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gathered here today

Summary:

baekhyun decides to make a group chat, for better or for worse, their sanities and innocence will be missed.

Chapter 1: welcome

Chapter Text

bacon added santas lost elf, screams in dino, mother, galaxy boi, lu, gucci, minnie, KYA, and lay me down to the chat

 

bacon welcome

 

bacon you all must be wondering why I’ve gathered you here today

 

screams in dino minseok why isn't your name capitalized 

 

minnie because i don't want it to be

 

screams in dino thats not correct

 

minnie that’s*^

 

screams in dino fuck off

 

mother don’t swear

 

screams in dino why the fuck not

 

galaxy boi listen to your mother

 

screams in dino you and your wife can go fuck each other

 

galaxy boi gladly

 

mother wait

 

mother who said i wanted to 

 

galaxy boi so you don't want to

 

mother i didn't say that

 

bacon guys

 

bacon y'all 

 

bacon my dudes

 

santas lost elf buddy boys

 

bacon this is why I'm dating you

 

lu can you tell us why you added us to this chat baek

 

bacon i was waiting for junmyeon and yifan to finish

 

galaxy boi we’re done

 

bacon good

 

bacon i was gonna continue even if you weren’t

 

bacon i invited you all here today

 

bacon so we can all talk

 

lay me down is that all

 

gucci we can talk to each other privately 

 

santas lost elf wheres the fun in that

 

bacon this is why i love you

 

KYA dont act lovey dovey here

 

KYA some of us don't have a boyfriend

 

bacon THAT

 

bacon is the other reason why you're all here today

 

minnie oh no

 

mother i have an idea whats gonna happen

 

bacon we’re gonna play match maker for TWO

 

screams in dino two

 

bacon thats right TWO

 

bacon TWO lonely souls here in this very chat

 

santas lost elf this very chat?

 

bacon thats right THIS very chat

 

screams in dino they hype each other up thats cute

 

lu its annoying 

 

bacon the two lonely souls are 

 

bacon LUHAN

 

lu shit

 

bacon and JONGIN

 

bacon these lost and lonely souls

 

KYA oh so now we’re lost too

 

bacon lEMME FINISH TALKING SHUT THE FUCK UP

 

bacon as I was saying

 

bacon luhan and jongin are very lonely

 

lu since when

 

screams in dino since now

 

bacon and haven't been fucked in a long time

 

lu who says i like to be the one getting fucked

 

lay me down guys please

 

galaxy boi is that really necessary to say here 

 

lu if baek is gonna pair me with someone i need them to know what i like

 

bacon but you’re boyfriend isn't going to be just ANYONE

 

bacon its going to be your crushes

 

KYA nope i need to leave

 

lu me too

 

lu im booking a plane ticket to america

 

lay me down you don't even speak English

 

lu ill learn

 

KYA I'm flying across the world nope not today fuckers

 

minnie jongin dont you wanna fuck kyungsoo

 

KYA i do!

 

screams in dino kyungsoo

 

KYA you need to shut up

 

lu i mean i wanna date sehun

 

lu but i dont want baek setting us up

 

bacon first of all I'm offended 

 

bacon second of all I'm doing it

 

KYA baek no

 

gucci hes not gonna respond

 

lay me down yeah he's probably texting sehun and kyungsoo about how much you guys wanna fuck them

 

lu chanyeol you’re his boyfriend

 

KYA YEAH CONTROL YOUR BOYFRIEND

 

santas lost elf first of all one does not simply “control” baekhyun

 

santas lost elf and second of all he’ll bite me if i try to take his phone away from him

 

mother well man up

 

screams in dino no you don't understand

 

screams in dino baekhyun can bite softly

 

screams in dino and he can bite HARD

 

santas lost elf exactly 

 

santas lost elf last time he bit me i drew blood

 

gucci you guys are over-reacting 

 

bacon guess what bitches

 

galaxy boi oh no

 

bacon i got y'all a date