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“Hi, again,” you began softly, slowly kneeling down to place the assorted collection of flowers on the stone at your feet. “It’s me.”
Initially you would never believe this would be the sight that marked his life. Still, to this day, it was hard for you to grasp that the freedom he once had was now refined to the Earth that held him, carefully tucked away from the world above. Perhaps it was better, that he was guarded from the state the world was in. You struggled swallowing a lump in your throat, keeping your weak smile as best you could, as you glanced to the cool grass beneath you.
The gravestone, which was once in a better state of appearance and visitation, now presented a dull, lifeless aura. Ivy and green crept over the face of the stone, slightly obscuring the somewhat faded text. It irritated you, somewhat, that it was in such a state of abandon, but your anger didn’t last – it wasn’t the time, nor place. Rubbing your hands together in the cold in an attempt to keep warm, you lifted your head ever so slightly to feel spots of rain land on your head, but wouldn’t let the weather deter you from your visit. It had been some time, but you finally made it here.
You lowered your eyelids as you stared at the neglected tombstone before you, a solemn sigh escaping your lips as you studied the cracks. Strong gusts of wind cut through your body as you sat in your position, steadying your breathing. The stone had been so weathered by time, it made your heart sink and eyes begin to water. You inhaled deeply, closing your eyes for just a moment before bringing yourself to. Your eyes carefully traced around the features of the gravestone, and hesitated before you looked over the gravesite name.
Gabriel Reyes.
“It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?” You continued, ignoring your wanting to cry. “Since I’ve last seen you.” You did your best to keep your smile on as you spoke, “I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me, Sir.”
You felt a chill trickle down your spine as you apologized. The flowers, cream peach in colour, were an arrangement of stargazers and roses, two-tone cream calla lilies and greenery. You were often fonder of brighter colours, even in past years, and hoped that the deceased would appreciate them. A giggle came from you, as you thought of your former Commander’s reaction if he were to see the assortment.
“I’m sorry that I haven’t visited you as much as I could. I feel terrible about it, Sir,” your voice trailed off as you heard a soft rumble of thunder above you. “but I hope you haven’t been too lonely…” You hesitated as you continued, your voice cracking between your words, “…or mad at me. I did promise I’d visit you more, back then–”
Your voice cut off as you recollected the memories of your past with Blackwatch, your mouth twitching as you continued to feign a smile. You never were good at hiding your emotions, and you could only hear The Commander scolding you and your lack of keeping yourself calm in the back of your mind. You bit your quivering lip in attempt to further hold back the tears, but by this point you knew you couldn’t hold it in. You stood up, exhaling, and felt the tears stream. You refused to sob, and instead distracted yourself by talking.
“I’m not too sure where some of the agents are…” you laughed nervously, “… I haven’t the slightest idea. You were always better at that.” You watched as droplets began to darken certain parts of the withered stone, and quickly following the droplets became wider, and fell faster. Rain beaded the dry area around your feet, and began to bounce from every surface in the cemetery. “But I wanted to tell you that… I miss you. We all miss you. I’m sorry, I–”
In that moment you shook your head, gritting your teeth as you collapsed to the ground, defeated, and felt your body give way. You couldn’t keep your composure. You couldn’t pretend that you were OK. You couldn’t pretend that you were strong enough to fight your feelings back. The sadness that ebbed at you the from the moment you arrived was relentless. Your throat became hoarse from the sobs that came from you, and you could do nothing but stare at his grave in blurred vision.
“So much is going on right now, and t-” You struggled to speak as you weeped, your hands trembling as you looked onto his stone, “… it’s-” You kneeled down completely, your head hovering above the dampened Earth as you curled yourself up in a ball, “… No one knows what to do, and we–” You stopped yourself, unsure of what you were even saying by that point. Your voice would crack as you tried to speak coherently through your tears. All you could do was look to the still grave before you, your chest pounding the longer you stared. There you sat, whimpering in the rain, wallowing in your grief over your former Commander. “Please…”
“We need you, Sir. T-Tell us what to do…” You sat up, bringing your hands to your face. You sloppily tried to wipe the tears from your face, but they wouldn’t stop. You began to ramble in your distressed, panicked state, “We can’t… Do this alone. Everyone is g-gone. There’s too much happening, too many bad things happening… The world is… We can’t… No one ca-” In that same breath, a brilliant shock of white crossed the graphite sky, a large clap of thunder pulling your attention. You became quiet, listening only to the echoes of thunder and pitter-patter of rain.
You lifted your body from the ground, slowly raising your head to the darkened, cloudy sky above you. Your eyes burned with your tears, and you let the rain cover your face in an attempt to cool you. The flowers you had placed on his grave were damp from the rain, though luckily had not drowned from the downpour. You remembered why you struggled visiting him; the pain of him being gone was too much. Your body stiffened at your team seeing you in such a weakened state, but you couldn’t help yourself, and you didn’t care. Your Commander was no longer here, and you hadn’t his words to guide you.
Facing his grave once more, you could only blink owlishly before mouthing something that only the rain could hear.