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"I'm going with father."
I hear him tell his mother the news and it feels like my world is falling apart, my stomach drops as I yearn to hear the Queen forbid it. To demand her precious son stays in Kattegat, away from those Saxon's and there Christian god. It feels like my lungs no longer work, the air not enough to stop the dizziness that has hit me, to silence the buzzing in my ears.
Ivar is going to England with Ragnar. Ivar is going to die.
Moving as fast as I can without rousing suspicion, I make it outside but am halted by the bark of my name. "Where are you going?" I hear the familiar sound of Ivar dragging his body behind me and the lump in my throat intensifies.
"Y/N." His fingers ghost over my hand and I fall to the mercy of my tears.
"I can't Ivar." Pulling away I bolt as fast as I can, away from the terror of losing my Ivar.
The tears slowly ebb, the sobs subside as I sit nestled in the grass admiring my fathers old horse. She stands tall and proud like the days she was first bought, with dark black hairs sleek in the sun. Her liquid dark eye never leaving me as I listen to the rhythmic sound of her devouring the grass, raising her head she nickers softly at the approaching person recognizing them as a friend.
The familiar sound of a body dragging against the floor alerts me to who our guest is. "There you are." He settles beside me and I can't help but struggle to meet those ice blue eyes. "I know you heard me and mother."
"I am sorry for listening." I hope my apology is all he wants as I try to make myself smaller, he starts pulling at the grass around him as the silence expands beneath us.
"You think like my mother don't you, that I don't belong with him and I'll die." His actions become more violent as his anger simmers.
"I'm afraid Ivar." I turn halting his hand's assault of nature, gripping it within my own. For the first time I look at him, my best friend who I love with all my heart. "I know you can do it Ivar but either way you will die." Confused at my words, he tries to pull away but I need to speak to explain my thoughts. Gripping his face between my hands I pull myself closer to him.
"The boy I know.. that I care for will die in that far off place." The words rush from me, like the gods have take over my mind "Going there with Ragnar will change you.. I can feel it." His hands rub down my arms and I realise that my tears have returned. "You will be a stranger to me Ivar and I don't know if I can bear it."
Encased in his arms I let it all out, the fear of physically losing him but also the fear of how this journey will change him.
"I have to show him Y/N that I am worthy.. of being his son, that I am equal to him and my brothers." His breath is hot in my ear as he whispers his confession, he isn't doing this for riches or glory, he is doing this to prove to his father that he is equal to him.
"We could run away like we talked about as children." I move, the plan forming in my mind."Far off places where no one knows the name Ragnar Lothbrok
"Everyone knows of Ragnar."
"We will run to the end of the world."I feel him reach out for me as I run my hands through my hair, all reason gone.
"Y/N I cannot crawl away like some.."
"You won't have to crawl." I cut him off reaching for my father's horses bridle and bringing her to us "We will ride."
He watches me, sees the desperation in my eyes "You are strong but not strong enough to get me up there." I smile and gently tap my steeds front knee, slowly the creature drops to the floor her back now accessible to Ivar.
"You are mad." He whispers possibly to himself.
The beast underneath us moves both me and Ivar through the woods away from Kattegat out in to the open. The rhythmic pace of the canter forces our bodies together, Ivar's strong arms gripping on tightly behind me as the horizon opens out, squeezing my leg on we fly in to gallop. The wind pushes my hair back as I hear the excited shout from Ivar, it feels like we travel for hours but in a few moments we have reached the peak of the hill, high above Kattegat. We watch the people below coming and going in there daily lives and I realise that we cannot leave.
"We cannot run can we?" His hands tighten at my sides as he feels me tense at my own question "We are no longer children that can pretend." He holds me tight, his chest pressing against my back.
"Yes."
"Promise to the gods that you will return to me."
"Y/N..." His fingers move my chin so I can see his eyes "I promise I will return to you and one day we will travel to the end of the world.