Chapter Text
I actually don't know why I am even here. People tell me, including my parents, that I have Depression.
As they sent me to the clinic, around seven months ago, I didn't even really know what that meant. I heard about it but I never had something to do with it. Not even through one of my friends. It just came out of nowhere.
"You have Depression, accept it."
How should I accept it without a proper explanation? Honestly I never was really happy with my life but who is these days? My life was okay before they sent me here. I never thought about ending my life and never thought of hurting myself. I actually liked my life a lot.
My parents don't even visit me because they think it would be better for me. Better for me to get well again and get safe through my Depression. The only one who visits me and looks after me, everyday, is Newt. The person who understands me the best and also thinks that my parents talk bullshit about my non existent mental illness.
I really appreciate him for supporting me and helping me getting through this mess where I don't belong to.
Newt also still loves me for who I am and thinks I'm totally fine. He tried plenty of times to get me out of here but he never succeeded, obviously.
I just want to leave this place and continue living my life as before. I miss my boyfriend, my friends, my room, my school, my classmates and spending time with my family. I can't believe that my parents ruined my life and sent me here for nothing.
"Thomas? Do you even listened to what I just said?"
I blinked a few times and looked at the woman in front of me.
"Honestly, no."
She sighed and closed her notebook.
"You know you will never get better when you're not paying attention."
She shook her head and looked right into my eyes, trying to find out what I was thinking about.
"You want to go back home, don't you?"
I scoffed and glared at her.
"Of course I want to! I'm totally fine and I don't need to get better."
She sighed again and started to get really annoyed.
"Depression is invisible and hard to understand. You just think that you don't have it because you don't know about it. Just accept it and try to get better so you can go home."
I slowly nodded and just stood up to leave. I was way too tired to discuss with her about my "mental illness" so I just left the room and made my way to my comfort zone.
Minho, my roomate, greeted me nicely as I came in. He was reading a book, I think it's called 'How to stop time', and just looked up for a second as I entered and immediately continued reading. He was really a bookworm. It wasn't like that it annoyed me that he was one. It's just like he's reading the whole time, the whole day and the whole night. I actually never saw him without a book in his hands. I also don't want to say that reading is bad. Reading is one of the most amazing things you can do. Mostly when you're inside of this horrible clinic to clear your mind, trying not to drive crazy.
We don't talk that much in general because Minho thinks I'm weird. And I just know that because I heard him talking about me. But that was completely fine for me because I think they're just thinking I'm actually depressed and belong in here because I start to get weird in here. When you're stuck with strange people you turn into a strange person too. And I don't need any friends so they can talk as much about me as they want to.
I threw myself onto my bed and breathed deeply in and out.
"Can you turn off the light? I want to sleep."
I mumbled into my pillow, hoping Minho would hear me.
"Nope, I want to read. And it's 5pm, why do you want to sleep already?"
I sighed and rolled to the side to look at him. That's what I meant. He barely sleeps and just reads. Even if it's just 5pm, I'm tired. And guess why? Because of an guy who is reading books all night. "Because I'm tired? Why else should I want to sleep?"
I snapped and groaned as he rolled his eyes. What a stubborn ass.
"Fine, I will just look if Newt is here and sleep later."
I stood up and opened the door, while Minho just looked at me, shaking his head. I just left without another word, walking to the meeting room.
I already saw Newt smiling brightly at me, pulling me instantly into a hug. He's literally here at any time. As if he would live here just for me.
"How are you?"
he whispered and ruffled my hair. I smiled at him.
"I'm honestly good but this place wants me to throw up."
I sighed and rolled my eyes, taking his hand.
"I really want to get out of here, Newt."
I whined. He nodded, showing me that he understand what I meant.
"I want you to get out of here too, Tommy. It's awful to see you suffering in this place."
he pulled me into a hug again. This time it was a long and comforting hug until a voice of a men interrupted us.
"Visitors need to leave, now."
I pouted at Newt and he gave me a sweet and lovely kiss, pressing his lips gently against mine and they fit perfectly together. But it just felt like seconds. As soon as the kiss end he was gone.
And as he left and I headed back to my room I realized how much I was an emotionless mess without him. Without Newt I really was a mess. And maybe that's it what I needed to change.