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Katya was a mess. Her first day here and she was already riddled with anxiety. Her heart hurt, her legs hurt, just drag in general hurt. And today was no different, except for the weight of an impending loss. That struck her horribly. That fear when she released that she probably was not going to win, the feeling when the thing she worked and strived and now finally achieved would be ripped out from under her, was utterly terrifying.
She thought it was like waiting for death.
But without all of the peace afterwards. Afterwards she would have to go on, she would have to live with these mistakes that she made on the show. These things would effect her for the rest of her life.
But, for now she had done it. Made it past the first challenge and is moving on to the second, whether she liked it or not. Here she was, still in the workroom, getting de-dragged as others around her did the same. They talked around her, with her, but she didnt have a lot to say. She was still in shock about the elimination. One was gone, and sure enough people that she would grow to care for would, well be gone as well. Or at least she would be gone too. It hurt a little more as she looked at herself in the mirror, half way through drag and half way in.
Eventually, she'd be gone. And she'd back up her bags and be out that door. She sighed, cracking her neck, trying to focus on this. She could win, she could win, she would win. I will win, she chanted in her head, trying to give herself enough confidence to keep going, to not break down.
This was going to be a long season.
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The first time she saw Trixie Mattel out of drag, she felt bubbly. Trixie hadnt seen her, but Katya had seen those big brown eyes and cute little crinkle in his brow, and she was hooked.
Damn it, she thought.
It was one thing to have a crush on someone, it was another to have a crush on an opponent. She knew that this could end badly, she knew it probably would. She would ruin a friendship before it even had gotten started if she said anything, so she kept her mouth shut during the first few days. She was a little timid around Trixie, but tried to be outgoing. It wasnt until Ginger took Katya down to the pool, where Katya finally talked to her.
Trixie Mattel didnt know where she stood with the run of the mill, average bisexual transvestite Russian hooker. But, it was killing her to know. It was killing her to not know how or why she hated her, or what the issue was. But, sure enough she was going to find out. Even if it took a bit of scheming between her and the Minj.
They had come up with a brilliant plan, one that Katya would fall for because, it was Katya. And she was a sweet little blonde fake Russian Bostonian whom, would never harm a fly. So, after the second episode, Ginger rapped on Katya's hotel door.
"Im not decent." Katya responded, coughing a bit. Ginger could hear things behind the door, rustling, things tearing, and the squeak of funriture moving. But, she didnt even hesitate to come in.
"You're never decent." She replied, to only have Katya's breathless laugh fill the room. Katya stumbled out of the room in a large Sharon Needles shirt and a pair of swimtrunks on. "Are you coming swimming or not?" Ginger asked, looking at the shirt.
"Oh, yea. Im ready for this Barbra." Katya chuckled, her eyes lighting up.
There was a pause through the air and Ginger rolled her eyes. "Why the shirt?" She asked, her finger pressing into the large S in Sharon Needles.
Katya paused and there was a sigh. "Becauses...Im unconformable with my body. Body shaming, okay?"
Ginger laughed and looked up at her, shaking her head. "You were just naked on the runway! You flashed worldwide on television! Your whole ass!" Katya couldnt help but let out another tangent string of laughter.
"So, what's the real reason Ms. Zamo?" She asked, arms crossed defiantly.
Katya's laugh suddenly broke and she let out along sigh. She had known Ginger for a very long time. And this shouldnt have been news to someone an old friend. It really, honest to good god, but her mark was there. A long thin, crack that ran down over her heart. It was pure white and as thick as two fingers, with a large swirl at the end. If she wore v-necks or almost anything low enough, it would be seen.
But, now as she came to the show. It was fading black. Which meant she had missed it or at least her soulmate hadnt seen her. It was terrifying to say the least. This as well as the stress of the show, was throwing her for a loop.
"Its my....M-Mark.." She spoke softly and Ginger's face lit up.
"Wait, is she or he here? Maybe you like one of the crew members? Oh, this is so cute!" Ginger smiled, her eyes wide. SHe had a soft spot for this russian and was honestly excited for her. Its not ever day you find your soulmate.
"No, Ging...Its turning black...I..I missed them..Or at least they dont know its me. Or maybe they do and they would rather be lonley forever. But, I dont know..." Katya spoke, her heart hurting. It sucked and she couldnt help but shudder as the hotel door opened once again.
"Ginger, what's taking so...long?" Trixie spoke, entering the mess of a room. She was dressed ready to go, swimtrunks and no shirt. But, a large white line craved down her chest, with little swirls at the end.
Katya jumped up, her eyes darted to Trixie's to the mark and then back.
Oh dear god...
She knew having a crush on your opponent was a bad idea.
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The cameras were shut off after a few episodes of UNHhhh were filmed. Trixie could finally grab Katya's hand again and so she did, interlocking fingers as she smiled.
"Can I have another kiss since the cameras are off, mama?" Katya asked, smiling with those big blue doe eyes that Trixie drowned in each and everytime.
"Do you have food in your mouth?" Trixie asked only to get Katya opening her mouth, showing no food in it.
Trixie leaned in and smiled. "I dont know what worst thing about kissing you your tongue, your dry mouth, your smoker's breathe, your beard, your red lipstick, or your attitude."
"How about all of the above?"
Trixie smiled and leaned in, their lips meeting together and the two couldnt have been happier. There was like a shock through the air, electric and vivid. It hummed and broke around the two, chasing each other round and round, binding them. It was sickening how in love Trixie was and how much she needed Katya in her life. How someone could be this broken without someone else.
She smelled like sweat from anxiety, cigarettes she greedily smoked when she needed a break or she didnt have Trixie. She smelled like perfume that Trixie's mom had gotten Katya for Christmas that she loved. She smelled like ocean candles they kept lit around their flat. She smelled like heaven.
Katya knew she wa sin love with Trixie Mattel the first day she saw her. Her heart had grown black with the thought of losing her, losing her soulmate. But, now as they held each other softly, now as nights grew dark and Katya was scared, shaking, and terrified. She had someone to hold her. She had someone to love, she had someone to tell her that everything was fine. And that person was the one she loved.
When they pulled away, Katya snapped a picture of the two all red and pink, smeared together.