Chapter Text
Josuke watched the falling leaves outside flirt through the breeze. It landed on the browning grass of the school courtyard. He could almost feel the autumn air through the closed window and almost yearned for its chill to reach his bones.
“Ey! Josuke!” Okuyasu’s voice snatched him from his daydreams. “I asked you a question.”
“Oh.” Josuke offered a weak smile. “Sorry, what was it?”
“I was askin’ about Rohan.”
Josuke’s heart dropped. He cleared his throat and pressed his lips together. “What about him?”
Okuyasu gestured in the air as if picking through his thoughts. “Well-! The last time you talked about him, it was during summer vacation. You said you guys were hanging out more.”
“We were.” Josuke looked back out the window. “And then… Well, we stopped.”
“Why?”
He felt his friend’s eyes searching his face for answers. But he was set on not giving himself away. An ache snaked its way into his chest, constricting his heart till he couldn’t breath.
“School started.” He sighed. “And his work got busy. So, we just had to prioritize, ykno?”
Okuyasu pursed his lips in thought. “Okay.” He didn’t sound convinced. “But you’re acting like some kind of heartbroken dramaqueen.”
Josuke only shrugged. “I guess I miss him.”
“Why don’t you go see him? He still lives in the same place, doesn’t he?”
Their conversation was cut short as their sensei entered the room, initiating the start of class. Josuke was grateful for the interruption and attempted to shift his focus toward school.
But the weight on his shoulders persisted.
Amidst the occupied buzzing of the class, Josuke’s mind lingered on his summer days spent with Rohan. He could almost smell that overpriced cologne mixed with sweat, the fabric softener through the bed sheets; he could feel the soft breaths on his skin, the kisses over his body.
--
“I have to go to Tokyo next week.” Rohan’s voice sounded like cashmere the morning after. “My editor wants me to do an interview and discuss my manga’s next story arc.”
“Hm.” Never a morning person, Josuke couldn’t bring himself to speak actual words.
“I’ll probably be there for a while, she hasn’t given me a return date yet.” He felt the artists fingers twirl in his hair. “Want me to keep you updated?”
Josuke spent a few seconds to process the news. It was to be expected for Rohan to leave town on account of his work. He didn’t want to be clingy despite the small spike of anxiety on his consciousness.
“...It’s okay.” He managed to mumble out. “I don’t want to be a distraction, so… Just focus on work.” His arms tightened around Rohan’s waist and his lips found the soft skin around his belly button. His head rested on Rohan’s chest which moved in tempo with their breathing.
“You sure?”
Josuke could appreciate him being considerate. “Yeah.” He looked up and caught the man’s gaze. “I start school soon anyway. We’ll be busy.”
They both settled into silence, content with being tangled in each other’s arms.
--
Josuke didn’t look away from the window until the lunch bell rang. As soon as it did, Okuyasu jumped up and slapped a hand on his desk.
“Josuke! Let's go get some grub! With some food in ya, I’m sure you’ll feel better.”
With only an attempted smile, Josuke stood and followed his friend into the hallway.
“I heard they got meat buns and restocked iced coffee in the vending machines!” Okuyasu chattered on about food as they navigated the school.
“Hey, hey…” Josuke spoke up. “What about Koichi?”
“Oh. He’s with that Yukako, of course.” He made a face. “Those two are so into each other now. So in love, so-! ….Man, I wish that were me! Josuke, when am I going to find a cute girl!?”
Josuke felt his mood lift. You always can count on your friends, can’t you?
--
School had no business taking its time. Despite the distractions, the day had ended and Josuke found himself walking home alone. Okuyasu had been one of the first students put on cleaning duty and had sent Josuke on ahead.
He didn’t want to admit it but he was relieved to have a moment to himself. Thoughts of the intimacy he experienced that summer surfaced again and Josuke ignored the turn he had to take to get home.
Instead, he followed the path to local mangaka’s house.
He repeated to himself how Rohan hadn’t reached out to him since he left. That he had been gone for a solid month. That the last words the man had said to him was that he’d be back soon. That the kisses he felt were real. That the words uttered to him meant something. That the aching feeling in his heart was more than he claimed it was.
That he absolutely deserved to deck Rohan in the face for leaving him in a pit of insecurity and doubt.
But then he also told himself that it didn’t matter. They were never exclusive. They never agreed to be together. Rohan wasn’t his. He never was.
“Josuke?” A voice plucked him back into reality.
He looked up into the face that plagued his dreams. He had reached Rohan’s house and the man himself was standing on the porch, house keys in one hand and luggage in the other.
Josuke opened his mouth to speak but words had failed him. “Ah…” The heat of embarrassment stained his cheeks. “...Hey. You’re-”
“Yeah, I’m back.” Rohan pocketed his keys. “I just got here from the airport. Sorry, I know I was gone for a while-”
“Yeah!” Josuke forced a laugh and took a step towards him. “You were. A whole month.”
Rohan tried to hide the shame in his eyes. “I wasn’t expecting it to be that long. A lot of things came up while I was there. There was more than a few interviews, a drawing workshop that randomly decided they wanted to invite me since I was in town, a book signing, and-”
“Why didn’t you call me or….” The student pressed his lips together, not wanting to give himself away. “I mean, I thought maybe you’d be gone a week at most.”
“Well,” Rohan shrugged. “I thought about it but you said you didn’t care to be updated.”
“I didn’t-” He huffed. “I didn’t say I didn’t care.” Josuke made his way closer, feeling wholly satisfied that the mangaka didn’t make any move to back away. “Just to not let me distract you from what was happening. I still would’ve appreciated a call or…. Or somethin’.”
Josuke stopped a foot shy from the first step of the porch. Rohan watched him from the top step.
“Of course, you’re telling me that now.” The man sighed. “I’m sorry. I could have but…” He trailed off and looked past Josuke. “But I assumed you didn’t want to hear me complain about the bullshit those clowns put me through.” His face burned with a hint of red.
Josuke fought a smile. “Is that why you’d call? Just to bitch about things to me? Not to tell me that you missed me?” He shrugged and shifted on his feet. “Guess I can’t have everything in life.”
“I did-” Rohan cleared his throat. “...I did miss you. Don’t assume I didn’t. I’m not that heartless.”
A sucker punch of affection rattled his nerves. He couldn’t stop his smile and gave in, beaming at Rohan. “Me too. I… I missed you too.”
They stared at each other, searching for what to say next.
“I…” Rohan began. “I didn’t think you’d care to reconnect when I came back, to be honest.” He avoided Josuke’s questioning look.
“What, why? Why wouldn’t I?”
“You’re a young guy. I assumed you’d run into someone else and prefer them.” He spoke candidly with sharp honesty.
Josuke scoffed and took a moment to clear his head. “Rohan. I’m not fickle like that.” He stepped forward. “I’m… The kind of guy who believes in love.” He said it outloud without much thought but as soon as he did, he wanted to take it back.
It’s too soon for that, isn’t it?
A twist of apprehension revealed itself on Rohan’s face.
Josuke wanted to disappear.