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Character A of your OTP can’t figure out how to first say “I love you”. What do they try and how awkward is it?
Jaehyun has always wanted to convey these words of love, which he thinks he should be doing soon because he swears he could feel them threatening him to spill the beans now. But can anyone blame Jaehyun? He’s just your average awkward broke college student and to somehow strengthen the fact that he’s just incapable of doing things like ‘confessing’, he’s very shy and growing up in the environment where unspoken words can convey any needs or wants, Jaehyun doubts he will get his feelings across.
At least he believes that despite his cons, he at least has his friend, Sicheng. Sicheng, or commonly known as Love God in Jaehyun’s dictionary, has plenty of experiences with dating and by plenty, Jaehyun is pretty sure Sicheng has managed to achieve every ‘relationship goals’ with Taeyong.
The two are inseparable and it sucks because Jaehyun would always be that third-wheeler who’s stuck with watching the lovebirds feeding each other and give heart eyes every time their eyes meet. It sucks, really.
So on Sicheng and Taeyong’s nth date, when Johnny had come to their table, almost like a guardian angel, Jaehyun thanked the stars and the God because he wouldn’t need to suffer this ‘single’ isolation alone. He didn’t even know Johnny at the time but the small smile that the older gave when he glanced towards Jaehyun’s direction was all Jaehyun needed to celebrate the newcomer.
‘’Hey, you guys, this is a public place, please. Look at your friend here!’’ Johnny coos and Jaehyun almost cringes because most of the time, he doesn’t really mind the excessive public display of affection but hearing how someone talked about his ‘pitiful’ life that way, Jaehyun feels small. So, he hunched his shoulders, almost as if he’s resigning to his second nature; awkwardness.
‘’Aw, Jaehyunnie! I’m sorry! I’m a horrible friend.’’ Sicheng pouted, with his hands around Taeyong’s neck. Very convincing. To Jaehyun, it was never a problem but somehow that time, the presence of Johnny has somehow catalysed the awkwardness residing in him. ‘’That’s a very honest apology, Sicheng. I’m moved to tears. Boohoo.’’ Johnny fake cried and while Sicheng ended up giving Johnny a puppy-like glare, Jaehyun chuckled and somehow that has marked as the start of the friendship between Jung Jaehyun and Seo Youngho.
***
‘’Just tell him; pretty sure he has the hots for you as well. I see the love in his eyes whenever he looks at you.’’ Sicheng teases as he makes this funny face that he knows very well will tick Jaehyun off. Jaehyun rolls his eyes. It’s easy for him to say, even if Johnny ‘has the hots’ for him, that doesn’t make the ‘confessing’ any easier. There’s their long ongoing friendship to think about. What if Sicheng, the Love God, has it all wrong? What if Johnny hadn’t even loved him?
Jaehyun groans. ‘’This is hard. Can I not do this?’’ He’s about to grab the monitor to his laptop and slam it to the keyboard but Sicheng grabs him by the wrist.
‘’Dude, you’re like on the fifth ‘o’ of Google already. You can’t stop now.’’ Sicheng gives a stern look, almost resembling his mother that Jaehyun couldn’t bear to look Sicheng in the eyes for more than two seconds. ‘’I’ve been through the same website, Sicheng. WikiHow, Buzzfeed, The Frisky. They’re not doing anything to me. I can’t just flat out say ‘I like you’, I’m not even comfortable in saying his name!’’ Jaehyun flings his arms in the air, stomping his feet like a child’s act.
‘’Jaehyun, not all of the tips given are about confessing as directly as you think it is. There’s this thing called body language and there’s also this thing called ‘double date’. Wait, a double date?!’’
Sicheng’s eyes twinkle and he raised his index finger up as if he has just found a solution to a chemical problem. ‘’A double date! Me and Taeyong-hyung and you with Johnny-hyung!’’
‘’Wait, you’re forgetting something. We do this, what you called double date, all the freaking time. He would only see it as another hang out with his friends.’’
‘’Not, if I say it’s going to be a ‘double date’, right?’’ Sicheng stresses the word double date and Jaehyun could literally feel the word being imprinted on his brain. ‘What the fuck?’
‘’No, Sicheng.’’ Jaehyun pleads with his eyes and he grabs Sicheng’s hands as if he’s a prisoner of Sicheng’s love lesson and when Sicheng gives him that look again, Jaehyun knows he’s doomed.
‘’No, Jaehyun. This is going to be for your own good. And mine as well because then I would get to laugh my ass off seeing your awkward ass trying to initiate any sort of interaction with Johnny-hyung.’’
***
‘’So, Johnny-hyung?’’ Sicheng slowly tiptoes his way to Johnny’s seat as if he’s up to something bad. Then again, they’re in the library and Johnny is studying something that has numbers on the cover of the book. Sicheng almost wants to turn his eyes away in disgust because numbers equivalent to vomit and that’s not even an accurate way to express his hatred for Mathematics.
‘’Okay, before I get down to it, can you please put that somewhere else?’’ Sicheng points at the cursed book Johnny is holding and he subtly mouths an ‘ew’. Johnny eyes him curiously but he wordlessly puts his Mathematics book away, hiding the hideous cover with his calculator.
‘’Okay, shoot.’’
‘’So, by any chance, are you free this Saturday?’’ Sicheng eyes Johnny with his cutesy eyes and he fiddles with his fingers just to take extra precautions, just in case Johnny was to decide on rejecting him. When Sicheng slowly curves his mouth upwards as if he’s finding this situation funnier by every second, Johnny is positive that the scheming boy is up to something. Johnny is no stranger to Sicheng’s cunning ways.
‘’Might be, what’re you planning?’’ Johnny keenly observes Sicheng as if the action would uncover the younger’s ulterior motives.
‘’Well, I just want to us to have a double date.’’ Sicheng pouts as he casts his gaze downwards and Johnny hates to admit but the action did amplify Sicheng’s cuteness.
‘’Wait, details please, who ‘us’?’’
‘’Uh, me and Taeyong-hyung.’’ Sicheng pauses. Johnny urges him to continue as he waves his hand in the air, prodding the younger.
‘’You and Jaehyun.’’
***
‘’So, what would be weirder? That Johnny-hyung actually agreed to this or the fact that I think this is all just a figment of my imagination coming to life as in it’s just a dream? Please, Sicheng, slap me.’’ Sicheng would love to slap his friend in the face, hard, but decides against it when he sees the different hues of pink tainting Jaehyun’s cheeks and how his friend is smiling with his dimples showing full-blast. Sicheng would at least admit this, he’s very proud of his own idea.
It amazed him as well when Johnny accepted the invitation and honestly, he couldn’t make out anything out of Johnny’s unreadable expression and he had a hard time explaining his facial expression to Taeyong, whom he believed is an expert in Johnny. Taeyong and Johnny have been friends ever since their kindergarten years after all.
‘’As much as I would love to give you that painful slap, you deserve this happiness at least, Jaehyun. I’m so happy for you.’’ Sicheng smiles and Jaehyun could tell from that he’s earnest. Jaehyun feels like crying and laughing at the same time. If Johnny was to see this mess called Jaehyun, he would probably be having second thoughts about this ‘double date’.
Jaehyun walks towards Sicheng and engulfs him in a bear hug. Jaehyun is shaking from all the mess that is happening inside him, there’s happiness and there’s a clot of nervousness and there’s just a mix of feelings all over his body. Jaehyun couldn’t tell what’s what anymore but all he knows that he needs to thank Sicheng for this opportunity.
‘’Thank you, Sicheng. I’m really nervous, though.’’ Jaehyun talks into Sicheng’s shirt, his voice muffled by the fabric. ‘’Don’t worry, I’ll have the tentative program all set up!’’ Sicheng smiles into their embrace as his hand soothingly circles Jaehyun’s back.
***
Friday, 1410 hours
Johnny: so about the date tomorrow……
1424 hours
Jaehyun: what about it
Johnny: well what’re we doing…..is sicheng pranking us or you or me…
Jaehyun: uh idk
Johnny: ………..or you are pranking me
Jaehyun: wait what NOOOO uh just wait until tomorrow….i’m going to sleep .-.
Johnny: wait it’s two in the afternoon, you sleeping already….go enjoy the sun or something
Jaehyun: i’m a sloth, hyung, ok night
Johnny: ………………..\(._.)/……………….
***
When Jaehyun had said something about his feelings and confessing, Sicheng was excited and eager to know all about Jaehyun’s crush, the small details and the thoughts Jaehyun have of his ’crush’. As if they were teenage girls on a sleepover, they spent the night awake with Jaehyun spouting every nonsensical, silly thoughts and dream he had of Johnny. It was relieving to say at least for Jaehyun, having to pend up all these passive aggressive affection towards the charismatic older boy was hard for him.
‘’I totally get how people would like him actually. He’s Johnny-hyung after all, most of the people in my department have heard of his name and to think that he’s a major nerd.’’ Sicheng laughed and Jaehyun realized how he could add that to the list of reasons why he likes Johnny. It’s how a contrast he is on the exterior, Jaehyun knows how Johnny loves to binge watch Barney sometimes because the show reminded him of his childhood in Chicago. Jaehyun likes how Johnny would always bring his Calculus book all around the campus because he doesn’t like to waste his time away. A saying that the older has always lived by, ‘time is gold’.
When Jaehyun thinks about that now, Johnny is right. Time is gold and Jaehyun doesn’t have much time. Whether he likes it or not, he has to spit out his feelings for Johnny and the only way to do so is by confessing. He has to, time is gold. Time is gold.
***
Jaehyun wakes up six hours earlier than the time Sicheng had appointed yesterday. He’s a nervous wreck and the Sun isn’t even here yet to accompany him. Some light would surely lighten this uneasiness in him. His shaky hands rack through his messy closet. Clothes are scattered everywhere and Jaehyun is not sure where he had put the clean pants. With anxiety creeping on his every nerve, Jaehyun doesn’t think it’s a good idea to be thinking about that now. He needs to relax and if Sicheng was here, he would have told Jaehyun to do the same. ‘Okay, relax, Jaehyun.’ Jaehyun inhales and exhales.
It never really crossed his mind that he doesn’t know what they will be doing today. Sure, Sicheng had told him that he will have everything planned but experience has taught him well. Jaehyun doesn’t completely put his trust on Sicheng. Everyone knows how much of a prankster he is, well everyone except those who are not friends with him and by being friends with him, meaning those who have at least talked three times with him.
Jaehyun picks up his phone on the nightstand beside his bed and skims through his contacts to message Sicheng about today.
0410 hours
Jaehyun: so you tellin me or not about today’s tentative….cuz im at lost here
0745 hours
Sicheng: WTF ARE U UP SO EARLY OMG???
0750 hours
Jaehyun: SHUT UP
Jaehyun: so tell me about today asdkjasld I’m half dying here, thinking about what to wear ;;__;;
Sicheng: <(030)>
Jaehyun: WTF
Sicheng: seen kbye
Jaehyun: SICHENG DON’T YOU DARE DO THIS TO ME, I’M GOING TO STEAL YOUR ICE-CREAM STASH
Sicheng: don’t you
Sicheng: dare
Jaehyun: WATCH ME
0810 hours
Sicheng: today’s tentative is as below;
- Cook and have an impromptu eating show at Taeyong’s house ❤
- Make sure Jaehyun confesses
- If everything else fails, we’ll go watch a movie in the living room instead and somehow lock them in his bedroom for them to have their ‘private time’
Jaehyun: you clearly didn’t think this through huh
Sicheng: if this works, you’ll have to be my lifetime ice-cream supplier :P
***
Jaehyun settles with a pastel pink sweatshirt and black ripped jeans. He remembers the time where Johnny once called him cute when he wore the same sweatshirt and the sweater paws he’s gotten has somehow boosted his score points in Johnny’s cute-o-meter (whom Jaehyun likes to believe that the older secretly has). Jaehyun isn’t sure whether Johnny had noticed but Jaehyun’s cheeks bathe in bright pink and red the whole day.
He looks at himself in front of the small floor mirror in his bedroom and smirks a little because a rush of adrenaline and confidence suddenly bursts into his bloodstream that he feels great and so stunning that he knows Johnny wouldn’t be able to tear his eyes away. It almost seems as if the old, awkward Jaehyun is gone. To think that a pastel pink sweater holds such a power.
Jaehyun is about to head off his house when he feels his phone vibrates against the fabric of his jeans. It could be Sicheng trying to prove how his ‘idea’ is going to make Jaehyun question his IQ level again.
0832 hours
Johnny: wanna walk to taeyong’s house together? we could stop by your favourite cafe ☺
Jaehyun internally screams (and externally) at the sudden text and his stomach suddenly craves a certain Americano from a certain cafe. He curses his desperate stomach.
0835 hours
Jaehyun: sure ☺☺
***
Jaehyun waits for Johnny at the nearest bus stop in his neighbourhood. It’s a chilly morning and somehow he regrets not bringing an extra layer of clothes to ease the creeping cold. This cute sweater of his would only save him from excessive heat loss to the surroundings for a matter of few hours and Jaehyun silently yearns for Johnny to bring another jacket for him. Then again, Jaehyun wouldn’t have the audacity to ask Johnny, even if he’s on his last breath, dying from the sheer cold. Jaehyun clamps his hands together and rubs them; any form of warmth is decent enough for now.
Jaehyun moves in zero displacement and when someone taps his shoulder, he flinches and mouths a slow ‘fuck’. He whips his head round to face the potential attacker. It’s Johnny and from the confused look on his face, Jaehyun can tell that it’s either his exaggerated response or the fact that he lacked fabric that made the expression apparent on the elder’s face.
‘’Omg, chill! And by chill, you’re getting way too comfortable in this cold weather, huh?’’ Johnny points at Jaehyun’s attire and Jaehyun feels like digging a hole, a hole for him to spend the remnants of his days. Johnny is sporting a dark green parka and underneath it, a grey sweatshirt. Jaehyun brushes off invisible specks of dust from his shoulders as an attempt to regain the last of the remaining confidence he has. ‘’You got me there. It didn’t occur to me that it will be this cold.’’ Jaehyun chuckles and huffs few puffy breaths into the air.
‘’You could have my jacket. I really don’t mind.’’ Johnny insists and Jaehyun almost squeals because he can’t believe that his past self just predicted the future. Except that Johnny is not offering his extra jacket, Johnny is offering his own jacket and he’s left to die of cold alone. Despite that, it would take more than just Johnny’s ‘I don’t mind’ to make Jaehyun willingly accept the generous offer. ‘’It’s okay, those who bring trouble to themselves shall bear the consequences themselves. It’s a short walk to the café anyways.’’ Jaehyun refuses and he tries to hide the fact that the creeping cold is getting to him when he crosses his arms.
‘’You’re going to die, Jaehyun. At least, save me from being the first suspect of your death. Plus, I have high heat capacity either way.’’ Johnny raises one brow to emphasize his point. Jaehyun hates how Johnny does it (being logical and all) but he takes the offered jacket anyways and revels in the fact that it’s pretty big on him. Jaehyun likes how ‘boyfriends’ they look.
The walk to Jaehyun’s favourite café isn’t as awkward Jaehyun thought it would be. The fact that they’re on a date didn’t cross Jaehyun’s mind, at least until Johnny mentions about it. When Johnny mentions about it, there’s no denying that both of them are aware that Jaehyun stopped dead in his tracks for a second or two. What about it, Jaehyun says and Johnny looks at him confused as if the two being on a date did not appeal as something to Jaehyun. ‘’Well, we’re on a date. There must be a reason why Sicheng had planned this ‘double date’ right?’’ Johnny says as if he’s trying to break it down for Jaehyun, what they’re doing right now is out of the norm.
‘’Doesn’t mean we can’t hang out like usual. ‘Date’ is a just a title. It doesn’t need to mean anything.’’
Jaehyun isn’t sure whether his answer had been the right or the wrong choice for Johnny’s question. It’s as if they’re both starring in a dating simulator. Jaehyun is given choices to reply or react to Johnny’s acts and questions and he doesn’t have much experience with dating games but he’s pretty positive what he had chosen was the wrong answer. Johnny goes quiet, only allowing the sounds of his boots thumping against the snowy pavements fill the ears of anxious Jaehyun. Jaehyun inserts both of his hands into Johnny’s parka’s pockets and slowly delves into self-hatred along their walk to the café.
***
Jaehyun knocks on Taeyong’s door when they arrive exactly at the appointed time of the double date with his half drunk’s Americano. Johnny is behind him and his quietness has wormed its way to Jaehyun’s nerve system that his bladder is acting up. He calls it, anxiety pee. So, when Sicheng turns the doorknob, the sound has instantaneously stimulated Jaehyun’s bladder and Sicheng is just about to greet them with a big smile but falters when Jaehyun walks past him with a quick ‘I need to pee’.
Sicheng instead takes notice on the unusual aura of Johnny. He could almost confirm that Johnny is breaking his usual character but when Johnny turns all crescent eyes and toothy when he smiles, Sicheng decides against it. Either way, Sicheng could tell that his friend has messed up.
Johnny takes a seat on the sofa, not saying a word after a smile. Usually, the older would be chattering his heart out by now. Be it about his new ability to impersonate a parrot or how his mother showed his pictures as a kid to her friends. So, Sicheng slowly walks to the kitchen because he’s afraid of this new Johnny. A quiet Johnny that he thinks will blow off if a sound was to be made.
‘’Jaehyun fucked up big time, hyung.’’ Sicheng quietly steps into the kitchen and loudly whispers against Taeyong’s ear. It almost as if it didn’t make any difference, Sicheng was whispering very loudly and the distance between the kitchen and the living room isn’t all too long. Taeyong turns to face Sicheng’s panicked expression and grabs the younger closer by the waist. ‘’What did he do this time?’’
‘’I don’t know but I’m pretty sure his awkward self acted up again.’’ Sicheng leans his head on Taeyong’s shoulder and whines. He wonders what Jaehyun had done this time. Sicheng has always known that Jaehyun tends to act according to his second nature, awkwardness. At those times, it’s not nice to know how it impacted others. During the first years of their friendship, Jaehyun has a tendency to distance himself from Sicheng because apparently, Jaehyun had thought he had come across as annoying and unworthy of a friend like Sicheng. It took Sicheng few days to convince him the opposite and he’s convinced that Johnny is now a victim of Jaehyun’s awkwardness.
‘’I think we should skip ‘cooking and impromptu eating show’ and just get to locking them up in your bedroom.’’ Sicheng says against Taeyong’s printed shirt.
***
‘’So, Johnny-hyung, can you get my charger from Taeyong-hyung’s room? I need to help with the kitchen works.’’ Sicheng bravely says to the brooding Johnny and he’s glad that he didn’t forget to do his usual puppy eyes. Jaehyun is now seated on the chairs of the dining room. The tension is suffocating and Sicheng hopes his idea would at least ease the tension a little bit. ‘’Jaehyun, you should follow Johnny-hyung because you obviously know how my charger looks like, right?’’ Sicheng turns to Jaehyun, who’s obviously confused by the sudden demand.
Jaehyun looks obviously attacked when he turns his eyes away from his phone. His eyes as if betrayed. ‘’Go along now, kids.’’ Sicheng smiles and Jaehyun mutters something under his breath but Sicheng tunes it off. Jaehyun slowly makes his way next to Johnny, who seems pretty unaffected with his companion.
They head to Taeyong’s room and the fact that it’s so neat makes them question why the need of two people in search for Sicheng’s charger (which is obviously placed on Taeyong’s nightstand). Jaehyun heads to the nightstand to grab the charger but stops when he hears the door clicks. Johnny turns his head to the door and notices that it’s closed. They could hear Sicheng’s giggles behind the door and Jaehyun wants to curse so badly.
Johnny sighs. ‘’I’m guessing there’s definitely a motive to this.’’ The older looks unfazed as if he wants this to be over as soon as possible and Jaehyun feels like crying especially when Johnny takes a seat on the armchair at the corner of Taeyong’s room, digging through his shelves for something to cure his boredom. Luckily (for Johnny), there are tons of old newspapers. Jaehyun couldn’t say anything instead he digs his fingers into his palm. His hands are shaking and Johnny is too busy skimming through old newspapers.
‘’Johnny-hyung.’’ Jaehyun tries to initiate their supposed talk. He’s not going to let this be an ongoing thing, not talking and feeling terrible around each other. Jaehyun is not sure which part did he do wrong. Either way, he should go for it now. Confessing, that is.
‘Time is gold, Jaehyun. Time is gold.’ Jaehyun repeats in his head.
Johnny replies with a small hum, feigning interest. This is not going to matter to him, Jaehyun thinks. He repeats Johnny’s words, muttering the hushed words slowly under his breath. ‘Time is gold.’
‘’I like you.’’ Jaehyun pauses and his gaze immediately return to the ground, not daring to confirm the imaginary Johnny in his head who’s mocking and teasing him becoming a reality. It’s awkward and the pain would be unimaginable. Instead, there’s no sound, not even the sound of Johnny’s voice or his steps. Johnny is glued to his seat and he’s stuck on the same page. ‘’Jaehyun, look up. Look at me.’’
Jaehyun doesn’t dare for a moment but when Johnny repeats the same word, this time with such sternness that Jaehyun feels as if he’s being scolded at, he looks at Johnny’s unreadable expression. ‘’Say that again and this time, look at me.’’ Johnny says and if Jaehyun is not wrong, he notices his mouth forming a small smile but he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. Jaehyun complies. ‘’I like you.’’
Johnny breaks into a smile and he then laughs as if this whole situation has been really amusing. ‘’We’ve been stupid, Jaehyunnie.’’ Johnny removes the newspapers in his lap and walks towards Jaehyun, pulling Jaehyun’s hand along with his. Johnny leans in, letting their foreheads rest against each other. Johnny’s and Jaehyun’s breaths mix as they stare into each other’s eyes. Jaehyun’s breaths are shaky while Johnny’s is cool, calm and so collected that Jaehyun feels like a kid having a crush on their cool teacher. ‘’I like you too. Have always do actually.’’ Johnny says, barely a whisper. Jaehyun smiles with his dimples showing and Johnny kisses Jaehyun. Their first is slow and innocent as if they’re savouring every moment possible because time is always running so fast that they tend to miss out on the best moments. Johnny’s hand rests under Jaehyun’s ear as his thumb caresses Jaehyun’s cheek.
‘’I like you a lot.’’ Jaehyun says as he shamelessly wraps his arms around Johnny’s waist. ‘’I do too, babe.’’
***
Sicheng is glad that the whole misunderstanding is past them. Turns out, stupid Jaehyun had somehow clarified that he didn’t feel anything for Johnny during their walk to the café and Johnny, being the sensitive guy he is, was obviously devastated and thought he should keep his distance because there’s no way to mend his broken heart other than brooding for the whole week. When Jaehyun and Johnny got out (with multiple of shouts because Sicheng and Taeyong were too busy making out in the kitchen), Sicheng could tell that everything is solved. Their love is mutual, Sicheng could see it in the first place because why else would Johnny approach them at the diner some long time ago? He definitely wasn’t there to talk to Taeyong because he didn’t say a word to Taeyong except for a couple of ‘oh’s’ and ‘ah’s’.
Sicheng decides to continue the ‘double date’ as planned except now it’s too late to cook for dinner so instead, they order pizzas. Taeyong is against the unhealthy food choice but with the help of Sicheng’s ability to make anyone bow down to him (except Jaehyun at some times), Taeyong falters. They end the day with movies. They all sit in their comfortable position, Sicheng on Taeyong’s lap and his head readily tucked under Taeyong’s shoulder and Jaehyun sitting closely to Johnny with their fingers interlocked. Sometimes, Johnny would rub small circles with his thumb on their interlocked hands.
In the end, they couldn’t really finish the movie because most have fallen asleep forty minutes into the movie. Jaehyun’s head rests comfortably on Johnny’s shoulder meanwhile Johnny is enjoying their snuggling time as he lays his head on Jaehyun’s head.
***
Now that the two have finally officially clarified their title as 'boyfriends', Jaehyun has been spending so much of his time with Johnny. It was as if they're the new Taeyong and Sicheng, inseparable and always joined by the hip. Well, it's pretty satisfying seeing Sicheng's annoyed expression whenever he encounters the two new lovebirds making out in Jaehyun's room, at least for Jaehyun. There's no one to blame honestly, kissing Johnny is addicting, almost like its own addictive.
When the 'making out' seems to be out of control, almost like a plague, Sicheng busts into their private chamber and shouts a 'Jaehyun, you owe me a lifetime supply of ice-cream!'. Jaehyun groans but nevertheless they both continue their makeout session.
***