Archive of Our Own

Min Yoongi never thought of it as anybody’s fault. It wasn’t his fault, wasn’t his member’s fault, wasn’t BigHit’s fault, wasn’t the universe’s fault. Or at least, that’s what he thinks. Sometimes, in bad days, he thinks that it’s everybody’s fault. He would think that everybody contributed to his present emotions and feelings. He won’t do anything though; just remain grumpy and unapproachable throughout the day. On good days, he’ll be full of positive energy. He would actually finish a song, write at least five pages of lyrics, or play games with the other members.

On days that are good, Yoongi wouldn’t even notice it himself but he’d be too attached to this person that started all of the confusion in his emotions: his favorite dongsaeng, as the members would call Park Jimin.

It was natural. Yoongi would agree to taking cute selcas as long as it’s with Jimin, he’d agree to playing nonsense games with everyone as long as Jimin’s playing too, he’d even agree to sneaking out with the others and ordering takeout food as long as Jimin will be there. It was natural, or so he thinks.

Yoongi had developed feelings for Jimin ever since he laid his eyes on the guy. He couldn’t help it. He tried avoiding his emotions but it was near to impossible if he had to live with Jimin. So even in their pre-debut years, Yoongi would wallow himself in the company’s studio. He’d distract himself by making music which in some way, turned out to be a little helpful. Or so he thinks.

---

“So, when are you going to confess to your favorite dongsaeng?” Taehyung had asked Yoongi after practicing their dance for No More Dream for the seventh time. It was a month before their official debut and everything had been hectic. Still, Taehyung found a way to pin Yoongi in one corner of the dance studio after offering him a bottle of water. Yoongi had taken it, with a glare at Taehyung that would probably sink deep into the younger’s skull if glares could actually kill. Taehyung sat down beside him, drinking from his own water bottle.

“What do you mean?” Yoongi asked, after downing all of the contents from his bottle. Taehyung was looking ahead, at the members that were playing with themselves and with the backup dancers. Yoongi found himself looking at what Taehyung was looking, and naturally found Jimin.

“That’s what I mean,” Taehyung whispered. The two of them locked eyes for a split second, only to look back at Jimin who was now practicing by himself in front of the mirror.

“I don’t-”

“Come on, hyung. I see the way you look at him. You’re not very subtle you know.”

They stayed like that for a minute. No one talking, just eyeing Jimin. Jimin with his oversized sleeveless jersey, baggy shorts, and snapback. Jimin who was dancing by himself, seemingly with so much energy left unlike the others. Jimin who was too focused in getting every part right that he didn’t notice two guys staring at him from the back.

“Okay, what do you want, Tae?” Yoongi had started again, knowing that its’ best to come clean to someone like Taehyung.

“Nothing, hyung. Really nothing. I don’t want to involve myself in this part of your life, but I’ve been observing you. And I’m so frustrated and sad whenever I catch you looking at Jimin.”

This time, Yoongi looked at Taehyung, who was actually looking at him too. He tried to decipher the younger, what was going on in his mind at the moment. But he only got a smile.

“It’s not that easy,” Yoongi said, bowing his head down and had started fiddling with his shoelaces.

“It is.”

“It’s not. You want me to confess to him? Sure, but after that, what’s next? It’s not like me and Jimin are in the same boat.”

“I don’t know. I’m also not an expert on this. But I do know that if you have feelings for someone, you say it. You don’t keep it.”

Yoongi stopped playing with his shoelaces and looked at Jimin again who was now talking with the dance instructor. It looked like he needed help in one step, which in Yoongi’s mind, had already been perfect every time Jimin moved.

“You’re a good guy, Tae. I just think that it’s best if we stayed this way. The debut jitters must be getting in to you,” Yoongi said, propping himself up. Taehyung followed him after.

“You do know that I’ll always be here for you, right hyung?” Taehyung gave him that boxy grin then walked away. He blended in with the other members as soon as he was with them. Yoongi, on the other hand, jogged to Jimin’s side, naturally teasing the younger on how a perfectionist he is. When the dance practice resumed, Yoongi and Taehyung found themselves sharing glances at each other with a much more meaning than before.

---

It must’ve been Taehyung, Yoongi was so sure of it.

After their little chat, Yoongi had been thinking and stressing himself as to whether or not he should confess to Jimin. Taehyung’s words got to him. They had already debuted; their promotions have been nearing its end and it was now time to focus on their first comeback. But Yoongi cannot focus. Ever since their little chat, Yoongi would steal glances of Jimin while contemplating if he should ask the younger to have a private talk with him.

Yoongi had consulted to Taehyung many times, and Taehyung would only encourage him more. The other members started to tease both of them that they were getting close with each other, that Jimin wasn’t Yoongi’s favorite dongsaeng anymore. But they would just brush the members’ comments all the time aside.

“He doesn’t even like me,” Yoongi said one night, when the two of them were left in their dorm’s kitchen. The others have retreated to their beds, minding their own businesses since they had to wake up very early in the morning for their next schedule.

“You don’t know that,” Taehyung told Yoongi in a slight whisper. Both of them were leaning on the kitchen’s sink, looking straight ahead.

“You also don’t know that, Tae.”

“Look, hyung. I’m helping you out here. I just want you to have a peace of mind.”

“I am in peace. I’m content with this.”

“Then why do you keep on asking me if you should confess or not?”

With this, Yoongi let out a big sigh. He also doesn’t know. Maybe deep inside, he really wants to confess. Maybe that’s what it’s like if you’re in love with someone. It becomes hard to keep your feelings to yourself. Yoongi thought that he’d do great in keeping his feelings to himself, but now he guesses he’s not doing nearly good.

“What if he doesn’t like me back?” Yoongi asked, now looking at Taehyung.

“Then you come to me. I’ll give you lots of hugs and I’ll even treat you some ice cream.”

“Okay, what if he does like me?”

“Then-um-hmm…honestly I don’t know. You’ll be boyfriends, I guess?”

Yoongi chuckled, just a bit. He thinks that Jimin not liking him is easier. He’ll just move on and forget about things. Unlike if Jimin likes him back, then complications will only rise. How would the other members react? The managers? The company? The whole industry? He doesn’t want to risk it, especially now that they’ve only debuted.

But he did risk it.

It was after the year-end award shows. They’d performed in large crowds before, but events like award shows were different. There are so many artists they respected everywhere. Everything was so formal and in order. Everyone was happy after Bangtan have gotten their rookie award. No one expected they’d win after so much criticism from others. But they did, and everyone was happy.

Until Yoongi ruins it, or so he thinks.

After celebrating, the whole of Bangtan were dropped off to their dorm. Everyone was noisy, trying to reenact on how they received the award. Yoongi on the other hand, was content on smiling while making himself busy by fixing his hair in front of the mirror inside their bathroom.

“Yoongi hyung, aren’t you happy?” Jimin was suddenly at Yoongi’s side, looking at him from the mirror. They were staring at each other, Jimin with that smile of his that makes Yoongi melt everytime.

“Um, yeah. Of course, I’m happy,” Yoongi managed to reply, going back to fixing his hair, just so his hands could do something.

“Really? You don’t look like it. Is something bothering you, hyung?”

“No! I-”

Before Yoongi could continue, he was now looking at Jimin’s whole figure who had backed up towards the bathroom door. Behind Jimin was Taehyung at a distance, who was looking at them with curiosity. Yoongi sighed silently, hoping that Jimin wouldn’t catch it.

“Hyung?”

Jimin caught it.

“Jimin, I-can we talk? Privately?”

“S-sure. Do you want to talk here or-”

“Let’s just…let’s go outside. The hallway’s fine.”

Jimin nodded and proceeded to go. Yoongi gestured to Taehyung before he closed the door behind him in which the younger raised a fist and whispered ‘fighting!’.

When they were outside their dorm, just right in front of their door, Yoongi sighed again, not minding if Jimin could hear it or not.

“Did I do something wrong, hyung? You keep sighing,” Jimin said, trying to keep eye contact with Yoongi. Yoongi, on the other hand, only looked at the ground, keeping his hands inside the pockets of his shorts.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Jimin. I-”

Yoongi looked at the younger. Jimin, with those eyes that looked more concerned than ever. Yoongi was gone. He knew that once he started this, there was no other way but to finish it.

“I love you,” Yoongi said staring right into the younger’s eyes. This is it. Be prepared, Yoongi. The concerned look of Jimin was now wiped off and was replaced by…what was it? Anger? Confusion? Bewilderment? Yoongi wasn’t sure.

“Hyung, w-what do you-”

“It means I love you, Jimin. Not as a member, a friend, or family. I love you as a person.”

Jimin looked away, trying to find whatever it is that is not Yoongi. Yoongi understands. He would understand if Jimin didn’t look at him the way he looked at Yoongi before. It wasn’t Jimin’s fault.

“I-hyung…I-I don’t-,” Jimin looked back at Yoongi and sighed softly.

“You don’t have to answer, Jimin. It’s just me.”

“I don’t like you.”

I don’t like you.

I don’t like you.

I don’t like you.

“Maybe, I think, I’d never will. Not the way that you like me.”

“Okay.”

“Nothing will change, right hyung?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Jimin forced a smile. Then Jimin was gone. He went back inside their dorm hurriedly, leaving a battered and lonely Yoongi at that hallway.

Yoongi had already played a scene like this in his head a couple of times. He’d imagined being rejected, and that it would hurt. He even cried a few times when he thinks he’ll be rejected; sometimes to himself, sometimes to Taehyung. He didn’t imagine that it would hurt so much like this.

I don’t like you.

I think, I’d never will.

Yoongi couldn’t remember how he was being dragged by Taehyung away from the hallway and towards the elevator. He couldn’t even remember how he started bawling his eyes out. It was freezing when they went outside their dorm. Fortunately, Taehyung thought of taking thick sweaters with them. The next thing he knew was they were at a convenience store, five blocks away from their dorm. Yoongi had calmed down a bit, still sniffling and wiping his eyes every few seconds. Taehyung, on the other hand, had bought a pint of ice cream, and had laid two spoons in front the both of them. At the back of Yoongi’s mind, it was ridiculous. It’s mid-winter, but here they are, freezing themselves outside their dorm and eating ice cream.

Taehyung didn’t ask about what happened when he went outside to check on Yoongi, just ten minutes after he saw Jimin went back inside their dorm. What he saw outside their dorm door was a sobbing Yoongi who was having trouble breathing and keeping himself together. Without thinking, Taehyung went back inside and just took the nearest sweaters that he can hold on to.

And now they’re here, silently scooping themselves ice cream.

Yoongi scoffed. He doesn’t know why, he just did. Maybe because of the ridiculousness of the situation, maybe because of how his love life came to be (if he ever had), or maybe just because he knows that from now on, it would be hard, harder than it will ever be.

“Don’t worry, hyung. I’m here,” Taehyung said, trying to give Yoongi a smile. And Yoongi was grateful. He was so grateful that it was Taehyung who first found him in that state. He doesn’t know what he will say if other’s saw him like that, just after talking with Jimin.

Jimin.

Nothing will change, right hyung?

Yoongi knows that everything will change. And it’s not Jimin’s fault. It will never be Jimin’s fault. Because it’s his. It’s Yoongi’s emotions that are at fault.

---

Everyone noticed the slight (or rather big) change of dynamic between Yoongi and Jimin. No one actually changed individually. Jimin was still this happy, passionate guy, while Yoongi was still this grumpy dude. What everyone noticed was how Yoongi avoided Jimin at all costs. Yoongi, as much as possible, wouldn’t want to be trapped alone with Jimin in the same space. At dance practice, Yoongi would choose to be scolded by their dance instructor (and Namjoon and maybe Hoseok) for being half an hour late than coming early and having to deal with Jimin.

He also prefers to stick to the other members, especially to Taehyung, even if it were just sitting arrangements. Back at the dorm, Yoongi wouldn’t eat dinner if he’s not seated beside Taehyung. One time that Yoongi and Jimin were the only ones left at the table, the older grabbed his food and proceeded to their room. Yoongi would, as much as possible, avoid eye and physical contact with Jimin.

Because it hurts. It still hurts. As much as he would like to deny, he can’t. He doesn’t even know if this is part of the healing process. Heck, he doesn’t even know if he had started healing. Because all he knows is that when he sees Jimin, he feels hurt and he cannot breathe.

The other members had already personally talk to him about it, but he never budged.

---

“Hyung, you’re being obvious,” Taehyung told him. The two of them were the first ones to get inside the van. The Red Bullet tour had only started, and now they’ll be going overseas to continue the tour. Yoongi, who always wants to avoid Jimin at all costs, pours all his efforts to be the earliest just so he can sit at the very back of the van, while Jimin, always waiting for the other members (since the confession), sits at the front row at all times.

“It’s been what, months now, and everyone keeps asking me about you two. They notice, you know,” Taehyung, who sat beside him, still continues to talk to Yoongi even though the elder had already shut the world around him through plugging his earphones and putting on an eye mask.

“Then let them notice. It’s not like we’re hurting anyone,” Yoongi replied, arms crossed and ready to doze off.

“I’m hurting,” Taehyung said quietly. He had fixed his position and stopped talking.

It was quiet for two minutes. Yoongi felt the guilt in Taehyung’s words. He was hurting, but Taehyung was also hurting and maybe the other members as well. Is Jimin also hurting? He peeked a little from his eye mask and saw a sulking Taehyung beside him. He let out a sigh and completely peeled off his mask and removed his earphones.

“I’m sorry, Tae. I’m sorry for everything and I really thank you for keeping up with me through all of this,” Yoongi said, wrapping one arm around Taehyung’s shoulders and making the younger’s head lean onto him.

“I know it’s hard for you, hyung. I really do know. It’s just that, you’re both my friends and seeing you guys like this, it breaks my heart.”

“Okay, you know what? I’ll try to be better. From now on.”

“Really, hyung?”

Taehyung looked at Yoongi with wide eyes, as if someone had told him the deepest secrets of the world. Yoongi smiled and nodded which Taehyung returned. That smile was one aspect of the younger which made his days a little more bearable.

“Okay then! Why don’t you start off as having a private talk? You know, just like before! You guys used to talk so much until the sun rose again,” Taehyung cheered and gestured animatedly. He was way too excited.

“What? No! I still need an adjustment period. Let me do things my way, Tae.”

Yoongi went back to his earphones and eye mask. He could hear the shuffle outside the van, meaning the others might already be here.

“Oh no you don’t,” he heard Taehyung say, but he wasn’t so sure. Because as soon as he heard Jimin’s voice, he had already completely shut off the outside world again.

---

Yoongi didn’t know how Taehyung did it. But he’s sure Taehyung did it. That sneaky bastard. He made a promise to himself that he will definitely break one of Taehyung’s bones later.

Before their flight, Yoongi made sure of who he was paired with the seats. It didn’t matter if it was a loud Hoseok or a snoring Namjoon. As long as it was not Jimin, he’s fine. He knows that he promised Taehyung that he’ll try to be better, but it wasn’t his intention at the moment. For today’s flight, he asked around and knew that it was Seokjin that was seated beside him. Before he went to his seat, he requested their manager to fix his things as he went to the bathroom. But when he went back, he was surprised to see that everyone was already seated and the only seat left was beside Jimin’s. Jimin was on the window seat, doing something with his phone, with earphones on. The next rows were the other members, chatting by themselves, and recording themselves on camera. At the back, he saw Taehyung, grinning wildly at him.

He’s definitely sure that Taehyung did it.

But despite all of his internal struggle, he convinced himself that it would be weird for the others if Yoongi asked about the seats. Their allegations of Yoongi and Jimin’s feud would only grow strong if he explicitly refused to be seated beside the younger. He propped himself beside Jimin.

Jimin didn’t move a single bit. He was obviously busy looking bored and fiddling with his phone. This kid, Yoongi thought. There were five minutes left before the plane’s gates would close and the flight would start. Yoongi was about to grab his earphones until Jimin spoke.

“It was Taehyung’s idea. He said he didn’t like the seats so he let us draw lots while you were gone. Honestly, I don’t know how he did it.”

“Oh. Yeah, I figured.”

They’ve spoke a couple of times after Yoongi confessed to Jimin. But most of them were just yes’ and no’s, and a lot of them were in front of the camera. In Yoongi’s memory, this was the most number of words that Jimin had spoken to him in private after the confession.

Jimin took off his earphones and looked at Yoongi. Yoongi, who was looking at Jimin, immediately turned and looked straight ahead.

“That’s why TaeTae did this,” Jimin said, in a voice so low and so soft, Yoongi had to strain his ears to hear it.

“What?”

“That. You, avoiding me. That’s why Tae did this.”

“Oh.”

Jimin sighed, knowing that this was the only thing that he’ll get out from Yoongi.

“What ever happened to us, hyung?” Jimin said, still looking at Yoongi. With that, Yoongi slowly turned his head and looked at Jimin.

In Yoongi’s eyes, Jimin looked tired. Not physically tired, but emotionally and mentally. He’s not so sure. Never was sure of Jimin’s feelings after that confession. Honestly, Yoongi didn’t even know what’s going on with Jimin’s life anymore. They were bandmates, but he didn’t know what’s happening to Jimin lately. All he knows are their schedules and practices. Jimin looked tired and sad. Like a part of Jimin’s life was ripped off from him. And Yoongi thinks that it’s his fault.

“I’m sor-”

“I miss you, hyung.”

The plane started to fly off. Yoongi can hear the flight attendant saying things in front but he can’t pick up her words. All what’s going on in his mind are Jimin’s words. I miss you, hyung. That’s what Jimin said. Or so he thinks. Yoongi’s mind is clouded. Is what he heard true? Did Jimin really miss him?

“Hyung?”

Yoongi went back to reality. Jimin was still looking at him. That look that Jimin had every time he was concerned for another person. Jimin was concerned, and he was concerned of Yoongi.

“Y-yeah, I-…I miss you too,” was Yoongi’s reply.

Jimin smiled a very thin smile. The kind of smile that Yoongi saw every time Jimin was shy, or every time Jimin received a compliment. It was the smile that Yoongi favored of all Jimin’s smiles. It was small but genuine.

Yoongi wasn’t prepared as he was still indulging Jimin’s smile. He wasn’t prepared for Jimin’s head leaning onto his shoulder. Yoongi was tense at first, but slowly, he relaxed. He missed this. He missed Jimin.

For the rest of the flight, Yoongi and Jimin shared stories like never before. It was like they haven’t seen each other for years and they were only catching up to each other now. It was familiar and Yoongi was, or so he thinks, starting to heal.

---

“So, how was the flight?” Taehyung cooed beside Yoongi after they’ve past customs.

“Shut up.”

Taehyung’s bones can wait.

---

Going back to this Yoongi-Jimin dynamic was easy. For the most part, Yoongi forgot about the confession. Sure, he was still hurting but he convinced himself that yes, he was healing. He guesses that a part of him still likes the guy, but he pushed those feelings aside. Many have noticed this change again.

The change started with the little things. Yoongi wouldn’t leave the room anymore if Jimin was there. Sometimes, they’d even be seated next to each other. Jimin would also come up to the older and ask if Yoongi needed any help with the dance steps or if Yoongi wanted a drink after dance practice. Yoongi would also come up to Jimin in times that Jimin struggled with notes in the new songs. In the next months, Yoongi and Jimin started to stay up late again to share stories with each other. The title of Yoongi’s favorite dongsaeng went back from Taehyung to Jimin.

Bangtan had come back to the scene with their title song, Run. They had to go to Hong Kong that day for their MAMA performance as well as their comeback stage. The members were given the time to settle in their hotel rooms before going to the venue for their rehearsal. As always, they picked their roommates through a series of rock, paper, scissors, which they’ve mastered already. Yoongi never minded who his roommate was every time they go to hotels and all (except for maybe those times before his confession to Jimin when he was still secretly in love with the younger; he did not secretly wish to be roommates with him, no sir, he did not). But this time, it’s different.

Yoongi’s eyes grew wide, mouth a little agape, when he saw how Jimin lost to Jungkook. Yoongi was also a loser in the game, meaning he had to share a room with Jimin.

Now, they’ve reconciled. They’ve shared nights with each other that are just the two of them, drinking and sharing stories like they’ve never shared before. But this time, it felt really…weird? Is that even the right term? It was their first time sharing a room with each other after the confession. And Yoongi doesn’t know what to feel about it. Yoongi tried to play it cool by getting hold of their key card and reaching their room hurriedly but failed when Jimin caught up to him and told him that the key card he took was actually for Taehyung and Hoseok’s room.

Once they got inside, Yoongi dropped his bag on the floor and proceeded to flop on the nearest bed. He got his phone up his face and tried to settle in doing random things on the gadget, trying really hard not to mind Jimin’s presence.

“Hyung, aren’t you going to wash up?” Jimin belatedly said after getting himself settled in to the adjacent bed.

“You go first, I’ll just wash my face and hair a little later. We still have rehearsals anyway,” said Yoongi, who was still fixated on his phone, tone monotonous.

“Oh, okay. I’ll go ahead first then.”

Yoongi let out a sigh the moment he heard the bathroom door clicked. Nothing should be weird about them anymore, he thought. It’s been almost a year and Yoongi moving on from his feelings for Jimin was doing pretty…okay. Yoongi can’t deny if he still has slight crush on the guy, heck he thinks anyone that sees Jimin on a daily basis has a crush on Jimin even if it’s just in the size of a peanut. But he really really is trying hard to forget his feelings for the younger.

This fails a little though (only a little!) when he sees Jimin getting out of the bathroom with only a towel on his waist, water still dripping from all over his body. Forgot my change of clothes!, Jimin announced before going back to the bathroom.

When they met up with everybody else, Taehyung immediately scooted up to him and told him that he had nothing to do with the roommates thing. He learned his lesson after that airplane incident when Yoongi refused to talk to him for about three hours.

“I know, don’t be such a fool. And even if somebody actually planned this, why would I be affected? Nothing’s wrong between me and Jimin now. We’re good. I’ve moved on,” Yoongi said in a hushed voice after he and Taehyung fell behind the group. Taehyung frowned at that last sentence but quickly replaced it with a boxy grin with full teeth showing.

That night, after having been done with their performance and going back to their hotel rooms, Yoongi immediately dozed off on his bed. He was thankful for his lack of sleep since he wouldn’t deal with his awkward actions that are threatening to come out from him when he knows he’ll be alone with Jimin in a confined space. Also, thankfully, Jimin wanted to hang out with the other members first from the other rooms before sleeping in their own room.

Yoongi, after settling back on his bed because he needed to take a leak in the middle of the night, heard the door creaked but didn’t bother opening his eyes. It was probably Jimin. He heard light footsteps going in and out the bathroom and then stopping after he heard the body taking a dip on the bed nest to his. Yoongi really wanted to take a peek if Jimin was already asleep but—

“Heard from Taetae you’ve already moved on,” Yoongi heard Jimin whispered in the softest of whispers. Maybe Jimin didn’t want to have a conversation and was only talking to himself? Also, what the fuck, Taehyung?

“That’s good, right? I mean, that’s what’s best. For me, especially for you. Although I…”

Yoongi really, really wanted to take a peek, but something at the back of his mind told him not to.

“What the hell am I even saying? Goodnight hyung. I--,” Jimin sighs for a second, “Never mind.”

That night, Yoongi couldn’t go back to sleep. He eventually took a peek of Jimin an hour later when he heard the latter letting out light snores. He didn’t want to take notice of it, but he felt his heart break a little when his eyes traced Jimin’s eyes and cheek, which looked a little damp.

---

Their Fire promotions must be one of the most hectic they did ever since debuting. Bangtan was now getting a name, having awards here and there. They have never been happier, but god, their schedules really worn them out.

That’s why when they were given a time out for a whole three days, Yoongi thanked all the gods that needed to be thanked. He went back to his home in Daegu, ate his mother’s home dishes, and just slept his whole time there because why not? In his knowledge, all of the other members also went back to their hometowns and weren’t going back until the night of the third day (some even begged to go back on the morning of day four and no, those weren’t Taehyung and Jungkook). So it was a surprise when Yoongi came back to their dorm, on the dawn of their third day of vacation, finding someone in a fetal position on their couch. Yoongi turned the lights on and the form from the couch suddenly twitched.

“Jiminnie?” Yoongi asked, drawing near to the figure. He only earned a groan. “Hey, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be back in Busan?”

As Yoongi went closer to the couch, Jimin’s eyes fluttered open. Yoongi crouched down until he was face to face with the younger. Jimin, on the other hand, blinked and rubbed his eyes a few more times.

“Hyung?” Jimin said in the faintest of whispers, “Why are you back already?”

“I should be asking you the same question.”

Jimin sat up straight at last, towering Yoongi in his position.

“I didn’t go home,” Jimin said.

“What?”

“My parents had some business to deal with. I didn’t want to bother them.”

You’re never a bother.

“How ‘bout you, hyung?”

“You know I always come back earlier than you guys. I can’t fight my inspiration to writing when it comes.”

Yoongi stood up, going back to his things which he left just by the entrance of their dorm. When he came back to the living room, he saw Jimin just spacing out.

“Might I ask, why the hell are you sleeping on the couch Jimin?” Yoongi was now announcing in the kitchen, seemingly trying to organize the side dishes from the containers his mother insisted him to bring.

“Oh, I just got back from dance practice.”

What?

“What?”

Yoongi now came back to the living room, now towering Jimin this time.

“Jimin, why on earth are you practicing for? We were given this time to rest! Have you even eaten yet?” Yoongi’s voice started getting louder.

“I-I’m sorry, hyung. But I don’t have anything better to do!”

Now that Yoongi had a good look at Jimin, he now started noticing how Jimin’s shirt was still damp. He probably just literally got back from the dance studio and immediately passed out when he got to their dorm.

“You’re so-,” Yoongi sighed, “Never mind. Come on, I’m giving you fifteen minutes to wash up. Then, you go back to the kitchen after. I’ll make you something.”

“Hyung, you don’t have to-”

“Just go, Jiminnie.”

Jimin stared at him for five more seconds before standing up and proceeding to his room. True to his word, Yoongi went back to the kitchen and started taking out the side dishes he had brought. He cooked an omelet and instant rice, and even took out a cup of ramyeon.

Jimin came back to a Yoongi who was fiddling his phone by the dining area; food laid out on the table.

“Eat,” Yoongi flatly instructed to which Jimin hurriedly complied. He took his seat in front of Yoongi and started eating.

The minutes pass by slowly, as if someone had taken time and changed the meaning of it. No one was speaking. The only sound that can be heard was the clinking of the utensils that Jimin used.

After ten minutes, Jimin finished gulping a huge glass of water which Yoongi insisted that he drink.

“Thank you, hyung. You didn’t have to, you know. You should rest,” Jimin said, starting to pick up the dishes that were used.

“Leave it. We’ll do that tomorrow. Hoseok’s not here to nag at us,” Yoongi smirked, and luckily Jimin complied.

Jimin looked like he was egging on something at the back of his mind whilst tracing lines across the table. Yoongi wanted to ask what’s wrong but Jimin beat him to it.

“How was home?” Jimin tried to make small talk even if he knew that Yoongi hated making small talk.

“Fine. Felt like everyone didn’t want me there though. I slept most of the time and didn’t really go out with them.”

“Hm.”

“How ‘bout you? Why didn’t you tell us that you won’t be going home?”

Jimin was silent for a couple of seconds, but still answered in a very flat and monotonous tone.

“Last minute changes. No biggie, I had time to think about things.”

“Things?”

From here, Yoongi stared at the younger intently. Knowing Jimin since like forever, Yoongi knows when something is troubling him. There was definitely something going on in the younger’s mind.

“Jiminnie? Is there something you want to talk about?”

Jimin stopped tracing lines on the table. He fixated his eyes on the kitchen counter just behind Yoongi.

“I-…It’s stupid, hyung.”

“Tell me.”

Jimin sighed a very deep sigh. Yoongi’s concern and eventually nervousness started surfacing.

“How did you-…again, it’s stupid. But Yoongi hyung, why did you like me? How did you know that you love me back then?”

Yoongi wasn’t ready for that question. After going back to their dynamic, they have never really brought it up even in their late-night deep conversations. What the hell was going on in Jimin’s mind? Yoongi was stuttering and mumbling noises that weren’t close to words. Eventually, he mustered his courage and just became truthful.

“You were a literal angel in my eyes. I don’t know why, but something in you just made me drawn more into you in each passing day. When you smiled at me, touched me, or called me hyung, it sent butterflies in my stomach. My chest tightens every time. I don’t know. I liked your features, everything, inside and out. And, I kind of just knew. Taehyung helped in some way though.”

Yoongi chuckled slightly, but Jimin stayed the same, in that straight and flat face of his.

“Jiminnie…is there something you want to tell me?”

Jimin took his time in roaming his eyes around the room while Yoongi just looked at him. When Jimin took hold of Yoongi's stare, he immediately gazed down on the elder's hands which were laying flatly on the table. Slowly, Jimin dragged his own and softly put his hands on top of Yoongi's.

Yoongi felt a buzz of electricity flow through his whole body the moment their hands came in contact. They've held hands before, some even tighter than what Jimin is doing now which was tracing the lines in Yoongi's open palms. Weakly, Jimin intertwined their fingers together.

"But that's all in the past, right?" Jimin said, "You've moved on from me, right hyung?"

Jimin was still holding his gaze on their intertwined fingers.

"Jimin, what do you-"

"I think I like someone, hyung."

Oh.

"Oh."

The electricity that Yoongi felt suddenly stopped. Jimin withdrew his hands and stood up from his seat, wanting to get away from the area.

"I'm sleepy, hyung."

"Wait, Jimin-"

Yoongi found himself taking hold of Jimin's wrist, turning the younger towards him. He doesn't know he could react fast like that, but what he does know is that the two of them are facing each other, bodies near, holding their own breaths.

They stared at each other's eyes for what feels like an eternity, until Jimin broke the smallest of smiles.

"You're impossible, Yoongi,"Jimin whispered even though they were the only ones on the room. Slowly, Jimin went nearer to Yoongi, faces now at least two inches apart.

Now, Yoongi had received kisses from the members before. Some on the joking side, either from Hoseok or Jin. Some on the serious side, which were mostly from Taehyung every time Yoongi was down (and Jimin, but that was before he'd confessed). They were mostly on the cheeks, on the forehead, or even on his head. Most of them were for encouraging gestures; for cheering each other on, or just for showing their brotherly affection.

But this time, it's different.

As Jimin drew closer, Yoongi's breath hitched, having a slight trouble in breathing.

Until Yoongi felt Jimin's lips press onto just the side of his lips. Yoongi wasn't so sure as to where Jimin really kissed him. The pressure was light, almost feathery in weight. It wasn't dry, nor wet. Just generally soft and smooth. It lasted for about three seconds, then Jimin stepped back, eyes on the floor.

"Go rest, hyung. We both need it."

With that, Jimin took his wrist out of Yoongi's hold. Yoongi let go, having his whole body growing weak. The last thing he saw was Jimin's back figure moving away from him.

---

Yoongi knew something was wrong the moment their concert tour of The Most Beautiful Moment in Life On Stage: Epilogue started. A solid two weeks have passed after the “incident”. No one knew what had happened between them, even Taehyung (though Yoongi’s pretty sure he knows something; Taehyung just wasn’t pressing on it). Surprisingly, Yoongi and Jimin’s interaction was the very opposite of their first incident. It felt like nothing happened between them. Although, Jimin did became more affectionate towards Yoongi than ever. It was like all the awkwardness from the past year and months have vanished. Jimin would cling on to Yoongi like it was his dear life, always scooting up close to the elder during their dance practices, rehearsals, and even when simply eating.

Holding hands became normal between them too. It’s Jimin who always initiates the contact. It started out as brushing of their fingers whenever they walk side by side, to actually holding each other’s hands when Jimin said “It’s always nice to hold hands as big as yours, hyung!”. Yoongi may or may not have choked on his own saliva at that time. Since then, whenever opportunity arises, which is almost always, Jimin holds Yoongi’s hands.

---

Taehyung was watching them from afar just before their concert in Osaka for their still Epilogue tour. It was the first thing in the morning, straight from the airport, and Bangtan was doing their stage rehearsals. Yoongi caught Taehyung’s gaze at him even if they were at the both ends of the dimly lit stage. The gaze was saying something to Yoongi, but he couldn’t quite decipher it. It was serious, a little bit confusing, and was plastered of a little bit questioning. Yoongi mouthed a “what?” to him, but Taehyung immediately broke his stare and proceeded to talk with Jungkook who was standing beside him.

“Tae bothering you, Yoongi?” Jimin scooted beside Yoongi, brushing their shoulders in a slightly rough way.

“No, and that’s a ‘hyung’ for you,” Yoongi smiled which Jimin returned, a glint of sparkle from the latter’s eyes which Yoongi took notice of.

---

Taehyung’s questioning looks became more and more noticeable in each passing day until Yoongi grew tired of it. The last leg of their tour was nearing, they’ve reached Manila in such a blur and they were just finished with the stage rehearsals. Most of the members took their time washing up or dozing off in their waiting area, leaving only Taehyung and Yoongi awake. Yoongi thanked the universe for finally having a time with Taehyung by himself, unlike those other days when Taehyung was mostly clinging on to Seokjin or Namjoon.

Taehyung was reading a webtoon from his phone, splayed off on top of the couch in the middle of the room. Yoongi went near him, dragging a small stool just beside the younger’s head and sitting on it. Taehyung only took a glance of the elder then went on with reading which earned him a rather soft grunt from Yoongi.

“Yeah, Suga hyung. I see you,” Taehyung said, still eyes fixated on his phone.

Yoongi frowned, raised his brows, and eventually sighed. “Look, Taehyung,” he said, “if you know something, want to tell me something, or whatever, just tell me already. I’m getting frustrated each day.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Seriously, V?”

At this, Taehyung was the one to sigh. He clicked the power button of his phone and let it rest on his chest. He then looked at Yoongi, sighing once more and turning his body towards the latter. He rested his cheek on top of his hands that were clapped against each other.

“You…you’re stupid, hyung, you know that?” he said, in the most nonchalant way that he could give.

“Sure, whatever you say. But may I know why?”

“Just you, and Jimin, and everything. It’s so stupid. I’m his best friend, you know? I know everything.”

“I figured that out. But what’s this got to do with Jimin? We’re past him, remember?”

“You keep saying that.”

“Because I am. Do you even see us now? We’re good, everything’s all good.”

Taehyung closed his eyes.

“I’m going to sleep, hyung. You wash up, or take a rest before the concert starts.”

Yoongi frowned again. Since when did he start frowning because of Taehyung? But he knew there was nothing that he could do anymore. Taehyung already has his wall up and was refusing to let Yoongi enter. Taehyung knew something that Yoongi didn’t and was probably concerned or involved with. He stood up from the stool and was about to go when he heard Taehyung speak again.

“Come to my hotel room later, hyung. I’ll tell you everything by then.”

He looked at Taehyung, still with his eyes closed. Yoongi took note of his words and left.

---

Yoongi was definitely eavesdropping. He went to Taehyung’s room that night after their concert. The door to the room slightly ajar, maybe to let Yoongi go in without knocking or disturbing Taehyung. Or that’s what Yoongi thought. When he reached for the door, he heard voices. He wanted to leave the moment he heard Taehyung speaking with someone, but that someone was familiar, was Jimin. Yoongi knows it wasn’t a good enough reason to eavesdrop but he was definitely eavesdropping.

He could hear their faint voices; voices that sounded concerned. He heard Taehyung speak up. God, how Yoongi thanked how small their hotel rooms were.

“-not your fault, Jim. I’ll talk to him.”

“No, no, no. That’s not good. I should be the one. I just don’t know how to handle it.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I…I don’t know. What about after it? He doesn’t like me.”

“This conversation is very familiar to me.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Continue.”

“Tae, I just-I don’t know. I was so sure back then, what happened to me now? How did I fuck things up so badly?”

“It’s not your fault, Jim. You were just being true to yourself. Even now. And I’m proud of you.”

“I hurt him Tae. God, I hurt him. And now, I’m crawling back to him.”

From here, Yoongi could hear some shuffle and sniffling. Was Jimin crying?

Yoongi went back to the conversation that he heard from the two. It was obvious that it was about the person who Jimin liked. Yoongi felt a pang in his chest, but he was convinced it wasn’t because of hurt, but more of concern? Jimin cried now and then, especially to Taehyung, it wasn’t a secret in their group. But it hurt him still, knowing that the kid is crying, and most of the time, he can’t do anything about it. Especially now that apparently, it’s about Jimin’s love life.

“I’m such an asshole, Tae.”

“No, you’re not. And it’s good that you’re starting to recognize your true feelings. We’ll just have to figure out what to do with them.”

The sniffling and crying session lasted for about five minutes, until it was complete silent. Yoongi heard a series of shuffling, door and bed frame creaking. Jimin was probably put to sleep by Taehyung.

By this time, Yoongi wasn’t so sure if Taehyung wanted to still talk to him. The younger’s probably exhausted too anyway so he shot a text and told Taehyung to just go rest since they’ll be flying back to Korea in the morning, just before going to the last two stops of their tour, Bangkok and Tokyo. A few minutes later, Taehyung replied with an okay.

Yoongi went back to his hotel room. Because all the rooms that they’ve rented were small, they all had a room to their selves and Yoongi was so thankful for it. Lying down on his bed, Yoongi whipped out his phone and skimmed through its apps. He clicked on his memo app and started reading all the notes that were written down there. These were notes that he had transferred from his notebook, to his laptop, to his old phones, and now to this phone. These were lyrics that never had any melody, pretty much like a poetry. They were composed of words that described that one guy who had been a big part of Yoongi’s life, Jimin, and how Yoongi felt for him throughout the years.

At the start, Yoongi imagined words that are colorful, just how Jimin was as a person: bright, cheerful, had a contagious laugh. As their trainee days went on, Yoongi got to know more of Jimin as a hard-working and passionate soul; working his ass off until he can’t literally pick himself up anymore. Just before their debut, Yoongi decided for himself that he cannot live without the younger. He loved Jimin with his whole heart, was broken when he was rejected, but his love for Jimin never went away. Only pushed deep down his veins until he can no longer remember the feeling.

Now that Jimin was in love with someone, Yoongi doesn’t know what he should really feel. As a friend, he should be happy that Jimin found someone, he should be angry that this someone was making it hard for Jimin. But as himself, he’s hurt. He’s hurt because that one person that he poured all his love onto was being crushed and hurt.

Maybe it was sadness, maybe concern, or maybe it was just plain heartbreak, but whatever it was, it sent a pool of tears in Yoongi’s eyes. His cry was muffled even though he was the only one in the room. He kept trying to fight off his sobbing, but only resulted into his chest tightening and shoulders growing weak.

After what seemed like forever, Yoongi’s cry stopped, but only because his eyes felt so heavy that he couldn’t take it anymore. In the morning, Yoongi woke up with a burning sensation in his deeply, swollen eyes.

---

Yoongi distracted himself when they got back to Korea. It was only a week before they would go overseas again and continue their tour, but it felt like eternity.

Yoongi saw Jimin being his bright self the day after the hotel room incident. It seemed like nothing happened. He wanted to exchange glances with Taehyung on their way to the airport, but always failed to meet the latter’s eyes. When they landed, each member did what they wanted: resting, practicing, shopping. For Yoongi, who only wanted some peace of mind (and maybe some peace away from Jimin just for a while), he busied himself in the company’s studio.

His mixtape was ready, only waiting for their tour to finish until it can be widely released. But as a producer and his first ever solo mixtape, he was a bit giddy and wanted everything to be perfect. He was glad that he had something to do.

Yoongi was playing back and forth ‘Interlude; Dream, Reality’, looking for gaps and more to improve on, until he heard a knock. He softly shouted a ‘yeah’, without actually tearing his attention from the machine in front of him, and didn’t bother looking who the visitor was.

He heard some rustling behind him, even heard the flop on the couch, until that someone spoke.

“I’m excited for your mixtape, hyung.”

Jimin.

Of course, it was Jimin.

Jimin already finished helping Yoongi out in making a guide for ‘so far away’ a long time ago, so why was he here?

Yoongi turned around to face Jimin and quickly noticed the exhaustion emanating from the kid. Though Jimin wore a smile when Yoongi faced him, his eyes seemed droopy, as if a hundred years of sleep was taken from him. His shoulders were stiff, arms and legs awkward, and just overall looked tired.

“Yeah, me too,” Yoongi managed to squeak, before turning back to the machine.

It was quiet between them, but no tension. Just plain quiet. Which was odd. Whenever Jimin visited Yoongi in the studio, he’d always put up a chair beside the elder, somewhat close to bothering him. He’d ask questions, will make Yoongi play his songs, make Yoongi teach him how to make songs. Yoongi never minded, he liked being distracted from his work if it were Jimin.

“You’re quiet today,” Yoongi spoke up, without looking back at Jimin.

Jimin only let out a soft ‘hm’. Concern growing, Yoongi turned again to face Jimin.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Yoongi said to which the other smiled.

“I guess, but I’m not ready though.”

“That’s okay, take your time.”

After a whole thirty seconds of Yoongi staring at Jimin, and Jimin staring at the floor, Yoongi decided to fetch some drinks outside. He promised Jimin he’ll be back in ten minutes. He thought that maybe Jimin would want to collect his thoughts first.

He quickly got cans of carbonated drinks and some snacks. Beer wasn’t really much of an option since it’s still broad daylight outside and he wouldn’t want smelling alcohol for the rest of the day.

When he got back to the studio, the first thing he saw when he opened the door was the figure of Jimin, now standing up, his back facing Yoongi. Slowly, Yoongi dropped the things he bought on the floor.

“Jiminnie?”

“Hyung, I think I-”

Jimin turned to face Yoongi quickly, with red eyes and tears running on his cheeks. Yoongi lifted up his right hand and reached out for Jimin’s figure.

“Jiminnie-”

“I think I love you, hyung.”

Yoongi’s hand hanged midway, his mouth a little open, tongue becoming a little dry. Did Jimin just…?

But before Yoongi could fully process anything, Jimin started speaking up again, very fast.

“I know, I know, I’m an asshole. After all this time, after I’ve hurt you, now I’m saying this shit, saying I love you out of the blue. I don’t know. This past year, I couldn’t think straight. I kept noticing you more, but in a different perspective. I’ve always knew you were amazing, Yoongi, but this time, I just felt you were more than that. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. Every night, my thoughts are just full of you. I wanted to be with you, to always touch you. I want to combust just by holding you. When you call me ‘Jiminnie’, I feel like angels are singing. Before I knew it, I loved-”

“Jiminnie-”

“-you. I’m stupid, I’m selfish. But I can’t contain this anymore. Another second of not telling how much I love you will only send me-”

“Park Jimin-”

“-crying to Taehyung, and I don’t want to burden him anymore. I-”

Suddenly, Yoongi’s lips were pressed onto Jimin’s lips which finally stopped Jimin from speaking. Yoongi was cupping both of Jimin’s cheeks, holding them firmly but also very softly. Jimin did stop speaking, eyes growing wider as every second passes. After for like five seconds, Jimin mirrored Yoongi. He closed his eyes and pressed his own lips backs onto the Yoongi’s. Both of them sighed into the kiss and angled themselves properly. They were slowly moving, seemingly as if they would both wanted time to just stop then and there.

Jimin’s hands slowly lifted themselves and clutched onto the fabric onto Yoongi’s chest. After doing ever so slowly, their mouths started pacing faster, opening and softly slotting their tongues onto each other. In what seemed like eternity, Jimin broke the kiss apart. Both of them were slightly panting, Yoongi was back at staring at Jimin, while Jimin was looking down at the floor.

“Needed to breathe,” Jimin whispered.

Even though Yoongi couldn’t quite see the younger’s full face, he knows that shy tone of Jimin, soft and almost like he wouldn’t want anyone to hear it. He could also see a hint of red from Jimin’s ears while still feeling the clutch of Jimin’s hands onto his chest grip more tightly.

“I-uh-yeah…breathe,” Yoongi said, drawing his hands away from Jimin’s cheeks, moving it down to Jimin’s shoulders, arms, which finally rested there.

“Y-you wouldn’t stop talking, so-”

“No!” Jimin looked at Yoongi finally, right onto his eyes, which only made him shyer. “That’s…um. Yeah.”

“So-” Yoongi started, but was immediately cut off.

“Hyung, why did you…do you like me?”

Yoongi studied Jimin. Jimin’s eyes that were starting to tear up again, a light shade of red hinting on his cheeks, mouth slightly open. Jimin still looked pure just like the first time Yoongi met him.

“I think, I never stopped loving you, Jiminnie,” Yoongi said, with much earnest and firmness in his words.

With that, Jimin let a string of tears fall from his eyes. His shoulders were slightly shaking, lips quivering.

“Jiminnie, don’t-why are you crying?”

Yoongi drew his hands from Jimin’s arms, again cupping the latter’s cheeks, then rubbing the tears that fell from on Jimin’s face.

“I’m-” Jimin said, voice shaking, “I’m so, so sorry, hyung. For all I did. I was stupid back then, I didn’t know better. After you confessed, I just started noticing you more. I didn’t realize that I was falling and falling and falling…for you.”

“You weren’t stupid, you just didn’t love me back then.”

“But now I do!”

A smile left Yoongi’s lips. He was still hurt because Jimin, his Jimin, was crying and feeling sorry for everything. But looking at Jimin now, who’s saying that he loves Yoongi, Yoongi couldn’t help but feel a bliss growing inside his chest. He drowned himself with Jimin’s image that is in front of him.

“Say something, hyung,” Jimin finally said after a good couple of seconds. Jimin stopped crying but was he…pouting?

“Park Jimin,” Yoongi’s gears were working, “you…say it again.”

“What?” Jimin’s eyes furrowed.

“Say it again.”

“What should I-”

“That thing that you told me after I opened the door.”

“Oh.”

Jimin fidgeted, curling the fabric of Yoongi’s shirt, eyes trying to tear away from Yoongi, but terribly failed as he kept on locking eyes with him.

“I-I love you, hyung,” Jimin finally said.

“I love you too, Park Jimin.”

---

Taehyung was wiggling his eyebrows at Yoongi the moment the elder stepped inside the van, Yoongi didn’t take much notice of him since the only person that he wanted to notice was Jimin, who wasn’t inside the vehicle yet. Running late again, that brat. They were finally going to Bangkok, the second to the last stop of their tour, four days after Yoongi and Jimin had confessed their feelings toward each other.

“Yoongi hyung, sit beside me pleaseeeee,” Taehyung said in a high-pitched voice, too high for such an early morning.

Without much thinking, Yoongi sat beside Taehyung, who was still smiling so brightly and wiggling his eyebrows. The other members have already taken up the other seats anyway.

“I don’t know what kind of shit you’re on today Tae, but get it away from me,” Yoongi deadpanned as he flopped down beside Taehyung.

“Don’t be such an ass, hyung. It’s only the morning. Anyway…”

From here, Taehyung leaned onto the elder and switch his very loud tone to the whisper of whispers.

“I know everything,” he said.

“What?”

“Don’t play blind, hyung. I’m Jimin’s best friend, I know everything.”

The last part, Taehyung said in a sing-song voice.

“I’m happy for you, hyung. To both of you,” Taehyung continued, with now a more serious note.

“Taehyung, I…thank you.”

And Yoongi was. He was so thankful to Taehyung and everything he did for both him and Jimin. Even if he didn’t push them literally towards each other, Taehyung was always there for the both of them. All the way.

“Are you happy, hyung?” Taehyung asked at the same time Jimin got to the van. He immediately locked eyes with Yoongi, who was staring at him the moment Jimin was walking outside their dorm towards their van.

Jimin shot a smile towards Yoongi, which Yoongi returned ever so big and peaceful, and proceeded to sit next to Seokjin, just in front of Yoongi.

“Yeah. Yeah, I am,” Yoongi said.

And Yoongi really was.