Work Text:
Donghyun fixes his black mask and lowers his cap. If people see him, they can only look at his small eyes. Not that people bother looking at him anyway. They do not come here to see him. They come to see the newest boy group of Woollim, little brothers of INFINITE and Lovelyz. They come to see soon-to-debut Golden Child.
The area is packed even when the concert begins at three o’clock. Fangirls sit in the designated seats, huddled together. Fansite-nims also already there, checking their camera’s equipment to ensure they can take the pictures with ease later. Donghyun himself is standing on the floor above the stage, on the right side, blending with others. Many people already take their position there too, he even sees some foreigners.
Everyone is excited, anticipating the first guerrilla concert of Golden Child.
When the concert finally starts, he stands up along with the other fans. He does not have any banners or goods with him, but he also contributes in yelling the members’ name. He does not need to memorize their names. He remembers them by heart.
From the beginning until the end, his gaze is automatically drawn to one person. He cheers for other members but he does harder for this one person. The only member with sleeveless shirt.
Donghyun can see the drools in fans’ face when they look at this member. They are melting even more when the said person starts to sing.
They dance, cover some songs, and perform INFINITE’s Be Mine which gains the loudest fan chant ever that day. Everyone sings along to the song.
When it nears the end, they sing an unfamiliar song, titled SEA. It is their song in upcoming mini album, the B-track. Donghyun likes the beat, the choreography, and seems like everyone finds it good too.
The members now give their ending ment for the audiences. Donghyun grabs his phone, capturing the members perfectly with the camera. He takes their picture one by one.
After the ment, they finally wrap the concert. The members wave, saying their reluctant goodbye then exiting the stage.
Donghyun stays longer. People collect their things and belongings then go from the place but he stands still. Even when he was not on the stage together with the members, he also felt the euphoria.
He imagines how it is if he was also performing, also singing the songs, dancing among them...
How is it if he was still part of the...
Donghyun brushes away the thought. He pockets his phone then leaves the place.
Later that night on his bed, when he already washed his face and brushed his teeth, he sends a message to someone.
From: Donghyun / 23.34
Attached pic
He gets the reply in a blink of eye.
From: Joochan / 23.35
You came to the concert?!
From: Donghyun / 23.36
I saw you sweating buckets from afar. Your fans were dying in your scent.
From: Joochan / 23.37
Ey… I do not have any fans yet.
Donghyun’s fingers linger above his phone. There is this tiny prick in his chest for seconds.
From: Donghyun / 23.38
Believe me. You have tons.
From: Donghyun / 23.38
Anyway, it is late. Let’s sleep. We still have school tomorrow. You must be really tired too.
From: Joochan / 23.39
I still want to talk with you but yeah let’s sleep. Good night, Donghyunie~
Donghyun only reads the message. He smiles before he turns off his phone when he recognizes the new profile picture Joochan uses.
It is the picture he took.
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Donghyun rakes his brain.
What is the answer now? What is it? Who the heck discovered algebra?!
He grumbles under his breath, feeling defeated by the questions.
He is startled when his phone beeps. A notification from twitter. He grabs his phone fast, opening the tab. Official account of Golden Child just uploaded two members’ photo concept for the mini album. They are Joochan and TAG. He clicks open the pictures, zooming them. He praises TAG’s picture but laughs hard at Joochan’s. What is he doing? Looking over the fence like that. TAG’s picture shows aura and charisma, while Joochan looks funny. At least for Donghyun. He also just shows the left side of his face.
Donghyun opens the chat room and types.
From: Donghyun / 24.06
You look so weird.
Joochan sends a crying sticker then a smug sticker.
From: Joochan / 24.10
You say like that but you save my pic. Hypocrite.
Donghyun shakes his head. He cannot lie to Joochan. Joochan knows him too well.
Donghyun already saved and used it as his wallpaper while waiting for Joochan’s reply.
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Donghyun sits casually on the park bench. He is waiting for Joochan. It is only ten at night but this side of park is empty, save for him. They promised to meet because the time for debut is soon and Joochan does not know when he will have time for them again.
From years to months to just days...
They have come so far now...
“Hey.”
Donghyun turns his head. Joochan small jogs toward him.
“Have you been waiting long?” Joochan asks, taking his seat on Donghyun’s left.
“Quite long.”
“I am sorry. Need to practice harder before the big day,” Joochan explains.
“Don’t overexert yourself. Take it slow. You know what will happen if you force yourself,” Donghyun says bitterly.
Joochan nods, “But I can’t help to worry. How if I ruin the choreography? How if I cannot reach the high notes? What will people say about me?”
“People already love you, Joochanie…I read on SNS that they like your personality too. Believe it or not, people even love your dumb side. What is it? Ah! Sydney Singapore! Really?” Donghyun says in disbelief.
Joochan groans, “People keep mentioning about it. It is not that I do not know, it is just.....” Joochan tries to come up with a good answer, “let’s just say it is not my forte.”
“Let’s face the truth. You suck at geography.”
Joochan grunts, “Yeah, whatever.”
Donghyun pats Joochan’s back, “Brace yourself. It will haunt you forever during your idol life.”
Jooochan slumps further on his seat.
They fall into a comfortable silence after.
“Hey,” joochan calls donghyun.
“Hmm?”
“Have you ever thought about how if everything was different?” Joochan asks Donghyun, saying the words slowly.
“Different?”
“If you were still in the company. If you were still part of Woollim boys. If you were to be debuted with us.”
Donghyun hears Joochan but he does not answer. He feels numb.
He also asked himself a lot of ‘ifs’ too in the past, but he found that it would change nothing. He would only blame himself.
This is his present now.
Joochan touches Donghyun’s left hand, giving Donghyun his silent apology. Donghyun intertwines their hands.
Joochan then leans his head on Donghyun’s shoulder.
“I miss you, hyung.”
Donghyun places his head above Joochan’s.
“I miss you too.”
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Golden Child is finally debuting with their title track ‘DamDaDi’. Donghyun really likes it. He watches the Music Video several times and he also buys five copies of their mini album. He does not go to the showcase though. He needs to study hard.
He pauses the video and scrolls the comments. So far, he only sees good comments and praises for the group. Well he does not really sure actually. Most of the comments are in English, so he can only comprehends some sentences like ‘I love the song. It is so catchy’, ‘Like the song. So good’ and any simple phrases.
He also watches their showcase and Music Show’s clips. He feels so proud of the members. They have worked hard and arrive at this moment.
Joochan especially is shining in his eyes. He delivers the high notes flawlessly, moving his body to follow the music in sync, and even flirting with the cameras. Donghyun remembers the late nights they pulled to practice them. Aegyo, sexy pose, cool pose, flirting and many more.
He plays the video again, pauses it at perfect time and captures Joochan’s face. He is like a meme in the picture and Donghyun cannot stop laughing. He sends the pic to Joochan.
No reply. Not until hours later and the day changes.
Joochan must be busy.
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Donghyun hates Hong Joochan. Donghyun hates Hong Joochan. Donghyun hates Hong Joochan. Donghyun hates Hong Joochan. Donghyun hates Hong Joochan. DONGHYUN HATES THAT HOE JOOCHAN.
Donghyun finally finishes his home works and have a free time. He decides to watch Golden Child’s show Woollimpick, Golden Film and their Snapshots. He has neglected to watch them due to his mountain of works. Now he can just lay back and catch up with his favourite group.
He had expected to refresh his mind after hours of dealing with math and other subjects. What he did not expect is to be attacked by the case of Hoe Joochan. Joochan was really clingy with other members. He used to be like that with Donghyun too but now look! He approached anyone and got so chummy with them. Ugh.
Donghyun feels his blood rising and his mood down so he turns off the computer. He decides to just take a nap.
He is awaken by the sound of incoming call from his phone. He blinks the sleep away, reaches for his phone and groans when he sees that the one calling is the root of his bad mood today. He lets the phone rings, does not bother to pick up.
His phone stops vibrating and the ringtone also stops ringing. He gets a message instead.
From: Joochan / 21.20
Donghyunie~ let’s meet up!
Donghyun pouts. He is still in bad mood thanks to a person named Hong Joochan but said person now asks him to meet up. He contemplates the pros and cons. He comes to a conclusion that he misses Joochan though and the last time they met was before the debut. So he decides to go.
Yeah, he is weak when it comes to Joochan. Spread the words.
When he arrives, Joochan is already there. He has his back hunched, looking at his phone. May be waiting for someone to reply his message.
Donghyun clears his throat.
Joochan looks up, “Oh you came!”
Donghyun says nothing, just walks toward the bench and sits on it.
He is soon engulfed in the arms of Joochan, “Why you did not pick up my call?”
Donghyun once again says nothing.
Joochan senses that Donghyun is not like usual, “Are you mad at me?”
Donghyun shakes his head.
“Then if you are not mad, let me do this...” Joochan slings his arms on Donghyun’s shoulder, side hugging the older.
“What are you doing?” Donghyun finally speaks.
“I am recharging.”
“You what?”
“I am filling my energy. ‘Cause you know you are my source of energy, hyung,” Joochan says, his breath tickles Donghyun’s nape.
Donghyun murmurs unhappily, “Yet you are clinging to practically anyone.”
“What did you say?”
“No, nothing,” Donghyun denies.
Joochan then tries to engage him in conversations but Donghyun falls into his silent treatment for Joochan again. Joochan gives up and just hugs the slender boy tight.
When they part, Joochan asks Donghyun for a favour.
“Please try to contact the other members, hyung. They all miss you. Just message them or..or just send them stickers. They will be happy with just that. Especially Bomin. He whined and wailed when he knew you only keep in touch with me. Please, hyung...”
Donghyun gives no definite answer. He only nods and turns away, walking back to his home.
He cries to sleep that night.
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From: Joochan / 19.18
We have to meet. Tonight! I have to show you something.
Donghyun glances at the message again. What is so important that they have to meet tonight? What thing Joochan wants to show him?
Donghyun is already in his position on their regular bench. Meanwhile Joochan is late.
He glares at his watch. He has been waiting for thirty minutes now and no Joochan in sight. He has enough for today. He is still upset with Joochan, remember?
He just stands to leave the bench when Joochan comes, running toward him with a bag slinging on his arm.
“Donghyunie, wait! Don’t go please!” He prevents Donghyun to go, slightly breathless from the running.
Donghyun folds his arms on his chest, “What? You asked me to be here but you were late. What was so important anyway?”
Joochan grins sheepishly, “I am sorry. And this is really important for me so I want to show you.”
Joochan pulls down the bag until he can open it. He takes out a headband, with 주-찬 (Joo-Chan) written on it. It was made with colorful papers.
“Look at this,” Joochan brings the headband so Donghyun can see it clearly, “I know it sounds silly, but there is someone that likes me. They make it special for me. It only dawns on me that I have fans...I really debuted.” Joochan’s eyes are glossy when he says that.
Donghyun takes the headband from Joochan. It is pretty.
“See? It is really pretty,” Joochan echoes Donghyun’s thought.
Donghyun holds the headband on his hands now. He holds it tightly. His knuckles start to turn white.
“Donghyunie?”
His body also trembles. His breath quickens.
“Ya, what’s wrong?” Joochan starts to panic from the reaction.
Donghyun tries to say something but his body does not want to cooperate. His shoulders are shaking so hard and finally…his tears are falling.
Joochan brings Donghyun to his embrace. Donghyun puts his arms around Joochan.
“I am sorry, hyung...I am sorry...” Joochan tightens his hold on Donghyun. He also cries with Donghyun.
What was he thinking showing it to Donghyun? Why did not he think about Donghyun’s feeling?
Joochan always tried to not speak badly or did anything to upset the older. Donghyun was and is still a hard peson to approach. He always buries his feeling deep within his heart. When they met for the first time, he was so cold toward Joochan. Joochan needed weeks to break his wall and after that they were inseparable. They were best friends. Joochan even saw Donghyun as more than friend and he knew the older felt the same way too.
And when that day came when Donghyun had to leave the company and no longer a trainee, he did not see Donghyun cried or protested or did something. He just bowed his head toward the CEO and then left, without even a glance to others. It was months later when he did W-Project with Soyoon that Donghyun congratulated him and they started to communicate with each other again until now.
Joochaan cannot imagine how Donghyun must feel. He must be suffering, just never showing it.
He rubs donghyun’s back, “It is okay, hyung...It is okay...”
Donghyun is sobbing hard. He is in a lot of pain right now. Everything that happened flashes in his mind. From his injury, the death sentence from the doctor that he cannot dance again, from leaving Woollim, staying with his family again, becoming an ordinary student...
He feels so lonely. He has no one. His relationship with his family is strained. He is so awkward with his little brother, being away from him for so long. He also does not have close friends at school, too busy practicing in the company that he had to give up his social life. He also realizes that he pushes away all people who wants to befriend him and help him.
He has no one. He is only a lone boy with no one and no dream.
“I have no one,” Donghyun says his thought sotto voce.
“No,” Joochan moves back from Donghyun, his arms still around Donghyun, “You have me.”
Donghyun smiles sadly at what Joochan says, but he knows that it is true. He is not alone. He has Joochan.
“I am sorry that you have to give up your dream,” Joochan says.
Donghyun shakes his head, “No. It is not your fault. Maybe it is the universe’s plan. You are the idol and I am the fan-boy.”
Joochan snorts.
Donghyun sees Joochan. Now that he can look at his face, he really sees Joochan. The other looks so tired. He has bags under his eyes. He also still has makeup on.
Donghyun places his hand on Joochan’s cheek, “I am sorry too.”
Joochan wants to ask what Donghyun means when Donghyun continues, “I am sorry for not being happy when you showed me the headband. It is really pretty,” he touches Joochan’s other cheek, “It is not silly. It is not silly to suddenly realize that you have achieved your dream. And I am proud of you. I am happy for you now,” Donghyun smiles.
Joochan smiles back.
“So, were you upset because of this? The last time we met you did not want to talk with me. Because of this idol thing and inner conflict?”
Donghyun lets go of Joochan, “No. It is not. It is because I watched Woollimpick and other shows about Golden Child. And you were..you were so clingy with others! And what about the paper game? You were ready to devour TAG in national TV! Where was your manner?”
Joochan gapes. He does not think that it will have anything to do with the shows. Why would Donghyun be angry with it? Unless...
Realization comes to him. He smirks and moves forward, his face is in front of Donghyun’s.
“Are you jealous, Donghyunie?”
Donghyun gasps. Bingo!
“No, I am not! Why should I be jealous? Hahaha…you are funny.”
“Then why are you upset?”
Donghyun snaps, “I am not!”
Joochan gives him side eye.
Donghyun sighs, “It is just…that you can see them all the time while I can only meet you at night. That is if you have free time or you can sneak out from the dorm.”
Joochan smiles hearing Donghyun’s answer. He grabs Donghyun gently on his shoulders, making the older faces him.
“Now listen to me because I will only say this once. From sunrise to sunset, I am Golden Child’s Hong Joochan but when the night comes, I am Hong Joochan. I am Joochanie. I am...” Joochan leans to say the next word in Donghyun’s right ear, “yours.”
Donghyun has no time to react for Joochan is suddenly kissing him.
The kiss is chaste. He can taste the saltiness from his tears before, mixing with Joochan’s own tears.
It lasts for a while before Joochan moves back and whispers, “No paper between us.”
Donghyun bursts into laughing. Joochan also laughs at his own words.
When the laugh dies, they look at each other.
“Can you also be my Joochan when the sun rises?”
Joochan cocks his left eyebrow, “So greedy, aren’t you?”
Donghyun challenges him, “What if I am?”
Joochan grins, “Then I am glad. For I want you to be mine and I am yours.”
Donghyun shows his eye smile.
They kiss again.
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Donghyun rolls his eyes for the nth time that day. He is texting with none other than Bomin. The maknae has been sending him pick-up lines constantly. Even when he knows that Joochan and Donghyun are now more or less in relationship, he does not want to accept it. He says that even married couple can divorce, Joochan and Donghyun can break up too.
Well, at least he has the spirit. Donghyun has to salute him for that.
Ever since the revelation night, Donghyun starts to contact other members too. They are so happy to get news from him. He is also happy that he can befriend them again.
A new message comes.
From: Joochan / 21.38
What are you guys talking about, seriously? Bomin is glued to his phone. He even brings it to the restroom!
From: Donghyun / 21.39
We are talking about where we can go to have our date.
From: Joochan / 21.42
.....................................................................
From: Joochan / 21.43
You are kidding, right?
From: Donghyun / 21.45
Maybe ;)
Joochan does not answer. Donghyun feels bad for lying to him and starts to panic when he does not reply in the next 5 minutes.
He almost (almost) goes to the company to see Joochan when a message comes.
From: Joochan / 21.53
Attached pic
From: Joochan / 21.53
Caught you! Now go back to your study and I have to go back to practice (cries)(cries). See you tomorrow :p
The picture Joochan sends is a screenshot of Donghyun and Bomin’s conversation. He must confiscates the younger’s phone. Poor him.
He gets another message from Joochan.
From: Joochan / 21.55
It is a date ;)
Donghyun smiles while he turns off his phone. He places the phone on the table beside a small frame. He looks at the picture inside the frame. It is a picture of the eleven of them, from before he left the company.
He sighs. The other have chosen their path a long time ago and they start to see the result of their hard work.
Donghyun faces the books in front of him. Now it is time for him to choose his own path, and maybe he will find another dream along the journey.
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