N.E.W.T. exam. A scattering of students walked along the path, all headed back towards the castle. Sirius swayed slightly, one arm swung around Remus and a half empty bottle of Firewhiskey in the other hand. He looked back over his shoulder to where the other two boys were walking behind and sombrely asked: “Everything is going to change now, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” said Peter.

“Not yet,” said James. “Who fancies saying goodbye to our old friend the Giant Squid?”

“James, it’s almost curfew,” moaned Remus who was struggling to keep Sirius upright.

“When has that stopped us from doing anything before?” asked James.

“We’re drunk and we’ll drown,” Remus tried to reason.

“We’re not that drunk,” shouted Sirius as he broke away from Remus and started running towards the lake with remarkable agility, considering moments ago he had been struggling to walk in a straight line. The other three followed, Remus showing none of his previous reluctance. At the edge of the water they pulled off their robes, shoes and socks before wading in.

“Urgh, it’s freezing,” said Peter, knee high in the water.

“It’s alright once you’re in,” shouted Remus, already at chest height. From behind him, Sirius dived under the water, swimming between his legs and causing remus to fall into the water. “Padfoot, you stupid mongrel!”

“Hey,” shouted Sirius. “I’m of the purest breed thank you very-!” A large splash of water coming from Remus’ direction cut him off.

“You bastard, Remus!” cried James who had been caught in the tail end of the attack.

“Boys!” came a cry from across the water. Holding up a lamp, Professor McGonagall strode towards the lake from the castle. “Get out of there at once.”

The four boys, with only a grumble or two, started to wade towards the shore, Peter and James leading the way. “Coming, Professor!” James shouted cheerily, hoping to disarm the irate McGonagall with some of his customary Potter charm.

Suddenly Remus felt a hand clutch the front of his wet shirt and spin him around, and before he had a chance to react Sirius crashed his lips into his, Sirius’s tight grip pulling him close. Remus’s brain caught up with the rest of him and he gasped, pulling away. In that moment, several things in his mind clicked into place. There had never been anyone else but Sirius. It had always been him. There had never been anything more beautiful than the reflection of the setting sun in the droplets of water falling from Sirius’s hair, nothing funnier than the look of shock and embarrassment etched across his face, and nothing sweeter than the way he’d just kissed Remus. Without even pausing to think if Sirius had really intended the kiss or if it had been a drunken fumble, Remus reached his right hand to the back of Sirius's neck leading him back into the kiss, and wondered why he’d never noticed before now how bright his grey eyes shone, or the shape of his jaw, or how soft Sirius’s hair felt under his hands.

At the edge of the water, James and Peter stood mouths agape.

“Mr Lupin, Mr Black,” came Professor McGonagall’s Scottish burr. “Step out of the water immediately.”

Remus regretfully pulled away from Sirius. They looked at each other and laughed, while James whooped and cheered from the shoreline.

iv. The End
“You?!” sounded a cry from the darkened room. The curtains were shut, the tv on. It smelled like nothing had been cleaned in weeks. Sirius appeared, approaching Remus from the sofa, his wand held in his shaky hand. He himself looked like he hadn’t washed in weeks, with greasy hair and a no-longer-very-white t-shirt.

“Don’t do this Sirius,” Remus said calmly, letting himself into the house and shutting the door behind him. “I can’t stay long, please don’t throw a tantrum.”

Sirius didn’t lower his wand, he eyed Remus warily as if weighing up his options. “You can never stay long,” he sulked finally.

“I’m not supposed to be here at all,” Remus told Sirius and gently embraced him, placing his head into the crook between his head and shoulder. Sirius accepted the gesture, hungrily wrapping his arms around Remus. Sirius had put on weight since Remus last saw him. His body felt softer, and warm. So very warm. “You know I’m not supposed to be around wizards long, the Werewolves will get suspicious and kick me out of the pack… or worse.”

“Nobody knows where you go, Moony,” sighed Sirius. “Not even Dumbledore.”

“I don’t know where I go half the time, Pads,” Remus said.

“You should be here,” Sirius told him pulling away, and looking sad again.

“I know. It’s just for now though, just while all this is all going on,” said Remus, gently stroking Sirius face. Before adding with a little crooked smile, “Wanna take this upstairs?”

~*~

When he was sure that Remus had fallen asleep, Sirius carefully unwrapped himself from Remus's arms and the bedcovers. He quietly dressed and went downstairs, carefully avoiding the squeaky stairs. He approached the fire, got out his wand and summoned a patronus. He leaned over whispering careful instructions in the giant silvery dog’s ear and without another sound, the patronus disappeared through the window. Sirius watched it for a minute or two before grabbing a handful of floo powder and throwing it into the flames.
“Potters’ residence, Godric’s Hollow,” he announced, before stepping into the emerald green flames.

He landed sputtering on the carpet at his destination. From the sofa, James and Lily peered at him curiously. Upstairs a baby began to cry.

“Shit,” said James sitting up from where he had been lying half asleep with his head resting on Lily’s lap.

“I’ll deal with it,” said Lily yawning. “You deal with this.”

“James, James,” said Sirius as Lily disappeared upstairs, his voice rising in panic. “I’ve done something. Oh god! James, I’m so sorry.”

“Look, it’s ok Sirius,” said James calmly, although he didn’t look particularly calm himself. “Just tell me what’s happened!”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius blubbered. “I’m so sorry.”

At that moment, there was a loud pop and Peter appeared in the room. “What’s happened? I got Sirius’s patronus- Is someone hurt?”

“I’m just trying to get it out of Sirius,” said James irritated.

“What’s up then Sirius?” asked Peter, looking even more anxious.

“I told him,” said Sirius finally in between sobs. “I told Remus I’m secret keeper.”

“Is that it?” asked James perplexed.

“I don’t trust him, James,” cried Sirius. “I don’t think any of us can trust him.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Sirius,” said James, suddenly looking very tired and much older than his twenty one years. “Of course, we can trust Moony! He’s one of us!”

“I don’t think we can,” said Sirius crying into James's shoulder.

“Well, why did you tell him if you don’t think you can trust him?” asked Peter.

“We were just… it just slipped out,” answered Sirius.

“What did Sirius do then?” asked Lily appearing again at the doorway with Harry crying loudly on her hip.

“Sirius told Remus he’s your secret keeper while they were fucking and now regrets it,” Peter told her over the noise of the baby as he plumped down onto the sofa.

“Oh,” said Lily. “And we don’t trust Remus anymore?”

“I do,” said James indignantly.

“Of course you do,” said Sirius exasperated. “You think it’s the height of dishonour to mistrust your friends. But think about it, he’s a… well, a werewolf, and he’s spending all his time with other werewolves. We know there is a spy in the order. I think we’ve just got to come to terms with the fact he isn’t one of us anymore.”

“I don’t think that’s fair,” said Lily barely audible over the sound of Harry’s cries.

“You don’t know him like I do,” cried Sirius. “He’s changed.”

“Ok, fine, we don’t trust Remus,” said James quickly, trying to calm Sirius again. His head was in his palm, clearly trying to drown out the noise as he thought. “But what do you suggest we do?” he asked looking up. “It’s not like you’ve made him secret keeper, he can’t tell anyone else where we are.”

“But he can tell them where and who your secret keeper is, James,” said Peter from the sofa.

“We need to change secret keeper,” Sirius told them all seriously. “We’ll make Peter secret keeper, but we won’t tell Remus. That way he still thinks it’s me and he can’t do any harm.”

“Me?” squeaked Peter.

“I trust you,” said James. “And I trust Remus. This is ridiculous, we don’t need to change.”

“Peter is one of us too,” said Sirius. “Surely you trust him as much as me? If you’re willing to trust Remus, then you must be willing to trust him too?”

“Yes, of course I trust Peter,” said James. “I’m just saying it’s unnecessary.”

“Please, James, Lily, just listen to me once,” pleaded Sirius. “We need to change now!”

“Give me Harry,” said James to Lily, holding out his hands. “You know what to do right?”

“Yes of course, but don’t you think we should tell Dumbledore first?” asked Lily quietly.

“Just do it, it will shut Sirius up,” sighed James. “He’s anxious enough about this whole thing anyway, he’s not in the right frame of mind for this responsibility. And I need my bed.”

~*~

“Where have you been?” asked Remus from the kitchen table when Sirius landed back in their own living room.

“Nowhere,” said Sirius getting up and walking to stand by the open door.

Remus snorted without looking up from the cup of tea between his hands.

“You don’t believe me, do you?” said Sirius indignantly.

“I didn’t say anything of the sort,” retorted Remus.

“Well, you don’t do you?” insisted Sirius.

“I’m not the one gallivanting off in the middle of the night!”

“Fuck you, Remus,” said Sirius. “You’re never here. I never know where you are or who you are with! For all I know, you could be with… with…”

“With Death Eaters?” said Remus quietly. “You think I’m one of them now. You think I’m the spy.”

“Well, it’s only a small step from werewolf.”

Remus looked down shaking his head. When he looked up again he seemed to be fighting tears, “I didn’t think… you of all people! You’re a fucking Black and you judge me for being a werewolf, something I can’t control, I can’t change! And I’m out there risking my neck for you every. Fucking. Day.” Remus got up, angrily knocking the chair over. “I don’t enjoy being away. It’s a shithole. It’s fucking horrible,” he said walking towards Sirius at the doorway, gesticulating to emphasise his point. “So don’t you dare… And this was about you! You are the one sneaking around, not me!”

“Stop it!” said Sirius angrily, holding out his arms to prevent Remus passing through. “Stop it!” he said again.

“What do you want from me, Sirius? You obviously don’t want a mangy werewolf around so I’ll get out of your way.”

“I didn’t say that!” exclaimed Sirius, clearly on the edge of tears. “I do trust you, Remus. I promise. I want you here!”

Remus snorted again. He leant his forehead against the doorway shaking it slowly. “This is so messed up.”

“I know,” Sirius said simply.

After a long moment of silence, Remus straightened up. “Well, I’d best be off,” he said. “It’s been hours. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” He walked past Sirius, who followed him with his eyes but made no motion to stop him. When he reached the front door Sirius called to him:

“Wait Remus,” he said. “You do trust me, don’t you? That I wasn’t sneaking around? You trust me right?”

Remus hesitated at the door and looked back at Sirius. “Of course,” he lied, and slipped through the door disappearing into the night.

~*~

I awake as if from a bad dream. Cold, and full of memories I’d rather didn’t exist. Instinctively I diagnose myself: Dementors.

The cabin is full of children, scrabbling and squabbling in the dark. “Quiet,” I say and cast a spell to illuminate the room. “Stay where you are,” I tell them. I stand up planning to find the Dementor before it has the chance to attack any of the children, but it finds us first. It stands at the entrance to the compartment, cloaked and hooded, its decaying hand extending towards us. “None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks, go!” I tell the creature to no avail. It remains rooted at the doorway feasting on our happiness.

I step towards the door but one of the children (Harry, Harry Potter, I realise in shock) has keeled over in front of me. An extreme reaction to the presence of a Dementor, but not unheard of. Without further ado, I step over Harry and cast a Patronus. A shield of silver erupts from my wand, engulfing the Dementor and forcing it off the train.

When I turn to look at the children again a girl with bushy brown hair is leaning over Harry. He wakes confused, asking about a scream. He is the spitting image of his father, and I do not know if this makes me happy or sad. Both, I suppose. The others look pale and scared. With a snap, I break the chocolate bar I had bought on a whim the day before yesterday when I had taken a stroll through Hogsmeade. I offer it around, “Here. Eat it. It’ll help.”
“What was that thing?” Harry asks me. He looks horrified, and I do not blame him.
“A Dementor,” I tell him. “One of the Dementors from Azkaban.”

Everyone looks at me with varying amounts of horror etched across their faces. “Eat,” I say awkwardly, to break the silence. “It’ll help.” I crumple up the packet and put it in my pocket. “I need to speak to the driver, excuse me…”

I let myself out of the compartment and the conversation starts behind me.

I suppose I should not be surprised the Ministry is sending Dementors to and fro in search of their notorious Azkaban escapee. I am however surprised Dumbledore would agree to their presence on the train. Likely he was not informed. I find myself wondering yet again: how did Sirius Black escape? And where is he now? Will I meet him again? I feel a shiver down my spine, and a sense of excitement wash over. I can’t help but feel that I’ve found myself at the centre of a story much more important than my own, and once again, in the middle of it all without even realising that I had begun.

Perhaps, I think to myself as I walk down the familiar corridors of the Hogwarts Express, I do go looking for trouble after all!