Chapter Text
„One Caramel Latte Macchiato, small. And no sugar.”
„No sugar won’t be – “ Sam interrupted his answer as he looked up from wiping a plate. No one was standing in front of the counter. Some customers were sitting at the tables, drinking their coffee’s, reading books or browsing at their computers but no one was anywhere close to him.
“Do I have to repeat myself or what?”
There it was again! Clear and loud, the voice of a grown man. Sam leaned over the counter and saw that someone actually was standing there. Well, or rather something. A little green-skinned goblin with ridiculously long ears. He had his arms crossed and patted his foot on the ground.
“If I had wanted to wait half an hour I would’ve gone to Starbucks”, he said.
“You can’t order something with caramel and then demand it to be sugarless”, Sam said. Was this real or was he dreaming? No one looked surprised to see a goblin – well, no one looked at all.
“Obviously I meant no extra sugar!” The goblin stamped his little foot heavily on the ground and despite the fact Sam still didn’t know whether he was dreaming or not he hurried to the coffee machine. You wouldn’t want to risk worsening the mood of an already ill-tempered goblin.
“Mr Evans… what are you doing?”
His boss Mr Smith had come out – right now, of course – and frowned at him.
“Serving a customer!”
Mr Smith looked to the apparently empty counter and back at Sam.
“Go round and take a look.”
Mr Smith didn’t do anything.
“If you want to drink a coffee during your break that’s cool. But you’re still on your shift”, he said.
“I swear I’m – just go and look!” Sam gesticulated to the counter. Finally Mr Smith went to the front of the counter. In anticipation of his astonished face Sam already nodded.
Mr Smith turned to him.
“Is this a bad joke or what?”
“I didn’t make him!”
“I am not a joke!” the goblin said.
“You didn’t make what, Mr Evans? There is no one. I will let this go just this time but if I catch you drinking coffee once more…”
“I didn’t drink coffee!”
Mr Smith silently shook his head and went back to the kitchen. Sam stood motionless, not sure what was going on. And the goblin complained again.
“If I wanted to have cold coffee I would’ve gone to McDonalds!”
Sam tried to shake the craziness off of him. When he leaned over the goblin was still standing there. Sam quickly took a look around before he reached the mug down to him.
“That’s five dollars and –”
“Ah, do I look like I have human currency? Keep your bill!”
And poof it vanished into thin air – with the coffee nonetheless.
“Okaaaaay”, Sam mumbled. He looked to other costumers. They weren’t bothered at all. Maybe it had been a hallucination. Not that Sam had ever had one before. But what other explanation could there be? Yeah… hallucination, that’s it.
“Sam Evans? Sam Evans?”
“Yeah, that’s me”, Sam said. He put the goblin far, far away and concentrated on the man that had just stormed in. A girl on the table next to the door threw him a complaining look so he was real, a real human being.
Just who was he and how did he know Sam’s name?
“Sam Evans! There you are! Oh, my daughter is looking for you! See, she’s a princess and wants to marry –”
“Sorry, I’m with someone!” Sam quickly said.
The man paused to laugh. He opened his white beard framed mouth and let out the loudest laugh Sam had ever heard. More customers frowned at him.
Eventually he leaned onto his black stick and observed Sam curiously.
“You think a princess would want to marry you?”
“If your daughter is a princess, are you a king?”
“Of course. But I’m also a wise man who looks for solutions and everything. See, giant rats attacked our kingdom and have taken it over. We only managed to escape because my insane son had built an arch and collected a lot of –”
“Animals? One female and one male of each species?”
The man snorted. “If only. No, he collected every possible Pokémon card there is and tried to hide them on this ship. I pushed them all over board so the rats couldn’t follow us and it worked. The Pokémon cards saved our royal asses. Who would’ve guessed it.”
“Yeah, no, I certainly not!” Sam rolled his eyes and made a mental note to hide his Pokèmon monopoly game under his bed later.
“Well, anyway, we are on a spooky island now where only goblins live – by the way, have you seen one? I thought I saw him walking in here.”
He looked around. Sam put his head back and clenched his fists.
“Yes! Not a hallucination, I knew it! I’m not insane!”
The man eyed him suspiciously. “That’s what my son always says but we know he is insane. His mother had him tested.”
“Whatever! None of my busyness! My shift is almost over.”
Sam looked at his watch. It had a Captain America motive and he hoped the weird old man had nothing against that – but on the other hand why should that bother Sam?
“You are Sam Evans so it is your business! You are the chosen one.”
“Okaaaay. Still, I’m meeting with my boyfriend in half an hour so if this could wait until tomorrow...”
The man pushed his stick loudly to the ground and Sam could’ve sworn he saw lightning coming out of his eyes.
“Mr Evans, what on earth – oh. Hello. Is there a problem?” Mr Smith appeared next to Sam and suspiciously eyed the weird man.
“Yes, Sam Evans refuses to come with me to save the earth from being destroyed!”
“Woah there! You never said anything about the apocalypse!” Sam said.
Mr Smith opened his mouth. Then he closed it and looked at Sam.
“Is this one of your LARP friends? I told you to not bring them here!”
“Mr Smith, I have never seen this man ever before, I swear.”
“Please get out. You, too, Mr Evans, you are fired!”
“You can’t fire me, I’m… I’m such a good… coffee maker!”
“I’ll find someone new. Go, get out, go go go!”
Reluctantly Sam took off his apron and rumpled it before he gave it to Mr Smith, ha! But then he stood in front of his workplace of the last four month – Lovely Coffee Lovely Bird – and sighed. Now what? Part time jobs were hard to get by these times! All while New York landlords weren’t empathetic at all and that was the worst mix of facts ever.
Sure, Sam could maybe try to get a job in the field he had actually studied to work in but… he’d have to work on an application and all that then. Not to mention that there were very many product designers out there and Sam wasn’t the best of them all. There was a reason as to why he had worked in a coffee shop instead, damn it!
“So yeah, the world will be destroyed if you don’t come with me”, the bearded man picked up the conversation.
Sam turned to him. “It’s your fault I got fired!”
“Who cares. Just agree and I take you to my world.”
“As said before I’m on my way to a date. And not in the mood to save any worlds.”
“Not even your own?”
In that moment another man came round the corner. Luckily it was one of Sam’s friends so no danger here!
As soon as Blaine had arrived Sam hid behind him.
“Tell the weird man to go away!”
“Oh, you must be Gandalf the thirtieth! I have heard so much about you!” Blaine said and shook the weird man’s hand.
“What the hell?” Sam said.
Blaine turned to him with the most enthusiastic expression ever.
“This is Gandalf the thirtieth! He lives in another dimension called Over-Earth and his daughter needs to marry the prince of Under-Earth so that Middle-Earth – where we live – can continue to exist!”
“Whaaaat the prince of Under-earth? That sounds scary! Why?”
Blaine’s eyes got big. “Please, Sam, don’t question the motives of fate! The important thing here is that you need to help him because otherwise the world will end.”
“Okay, first of all: how do you know this shit? Second: Why does he need me? Third: Rory is waiting for me, I can’t just go to other dimensions!”
“What is more important, saving the world or your relationship?”
“Are you telling me you would leave Kurt for a mission?”
“I totally would, really, honestly! But this is your call, Sam, not mine.”
“Uhem, can I say something?” the weird man asked.
“No!” both Blaine and Sam said.
However, the weird man a.k.a. Gandalf the thirtieth held up a smart phone.
“Fate update! I’m gonna need both of you.”
Blaine went pale. “What?”
Sam secretly smirked and Gandalf XXX nodded.
“I just got a text from her, we also need Blaine Anderson.”
“How do you know my name?” Blaine asked while Sam had a much more important question.
“Who said this?”
“Well, Fate.”
“Fate sent you a text?”
“Oh for Over-Earths sake, how often do I have to say it?”
“I can’t just leave this world”, Blaine said. “My boyfriend is waiting for me.”
“As is mine!”
“I assume you’re talking about Kurt Hummel and Rory Flanagan. I ordered my insane son to kidnap them both and lock them away so that we have leverage to make you two come with me.”
“How did you know you also need leverage for me when Fate just updated you?” Blaine asked.
“Because I travelled or rather will travel back in time! Seriously, what do you humans know?”
“Duh, Blaine, even I could have told you this”, Sam said, rolling his eyes.
Then he started to think. So Rory was in captivity of an insane prince and could only be saved by going on a crazy adventure that included inter-dimensional travel and giant rats. How hadn’t he seen before how good this sounded? Like a real life movie. Everything would end well anyhow. It always did in the movies.
He met Blaine’s gaze and silently asked him what he thought. Blaine sighed and then nodded.
“What do we have to do?” he asked Gandalf XXX.
Gandalf XXX smiled, clapped his hands and everything around Sam got dark.
-
The next thing Sam knew was that he was lying in a huge hammock. His surroundings were dark and cold and some unknown bird sounds pealed out in rustling trees. A blanket laid over him so his body wasn’t as cold as the air that touched his face. It also helped that someone was lying next to him, snoring.
Other than that no human or otherwise living being was to be seen.
“Blaine?” Sam whispered. When no answer came, he pushed his elbow into the other one’s side. Immediately the snoring stopped and Blaine yawned.
“Where am I?”
“I’m not sure”, Sam said. In the darkness he saw Blaine lifting his head and looking at him.
“Oh, you aren’t Kurt.”
“Thank God!”
“What that’s supposed to mean?”
“It means that I like being me.”
“Oh.” Blaine sat up and made the hammock swing. It also pulled the blanket off of Sam and cold air hit his chest and arms. He threw them around his waist and narrowed his eyes.
“Why did they put us into the wilderness when they need us that urgent?”
“Maybe this is part of the task. Do you think I will be eaten if I touch the ground?”
Sam snorted. “This is another dimension, not a child’s game.”
“Well. I knew that. I was just testing you”, Blaine said and swung his legs to the side. Still he stepped on the ground very carefully, first one foot, then the other.
Sam pulled the blanket all around him and tried to warm up again. Let Blaine do the work and then return home gloriously.
“Where are we?” Blaine asked again.
“Oh, just in my humble kingdom!”
Suddenly lights went on. They came from a tree-house in a huge maple tree right in front of them. It was three stories large and shone like a golden apple. On a balcony stood a man with a black long ponytail and elf-like clothes.
He spread his arms.
“Welcome, chosen ones!”
“Are you Gandalf’s insane son?” Sam asked. He got up, too, and glared at the wooden house.
The man sighed. He jumped down and landed in front of them.
“I’m not insane, I’m –”
“Is your name Gandalf the thirty-first?” Blaine wanted to know.
“No, okay, it is not! I refused to be called like that and that’s why they all think I’m insane! But seriously would you want to be called like everybody who came before you?”
“Then what is your name?” Sam asked. “And please don’t say Frodo.”
“Fr – what? No, my name is…” He bowed before them and spread his arms again. “Summerwhine.”
Sam blinked, his head empty. He exchanged a look with Blaine whose expression was as blank as his own had to be and looked back at the elf.
“Excuse me?”
“Summerwhine. First I thought about ‘Midsummer Night’s Dream’ but that’s pretty long, don’t you think?”
“Summerwhine is long, too”, Sam said. He felt a grin creeping up and suppressed it. Go back, go back, don’t smile now. What a stupid name, oh my God. Could Summerwhine only whine during the summer or what?
“Yeah, so… long. That’s it. Long”, Blaine said.
Sam kneaded his hands and also forbid himself to look at Blaine who had sounded like he suppressed a laugh, too.
Summerwhine shook his head. “It’s so short that it’s a scandal. People think I’m insane.”
“Yeah… We got that”, Blaine said.
“So… they think you’re insane because your name is short and not…because…”
Sam glanced at Blaine. Unfortunately the black haired man looked at him, too, and as soon as their eyes met Sam felt the grin creeping on his face. Blaine laughed and then the both of them couldn’t do anything else anymore.
“What, what? Do I have a spider in my hair again?” Summerwhine drove his hands through his hair but Sam couldn’t breathe let alone say anything.
“Summerwhiiiiiine!” a woman’s voice called. He stopped examining his hair and shuddered.
“What now!?”
The laugh attack faded away. Sam held his stomach that literally hurt from laughing and shook his head.
“Wow. Okay, we’re in a strange, maybe dangerous place and we just laughed our asses off. I think we’re the ones being insane.”
“Oh… ah. Yes.” Blaine rocked with one more laughter.
“Let’s go! Princess Sherenade-Ukelele will want to see you”, Summerwhine said.
“Princess Sh… what? Oh Lord”, Blaine said.
But Summerwhine was already approaching the tree. A ladder hung there and he started to climb.
“So he can’t jump upstairs”, Sam said. “Found his weakness.”
“Or maybe he can and just screws with us”, Blaine said as they went to the tree.
“Well… I wouldn’t mind being screwed by him”, Sam grinned.
“You… Okay, I will pretend that I didn’t hear this”, Blaine said.
“Why? Don’t you think he’s hot?”
Sam pointed upstairs where Summerwhine in tight white pants climbed above them, his backside the most obvious thing to be seen.
“Does it matter? I’m in a relationship! You are, too! What would Rory say!?” Blaine shook his head.
“It’s not like I’m doing anything, come on! Just looking! Don’t tell me you never look at other men!”
“Well… maybe.”
Sam grinned his ‘I knew it’ smile but before he could ask for details Blaine said: “But just because Kurt and I aren’t as passionate as we used to be. I totally wouldn’t otherwise! I wouldn’t even notice!”
“You – oh. I didn’t know. I’m sorry”, Sam said. He knew how it could be when a relationship hit a low. Sometimes you had to be patient and overcome it and sometimes… well.
“Do you want to –”
“No, stop looking at me like that! I shouldn’t have said anything. We will be fine. Come on, let’s go!”
Blaine gestured to the ladder that hung from the tree.
When they arrived at the first story Summerwhine stood next to a large, lean woman with hair as golden as the light that surrounded the house. She wore a strict expression, though, and lifted one eyebrow as Sam and Blaine arrived.
“That’s them? They look poorly. Look at their clothes. And short hair, like servants. They can’t safe us.”
“Uhm, if Daddy says they can they will”, Summerwhine said. The princess shot him a nasty look.
“I’m going to bed. Tomorrow we’ll see if they are useful or not”, she said. Two maidens ran after her as she entered the house through a wooden curtain.
“Pfff I’m so not envying the prince who has to marry her. He may be living in Under-Earth but he hasn’t seen true suffering until he has lived with Sherenade-Ukelele!”
“Still don’t know why you need us to make that happen”, Sam said.
“What, didn’t Daddy tell you? Oh, that’s so typical. He likes to be all mysterious and stuff. Anyway, it’s –”
“Summerwhiiiiiiine!”
“Oh. Excuse me. I’ll tell you tomorrow. The maids will show you your rooms.”
He snapped and out of nowhere two young girls with dreadlocks appeared.
-
Since there was no reason as to why those people had dropped him and Blaine in a hammock outside in the cold when there was a warm tree-house close by Sam decided it had been the decision of Gandalf XXX who liked to make things ‘mysterious and stuff’. Yeah.
But Summerwhine didn’t seem too bad. Sam wondered where he had put Rory and Kurt. Maybe even in this house? They wouldn’t be treated too badly. Maybe even like kings and in the end Sam would have to wonder why on earth he had to rescue them.
He was lying on his bed and couldn’t get over the day. How was he supposed to sleep when all of a sudden he was in another dimension or world or whatever? But it also was kind of fun. Rory and he would’ve just gone to some lame restaurant if they hadn’t been kidnapped. See, inter-dimensional adventures could spice up the day! (And make him lose his work but he would deal with that another time.)
The room he was in was completely wooden and the light came from lanterns hanging on the walls. The ‘bathroom’ consisted of two buckets with cold water and an empty one, possibly to pee into it.
Sam washed himself as much as possible and tried to brush his tooth with his fingers. Then he lay on the bed and got out his phone. Of course it didn’t have any WIFI or other connection so he just played Commando until he was tired of shooting people. When he tossed his phone aside he wondered what he should wear for the night.
There was a knock on his door. Sam frowned at it. Now it could’ve been Blaine but it also could’ve been the princess who wanted to tell him how bad-looking he was. Or worse a toxic snake that wanted to bite him.
Sam tiptoed to the door and laid his ear against it. Nothing to be heard through the heavy wood. And no spy eye, oh, how could people live like that?
“Yeah?” he said.
“It’s me, Blaine.”
“Proof it!”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Sam, who else would want to visit you?”
“Hey, I’m not that unpopular. Maybe Summerwhine would want to pay me a night visit.” Sam grinned as he opened the door.
“Stop this nonsense”, Blaine said as he came in. He went straight to the bed and let himself fall onto it.
“Make yourself comfortable!” Sam mumbled.
“It’s just… I’m homesick. I miss Kurt. Where is he, what have they done to him?”
“Oh, uhm… Nothing bad, I guess.”
Sam went to the bed again and sat down on the other side, pulling out his phone from where Blaine laid on it. The other men didn’t even react.
“Don’t you miss Rory?” he instead asked.
Sam puckered his lips. Did he? Not really. That was because they didn’t spent so much time together anyway. They didn’t see each other every day. Sometimes not even on the weekends.
In the beginning it had been different, of course. They had met again in college after Sam had forgotten all about the Irish exchange student. It turned out Rory had moved to the States after graduation to start a new life. Sam had already known he could also love boys after some experiments and so hadn’t fought against blossoming feelings.
But well, this had been four years ago and sometimes Sam thought he just stayed with Rory because he liked being in a relationship. New things were exciting, yes, but meeting your long-term boyfriend after a hard day’s work was even better.
“He will be fine. And Kurt, too, believe me”, Sam said. He leaned against the top piece and opened Commando.
“I don’t feel so good in this house and… it’s all so strange.”
“Dude, you’re whining. Autumn-whining though”, Sam said. He shot a passenger and some birds.
“Are you really that cold hearted?”
Sam frowned and looked at Blaine. “I’m just not freaking out. In case you forgot, it’s Summerwhine who kidnapped Kurt and Rory. Do you really think he would do them any harm?”
Blaine shrugged and closed his eyes. Sam went back to his game until he had enough again. He put his phone onto the bedside table and laid down completely on the bed, his eyes all of a sudden heavy as lead.
When he opened his eyes again he felt drowsy. He must have fallen asleep. Blaine was, too. He was laying on the bed now, mouth open and snoring very lightly.
Sam lifted his head. The room hadn’t changed, they still were here. Even the lanterns still burnt.
Sam got up to pee into the empty container. Then he got out of his jeans, blew out the lanterns and climbed under the bed cover. Very shortly he considered waking Blaine to send him to his own room and stop occupying half of the space on the bed. But that would have required energy that Sam wasn’t willing to give. He pulled the blanket over his head and closed his eyes.